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Contemplating suicide due to chronic pain - GP dismissive. watch

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    Excuse me for not using specific details but I want to avoid the possibility of friends recognising my story.

    Up until a year ago I'd been living a very happy, healthy life - moved into my own place, going to uni, had a amazing boyfriend, great friends, active social life etc.

    Then I developed a chronic condition which causes me to be in severe pain 24 hours a day. Doctors initially misdiagnosed me many times and made the whole thing worse.

    In my desperation I used my student loan to pay for a private specialist. She gave me treatment which started working, and my life got back on track. However the NHS doc refused to continue the treatment and I got a whole lot worse again. I am now back on the treatment but it is not working as well second time around. I am waiting to see a specialist in 2 months to track progress. However there is little more that can be done right now.

    Being in pain every day has destroyed me. At first I was hopeful that I would get better (doctors kept on telling me so). Then about 6 months in I thought '**** it, I'll just live on painkillers and get on with my life' - but it isn't even that easy. Over-the-counter meds aren't strong enough, my GP won't prescribe me stronger painkillers for long-term use. I am yet to find a painkiller which resolves 100% of the pain. I spend the day pressing ice packs against myself until I am numb.

    My parents house has become my prison. I had to leave university. Some of my friends have stuck by me, but most of them have vanished out of my life. I fear the pain is driving me crazy, quite literally. I take out my anger and frustrations out on family which isn't fair on them. My mother is heartbroken she has to see me suffer every day.

    I went to my GP clinic and poured my heart out with all of the above. Most of the GPs I have seen have been dismissive throughout my ordeal. The reason for this is that many people with this condition manage to resolve their symptoms within a month or so. However, I was misdiagnosed for 4 months so now it's becoming chronic. I went on anti-depressants for a short while but they did little for the pain. Also, the side-effects of depressants are known to make this condition worse.

    I've been on a forum for people with this condition, and a lot of the people are living like me: sitting at home every day in pain, unable to work or go outside for too long. Some people have killed themselves. Most of them are in their 40s and 50s and have lived their lives. I am in my 20s and my life had just begun.

    I have never been depressed before and always thought suicide was an erratic and senseless choice. However, I have been calmly and reasonably considering suicide as the better option. I really don't want to kill myself but realistically I don't see a point in living if I am constantly suffering. If I was an animal I wouldn't be left to suffer like this. It's inhumane. There is no way in hell I can do this for another 60 years. Does this seem reasonable?
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    Keep going back to the same GP every day/week until they get the message
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    ''On a scale of 1-10 how much pain are you in?'' Thats the type of stupid questions I was asked when I had a really ****ing painful foot misdiagnosed for bloody ages as well as mis-interpretations of MRI scans; or rather no interpretation should I say lol. You will get used to the pain eventually. By the time I got my issue partly resolved all my toes on my right foot had massive blisters on them, and basically my foot was completely ****ed.
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    Ignore the stupid unhelpful replies OP. I fully sympathise. My neck injury has totally consumed my life the last 7 months and its sheer hell. My doctors were totally unsympathetic and kept diagnosing me with anxiety. It wasnt until I paid to see a physio that I started to be taken seriously. But every day is a struggle and I am considering leaving uni, because my performance has gone downhill.

    But you need to keep attacking it.
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    what is the condition?!
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    Go to hospital instead of your doctors. They tend to be better.
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    Hello Ninat.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation; it sounds utterly horrendous and I can imagine you feel totally abandoned by the medical profession and very, very alone.

    Not knowing you or your particular condition makes it difficult to advise you with any confidence. However I wonder if it's worth taking a multi-pronged approach? If you can bear to go back and see your GP, ask them to refer you for counselling or CBT to help you manage the depression and to help you work towards overcoming your suicidal thoughts. While you are suffering with depression it will be incredibly hard to tackle or even cope with the pain. I hear what you're saying, that suicide seems like the only logical way to move away from the physical and emotional pain...but it is worth hanging on and working to feel better. You needn't take drugs and you don't have to spend lots of money - there should be somewhere near you that offers low-cost or free therapy. Try Mind, the mental health charity (mind.org.uk) if you don't get anywhere with your GP.

    Once your emotions are on something of a more even keel, you can think about how to tackle the pain. Perhaps you could try alternative/complementary therapies, such as acupuncture, aromatherapy or some such. If you do manage to arrange counselling or another 'talking therapy', you might find that helps - perhaps something like mindfulness-based CBT could work for you. Chat to others on the forum - what works for them? Is there a local support group you could go to, when you feel up to it? Is there a local or national charity that supports people with your condition? Also, when you have your darkest, most desperate and suicidal moments, consider calling the Samaritans - they really are wonderful.

