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Suddenly thinking about an ex again...

I split up with my ex over the summer because he was going abroad, and started going out with someone else almost straight away. But recently I've started thinking about him again and I really miss him. Spoke to him tonight and he told me he's started seeing someone else, and I was really surprised by how much it upset me.

I'm still with the guy I got with in August, but feel really guilty, even though nothing has happened between me and my ex. Not sure how I'd feel if I knew he was thinking about his ex all time. Is this a sign something is wrong, or is this sort of thing quite common?

Reply 1

Steph!

13

I'd say it's quite common, you obviously really liked your ex, but you cannot let yourelf fall for him again, it won't do anyone any good.

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(speaking from a vaguly similar experience here)

Reply 2

Trolley

4

been there, done that, there is NOTHING i repeat NOTHING more stupid and BAAAAAD than even thinking about going back. :eek:

Reply 3

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

I'd say it's perfectly understandable in your case - you said you broke up only because he was going away, not because you actually thought "we shouldn't be a couple anymore" so all the feelings are going to still be there.
At least if he'd been bad you could try hating him :biggrin:

Is he back from wherever he was going now? It's tricky because you're both seeing other people - has he mentioned whether him and her are serious or not? Does he know you're seeing someone?

Ordinarily I'd agree with the other posters about not looking back etc etc but the reason you broke up isn't the usual reason of you don't like him/he cheated/you cheated etc

Reply 4

Angel_Cake

OP

2

Tarts_n_Vicars

I'd say it's perfectly understandable in your case - you said you broke up only because he was going away, not because you actually thought "we shouldn't be a couple anymore" so all the feelings are going to still be there.
At least if he'd been bad you could try hating him :biggrin:

Is he back from wherever he was going now? It's tricky because you're both seeing other people - has he mentioned whether him and her are serious or not? Does he know you're seeing someone?

Ordinarily I'd agree with the other posters about not looking back etc etc but the reason you broke up isn't the usual reason of you don't like him/he cheated/you cheated etc

We hadn't been together all that long (about 6 months), and then he went away for a year, and then when he's back I'll go away for a year (we both study languages at uni but he's in the year above) We tried the long distance thing for a bit but it was just so hard and I almost never got to see him (literally a week or so every 6 months). So no I guess my feelings didn't go away overnight...

The thing is, am I being fair to my current boyfriend if I'm thinking about my ex all the time? Is there any point in pining for someone who it's totally impractical to be with? I know long distance sometimes works etc but I don't really want that kind of relationship at age 20! Have other people found that they've had these kind of feelings and then they've gone away again just as quickly?

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Trolley

been there, done that, there is NOTHING i repeat NOTHING more stupid and BAAAAAD than even thinking about going back. :eek:

Ooooooh, sounds very dramatic. What happened that was so bad?

Reply 5

Lirael Abhorsen

1

maybe you just miss him as a person.. i mean if someone i was close to went away i'd miss them a lot despite not necessarily having any feelings deeper than that for him.. i appreciate that may not be the case with you, but you were together with him for a while so it sounds perfectly normal.. it doesn't mean you don't have feelings for your new bf..

Reply 6

elr_moran

2

Angel_Cake

We hadn't been together all that long (about 6 months), ............. I almost never got to see him (literally a week or so every 6 months).

Quick question... unless I'm being totally stupid, how did you ever see him?! If you were only going out for 6 months and saw each other once every six months...

Anyway, I think maybe you're hurt that he's met someone else pretty quick afterwards, and I agree with the ones who are saying you shouldn't go back. The grass is always greener on the other side, you know.

Can't say I've ever been in your position really, my ex is a complete and utter idiot who still stalks me and sends me odd emails, so I feel nothing for my ex and would in fact quite like my current boyfriend to go and shoot him... but I stand by my view that you should try and make it work with the guy you're with now... if long-distance isn't for you then it probably won't work.

Reply 7

Trousers

11

You're bound to think about your ex - everyone thinks about exes now and then. Only you know how serious your obsession is.

Nobody on an internet forum can tell you how you feel about your current boyfriend, but maybe you shouldn't be in any relationship right now - maybe you need time to sort yourself out and get over your ex.

Reply 8

Angel_Cake

OP

2

elr_moran

Quick question... unless I'm being totally stupid, how did you ever see him?! If you were only going out for 6 months and saw each other once every six months...

Well, we went out for about six months when we were living near each other so saw each other almost every day, then we tried long distance for about a month and if we had carried on going out, it would have been about once every six months that we saw each other. Sorry, that probably was a bit confusing!

Reply 9

randdom

20

Everyone thinks about there ex sometimes, unfortunately as time goes on people also idolise their past relationship. You should try not to think about your ex, if you find that you don't really like your current boyfriend as much as you feel that you should it might be worth taking a break from him so you can fully get over your ex.

Reply 10

trixie

9

I'm thinking about mine 24/7 at the mo :frown:

Tis annoying. So....is the general consensus that it's not a good idea to get back? x

Reply 11

Clairehayz

5

Okay looks like I'm not following the rules, anyone wanna join me in havin some ex sex?!?!?!? lol

Reply 12

willey

4

claireharmz

Okay looks like I'm not following the rules, anyone wanna join me in havin some ex sex?!?!?!? lol

Why would u want ex sex?
If u got dumped then your going to get hurt again, takin it u still have feelings for him.
Or if u dumped the guy then why would u want to string him along and hurt him in the process.

Reply 13

r0manticide17

3

id say let go of it, look to the future. i felt that way with someone i went out with once! it was shocking, and it upset me, even if it was only a week! but im so happy right now i dont care!

Suddenly thinking about an ex again...

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