Worried about a teacher Watch

Adviceneeded
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Before you all scream 'TROLL', I've made a new account just to ask this question as I wanted to stay anonymous and, from experience, I can't always trust the anon button to work!

I was very close to one of my teachers when I was in secondary school and added her on Facebook when I left almost 3 years ago. We haven't spoken much since but, after 'liking' my status earlier, she sent me a private message.

It was basically asking me about how uni's going and what I'm up to.
I replied, asking how she was.
She said 'things could be better' etc.
I said that I hoped she was ok and answered a few questions she'd asked in the previous message.
She then told me that she just wanted to rant about it to someone.
I said I was here if she needed me, but didn't think she'd wanted to spill he personal problems to an ex-pupil....boy, was I wrong!

She told about her unhappy marriage, how horrible the staff at school are, how she's drinking and smoking a lot...

I haven't replied yet because I really don't know what to say! I feel so awkward

She said there's so much more to tell, but I don't think I want to hear it because - as awful as it sounds - it's making me see her in a different light.

Should I 'politely' suggest that she should talk to someone else, or should I let her get it all off her chest?

Any advice would be appreciated x
2
quote
reply
JongKey
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#2
Report 7 years ago
#2
Honestly she seems to be the type where if you get too friendly she explodes like a bomb and ruins you. I'd most probably just not reply, i get the feeling you're just gunna have a harder time afterwards.
1
quote
reply
tajmahal
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#3
Report 7 years ago
#3
hey..
you've just got hold of a ****...go for it
12
quote
reply
Bellissima
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#4
Report 7 years ago
#4
you offered and now she gave... listen to her! if you ask her to tell someone else you're a big jerk, she just wants someone to talk to and someone to listen! just tell her you're not that good at giving advice so you won't be able to help her in that respect, since you obviously have no sympathy!
5
quote
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report 7 years ago
#5
I'd reply to her, but be honest and tell her that you don't really know what say!

This will probably sound harsher than intended, but try not to get too involved as you don't want to become 'burdened' with all her problems and feel obliged to help every time something crops up.
quote
reply
shadowstalker
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#6
Report 7 years ago
#6
Hey big man she confided in you and told you a lot of things that are personal so dont just go and tell her to tell someone else because it will make you look like a big jerk, if i was you i'd get interested and change conversations. But heres the thing, i am not you so deal with it and try not to make it harder for her if she is your friend because thats not what friends do.
0
quote
reply
scorpion95
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#7
Report 7 years ago
#7
You did say to her that your there if she needed you so you should listen to her out of respect and try to give some kind of advice, don't fob her off telling her to talk to someone else because she'll think bad of you
1
quote
reply
Adviceneeded
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#8
I know that you're all right and that I should listen to her, but it's really difficult. She's told me more personal things than I put in the first post but didn't think it would be right to include them.

Also, someone very very close to her died last year so I think she may have suffered/be suffering from depression and I don't want to say anything stupid that will make it worse.

It probably sounds like I don't care, but I really do. That's the problem
0
quote
reply
Sarky
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#9
Report 7 years ago
#9
Ask her if she has spoken to anyone else about this, and whether she thinks it would be worth mentioning it to a counsellor or someone professional. That is a lot for you to carry on your shoulders and isn't really fair.
2
quote
reply
The_Lonely_Goatherd
  • PS Reviewer
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#10
Report 7 years ago
#10
It's a tricky situation. She sounds very unhappy so whatever you decide to do, you should do it carefully. Clearly she needs to talk to someone but equally if you're not comfortable being that person, you shouldn't have to. Things could get messy and out of hand, even if you are willing to listen (take it from someone who knows!) and so it might be good to establish some boundaries.

A happy medium, if you'd be comfortable with it, could be saying you don't mind listening but that as someone much younger and far removed from her life, you're not really in the best position to give advice or help? :dontknow:
2
quote
reply
jabed786
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#11
Report 7 years ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'd reply to her, but be honest and tell her that you don't really know what say!

This will probably sound harsher than intended, but try not to get too involved as you don't want to become 'burdened' with all her problems and feel obliged to help every time something crops up.
Its not like you are meeting her face to face and need to listen intently to her every word.

Just reply to her messages with sort of 'I can't even imagine how this must be so stressful and saddening this is for you.' And tell her to speak to her friends who she thinks she can trust. Tell her to start looking for another job or something. Say summer is coming soon so she could maybe just sit in a quiet cafe , reorganise her thoughts and maybe read a book.

Tell her to phone Samaritans helpline or maybe even contact her GP.
0
quote
reply
Kittyfluffer
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#12
Report 7 years ago
#12
I think this sounds well inappropriate. She used to be your teacher for gods sake. If it was me I'd block her, she sounds like stalker material..
3
quote
reply
lemonandlime2011
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#13
Report 7 years ago
#13
Maybe she's looking for sex...
0
quote
reply
Anonymous #1
#14
Report 7 years ago
#14
I've been in a similar situation. Please don't get too involved. You'll regret it when she becomes clingy.
quote
reply
Adviceneeded
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#15
(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
It's a tricky situation. She sounds very unhappy so whatever you decide to do, you should do it carefully. Clearly she needs to talk to someone but equally if you're not comfortable being that person, you shouldn't have to. Things could get messy and out of hand, even if you are willing to listen (take it from someone who knows!) and so it might be good to establish some boundaries.

A happy medium, if you'd be comfortable with it, could be saying you don't mind listening but that as someone much younger and far removed from her life, you're not really in the best position to give advice or help? :dontknow:
Thank you, that's really helpful
0
quote
reply
Adviceneeded
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#16
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#16
(Original post by lemonandlime2011)
Maybe she's looking for sex...
I doubt it - I'm female...
0
quote
reply
Adviceneeded
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#17
(Original post by tajmahal)
hey..
you've just got hold of a ****...go for it
She may be a ****, but I'm female...
0
quote
reply
lemonandlime2011
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#18
Report 7 years ago
#18
(Original post by Adviceneeded)
I doubt it - I'm female...
Even better
2
quote
reply
Fred Ivanovic
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#19
Report 7 years ago
#19
(Original post by tajmahal)
hey..
you've just got hold of a ****...go for it
Where does the OP say she's a mum? TILF would be more appropiate
1
quote
reply
lemonandlime2011
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#20
Report 7 years ago
#20
OP, does she have children?
0
quote
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Were you ever put in isolation at school?

Yes (281)
27.5%
No (741)
72.5%

Watched Threads

View All