Turn on thread page Beta

Do you think it's more likely that you'll marry someone from a similar background? watch

Announcements
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I don't really think that background has as big an influence on interests as some people seem to be suggesting. I get the point that people are making, and I agree that sharing interests is vital, I'm just not sure that the two things are connected as tightly as people are saying.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alijimi)
    - Have more in common: YES
    - Have more to talk about: NO, talking to girls from different backgrounds is exactly the same, in other words you can always find things to talk about :rolleyes:.




    At the beginning yes, you enjoy the differences, but later on NO because in the long run you wish from your relationship to give you a feeling of security, which is only possible when you are in harmony with your partner. Having differences makes the relation unstable, you may be able to deal with the differences some time, but not always. And I'm talking from personal experience :cool:.

    The girl I am going to marry soon has a similar background to mine
    If the differences are worked with to overcome then I don't see it wouldn't provide the feeling of being secure like any other relationship.
    I suppose it depends on the individual, we can all say the person I want to marry has to be like this and this but ironically, we can't control who we fall in love with (assuming you marry the person you love).
    The guy I want to marry, has to make me feel like I'm the heart of his world rather than focusing his efforts on minimizing differences.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Generally yes
    But I've never actually dated anyone with a similar background to mine :/
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I sincerely hope not , my background sucks.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    If I had to marry someone that

    - is dominant
    - likes Vivaldi
    - wants to be an Anthropologist
    - comes from the Dutch ghetto/ broken home
    - is sceptical about 'happy ever after'
    - has a mild form of OCD
    - is stubborn
    - likes salty food
    - hates walking
    - votes conservative

    I'd go crazy. Marrying someone with a similar background as me would mean I'd be poor, end up with a nasty divorce, and develop heart disease at 25. Hell to the no.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Obviously now I can say I don't have a clue, but I think the likelyhood of me marrying someone who has a different cultural background is slim. I'm not racist myself at all, I just can't see it happening. Who knows though...
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    black women
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Being passionate about someone, interested in their life and going on to forge a deep and lasting connection must be a function of commonality yes, needn't necessarily relate to social grouping though I wouldn't have thought?
    • #1
    #1

    Hopefully not.

    On the one hand, I go to a private school, where most of the people annoy the **** out of me with their blatant ignorance, naivety and snobbishness. This also goes for one side of my family, who are ever so slightly "rah" and like something out of Keeping Up Appearances.
    But on the other side of my family, there are the council estate chavs who think that all the "immigrants should go back to where they came from" and spend most of their time watching soaps or going to the pub with little interest in anything else.

    So ideally I'd marry someone who meets none of that criteria.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sammynorton90)
    Would you date someone that wasn't academic, but was really passionate and ambitious about the field in which they wanted to work. Like an artist, actor, stand up comedian or something?
    It depends, I mean, I need someone with some sort of academic ability because I tend to have a lot of conversations about politics, current affairs, the state of the economy, literature and history...if all someone wanted to talk about was Eastenders, I'd become very bored.

    However, I myself am very creative also (I'm an amateur actress and I paint ) so yes, I could see myself with an artist or something of the like providing they were very passionate about it and had something about them. As long as we have some stuff in common and we are at the same level so we can talk to eachother, then yeah.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My longest relationship is with a British guy. :P We don't have the same interest, and we're too different, but I think that's the reason why we clicked. :P

    The reason why we split up is because he asked me to marry him and I wasn't ready. It was more of a personal matter because I don't want to move to London permanently. But other than that, things were great.

    So my answer to your question is no. :P
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Yes most probably.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    It's so true I like people who are in ways similar to me or been brought up like me, if it's too different and we see things in very different ways then it'll be hard to get on well so backgrounds are very important especially in a long lasting relationship I think.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I have few rules. The main two are that she will be highly intelligent, and that she will have perfect grammar.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I'm not really sure background, per se, comes into it. Neither does race, ethnicity, etc.

    However, I would like there to be certain similarities otherwise we'll just have nothing to talk about. That's not to say we have to have the same opinions on everything. But I wouldn't say I have a checklist of what similarities we should have because that just brings in the 'not good enough' attitude causing me to miss out on someone who's a lot better for me than Mr Perfect on Paper.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Probably but shell have to be catholic of German Silesian and Irish descent so I dont think ill meet someone like that. Just wait and see people.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Miss Communication)
    My longest relationship is with a British guy. :P We don't have the same interest, and we're too different, but I think that's the reason why we clicked. :P

    The reason why we split up is because he asked me to marry him and I wasn't ready. It was more of a personal matter because I don't want to move to London permanently. But other than that, things were great.

    So my answer to your question is no. :P
    But the reason for not marrying him kind of proves my points. You didn't want to move to London. If he'd been from the same place as you then you wouldn't have had to move and you relationship would still be going.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sammynorton90)
    I'm not being racist or snobbish, I'm attracted to girls no matter what race or background they have, but when it comes to forming a long-lasting relationship isn't it more likely you'll marry someone from the same sort of background as you because you'll have more in common and more to talk about. For example if you go out with a foreign girl, if you go to speak to her about one of her favourite shows that they don't have in her country then thats just going to kill the conversation. What do you think?
    Previously I've only dated girls who were from upper-middle class backgrounds, had high-flying careers and had to be of either Chinese or fair-skinned Indian origin or they could be mixed like me. They would have shared plenty of cultural and background similarity with me and definitely met the approval of my parents. Also dated other girls, mainly from the time I was a student in USA, mostly were girls from a sorority or from the time I was an exchange student in Sweden... also had 1 gf I dated that I had met from a Conservative Party conference. But none were serious relationships.

    Then I met a girl that I never thought I could ever fall for, she is Welsh, comes from a rather poor background, lived in a council flat, High flying career? We met during move-in week at uni and she was starting her 1st year.... the most she had ever worked before that? She used to work at a KFC.

    Surprisingly she is the one I feel closest to and the only one I really love. We have a lot of differences, many of them night and day. Makes for an interesting relationship but at the same time we do have a lot of similarities as well as characteristics that complements.

    Sure we have our tiffs and sometimes she does things that will tick me off big time, but we work on it and find solutions.

    Why am I marrying her?
    Simple :-
    1) She makes me laugh.
    2) I have complete trust in her.
    3) She cares for me like no one else had done before.
    4) I admire her for her determination and will to succeed in getting what she wants.
    5) When I'm around her, I just feel like nothing else matters.
    6) Until today, she has yet to ask me for a single thing that cost money, and she would never let me use my financial muscle to bribe her so I could get away if I'm in trouble with her, she would never let me use my resources to step on her or bully her into giving in.... not that I would do that to her.
    7)She is the person I rather not live without.
    8) I love her


    (Original post by sammynorton90)
    Would you date someone that wasn't academic, but was really passionate and ambitious about the field in which they wanted to work. Like an artist, actor, stand up comedian or something?
    Why not? There's more to a person than the qualification they hold. Being academic doesn't make a person a happy person either, I know plenty of people who are highly qualified but they can't seem to be happy with their life. One of the happiest persons I know in this country is this fellow in his 40s, he stacks shelves at a Marks and Spencers, he never even studied A Levels but he is perfectly content with his life.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 17, 2011
Poll
Do you think parents should charge rent?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.