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Do you think we become desensitised to relationships the more successful we become? watch

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    I don't mean all people who become successful, more relating to a conversation my friend and I were having in relation to how our lives have both changed a lot lately.

    Last year the guy I loved died suddenly and I was completely devastated; whole life changed. After I got myself together a bit I become really driven: now I'm doing extremely well at uni and have this part-time job pursuing my dream which ties in with my course as well. I've been channelling all the grief into the work which is obviously working out...but at the same time; I'm not really interested in pursuing a romantic relationship and have no idea when I will be. I felt it would be wrong when I still have feelings for a person who is no longer here and it's not even been a year yet. If I wanted anything at all it would only be something casual so I'm not too emotionally invested right now. Although, I have met a guy I have a connection with I won't make a move. Doing so well in one area but not in another sometimes makes me feel, 'does it really matter if I don't have someone to share it with?'

    My friend broke up with her long-term boyfriend, lost her job and a family member died. Now, like me, she only wants something casual with a guy and now has a new job at a company that she is determined to do really well in and work her way up.

    So we ended up talking about how we felt driven but weren't sure if we're spending too much time on that stuff to the extent of pushing men away in the future. What do you think about that theory?
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    I think in your case it may be difficult to see due to your loved ones death obviously affecting you more than your newfound drive, which is how you're dealing with it.

    I'm really busy but will return later for more comments. My advice is generally poor anyway. :ashamed2:
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    (Original post by Dubs_ski)
    I think in your case it may be difficult to see due to your loved ones death obviously affecting you more than your newfound drive, which is how you're dealing with it.

    I'm really busy but will return later for more comments. My advice is generally poor anyway. :ashamed2:
    Difficult to see what, sorry?
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    I'd disagree with you because it seems like both you and your friend don't want relationships because of your experiences in your previous relationships. As you said, you're still not over your late boyfriend (I'm so sorry btw ) and your friend seems to have had a lot of bad things happen at the same time. I wouldn't say it was because you are becoming successful that you don't want relationships - I don't see how they correlate. Hope that helped
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    A year ago my girlfriend left me. I was a needy "nice guy" with little confidence, fairly good grades and no real hobbies or activities (other than going to the gym). I started spiralling downwards and, coupled with other things going on in my life, I fell apart and turned to a razor blade.

    It really shook me. I was pulled out of school and given care. The incident co-incided with the end of my exams, luckily, so I had an extended summer to think things through. I went travelling a bit, saw some old friends in the country I grew up in and made some new ones in new countries. I got my exam results, which were good considering how little work I did for them (at the time, I was in no mental position to revise). Another school closer to home agreed to take me on for year 13, and here I am now with new friends, great predicted and january grades, and an offer from a great university. You might think it's shocking how I nearly took this all away from myself at the end of year 12, but I don't. Even with a blade in my hand, I was safe; I would never have cut deep enough, even though I was convinced I was going to.

    If there's something I've noticed, it's that over the nine months since the incident, I have changed. I find myself caring less and less about other people. I am obsessed with my appearance, my physique and my intellectual capacity. My emotions are no longer intense; rather, they are numb, fulfilled only by improving myself and taking what I want. I hide my anger towards others with a false smile. I care too much about the irrelevant and the obscure, and I know I am out of sync with reality. This could be because of the antidepressants, or because I've come to realise that if people are selfish, self-centred and take what they want, why is it wrong for me to do the same?
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    (Original post by S_123)
    I'd disagree with you because it seems like both you and your friend don't want relationships because of your experiences in your previous relationships. As you said, you're still not over your late boyfriend (I'm so sorry btw ) and your friend seems to have had a lot of bad things happen at the same time. I wouldn't say it was because you are becoming successful that you don't want relationships - I don't see how they correlate. Hope that helped
    Well, what got me thinking more today after our conversation was this quote:

    "The primacy of individual economic advantage has tended to diminish the importance of personal as well as group relationships, and [B]especially of those based on sex; for sex, as Weber pointed out, being one of the strongest non-rational factors in human life, is one of the strongest potential menaces to the individual's rational pursuit of economic ends..."

    ^ behaving in that way would be subconscious though I would think? But that basically sums up what I was getting at, leaving out my own situation. Thank you, for your condolences
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    I suppose it's not unusual to channel your efforts into something else when other aspects of your life change dramatically, as often it's either that or face up to what's happened and fall to pieces altogether.

    I don't think it's a bad thing, you'll know when you're ready to open up to somebody else. It might be a few months, it might be 10 years, everyone's different.

    It's important to know if you do find somebody you're drawn to that it doesn't mean you've stopped caring about the person you lost. It's hard when somebody passes away as opposed to splitting up with them as instead of anger and resentment, which helps us to move on, there are ongoing feelings of love, which are perhaps even stronger than when the person was alive.

    Just take it at your own speed, and at least this way, if you find happiness with another man or not, you'll have a kick-ass career to boot
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    I think in some ways when you're successful, you feel more satisfied (at least for a while) so you don't always feel like you need someone else, whereas if you're not doing as well, you might feel like you need to feel satisfied in other areas of life, such as having a relationship.
    Although when you're over your late boyfriend, maybe you'll again feel like you're ready to move on and will be able to do so when you've become successful. It could also just be an immediate reaction and after a while when you've got to where you want to be, you'll be with someone new.
 
 
 
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