starting uni in sept but just discovered im pregnant.........help? Watch

SHL
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Any suggestions on how i would manage???
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Rachel_Leah
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(Original post by SHL)
Any suggestions on how i would manage???
Unless you are super organised and have somebody to look after your child any time you need to leave them, have finance and benefits sorted, have told your university, have childcare sorted, can budget well, and think you will be able to keep up with your huge work load which people without children find relatively difficult to do....etc....etc......... it's going to be a relatively impossible task! My stepsister took an open university course instead. x
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charcharchar
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it all comes down to whether you feel ready or not, its one thing bringing a baby into the world and wanting to look after it but at the same time are you and the father financially stable to care for it?

think about your options

-abortion
-adoption
-giving up on uni and caring for it
or
-caring for it, and going to uni (which is likely to be very stressful)
however, remember there's much support available from uni creches etc
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3venStaR
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How about the father of your baby? Have you spoken to him about it and is he willing to help out in terms of supporting you two through uni?
How far is uni from home? and are your parents willing to help you as a young mum? Cause if they are that will help immensely but I think Racel_Leah is right - it is going to be very very challenging and you might have to choose between uni and the baby.....
I hope it works out well for you.
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BradfordCityJoss
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http://www.brook.org.uk/pregnancy/abortion
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Kareir
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Get an abortion. Seriously. When I thought my girlfriend might be pregnant, I was ****ing wishing it was legal here. Do it.

_Kar.
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SHL
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(Original post by Gemma :)!)
How far gone are you? When would you have to start uni? Could you go part time? Does your uni have childcare facilities? Could you perhaps study with OU instead? Lots of questions, but if you want to talk about it I'm here, I had to think about it, too!
Im very driven and determined not to give up my education, so im wondering if i could defer for a year or two and then maybe go part-time if they'd let me? Im only 4 1/2 weeks gone so its a massive shock as id just accepted an offer from man uni and obviously my plans are now up in the air......OU doesn't really get you anywhere and im aiming for a psychology degree. I mean im 24 so its not like im at an age where children are a no go its just bad timing. Realistically is continuing my education after taking a year out doable or should i just commit myself to a life of trolley pushing???
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twohanprincess
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It's a very tough decision, and not one I envy at all. First things first, you need to decide whether or not you wish to keep the child. If you do decide to go down the abortion route, there is plenty of counselling available at uni, and of course you'll have your support network of friends/possibly family to be there for you and keep you going.

If you want to keep the child, you need to seriously consider whether you attending university at the same time is a feasible option. University costs a lot of money. So does a child. Are you sure that you want to go to uni, find out you can't cope and have debt and a child to think about?

I have a friend who is 24, in her second year at uni with seven year old twin boys. She delayed her uni career for just a few years to look after her kids, and is getting mainly Firsts. It is doable, but only now that the children are older and are becoming somewhat more independent. They're at that age where they can be trusted with small responsibilities, y'know? Whereas a newborn doesn't have any concept of that at all.

Whatever you decide to do, just make sure it is the right choice for you, and make sure that you have a good support network around you
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emi_sarb
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Do you have anyone who can look after the baby? I know someone who got married and had a baby at 18. At 19 she started medicine at university, her husband is on the same course as her so her mum is looking after the baby for 7 years while they do medicine.
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CountDuckula
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(Original post by SHL)
Any suggestions on how i would manage???
Well first of all, decide whether you want to keep the child. (Don't listen to the people here who are so blithely telling you to abort - it's your choice)
I'm assuming you do, so you'll have to decide whether you want to go to uni anymore. If you still do, look at your university choices very closely - some will have better childcare support than others - e.g. creches/creche discounts, accommodation specifically for parents, extra bursaries etc. choose the one which will most suit your needs - they'll probs be a lot different to the ones you had before the pregnancy.

