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    i really dont know what im looking to achieve by posting this thread...


    i really cant socialise. i have aspergers syndrome.
    this never used to be a problem, when i was younger, because i was so confident, and even though i still had moments where i was socially awkward,i guess weirdness isnt that noticeable when you're in primary school, as i had tons of friends, even if i did used to go up to people and chat **** basically lol.
    then in secondary, most of my friends went to a different school, and i was bullied severely for many years.
    by this time, my confidence was severely knocked. all i wanted to do was avoid people, i couldn't talk to people, and would stutter or answer in yes/no if people would come up to me and talk to me.
    fortunately, after moving school, and being very lucky in meeting some lovely people and a situation where there was plenty of alcohol to ease my nerves, i made some friends and have had a friendship group for some years.
    situation now:
    im still in the situation where i have no confidence now when talking to people/ every conversation seems painful/like an interview and i know this needs to change especially as now all my friends are at uni.
    but the problem isnt just confidence, part of the difficulty is i dont know how to socialise, even if my manage to get passed the stage where my brain is in panic mode and i cant focus on anything,i just dont understand how people decide what to talk about, especially small talk and i dont know why where as before when i was younger, it felt natural to talk, now it just doesn't. i'm happy for someone to come up to me and talk about whatever, i enjoy listening,but i never know what to say back, or even feel the need to saying anything.
    in the rare situations, where i have managed to calm my self and have a bit of confidence, rather than looking like a stuttering idiot, i imagine i just appear as stuck up and rude. i feel like im in a rut, and the annoying thing is i never used to be like this.
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    I used to know somebody who had aspergers syndrome, and like you they had a hard time at secondary school because of it. Shame really because he was a nice enough person, but I guess people just aren't that understanding, particularly if it's an all boys state school.

    I don't know what else I can say apart from good luck. You've recognized what you need to do to make it easier for yourself, and that's a start. What you need to do now (Obviously it's easier said than done) is implement it and build your confidence slowly. As long as you work at it and don't expect it to come overnight, I'm sure you'll end up fine.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by tieyourmotherdown)
    I used to know somebody who had aspergers syndrome, and like you they had a hard time at secondary school because of it. Shame really because he was a nice enough person, but I guess people just aren't that understanding, particularly if it's an all boys state school.

    I don't know what else I can say apart from good luck. You've recognized what you need to do to make it easier for yourself, and that's a start. What you need to do now (Obviously it's easier said than done) is implement it and build your confidence slowly. As long as you work at it and don't expect it to come overnight, I'm sure you'll end up fine.

    Good luck
    thank you
    the thing is making the first step, i just dont know what to talk about/how to act
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    I think you might actually be the male version of me :awesome: I have AS and all my friends are at university, pretty much, so I'm quite isolated at home (as I guess you can tell from my TSR postcount )

    Do you get any support from your local authority/GP/whoever it is who diagnosed you with your AS? I didn't get a thing, but I'm reliably informed that some people do. If you do, ask for help socialising; they can teach you how to do it, or so I'm told. If you don't, the best way to learn to socialise when you have AS is to treat it like an academic discipline. Take situations you're unsure in, and observe what neurotypical people do in them. For example, I used to be hideously awkward when walking past people in the street, because I didn't have a clue what you're meant to do - do you acknowledge them, do you stop for a chat, do you smile, do you say 'hi', do you look away? But if you watch enough people passing others on the street, you learn pretty soon that if you're texting/pretending to text while walking past someone, all that awkward 'do I acknowledge them or not?' goes away That's only an example, but it's an approach that works generally.

    The other thing to do is make friends with other people with AS. You're at an all-boys' school, you say, so I'd imagine you're not the only one (AS is substantially more common in males). Even if there's no-one at your school with AS, try making friends with people who are social outcasts themselves; they're normally grateful enough for a friend that they don't mind if you're really socially awkward. Or if you prefer, join internet groups for people with AS and talk online. There are ways round it, and every form of social interaction will help you to get better - it just takes time.

    Good luck with it
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    (Original post by kerily)
    I think you might actually be the male version of me :awesome: I have AS and all my friends are at university, pretty much, so I'm quite isolated at home (as I guess you can tell from my TSR postcount )

    Do you get any support from your local authority/GP/whoever it is who diagnosed you with your AS? I didn't get a thing, but I'm reliably informed that some people do. If you do, ask for help socialising; they can teach you how to do it, or so I'm told. If you don't, the best way to learn to socialise when you have AS is to treat it like an academic discipline. Take situations you're unsure in, and observe what neurotypical people do in them. For example, I used to be hideously awkward when walking past people in the street, because I didn't have a clue what you're meant to do - do you acknowledge them, do you stop for a chat, do you smile, do you say 'hi', do you look away? But if you watch enough people passing others on the street, you learn pretty soon that if you're texting/pretending to text while walking past someone, all that awkward 'do I acknowledge them or not?' goes away That's only an example, but it's an approach that works generally.

    The other thing to do is make friends with other people with AS. You're at an all-boys' school, you say, so I'd imagine you're not the only one (AS is substantially more common in males). Even if there's no-one at your school with AS, try making friends with people who are social outcasts themselves; they're normally grateful enough for a friend that they don't mind if you're really socially awkward. Or if you prefer, join internet groups for people with AS and talk online. There are ways round it, and every form of social interaction will help you to get better - it just takes time.

    Good luck with it
    hi kerily
    i used to get support up until year 8, although that was mainly whole family counselling, to put up with my weirdness. i wasn't aware that kind of help was available, so that is encouraging, thank you i definitely relate to the walking past people you know, i always tend to panic and look down at the ground lol.
    i think you and the poster above misunderstood, im not a male and i dont go to an all males school :P
    i've actually just finished college, deciding what im going to do with my life so i guess i am in a similar situation to you, it makes more difficult though because it means im not in a situation where i can observe people easily. the only chance of any interaction at all i get is at work, and there i think the people have already written me of as a weirdo, plus i only get half an hour break where there is usually no other people so i dont get to see anyone that much.
    however your post has given me hope, i will definitely look for support and i am looking to join a guitaring course where hopefully i will meet some new people, and get better at talking. thanks
 
 
 
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