New Girlfriend, Ex Girlfriend.... My Head Is Spinning!

Hi TSR,

Think this might be my first proper post on here, unfortunatly it has to be anonymous. Either of the people mentioned could use this. Also im sorry for how long this is going to be, but all the details are needed.

Exactly one year ago (March 2010) my ex girlfriend, call her A, and I split up after a wonderful 3 year relationship. In the end it just kind of got too much for each of us, arguments were the norm and as with all young love it never seems to work because you dont have a past.

So inbetween then and today me and A met up a few times at the start and still acted like a couple, but eventually tore apart. I am not going to lie that was the worst thing I have ever had to do. I missed her so much and she missed me. In the June of last yeah she got a new boyfriend they have been together ever since and to my knowledge were going good. Me and A talk a lot on facebook as friends and have always been pleasent to each other.

Last month, February 2011, I was in a really depressed stage and sent A a text saying how she was still the one and how me and her should try again. In all fairness I shouldn't of sent that at all, but things happen. I never got a reply to the text and we havent spoken since.

This brings us to the past couple of week. Well things have really changed for me, I met a new girl, call her B, and we got on amazingly. Had so much in commonly and enjoyed each others company. I thought finally I have moved on and everything was looking up, we offically got together on thursday and met up all weekend.

Now this is where the problem lies, sorry for taking my time to get to it. On Sunday, a few days after me and B got together my ex A sent me a text which read

"hey stranger, hope you are ok? Sorry for not replying to the message, I didnt know how to take it. Maybe we should get together and talk about it? x"

So I sent a text back saying that it had been a long time and yeah we should talk about that message (At this point I thought she knew about me with B)

A few more texts passed and I said that I would give her a ring that night, dont really like texting to be honest, on the phone she was shocked when I mentioned B... like she knew nothing of it. Then she said that she will feel really bad for leaving her boyfriend but she needs to follow her heart. I didnt really know what to say at all.

This brings me to now.. what do I do???

My new relationship is going really well, we both like each other a lot and I thought I had moved on. However I loved (actually make that love still) my ex so much and up until now would of jumped at a chance to have a second chance with her.

So yeah that is the reason why my head is spinning and maybe why yours is too if you have read it all... Please help TSR and make sense of this :frown:

!

Thanks

Me :smile:

Reply 1

CookieGhoul

14

Wow. A is going to ditch her new bf for you ? I dont know man. You sound kinda confused :/ She sounds kinda confused :/ You are not sure whether you and A can have a successful relationship. You need to decide whether you want A or B. If you go back to A, you risk going back to old fights, old misunderstandings etc. etc. whereas with B you have a fresh start

And I don't know why it took A so long to reply to your message. Sounds fishy to me

Reply 2

choly7

2

I think you should meet up and talk about it, because you both clearly still have feelings for each other. Unfortunately, getting back together isn't always the best answer. See what each of you have to say when you meet and then maybe you will have more of an answer.
Did she break up with you?

Reply 3

Dorts91

Well i take she's your 'first love'? If she is no matter how many people after her it wont feel the same unfortunately however girl "B" would get hurt in this for nothing and so in that way its cruel now as she seems to have done nothing wrong and everything is going amazing?

The way i look at it is that you saw you have a past with A but look at the arguments persisting too and so in that way it may not be great and you's may end up hurting each other again and it falls completely to pieces? However with B everything is going fine as you said your weeks have been amazing so in reality no-one in TSR can help you its up to you what you do, but i dont think its fair on B. And a similar situation happened me a year and a half ago but it fell to pieces in 2 months and i lost both of the girls involved.

Reply 4

penguin-

13

Original post by Anonymous

Hi TSR,

Think this might be my first proper post on here, unfortunatly it has to be anonymous. Either of the people mentioned could use this. Also im sorry for how long this is going to be, but all the details are needed.

Exactly one year ago (March 2010) my ex girlfriend, call her A, and I split up after a wonderful 3 year relationship. In the end it just kind of got too much for each of us, arguments were the norm and as with all young love it never seems to work because you dont have a past.

