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    I split up with my ex over the summer because he was going abroad, and started going out with someone else almost straight away. But recently I've started thinking about him again and I really miss him. Spoke to him tonight and he told me he's started seeing someone else, and I was really surprised by how much it upset me.

    I'm still with the guy I got with in August, but feel really guilty, even though nothing has happened between me and my ex. Not sure how I'd feel if I knew he was thinking about his ex all time. Is this a sign something is wrong, or is this sort of thing quite common?
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    I'd say it's quite common, you obviously really liked your ex, but you cannot let yourelf fall for him again, it won't do anyone any good.

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    (speaking from a vaguly similar experience here)
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    been there, done that, there is NOTHING i repeat NOTHING more stupid and BAAAAAD than even thinking about going back. :eek:
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    I'd say it's perfectly understandable in your case - you said you broke up only because he was going away, not because you actually thought "we shouldn't be a couple anymore" so all the feelings are going to still be there.
    At least if he'd been bad you could try hating him

    Is he back from wherever he was going now? It's tricky because you're both seeing other people - has he mentioned whether him and her are serious or not? Does he know you're seeing someone?

    Ordinarily I'd agree with the other posters about not looking back etc etc but the reason you broke up isn't the usual reason of you don't like him/he cheated/you cheated etc
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    (Original post by Tarts_n_Vicars)
    I'd say it's perfectly understandable in your case - you said you broke up only because he was going away, not because you actually thought "we shouldn't be a couple anymore" so all the feelings are going to still be there.
    At least if he'd been bad you could try hating him

    Is he back from wherever he was going now? It's tricky because you're both seeing other people - has he mentioned whether him and her are serious or not? Does he know you're seeing someone?

    Ordinarily I'd agree with the other posters about not looking back etc etc but the reason you broke up isn't the usual reason of you don't like him/he cheated/you cheated etc
    We hadn't been together all that long (about 6 months), and then he went away for a year, and then when he's back I'll go away for a year (we both study languages at uni but he's in the year above) We tried the long distance thing for a bit but it was just so hard and I almost never got to see him (literally a week or so every 6 months). So no I guess my feelings didn't go away overnight...

    The thing is, am I being fair to my current boyfriend if I'm thinking about my ex all the time? Is there any point in pining for someone who it's totally impractical to be with? I know long distance sometimes works etc but I don't really want that kind of relationship at age 20! Have other people found that they've had these kind of feelings and then they've gone away again just as quickly?

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    (Original post by Trolley)
    been there, done that, there is NOTHING i repeat NOTHING more stupid and BAAAAAD than even thinking about going back. :eek:
    Ooooooh, sounds very dramatic. What happened that was so bad?
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    maybe you just miss him as a person.. i mean if someone i was close to went away i'd miss them a lot despite not necessarily having any feelings deeper than that for him.. i appreciate that may not be the case with you, but you were together with him for a while so it sounds perfectly normal.. it doesn't mean you don't have feelings for your new bf..
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    (Original post by Angel_Cake)
    We hadn't been together all that long (about 6 months), ............. I almost never got to see him (literally a week or so every 6 months).
    Quick question... unless I'm being totally stupid, how did you ever see him?! If you were only going out for 6 months and saw each other once every six months...

    Anyway, I think maybe you're hurt that he's met someone else pretty quick afterwards, and I agree with the ones who are saying you shouldn't go back. The grass is always greener on the other side, you know.

    Can't say I've ever been in your position really, my ex is a complete and utter idiot who still stalks me and sends me odd emails, so I feel nothing for my ex and would in fact quite like my current boyfriend to go and shoot him... but I stand by my view that you should try and make it work with the guy you're with now... if long-distance isn't for you then it probably won't work.
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    You're bound to think about your ex - everyone thinks about exes now and then. Only you know how serious your obsession is.

    Nobody on an internet forum can tell you how you feel about your current boyfriend, but maybe you shouldn't be in any relationship right now - maybe you need time to sort yourself out and get over your ex.
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    (Original post by elr_moran)
    Quick question... unless I'm being totally stupid, how did you ever see him?! If you were only going out for 6 months and saw each other once every six months...
    Well, we went out for about six months when we were living near each other so saw each other almost every day, then we tried long distance for about a month and if we had carried on going out, it would have been about once every six months that we saw each other. Sorry, that probably was a bit confusing!
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    Everyone thinks about there ex sometimes, unfortunately as time goes on people also idolise their past relationship. You should try not to think about your ex, if you find that you don't really like your current boyfriend as much as you feel that you should it might be worth taking a break from him so you can fully get over your ex.
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    I'm thinking about mine 24/7 at the mo Tis annoying. So....is the general consensus that it's not a good idea to get back? x
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    Okay looks like I'm not following the rules, anyone wanna join me in havin some ex sex?!?!?!? lol
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    (Original post by claireharmz)
    Okay looks like I'm not following the rules, anyone wanna join me in havin some ex sex?!?!?!? lol
    Why would u want ex sex?
    If u got dumped then your going to get hurt again, takin it u still have feelings for him.
    Or if u dumped the guy then why would u want to string him along and hurt him in the process.
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    (Original post by Angel_Cake)
    I split up with my ex over the summer because he was going abroad, and started going out with someone else almost straight away. But recently I've started thinking about him again and I really miss him. Spoke to him tonight and he told me he's started seeing someone else, and I was really surprised by how much it upset me.

    I'm still with the guy I got with in August, but feel really guilty, even though nothing has happened between me and my ex. Not sure how I'd feel if I knew he was thinking about his ex all time. Is this a sign something is wrong, or is this sort of thing quite common?
    You probably jumped into another relationship a bit too quickly - I know I did. I broke up with my ex (of 3 years) when I went to Uni and ended up with another girl weeks afterwards and was in a relationship then for the best part of a year. I don't really think I gave myself time to deal with breaking up with my ex and things didn't work out in the end - c'est la vie. However, that's not to say that'll be the same in your case.

    As it transpired, I got back with my ex for a bit, then broke it off again and we've not spoken since about march (we didn't end it on bad terms, we just thought the easiest way to both properly move on was to have no contact). Recently I started thinking about her again thinking maybe I still wanted to go out with her and how much I missed her (which I do). I think it's taken this long of not speaking for me to properly grieve for the relationship - it's almost like dealing with a beraeavement pain-wise if you *really* love someone, though you know they're not dead and you can talk to them at any point. Which almost makes it *more* painful.

    However, as I was busy thinking about how much I missed her last week, I suddenly realised that I had completely forgotten her birthday (it was in October). I felt terrible, even cried a little bit, but it finally hit home that even though I miss her - I certainly don't think about her enough to want to get back with her. Then I thought about whether I should give her a belated happy birthday. Should I be sending her birthday text messages every day for the rest of our lives when we're both married to other people or something? I guess I had to forget about her at some point. Finally realised the relationship was properly over, sad though it seems, it was kind've a relief in a way.

    There you have it; it's quite common. People tend to think about ex's more when they're single I *think*, but I've been seeing someone for quite a while now too. Who knows...
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    id say let go of it, look to the future. i felt that way with someone i went out with once! it was shocking, and it upset me, even if it was only a week! but im so happy right now i dont care!
 
 
 
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