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Is it possible to love with someone you're not "with"?

Do you think that you can love/be in love with someone without actually going out with them or being in a relationship with them?

Because I think I love this guy. I love his smile, his friendliness, his caring, loving personality. I love spending time with him and I feel sad when we're not together. When I see him, my heart "flutters" lol.

Unfortunately we're not going out, because I am stupidly shy and scared of rejection.

I was just wondering, could I be in love with him (I feel like I am!), or could I just be really attracted to him? I've felt this way for quite a long time.

Opinions?

Reply 1

toipot2

1

I would say yes, but it may just be a crush.

You certainly could

Reply 2

Lirael Abhorsen

1

well if you spend a lot of time with him it could be possible... although i think the general definition involves it being reciprocal .. but if you are sure of your feelings and close to this guy why not tell him? it could be he feels exactly the same!

Yes

OP

He does know, i think. It's not a crush, I'm generally not a crushy person.

We spend quite a bit of time together, and when we do talk we talk for AGES and have loads in common. I can't stop thinking about him.

If he doesn't like me, any tips for helping me get over it!??

Reply 5

Dude

14

Ask any bloke who has been dumped by his girlfriend because she fell in love with his best friend.

Reply 6

Poica

14

BlueAngel

Yes

I love your signature 'motto' thing.

Reply 7

AngelofnoColour

14

Poica

I love your signature 'motto' thing.

thank you

Its true!!!!!!!!! My motto for life.

Reply 8

Poica

14

BlueAngel

thank you

Its true!!!!!!!!! My motto for life.

Tis true, I salute thee!

Also the background for it is great.
In reply to the OP - hell yeah. Bloody annoying though.

Reply 9

F1~UK

I think it is easier to tell if you love someone if you have been in a previous relationship. I met my g/f 6 months ago now and within like 2 days i knew i loved her. It is a totally different feeling to any other relationship and it has also made me realise that my previous relationships were not love at all because me and my g/f are now on a totally different level. :smile:

As for getting rejected, i think it is just a way of avoiding the issue. If you keep thinking about this person all the time then you obviously like him and because you spend loads of time together then he must like you even if he doesn't 'love' you. It takes some people longer to be able to say they love someone than others so he could well like you! If you get rejected then at least you will know and it will probably get this weight off your shoulders once and for all.

Go for it.

Reply 10

Duck and Cover

15

I'm in love with my best guy friend...but i wouldn't wanna go out with him...gay sex doesn't appeal to me...

Reply 11

IjustlovetheIB

toipot2

I would say yes, but it may just be a crush.

You certainly could

ditto.

yes....

Am going to have to be different here, and say no, I don't think it is really!
During my earlier teenage years, there was one guy I was convinced I was 'in love' with, although he was very friendly, outgoing, clever and good looking - so I suspect most of the girls who knew him will have been convinced of the same thing!
Being oh so mature now (or not!) at 17, and in my first long term relationship (nearly a year now :biggrin:

, so so happy!) I've realised that everything I was feeling was a crush, and unless you're incredibly close to someone, you can't really be that connected, and 'love' them.
Although having said that, I can see rationality in girls (or guys!) falling for a very close friend, but personally, I think that until you're in a relationship, anything else can certainly feel like love, but its not the same sort of love you feel when in a relationship! :smile:

Reply 14

Elusive Moose

1

During 'early teenage years', though, your probably a lot more likely to think it's love and be slightly irrational compared to when you're older/ slightly more experienced, though. Crushes always seemed so much more at that age!

Though I do agree with you in some respects, shinyhappy, there are just some ways of showing love which you just can't do when you're not with them. I reckon you can 'love' somebody, but possibly not be totally 'in love' with them if you're not with them. You could definitely have very strong feelings for them, but be in love? I don't know...

Reply 15

shinyhappy

14

Elusive Moose

During 'early teenage years', though, your probably a lot more likely to think it's love and be slightly irrational compared to when you're older/ slightly more experienced, though. Crushes always seemed so much more at that age!

Though I do agree with you in some respects, shinyhappy, there are just some ways of showing love which you just can't do when you're not with them. I reckon you can 'love' somebody, but possibly not be totally 'in love' with them if you're not with them. You could definitely have very strong feelings for them, but be in love? I don't know...

Tis a good question really. I suppose its what you define 'love' as, really! I just think that certain aspects of what I I Think love is, that can't be experienced unless it's a two way thing!
But maybe I'm just being cynical!
:smile:

I certainly believe you can have very strong feelings for someone without being with them - but only if its a friend, or someone you know reasonably well.(Not the teenage-angsty sort of 'I'm-in-love-with-someone-who-doesn't-even-know-my-name' thing! :P

In my mind, love has to be a two way thing and (just to add more to the debate!) I don't believe you can romantically love two people at the same time!

Reply 16

Elusive Moose

1

Definitely agree with that. When you're in love, you just wouldn't want to be with anyone else (or in my experience it's been like that) and don't really think about anyone else in that way, let alone the consider the possibility of being in love with another person. But then, I may just be being idealistic here.

Reply 17

Zurich

9

dreamy_girl

Do you think that you can love/be in love with someone without actually going out with them or being in a relationship with them?

Because I think I love this guy. I love his smile, his friendliness, his caring, loving personality. I love spending time with him and I feel sad when we're not together. When I see him, my heart "flutters" lol.

Unfortunately we're not going out, because I am stupidly shy and scared of rejection.

I was just wondering, could I be in love with him (I feel like I am!), or could I just be really attracted to him? I've felt this way for quite a long time.

Opinions?

I think you can love them, if by love you mean to have strong feelings for. But you certainly can't be 'in love' with someone unless it's reciprocal

Reply 18

shinyhappy

14

Zurich

I think you can love them, if by love you mean to have strong feelings for. But you certainly can't be 'in love' with someone unless it's reciprocal

XD it took me two long, rambly posts to express that! yep, I completely agree.

Reply 19

Douglas

9

dreamy_girl

Do you think that you can love/be in love with someone without actually going out with them or being in a relationship with them?

Because I think I love this guy. I love his smile, his friendliness, his caring, loving personality. I love spending time with him and I feel sad when we're not together. When I see him, my heart "flutters" lol.

Unfortunately we're not going out, because I am stupidly shy and scared of rejection.

I was just wondering, could I be in love with him (I feel like I am!), or could I just be really attracted to him? I've felt this way for quite a long time.

Opinions?

Dreamy, being " stupidly shy and scared of rejection."is a common affliction. Without being overt, let him know (discreetly), that you like him. You know, little compliments, sweet smile, slightly aloof.

Is it possible to love with someone you're not "with"?

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