    I really hope you find a way out of the darkness Ninat, my thoughts are with you.

    Panthea x
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    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co...-probably.html

    An improved pain scale...may help you get the message across.

    If it doesn't, request to see another GP at your surgery, or ask for a referral to a 'pain clinic'.
    I really hope you get some help soon. If you're at uni it's also probably worth talking to your tutors and explaining your condition in confidence. They may be able to give you extensions for coursework if you're unwell, and it's better that they know you're unwell than they think you're just being lazy.

    Best of luck, and feel free to PM
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    Probably not a very practical option for you but quite a few of our relatives and family friends (who are asian ofcourse) go to India (Mumbai/Gujarat) for any serious treatment because the medical system here is **** and a lot of trouble have been caused in past due to this. A good hospital there wouldn't really cost a fortune due to conversion rates but that all depends on the seriousness of the case...
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    Sounds like the NHS is ****ing ****. Is getting your parents to pay for more private specialist healthcare an option? I can only suggest that you try every possible solution that could help you recover from this condition before you decide to kill yourself. I think talking with your family about this may also be advisable. If you're considering suicide it's only fair to inform your family. Perhaps they can help you through this. I really hope you get better; tragic story.
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    (Original post by Ninat)
    There is no way in hell I can do this for another 60 years. Does this seem reasonable?
    Try your local pain clinic. It's an NHS service and they can be highly effective. Or try acupuncture (which is often available at pain clinics) - I'm not talking about the chinese acupuncture stuff, but the musculoskeletal stuff that DOES work for certain conditions. Whether relevant to you or not, I don't know :/

    You could also try changing to a different GP if you feel your GP has been ineffective or treated you badly. If you're depressed then anti-depressants wouldn't go a miss, or just therapy, and your GP should recognise this if you have suicidal thoughts.

    Over the counter pain meds won't be that great, and you could expect your GP to treat you with something stronger - BUT the problem is long term a lot of the stronger ones are NOT good. Codeine, tramadol, morphine etc. are all opiates, think heroine and you'll know why they aren't recommended long term.

    Without knowing anything specific about your condition I don't know what else to practically suggest. Not that I imagine that your GP and yourself haven't thought about it plenty!

    Any of that helpful? I hope so at least...
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    (Original post by Panthea)
    Hello Ninat.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation; it sounds utterly horrendous and I can imagine you feel totally abandoned by the medical profession and very, very alone.

    Not knowing you or your particular condition makes it difficult to advise you with any confidence. However I wonder if it's worth taking a multi-pronged approach? If you can bear to go back and see your GP, ask them to refer you for counselling or CBT to help you manage the depression and to help you work towards overcoming your suicidal thoughts. While you are suffering with depression it will be incredibly hard to tackle or even cope with the pain. I hear what you're saying, that suicide seems like the only logical way to move away from the physical and emotional pain...but it is worth hanging on and working to feel better. You needn't take drugs and you don't have to spend lots of money - there should be somewhere near you that offers low-cost or free therapy. Try Mind, the mental health charity (mind.org.uk) if you don't get anywhere with your GP.

    Once your emotions are on something of a more even keel, you can think about how to tackle the pain. Perhaps you could try alternative/complementary therapies, such as acupuncture, aromatherapy or some such. If you do manage to arrange counselling or another 'talking therapy', you might find that helps - perhaps something like mindfulness-based CBT could work for you. Chat to others on the forum - what works for them? Is there a local support group you could go to, when you feel up to it? Is there a local or national charity that supports people with your condition? Also, when you have your darkest, most desperate and suicidal moments, consider calling the Samaritans - they really are wonderful.

    I really hope you find a way out of the darkness Ninat, my thoughts are with you.

    Panthea x
    I believe you're missing OP'S point. She has the depressive thoughts directly due to her pain. They are not 2 seperate issues...... (Some ppl are real dumb)
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    (Original post by milkytea)
    Sounds like the NHS is ****ing ****. Is getting your parents to pay for more private specialist healthcare an option? I can only suggest that you try every possible solution that could help you recover from this condition before you decide to kill yourself. I think talking with your family about this may also be advisable. If you're considering suicide it's only fair to inform your family. Perhaps they can help you through this. I really hope you get better; tragic story.
    Basically what I had to do. When I realised I was getting nowhere with the NHS, I spent loads on different private specialists, whilst a student. The thing is, not all private specialists are that great either, depending on what you're problem is offcourse. For example podiatry (foot-care) is very poor in the UK compared to America and thus extremely hard to find a good practitioner. There's probably only a handful of podiatrists in the UK who could give you a sound diagnosis, and luckily I found one. (The health industry is a very shady business indeed).
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    In a way, I know how you feel. I dont want to start on the personal details, but for 2 years I was in a LOT of pain (not every day, but at least once a week, and it would be excruciating).

