Girlfriend told her parents that she's constantly cooking for me. Watch

philistine
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
I live with my girlfriend so we usually do the shopping and have meals together.

I've found the kitchen to be a major problem in our relationship. There have been several occasions, where my girlfriend would be upset about the lack of cooking on my behalf. In my defence, I'm a terrible cook in comparison to her, and she tends to have much higher standards of food. I have in the past thought it'd be a good idea to mix some food together, only to receive looks which suggests "uhh... no thanks."
No big deal. She's been cooking longer than I have, so probably has a better idea of what goes together and all that. So I've sort of fallen into a role of pretty much just helping out with the cooking, doing small things like whipping the egg, mixing the food in the saucepan etc, rather than coming up with the dishes.

Recently, her parents asked her whether she cooked for me. "Yes, most of the time." and whether I cooked for her... which was "not really". Her parents advised her not to do it so often since I'd take it for granted, which is fair enough. I can totally understand where they are coming from, and I'd even agree with their assessment. But something kind of bothers me about this.

  • I hate that my girlfriend feels the cooking is unbalanced. Sometimes, it makes me feel like saying 'You don't need to cook for me as well.' but that will only be taken badly imo. I'm sure she does it because she wants to, not because she expects me to cook half the time as well. But, still the pressure exists.
  • I thought when I was helping out, that at least it'd be a case of "Oh, he helps out with the cooking" not "I do most of the cooking". Perhaps, it's true that when I help out, it's not really helping out that much but still, it feels like she doesn't really acknowledge the fact that I'm helping out, and that it is still 'unbalanced' in her eyes.
  • This one is probably minor. But, I'm pretty sure that the answers given to her parents doesn't reflect well on me. I would rather prefer if we did our own cooking, and she told them that "nah, we usually do our own thing" than "I do most of the cooking, he doesn't do anything"


While part of me thinks that it'd be a good idea to actively cook for her. Another part of me thinks it'd also be a good idea to seperate our cooking, so that she doesn't just cook my proportion as well when she's making stuff. But, like I said previously, I get the feeling that suggesting we do things seperately will just end badly.

"I'm okay. You don't need to cook for me all the time."

Maybe it's a case of just preparing food other than rice, gradually increasing the amount of 'alternative food' I make. But if I'm also going to be eatting rice, there's literally no way to avoid the fact that we'll be creating dishes to go with it (and then comes in the idea "we might as well share the meat/vegetable/egg/whatever dish" in that case)

Ugh... I need solutions...
It's stupid **** like this why I'm done with relationships. Seriously, cooking? Aren't there any bigger ****ing problems?

Not ragging on you personally, though relationships seem to create huge piles of small rubbish, all the damn time, just because of that very fact.

If she doesn't like cooking your food at the same time (which she obviously doesn't, otherwise there would have been zero negative implications), then tell her not to bother. I know precisely where you're coming from with the 'let's cook seperately' idea, though it's either that, or you learn to cook competently (or at her level, if all possible).

I get the feeling if you left this completely unchanged, then it'd just get worse, and worse and worse...
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Dubs_ski
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#22
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#22
:cookie:
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Ewan
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#23
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#23
Meh it takes no extra effort to cook for one more person, just increase the portion size. Just tell her she doesn't need to make anything special.I don't know what her problem is tbh, you should just say you'll cook your own meals. You've tried cooking for her before, it's not your fault she's too fussy to eat it.
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Boristhethird
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#24
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#24
tl;dr

why not get her to teach you how to cook?
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Bellissima
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#25
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#25
talk to her about it first before you go running off and suggesting things.
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HistoryRepeating
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
...

[LIST][*] I hate that my girlfriend feels the cooking is unbalanced. Sometimes, it makes me feel like saying 'You don't need to cook for me as well.' but that will only be taken badly imo. I'm sure she does it because she wants to, not because she expects me to cook half the time as well. But, still the pressure exists.
You live together. You can't expect her to do 100% of the cooking - you are not a small child.