So inbetween then and today me and A met up a few times at the start and still acted like a couple, but eventually tore apart. I am not going to lie that was the worst thing I have ever had to do. I missed her so much and she missed me. In the June of last yeah she got a new boyfriend they have been together ever since and to my knowledge were going good. Me and A talk a lot on facebook as friends and have always been pleasent to each other.

Last month, February 2011, I was in a really depressed stage and sent A a text saying how she was still the one and how me and her should try again. In all fairness I shouldn't of sent that at all, but things happen. I never got a reply to the text and we havent spoken since.

This brings us to the past couple of week. Well things have really changed for me, I met a new girl, call her B, and we got on amazingly. Had so much in commonly and enjoyed each others company. I thought finally I have moved on and everything was looking up, we offically got together on thursday and met up all weekend.

Now this is where the problem lies, sorry for taking my time to get to it. On Sunday, a few days after me and B got together my ex A sent me a text which read

"hey stranger, hope you are ok? Sorry for not replying to the message, I didnt know how to take it. Maybe we should get together and talk about it? x"

So I sent a text back saying that it had been a long time and yeah we should talk about that message (At this point I thought she knew about me with B)

A few more texts passed and I said that I would give her a ring that night, dont really like texting to be honest, on the phone she was shocked when I mentioned B... like she knew nothing of it. Then she said that she will feel really bad for leaving her boyfriend but she needs to follow her heart. I didnt really know what to say at all.

This brings me to now.. what do I do???

My new relationship is going really well, we both like each other a lot and I thought I had moved on. However I loved (actually make that love still) my ex so much and up until now would of jumped at a chance to have a second chance with her.

So yeah that is the reason why my head is spinning and maybe why yours is too if you have read it all... Please help TSR and make sense of this :frown:

!

Thanks

Me :smile:

Hey, personally, if I'm honest, something doesn't sound right here
she took so long to reply to that message... it kinda hints at the fact that her and her new bf weren't going as good as she hoped so she's come running back to you.
I don't think you should go back to her because
a) you'll hurt the girl who you're with now (who I think you should be trying to stay with , you say it's going well etc)
b) remember why you broke up with your ex; because of the arguments,etc. if you did break up with B and got back with A, it might all be lovely at first but as you never really sorted out your problems it's more than likely they will resurface again

Personally I think you should speak to your ex and tell her how you were feeling at the time, but say you don't think you should go back to this, you've moved on.
But PLEASE tell your new girlfriend about why you're speaking to your ex, because if she misunderstands because you didn't tell her, that could make your relationship with B difficult, depending on how she would react

Hope it all works out :smile:

Reply 5

SweetInsanity

Have you told Girl B about any of this?
I think its fair for her to know there is some element of confusion.
Maybe she'll feel she needs to rethink the relationship if you still have such strong feelings for your ex :s-smilie:

Reply 6

GirlGerms.

8

I was in the same position a couple of years ago. My boyfriend broke up with me and I was devastated, then I started going out with another boy and I really, really liked him. Sudden;y, the first person wants you back.

I made a mistake, I went for the first person. I should have stuck with the second. I've always regretted it.

Ultimately it's your decision, but I regret breaking up with one of the best people I have ever met for someone who only wanted me back out of jealousy. :/

Reply 7

Georgiahoneybee

1

That's a really difficult situation, I don't think you should rush into a decision. Whilst I agree that there is no harm with meeting up with girl A and discussing your text etc, if things didn't work out before why will they now? It has been a year after all. On the one hand the fact you're both still interested shows there must still be something there, but you both must have changed in that time. Equally you've both had (well, still do have) other relationships which is obviously going to make things more complicated.
It's obviously not fair to string this other girl along. You may get on with her really well but whilst you're still in love with your ex, I don't think it's fair to keep seeing her. I would also question how easy it is going to be for girl A to break up with her boyfriend- I mean I know you don't know a lot about their relationship but it has been over 6 months and she hasn't even spoken to you (let alone brought up getting back together) for a month.
I guess I would meet up with girl A, but I'd be prepared that you might not necesarily get the happy ending you're after.

