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    So I got my results for the January 2011 exams, they were pretty low and I've been feeling like crap ever since. Basically I messed up in my AS year so I had to do some retakes for A2. My parents were always telling me my crap grades were because I don't try hard enough (I always thought I was trying hard but apparently not...) so I wanted to prove them wrong and I tried REALLY hard for these January exams and studied like mad. And yet my results were still very disappointing. (Not all of them but most). These were my results:

    Biology - B
    Chemistry retake went from a U to an A but got a D in the latest module
    I dropped physics at AS but I retook to try to improve my garde and went from an E to a C
    Maths retake went from an E to a C but got a D on the latest module
    But overall I'm only a C (maybe D) in Biology, barely a C in Chemistry and a D in Maths and I'm so worried that I won't be able to get the grades to get into university.

    Even though I was still upset over most of my grades I thought that my improvement in my retakes would prove to my parents that I did indeed try a whole lot harder than they thought I would (even though most were just C's and C's aren't good enough in my parent's eyes but they're a whole lot better than E's and U's no?) and yet it still wasn't good enough. I was still told I should have tried harder. They didn't even think that my A was good, it was completely ignored. You see, my dad is going to uni for a civil and structural engineering degree and he studies day in and day out. Literally. He leaves the house in the morning to go to the library and he comes home at around 8 that night. I tried to do that but I seriously couldn't focus for that long so I did two hours of each subject with breaks in-between from about 9 in the morning to about 5 in the afternoon. But I could never do 8+ hours straight of studying like my dad does (though it looks like I'll have to for the June exams). I studied straight through my Christmas holiday. Studied on Christmas eve and Christmas day. I even studied on New Years. I don't have a social life so it's not like I had anywhere to be or friends to party with. And yet that still wasn't good enough for my parents (especially my dad) and it wasn't good enough to get me good results.

    And I know my teachers think I'm the stupidest student in the class (and I know I am) and this just pretty much proves it. I wanted so hard to prove them wrong and get good grades to impress them but once again I failed. I seem to be pretty good at that. I was too embarrassed to go to class after I got my results and I'm still too embarrassed so I just keep my head down and try to make myself not noticeable. And I get even more depressed when I think of how many clever people are in my classes, those who got A's and full marks in the exams I barely passed (with D's). I am so inferior to them I don't even think I deserve to be in the same room with half of them. I get really self concious when I talk to one of my friends who is one of those frustratingly clever people. It's not that I don't like those clever people (I congratulated my friend) I just hate myself when I realize that I will never be as smart as her or any of my classmates.

    And now I've only got one more shot to prove myself and I'm not going to lie, I'm quickly losing the very little bit of confidence I have. I'm tempted to just give up but of course I can't. I have to get good grades so I can get into a good uni so that I can get a good degree so that I can get a good job so that I don't become a burden on my parents. And when I first started out in year 12 I thought I could do A levels but now I don't know if I can. But I can't tell my parents this. They'll just tell me to suck it up and try harder and I know I should and I will try but a bit of comforting from them wouldn't be such a bad thing would it? Is that too much to ask?

    I guess I'm just ranting at this point. And I'm not even sure of the point of this thread any more, guess I just needed to get this off of my chest.

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