If you cant cook to her standard, you need to learn. Buy some cookery books, go on a course or just pay bloody attention when she is cooking.
[*]I thought when I was helping out, that at least it'd be a case of "Oh, he helps out with the cooking" not "I do most of the cooking". Perhaps, it's true that when I help out, it's not really helping out that much but still, it feels like she doesn't really acknowledge the fact that I'm helping out, and that it is still 'unbalanced' in her eyes.
You dont actually do anything worth mentioning, stop feeling hard done by.
[*]This one is probably minor. But, I'm pretty sure that the answers given to her parents doesn't reflect well on me. I would rather prefer if we did our own cooking, and she told them that "nah, we usually do our own thing" than "I do most of the cooking, he doesn't do anything"
This is ridiculous, you live together. "I'd rather we did our own cooking so I can eat readymeals and not owe her one" is a horrible horrible attitude.

The reason it reflects badly on you is that your attitude is bad.
While part of me thinks that it'd be a good idea to actively cook for her. Another part of me thinks it'd also be a good idea to seperate our cooking, so that she doesn't just cook my proportion as well when she's making stuff. But, like I said previously, I get the feeling that suggesting we do things seperately will just end badly.
that is beyond ridiculous. a) its vastly more expensive and b) its a complete copout based around you being lazy. I cant believe you think this attitude is reasonable. You dont want her to cook for you so you can eat bad food and not feel indebted to her - do you have any idea how insecure and lazy that makes you sound?

Maybe it's a case of just preparing food other than rice, gradually increasing the amount of 'alternative food' I make. But if I'm also going to be eatting rice, there's literally no way to avoid the fact that we'll be creating dishes to go with it (and then comes in the idea "we might as well share the meat/vegetable/egg/whatever dish" in that case)
........................
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The Procrastinator
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#27
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#27
I hate cooking so I got my ex boyfriend to do all of that and I did the shopping and washing up. Compromise
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HistoryRepeating
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#28
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#28
(Original post by philistine)
It's stupid **** like this why I'm done with relationships. Seriously, cooking? Aren't there any bigger ****ing problems?

Not ragging on you personally, though relationships seem to create huge piles of small rubbish, all the damn time, just because of that very fact.

If she doesn't like cooking your food at the same time (which she obviously doesn't, otherwise there would have been zero negative implications), then tell her not to bother. I know precisely where you're coming from with the 'let's cook seperately' idea, though it's either that, or you learn to cook competently (or at her level, if all possible).

I get the feeling if you left this completely unchanged, then it'd just get worse, and worse and worse...

Her parents asked her if she cooked for him, she said that she did all the time, which is true. She didn't mention that he stirs the pot on the stove - so ****ing what? That is barely a contribution let alone an even one.

If you live with your girlfriend its time to start acting like an adult which means doing your fair share of stuff like this. Learning to cook properly takes only a small amount of time and effort.

This argument is the exact equivilant of demanding your girlfriend not clean the house and instead live in a sty because you dont want ot have to do YOUR share of the cleaning. Its retarded.
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HistoryRepeating
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#29
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#29
I would definitely dump someone who was unable to follow a basic recipe like doing a roast chicken with potatoes and roast veg - any idiot willing to spend 5 minutes reading could make it. There are hundreds of other very easy meals and great cookbooks to talk you through them (risotto, pastabakes, bolognaise, chicken supreme etc).

Saying "I cant cook" is a lie, you mean "I cant be bothered to do the bare minimum amount to learn how to cook"
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thecaterpillar
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#30
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#30
I always got slightly ****ed off with my ex, who used to do this thing where I would be cooking something, he would come along and .. say, stir the rice, or take a pan off the heat, or something like that, and then act like suddenly he was in charge of the meal that I had ****ing cooked.

Anyway. Imo I enjoy cooking so if my boyfriend wasn't good at it or didn't like it, I'd rather I took charge because at least then I know what I eat will be nice. Eating separately will just end up costing a lot; when cooking, it doesn't actually take that much effort to just cook for one extra person, since you share shopping it's presumably not as if she would be paying extra so it would just be a case of putting a little bit more chicken on or whatever.

I'm assuming you do other **** around the house as well, and in that case, tbh I wouldn't care if I was your girlfriend. I can understand you feeling a little put out about what she said to her parents, but if you do other stuff, surely you don't have to feel bad. If she does all the cooking and you do all the... I don't know, laundry, or vacuum cleaning, or whatever it happens to be, then there is still a balance. Perhaps mention to her that you felt a bit bad, and ask her if she does feel you could do more.

Of course, if you do nothing all day and then she ends up cooking because she's good at it, yeah I would get annoyed if that was me.