    The thing is, you DONT have to live with it. Demand to keep seeing a doctor until something can be done. The problem with GP's is they generally dont give a sh*t unless you make a huge deal out of it. Thats what I pretty much learnt. See specialists/doctors/GP's, whoever you can.
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    imagine GPs controlling the money, it'll be reality soon enough.

    definitely go to a hospital. **** GPs ****ing ****ers. you may have a walk-in centre locally too-- my local one tends to be a little better than GP anyway.
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    Have you tried things like yoga?

    And change GPs until you get one who knows what the **** he/she is doing, and have hope the guy you are seeing in 2 months is a 'specialist' for a reason.

    Try to research as much as you can on your condition and others who have it(though im sure you probably have many times).
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    Oh my, I do really feel for you.
    But don't give up. Like you said, you have your life to live so don't give it all up so easily!
    I can't imagine how hard it must all be and you must be a very strong person to cope with it, and I have a lot of respect for you.
    But don't give up, keep trying like others have said just go back and back to the doctors every week.
    You may have to search hard but there may well be a way to help, just don't give up.
    :hugs:
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    Hi, First sorry if this is a little jumbled. I wish we could speak face to face because sometimes the written word is inadequate.

    Ive had chronic pain since a motorbike accident 10 yrs ago. Im not gonna tell you it will get better.If its chronic and long lasting the best you can do is learn how to cope. Dont try to please other people as they cannot (no blame intended) contemplate the level of pain you are suffering. Be specific and descriptive about your pain. 1-10 my a*se! Try F**king sore or bas*ard. They medical profession soon get the picture.

    Depression will go hand in hand with your pain. Get an anti depressant ASAP! They will get you to a place where things are still sh*t but you can avoid the deep dark hole.

    Drug therapies are just one part of this. I have been on so many its difficult to remember who, what or where! But please find one that works for you. If illicit drugs or alchohol etc do it for you then use them. Its your body and your pain. It will take time though and be prepared to dribble a little.

    Some good suggestions from other posters about CBT and in particular the Pain management clinic. Get a referral to them and push for a place at The Royal hospital in Bath. I went on thier 3 week course and learned some great ways of managing pain. Push hard for this! Its NOT a cure but will help.

    The biggest problem you will have is your and your families expectation that there is a cure. There isnt! Sorry to be blunt but the sooner you (and your kin) can accept this the better you can get on with your life.

    I watch a lot of films, tv (Im a great Jeremy Kyle fan now!) and lurking around the internet. I also cry and moan a lot, just ask my wife, but there is still life to be had. True friends will stick by you and once you have a clearer view UNI or some other path willl still be there.

    I wish you all the luck in the world. Dont give up! Bazza
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    (Original post by DdotT)
    Have you tried things like yoga?

    And change GPs until you get one who knows what the **** he/she is doing, and have hope the guy you are seeing in 2 months is a 'specialist' for a reason.

    Try to research as much as you can on your condition and others who have it(though im sure you probably have many times).
    From experience I really wouldn't suggest this route at all. I spent so much time thinking I had this or that. It's all about getting to the route cause of the problem which can be alot tougher than it sounds, believe me. Looking at symptoms alone is not the way to go about it. There's no point just trying to cover up the symptoms without getting at the route cause , and symptoms alone will very rarely help you out here.
    For example, say if two people had the same symptoms but it was 2 completely different things causing them. It's not one size fits all; which is the approach alot of people in this world seem to take.
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    I know how you feel, when my wisdom tooth ruptured the pain was ****ing blinding and in my oh so great wisdom (no pun intended) I decided to use salt water to sooth the infection, little did I know I had a rather large hole in the tooth and so, you can pretty much guess what happened next. An infected tooth, rupturing coupled with salty water going in the nerves. Never was I so close to killing myself in my life. Dentist was closed over the weekend, pharmacy was also closed as it was a Sunday and all I had were shi**y paracetamols.

    My pain probably pales in comparison to yours but I attest to the fact that there is no pain like dental pain.
 
 
 
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