I want to get a few things off of my chest because I can't make sense of my feelings. I feel like life is passing me by, and there's nothing I can do about it. I am 22 and at university but still living at home. I've never had a girlfriend, have two friends, 1 of which I only see weekly and I don't do any of the things that is generally expected of students i.e. going clubbing, getting drunk etc.
I have trouble making friends, the last friend I made was when I started high school, which is down to my terrible shy personality.
I feel like I am a failure in some way, I don't fit in to a particular group; I feel social class has a bearing on this. I am working class and there is never any 'connection' when I speak to middle class students because they have/had different life experiences, and likewise, I have nothing in common with people who all seem to have kids when they hit 16.
My sisters who are younger than myself both have boyfriends and to be honest it hurts. They are making the most of their lives while i'm throwing mine away. What is wrong with shy guys who are average looking? So what if I don't like going clubbing or getting drunk? Surely I have something to offer. Then again, when I moved away from home for work experience, I also had little in common with my housemates and all of the other students that worked at the company, all of whom I don't keep in contact with anymore.
I don't want my life to be this way but I can't see anyway out. I have a personality that will always hold me back, I hold onto hope that when I start my career life will improve though I doubt it. University is meant to be the best years of your life where lifelong friends are made, though it's not that way for me; I barely talk to anyone in my class, so lifelong friends are out of the window.
I just don't know what to do, I am growing more distant from a friend i've known all of my life, he seems to be moving on, got a gf too. I feel really bad and it's like i'm not suited for life, that I will end up on my own with little purpose.
I have no life either, but I'm ok with that cos im 16 so i've got loads of time to figure that out.
If you don't go out you won't meet people. Join clubs and societies, if your shy sometimes you just have to force yourself. And i know you said you don't want to get drunk but a little alcohol isn't a bad thing (like 1/2 drinks), just so you have to confidence to talk to new people. I'm sure your student union does nights out in uni, thats probably the best way.
Like I said you just have to force yourself. And most girls think shy guys are adorable, and average looking isn't bad, you just have to be a great person and that doesn't mean being load and outgoing or anything.
Firstly, I think your issue is the fact you still live at home. How can you have any semblance of a social life when you are trapped with your parents?
The other issue obviously is your lack of confidence; maybe if you took the time to think why you are unconfident, perhaps insecurities, you could address these. If you are just unconfident for fear of rejection, then just keep your chin up. Join some university societies, they are a great way of meeting people if you don't like going out at night, and you will meet people who have common interests with you. Don't worry about not having a girlfriend, that will come with time I am sure. Concentrate firstly on making friends, and maintaining them! Try and meet up with your friends regurlarly, go out for drinks etc. It doesn't matter that you aren't friends with anyone in your class, just start talking to them you can still become friends this late at university! Not everyone makes friends during freshers week and they are then the only friends they have for life, you can still meet people now!
Just don't despair and think you are a failure, think positively. Set yourself a goal of making some friends, and go for it! If people don't like you, that is their loss is it not? For every person you don't get on with, I am sure there are 10 who would happily be friends with you. Just be yourself, and make an effort!
Thanks for your replies. It's probably too late to join societies now as I finish term in a month. I guess moving out and getting a job will help a lot, and I am thinking of joining a tennis club this summer.
I just worry a lot I suppose, though it's not surprising when it seems a lot of people my age only look to be interested in getting drunk, and girls only seem to be into 'jack the lad' types. I think I will ask a friend if he fancies going into town one weekend
If you think that all girls go for 'jack the lad' types you're very wrong. Most of us find their cockiness insanely annoying. These boys just ask girls out more so it seems that theyre the most popular, when most girls don't find that type of person attractive. At all!