And if your girlfriend really would rather you guys shared the cooking, then just get a recipe book and try **** out. You don't have to pull recipes out of the air; think of what you feel like (chicken, beef, pasta, whatever it is) and then find a recipe based on that thing. Jamie Oliver's 30 Minute Meals has some fantastic ideas and it's all laid out very easily. I also love Nigella Lawson's recipe, her latest book Kitchen is really good and they're always very straightforward and easy to follow, and turn out well. You don't have to really 'be able to cook' in order to follow a recipe.
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philistine
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#31
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#31
(Original post by HistoryRepeating)
You are such a child!

Her parents asked her if she cooked for him, she said that she did all the time, which is true. She didn't mention that he stirs the pot on the stove - so ****ing what? That is barely a contribution let alone an even one.

If you live with your girlfriend its time to start acting like an adult which means doing your fair share of stuff like this. Learning to cook properly takes only a small amount of time and effort.

This argument is the exact equivilant of demanding your girlfriend not clean the house and instead live in a sty because you dont want ot have to do YOUR share of the cleaning. Its retarded.
Hmmm, personal attack. I'm tempted to say 'typical woman', though I won't even bother. :rolleyes:

I cook all my own meals, and clean my own apartment, which is more than can be said for the OP. I think him learning to cook for himself (and his girlfriend, if present), would only be beneficial, don't you think?
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HistoryRepeating
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#32
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#32
(Original post by philistine)
Hmmm, personal attack. I'm tempted to say 'typical woman', though I won't even bother. :rolleyes:

I cook all my own meals, and clean my own apartment, which is more than can be said for the OP. I think him learning to cook for himself (and his girlfriend, if present), would only be beneficial, don't you think?
Given that I've said exactly that in the post above.....

PS: I'm a man you misogynistic ****.
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Architecture-er
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#33
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#33
(Original post by Anonymous)
I live with my girlfriend so we usually do the shopping and have meals together.

I've found the kitchen to be a major problem in our relationship. There have been several occasions, where my girlfriend would be upset about the lack of cooking on my behalf. In my defence, I'm a terrible cook in comparison to her, and she tends to have much higher standards of food. I have in the past thought it'd be a good idea to mix some food together, only to receive looks which suggests "uhh... no thanks."
No big deal. She's been cooking longer than I have, so probably has a better idea of what goes together and all that. So I've sort of fallen into a role of pretty much just helping out with the cooking, doing small things like whipping the egg, mixing the food in the saucepan etc, rather than coming up with the dishes.

Recently, her parents asked her whether she cooked for me. "Yes, most of the time." and whether I cooked for her... which was "not really". Her parents advised her not to do it so often since I'd take it for granted, which is fair enough. I can totally understand where they are coming from, and I'd even agree with their assessment. But something kind of bothers me about this.

  • I hate that my girlfriend feels the cooking is unbalanced. Sometimes, it makes me feel like saying 'You don't need to cook for me as well.' but that will only be taken badly imo. I'm sure she does it because she wants to, not because she expects me to cook half the time as well. But, still the pressure exists.
  • I thought when I was helping out, that at least it'd be a case of "Oh, he helps out with the cooking" not "I do most of the cooking". Perhaps, it's true that when I help out, it's not really helping out that much but still, it feels like she doesn't really acknowledge the fact that I'm helping out, and that it is still 'unbalanced' in her eyes.
  • This one is probably minor. But, I'm pretty sure that the answers given to her parents doesn't reflect well on me. I would rather prefer if we did our own cooking, and she told them that "nah, we usually do our own thing" than "I do most of the cooking, he doesn't do anything"


While part of me thinks that it'd be a good idea to actively cook for her. Another part of me thinks it'd also be a good idea to seperate our cooking, so that she doesn't just cook my proportion as well when she's making stuff. But, like I said previously, I get the feeling that suggesting we do things seperately will just end badly.

"I'm okay. You don't need to cook for me all the time."