Whatever you decide - good luck! It's gonna be really hard but hope you get through it
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*Corinna*
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(Original post by emi_sarb)
Do you have anyone who can look after the baby? I know someone who got married and had a baby at 18. At 19 she started medicine at university, her husband is on the same course as her so her mum is looking after the baby for 7 years while they do medicine.
So basically she is living her life whilst her mum is taking care of her mess? This sounds so unfair to me. Our mothers went through a lot to bring us up and I think that they deserve to finally enjoy some independence. I would never force my mother to go through raising such a small child all over again. My opinion is if you can't look after it then don't have it.
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Pensivedore
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I know this may sound cruel, but the best thing you could realy do is have an abortion. You may think that it's an immoral thing to do, but just consider the circumstances, you are off to university and probably would not be able to look after this child or support it. If you decide to go part-time and have the child, it will be very stressful for you and you will probably end up having to either quit uni or give the child up for adoption. I honestly think the best thing to do is abort and continue with your education and have a baby when you are ready. Although I gues it depends on how supportive your family is and what financial state you're in at the moment. Good luck .
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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(Original post by SHL)
Im very driven and determined not to give up my education, so im wondering if i could defer for a year or two and then maybe go part-time if they'd let me? Im only 4 1/2 weeks gone so its a massive shock as id just accepted an offer from man uni and obviously my plans are now up in the air......OU doesn't really get you anywhere and im aiming for a psychology degree. I mean im 24 so its not like im at an age where children are a no go its just bad timing. Realistically is continuing my education after taking a year out doable or should i just commit myself to a life of trolley pushing???
Well you could defer, but once baby's born there's no guarantee you'd feel as though you wanted to/were able to get back into education. Don't underestimate OU; employers don't look down on it, just have a search around this forum for thoughts and opinions on it.

You can continue your education, it's never too late. Certainly don't think all you'll be able to do is "push trolleys", you and your baby deserve much better!

Oh, and congratulations by the way. A baby is a blessing no matter how badly timed! xxx
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Cicerao
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(Original post by emi_sarb)
Do you have anyone who can look after the baby? I know someone who got married and had a baby at 18. At 19 she started medicine at university, her husband is on the same course as her so her mum is looking after the baby for 7 years while they do medicine.
WHY does this post have an air of recommendation? Do you seriously think that is beneficial to anyone?
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Benammieh
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Go with your own guts, discuss what the necessary steps are with your nurse or a mature person e.g parent. Everyone here is going to mixed answers and most of us havent experienced what you are experiencing. Just make a sensible choice.

good luck x
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Drunk Punx
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(Original post by Xristina)
So basically she is living her life whilst her mum is taking care of her mess? This sounds so unfair to me. Our mothers went through a lot to bring us up and I think that they deserve to finally enjoy some independence. I would never force my mother to go through raising such a small child all over again. My opinion is if you can't look after it then don't have it.
I agree with this, it's not right.
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SHL
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Thanks everyone for replying. Its a difficult decision to make - life-changing either way. I personally don't know why i can't be successful at both being a mother and studying if i have support networks in place?? Its not as simple as saying its not the right time for me to have a baby - its a whole different ball game when you can actually feel the changes in your body. I have a supportive family and supportive boyfriend so im not alone but i know that it would be incredibly hard. Im well aware of the cons. Does anybody have any positive suggestions??? :confused: x
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secret_smile
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(Original post by Xristina)
So basically she is living her life whilst her mum is taking care of her mess? This sounds so unfair to me. Our mothers went through a lot to bring us up and I think that they deserve to finally enjoy some independence. I would never force my mother to go through raising such a small child all over again. My opinion is if you can't look after it then don't have it.
Well said.
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Anonymous #1
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make sure you think this through!!!!!this time last year I was in the exct same situation and I decided to opt for a termination. it's a lot harder to deal with than you could ever imagine. so have a hugeeeee think. and good luck
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Schmora
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I just tried to check Manchester's website and their 'students with children' link doesn't seem to work but they do offer 2/3 bedroom family units in their accommodation section. Seems to be only postgrad blocks but I'm sure they know that circumstances vary and would try to accommodate you?

That link not working is a bit annoying because I can't see any other place on the site to get information on creches etc, though I've seen a few universities/colleges that only offer childcare services to children over 6 months. You could always ring up student support and ask about it anonymously if you're not ready to let Manchester know your situation yet. Even if that was the case it would mean deferring for only a year, and wouldn't you be due around the beginning of the course if you went in September?

Best of luck with everything!
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