Reply 8

Xhotas

13

FOR THE SWEET GLORY OF JESUS CHRIST, LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN TO ME GOOD.

I've just gone through your situation near enough to the exact same point! I really really really am encouraging you not to get back with your ex! It will only lead to the same mistakes as before and eventually you'll realise why you left each other. Give the new girl a chance, ask her out and if she says no then consider your ex but don't just jump straight to it.

I know it's hard but you broke up for a reason. You may think "Well my situation is different..." but it's really not. You'll lose your chance with this new girl if you don't take it and then you'll end up in a relationship you probably don't want to be in, you're just nostaglic about the good times and eventually will realise it won't be the same.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Hey thanks everybody for replying, I would have sooner however had to wait to go back to work to use the internet.

Yeah she said that she is going to break up with her bf, she wants to follow her heart.

I think we are going to have to meet up because I am so damm confused about all of this.

If I ws single I would get back with A without a second thought, but im not. I hate the fact that somebody is going to get really hurt by all of this; not to sound selfish though but I really dont want it to be me.

I think I really prefered to be single :/

Reply 10

Dorts91

You in essence just answered your own question A seems to be the one but you'll really hurt B..

Does anyone else feel like its a relationship problem with the alphabet :s-smilie:

Reply 11

Godzillaa

I would have a talk with your ex, though I'm not sure completely about meeting up in person and doing it that way. You're basically with girl B currently from what I can tell, and even though you would have the best intentions in meeting up with your ex to discuss things, it might go wry and plus it is unfair on girl B with that risk involved as well as her having no knowledge of where she stands.

I completely understand the position you're in since I've been there myself and from experience it is almost always best to go with the 'new girl/boy, fresh start' option. If you and your ex couldn't save the relationship previously, assuming you both put in the effort you wanted to put in into saving it, then it just simply wasn't meant to work. It'd be lovely dovey at first if you got back together but it will definitely spiral back down into how it was before. You've each barely had enough time to yourselves since the breakup, nevermind giving yourself enough time to heal and allow someone else into your life again. 3 years is a long time and it will take some time for the rose-tinted glasses to come off before you realise that you probably did the right thing in breaking up if it wasn't working.

Cases of ex-couples working out properly together again only happen rarely, along with plenty of time inbetween when they first dated and when they start to date again for the second time. I guess this is because time allows them to see things much differently and in a better perspective and if they both still feel they can work it out, only then does it makes sense to try again.

hard life...

Threesome.

Leave the past in the past, my advice is leave A and look forward to a new experience with B

Reply 15

RahRah09

13

Original post by penguin-

Hey, personally, if I'm honest, something doesn't sound right here
she took so long to reply to that message... it kinda hints at the fact that her and her new bf weren't going as good as she hoped so she's come running back to you.
I don't think you should go back to her because
a) you'll hurt the girl who you're with now (who I think you should be trying to stay with , you say it's going well etc)
b) remember why you broke up with your ex; because of the arguments,etc. if you did break up with B and got back with A, it might all be lovely at first but as you never really sorted out your problems it's more than likely they will resurface again

Personally I think you should speak to your ex and tell her how you were feeling at the time, but say you don't think you should go back to this, you've moved on.
But PLEASE tell your new girlfriend about why you're speaking to your ex, because if she misunderstands because you didn't tell her, that could make your relationship with B difficult, depending on how she would react

Hope it all works out :smile:

BUT, he said he's still in love with A. So that's even more unfair to B, it's really selfish to be with someone if your heart is still with another.

So even if he and A don't get back together, he should break up with B and probably stop talking to A so that he can fall out of love with her.

This is why you should cut off contact with exs...

Reply 16

penguin-

13

Original post by RahRah09

BUT, he said he's still in love with A. So that's even more unfair to B, it's really selfish to be with someone if your heart is still with another.

So even if he and A don't get back together, he should break up with B and probably stop talking to A so that he can fall out of love with her.

This is why you should cut off contact with exs...

You have a fair point, I didn't think of that
But it's pretty difficult to break off any contact with an ex, particularly if you had such a long/meaningful relationship. However there should definitely be boundaries so that you don't go back there. Unless you both want to, of course.