Maybe it's a case of just preparing food other than rice, gradually increasing the amount of 'alternative food' I make. But if I'm also going to be eatting rice, there's literally no way to avoid the fact that we'll be creating dishes to go with it (and then comes in the idea "we might as well share the meat/vegetable/egg/whatever dish" in that case)

Ugh... I need solutions...
Get her to teach you how to cook?
Set a rewards system up - if you manage to tickle her tastebuds with your food, your tastebuds can tickle her :ahee:
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thru sun and rain
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#34
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be cheeky buy a slow cooker. Simple as. (chuck whatever into pot get a colemans sachet add water mix and pour, turn on and leave for 6 hours. Hey presto scrummy meal made with no effort.
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Architecture-er
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#35
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(Original post by HistoryRepeating)
You are such a child!

Her parents asked her if she cooked for him, she said that she did all the time, which is true. She didn't mention that he stirs the pot on the stove - so ****ing what? That is barely a contribution let alone an even one.

If you live with your girlfriend its time to start acting like an adult which means doing your fair share of stuff like this. Learning to cook properly takes only a small amount of time and effort.

This argument is the exact equivilant of demanding your girlfriend not clean the house and instead live in a sty because you dont want ot have to do YOUR share of the cleaning. Its retarded.
You need to grow up and stop flinging your massive opinion at the computer screen , that's not what he said.
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Cold_sky
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#36
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#36
Real men know how to cook, no matter to how small a degree. Man up.
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thru sun and rain
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#37
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(Original post by thecaterpillar)
I always got slightly ****ed off with my ex, who used to do this thing where I would be cooking something, he would come along and .. say, stir the rice, or take a pan off the heat, or something like that, and then act like suddenly he was in charge of the meal that I had ****ing cooked.

Anyway. Imo I enjoy cooking so if my boyfriend wasn't good at it or didn't like it, I'd rather I took charge because at least then I know what I eat will be nice. Eating separately will just end up costing a lot; when cooking, it doesn't actually take that much effort to just cook for one extra person, since you share shopping it's presumably not as if she would be paying extra so it would just be a case of putting a little bit more chicken on or whatever.

I'm assuming you do other **** around the house as well, and in that case, tbh I wouldn't care if I was your girlfriend. I can understand you feeling a little put out about what she said to her parents, but if you do other stuff, surely you don't have to feel bad. If she does all the cooking and you do all the... I don't know, laundry, or vacuum cleaning, or whatever it happens to be, then there is still a balance. Perhaps mention to her that you felt a bit bad, and ask her if she does feel you could do more.

Of course, if you do nothing all day and then she ends up cooking because she's good at it, yeah I would get annoyed if that was me.

And if your girlfriend really would rather you guys shared the cooking, then just get a recipe book and try **** out. You don't have to pull recipes out of the air; think of what you feel like (chicken, beef, pasta, whatever it is) and then find a recipe based on that thing. Jamie Oliver's 30 Minute Meals has some fantastic ideas and it's all laid out very easily. I also love Nigella Lawson's recipe, her latest book Kitchen is really good and they're always very straightforward and easy to follow, and turn out well. You don't have to really 'be able to cook' in order to follow a recipe.
oh god my ex was awful too. I would get in from doing a double shift and he'd tell me to start cooking dinner because he was exhausted from 5 hours stood up doing sod all because barely anyone went into the restaurant where he worked. and then taking control and ruining meals... oh and he was a professional chef and he couldn't even do rice properly (my family asked him why they were having pudding with their dinner twas quite amusing.)
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Charlottielottie
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#38
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#38
OP, Man Up and Wash Up!

Or if you try and try again and just end up burning the kitchen to a crisp, try serving raw meals, such as salad with crisps and dips and leftovers.
In the meantime find something you can do that she doesn't like or is no good at, maybe DIY, cutting the grass, cleaning the loo...
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lukimusprime
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#39
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(Original post by M1F2R3)
Woman + kitchen? Nuff said.
My thoughts......
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Jo2217
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#40
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Why don't you go onto Amazon and find a 'traditional' cookbook, you know, the kind where you know every ingredient on the list kind of book. Make sure you get a step by step book that is put into simple steps and if you're not sure go into WHSmiths and look in them to see if they're really what you want. Mary Berry is a good one, she's very traditional and usually has a section which explains some technical terms, so therefore your girlfriend doesn't feel like you're harassing her every time you don't understand a specific phrase. Look at the book reviews online and see what other buyers say! If a cookbook is described as 'complicated' or 'hard to follow', as lovely as the pictures look, it won't be any help to you. You'll soon get the gist
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