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Would you *ever* give up your ideal dreams/future/career for your perfect partner? watch

  • View Poll Results: Ideal future or perfect partner?
    Ideal future
    49.38%
    Perfect partner
    50.62%

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    (Original post by BeanofJelly)
    I know but why do you want a career? Not like, eew why would you want a career, but what are the reasons? For me, interest, fulfillment, ambition, independence, structure, self-improvement, to be a professional, possibly to help others etc.

    But the perfect partner could theoretically provide all of the above. They wouldn't even have to be around. They could just fund you :p:

    I can't think of a reason that the perfect (I'm not talking realistic here, but perfect) partner couldn't provide.
    Guess I have a different perspective as I have seen both sides as I am already in the industry I wish to pursue my career and have already succeeded quickly but I had what I believed to be the ideal partner only to discover they were not when they were not supportive of my wish to pursue a career.

    For me I want a career as I enjoy the area of law I practice. With my job I get recognition from the professional service I am able to offer to others and I see the success of their businesses grow and develop. My ambition is continually recognised and I am able to develop personally without limitations. I enjoy being able to communicate and socialise with like minded intellectual people. In addition working within the corporate world has a large social side where basically you work hard, you play hard.

    Don't get me wrong a partner can offer a lot, however I believe a person should be self-reliant and independent you should not have to rely on the other person for your life. In fact I personally find it insulting if a guy tries to fund me. For me I am of the belief I have to work for what I want, it is the foundation of success. The ideal partner for me is there as a support not for me to rely on.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    Exactly.

    You just never know what might happen.
    I get the vibe there was one answer you wanted to this thread

    Which is daft, because the real question (which is more important, career or family?) you're basically trying to ask doesn't have a correct answer. It will vary depending on what makes an individual happy.

    For me I would rather have an empty life when it came to ambitions/hopes of achievement that I had (although that would really suck don't get me wrong) than an empty family/love life.

    That's not weak or irrational as you seem to want to prove. It's just my preference.
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    (Original post by BeanofJelly)
    I get the vibe there was one answer you wanted to this thread

    Which is daft, because the real question (which is more important, career or family?) you're basically trying to ask doesn't have a correct answer. It will vary depending on what makes an individual happy.

    For me I would rather have an empty life when it came to ambitions/hopes of achievement that I had (although that would really suck don't get me wrong) than an empty family/love life.

    That's not weak or irrational as you seem to want to prove. It's just my preference.
    It is an open debate. Just because im so academic agreed with my opinion does not mean that there was a correct answer, but I think you will find there does seem to be a slight edge on people being more career driven than family now.

    The point is you are more likely to find an ideal partner if you pursue your ideal future first than satisfying for the giving up of ambitions for what appears to be an ideal partner at the time.
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    (Original post by undermyskin)
    Guess I have a different perspective as I have seen both sides as I am already in the industry I wish to pursue my career and have already succeeded quickly but I had what I believed to be the ideal partner only to discover they were not when they were not supportive of my wish to pursue a career.

    For me I want a career as I enjoy the area of law I practice. With my job I get recognition from the professional service I am able to offer to others and I see the success of their businesses grow and develop. My ambition is continually recognised and I am able to develop personally without limitations. I enjoy being able to communicate and socialise with like minded intellectual people. In addition working within the corporate world has a large social side where basically you work hard, you play hard.

    Don't get me wrong a partner can offer a lot, however I believe a person should be self-reliant and independent you should not have to rely on the other person for your life. In fact I personally find it insulting if a guy tries to fund me. For me I am of the belief I have to work for what I want, it is the foundation of success. The ideal partner for me is there as a support not for me to rely on.
    I wasn't trying to talk in real terms. In real terms I pretty much agree with what you're saying. (Although my preference is slightly less career driven, as you read above)

    (When I was being perverse earlier) I was talking about a perfect partner. One who would encourage you in your interests, and in your work, and would allow your fulfillment. Just for some unknown reason you couldn't have any career (deal with the devil perhaps?). Obviously no scenario like that exists in real life.

    Your partner wasn't perfect, he sounds a bit douchey tbh :p:


    (Original post by undermyskin)
    The point is you are more likely to find an ideal partner if you pursue your ideal future first than satisfying for the giving up of ambitions for what appears to be an ideal partner at the time.
    I agree.

    It just wasn't what the question was. I was being perverse basically. The hypothetical scenario was in certainty that the partner was perfect, and really perfect (unlike anyone who exists in real life) and that's why I thought the choice there was obvious. Simply because you can think of ways in which a perfect partner could theoretically fulfill normally career-based objectives, but a career simply cannot grant you the things you miss out on from not having a partner. Although maybe I was wrong, if we stretch perfect career to "part time whatever your ideal career is, part-time escort to a lovely man you are in love with and can have kids with". I just thought that would be taking cheating too far
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    My ideal future would involve my perfect partner, the two are not necessarily exclusive.
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    All my dreams revolve around a wife and kids.
    So yes!
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    A 'Perfect Partner' would never ask you to do that.
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    (Original post by BeanofJelly)
    I wasn't trying to talk in real terms. In real terms I pretty much agree with what you're saying. (Although my preference is slightly less career driven, as you read above)

    (When I was being perverse earlier) I was talking about a perfect partner. One who would encourage you in your interests, and in your work, and would allow your fulfillment. Just for some unknown reason you couldn't have any career (deal with the devil perhaps?). Obviously no scenario like that exists in real life.