Reply 17

RahRah09

13

Well I guess it depends what kind of relationship it was. I guess I don't really understand it because I've only had two boyfriends and the relationships were serious (if not especially long-term) and we were in love and blah. And the boyfriend ****ed up and screwed me over. We broke up and they say, "Oh but why can't we be friends, I'm friends with all my other exs!" Well, I cut off all contact with them and I'm pretty much over them so.. My most recent ex is the one who calls me every so often, pining. It's quite ridiculous. I think he uses his friends facebook to look at my page.

This is making me realise that this may be the start of a pattern... Maybe I should try going out with different types of guys :P

Anyway, my point is, it's hard to get over feelings if you don't allow at least 3 or 4 months of recovery.

Reply 18

RahRah09

13

Original post by penguin-

You have a fair point, I didn't think of that
But it's pretty difficult to break off any contact with an ex, particularly if you had such a long/meaningful relationship. However there should definitely be boundaries so that you don't go back there. Unless you both want to, of course.

Whaa? No man it's so simple, you just delete them (and block if you wish) off your phone, facebook, skype, msn, hotmail, gmail etc. And ask your friends not to mention them in front of you. Also, if you're at the same school/uni and see them quite a bit just ask your friends to constantly act as a noisy chattering blockade against them.

Really it works, you'll get over them in no time.

Reply 19

JamfulDodger

Original post by Anonymous

Hi TSR,

Think this might be my first proper post on here, unfortunatly it has to be anonymous. Either of the people mentioned could use this. Also im sorry for how long this is going to be, but all the details are needed.

Exactly one year ago (March 2010) my ex girlfriend, call her A, and I split up after a wonderful 3 year relationship. In the end it just kind of got too much for each of us, arguments were the norm and as with all young love it never seems to work because you dont have a past.

So inbetween then and today me and A met up a few times at the start and still acted like a couple, but eventually tore apart. I am not going to lie that was the worst thing I have ever had to do. I missed her so much and she missed me. In the June of last yeah she got a new boyfriend they have been together ever since and to my knowledge were going good. Me and A talk a lot on facebook as friends and have always been pleasent to each other.

Last month, February 2011, I was in a really depressed stage and sent A a text saying how she was still the one and how me and her should try again. In all fairness I shouldn't of sent that at all, but things happen. I never got a reply to the text and we havent spoken since.

This brings us to the past couple of week. Well things have really changed for me, I met a new girl, call her B, and we got on amazingly. Had so much in commonly and enjoyed each others company. I thought finally I have moved on and everything was looking up, we offically got together on thursday and met up all weekend.

Now this is where the problem lies, sorry for taking my time to get to it. On Sunday, a few days after me and B got together my ex A sent me a text which read

"hey stranger, hope you are ok? Sorry for not replying to the message, I didnt know how to take it. Maybe we should get together and talk about it? x"

So I sent a text back saying that it had been a long time and yeah we should talk about that message (At this point I thought she knew about me with B)

A few more texts passed and I said that I would give her a ring that night, dont really like texting to be honest, on the phone she was shocked when I mentioned B... like she knew nothing of it. Then she said that she will feel really bad for leaving her boyfriend but she needs to follow her heart. I didnt really know what to say at all.

This brings me to now.. what do I do???

My new relationship is going really well, we both like each other a lot and I thought I had moved on. However I loved (actually make that love still) my ex so much and up until now would of jumped at a chance to have a second chance with her.

So yeah that is the reason why my head is spinning and maybe why yours is too if you have read it all... Please help TSR and make sense of this :frown:

!

Thanks

Me :smile:

This has happened to me many times. but believe me, if it didn't work once, it probably wouldn't work again.
be happy with your new girlfriend, because if you dump girl B, and things dont work with Girl A, you might have wasted what worked with B, and she probably wouldn't take you back.

stay friends with A for now, and maybe in the future if you and B dont work out, you can try again with A

New Girlfriend, Ex Girlfriend.... My Head Is Spinning!

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