    Your partner wasn't perfect, he sounds a bit douchey tbh :p:
    No he was **** in the end, but at the same time people change between 15 and 23; we wanted different things and with financial problems there was no way around it. He wanted a housewife he could control (and still does, just unfortunately it is some sucker who needed a visa), I was following a high strung career; I couldn't be the stay at home wife. Trust me it is a miserable life that no woman would ever really want to be stuck at home unable to go out without permission.

    At the time I thought my world had come to an end, but then I moved away to follow my career and realised my independence and the fact I could be self-relient; I had the freedom to do what I wanted and when - that it is up to me to make life what I want it. My independence, ambition and devotion to succeed in my career is the reason my bf now loves me. Despite the fact there is a uni in the same town as us and he works at one in a nearby time, he is fully supportive of my need to go to a uni elsewhere in order that I may succeed. But I guess it is when things like that happen in life it makes you fully evaluate what your idea of ideal is.

    Hypothetically still, choosing only one of the two for me it would still be career over partner. I am an ambitious person and no that with a career you always have the social aspect, so you would never be alone.
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    (Original post by archlord destin)
    All my dreams revolve around a wife and kids.
    So yes!
    But why?
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    But why?
    Well, the answer is kind of irrelevant because all my dreams have me with my dream partner.
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    (Original post by undermyskin)
    No he was **** in the end, but at the same time people change between 15 and 23; we wanted different things and with financial problems there was no way around it. He wanted a housewife he could control (and still does, just unfortunately it is some sucker who needed a visa), I was following a high strung career; I couldn't be the stay at home wife. Trust me it is a miserable life that no woman would ever really want to be stuck at home unable to go out without permission.

    Hypothetically still, choosing only one of the two for me it would still be career over partner. I am an ambitious person and no that with a career you always have the social aspect, so you would never be alone.
    Fair enough. I still think with that extreme hypothetical situation partner is better but that's more to do with my interpretation of the scenario than any actual view on the real issue. So let's leave that, just me trying to be a smartarse.

    I know how bad it is not to have a good career, because my mum doesn't* and its something she really wishes she did. She's clever and capable, and its very frustrating to her not being able to use that, and being patronised by others, loneliness when others are at work etc etc

    So I definitely see the downsides, and what you think is right for you is probably right for you. But I would rather put up with that (be my mum) than not have a partner and children (obviously if they were decent/loving, otherwise wouldn't be worth it). And still she finds things to do, that are rewarding and fulfilling even without a job so its not like her life is empty outside of just the family.

    *If you were interested:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    First degree ruined by the loss of a loved one and depression, and then emigration to a different country rendering existing qualifications worthless, then numerous health problems inc very bad back pain that stops her doing a lot of things. She worked in low end jobs for a while and eventually had to stop. As a mature student she took 6 years to gain a 2.1 degree with little kids but she can't use it because its hard to find the kind of job her back could take when employers want a recent working history. She volunteers as a teaching assistant and is desperate for a paid position. She's patronised by young women with less knowledge than she has. That's the best she can hope for now. I know how much it sucks for her.
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    (Original post by archlord destin)
    Well, the answer is kind of irrelevant because all my dreams have me with my dream partner.
    But why is that the case?
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    But why is that the case?
    Because I want a wife and kids.
    Honestly, I dont care what my job is, where we live or any of that stuff.
    So long as they are waiting for me when I get home.
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    (Original post by NeonSkies)
    People have different aspirations in life. Live with it.

    We're not all budding Einsteins who can go out and discover how to cure cancer or travel faster than light, there are personal things we all want to achieve in our lives which may mean nothing to some and the whole world to others.

    Solving poverty is something a lot of us wish we could do but you need plenty of spare time to do so and a lot of money to make a real difference to people's lives, give them homes, feed them etc. which people in today's society are very short of.

    You sound very young and immature, perhaps if/when you meet someone and have a relationship you will understand that not everything is to do with being the next Nobel Prize winner.
    Agree totally. Interesting to hear the replies but I think a lot of people here are a little immature as is pointed out above. I did well at school, used to think I'd grow up, be really successful etc. I did got into my chosen career and I work hard but you realise as you get older you're just a face and success is quite shallow: no one really cares about 'your career' because guess what ... they're too busy caring about their own and themselves just like you (ironic that people would probably see that were they not so me me me all the time).

    The only people that will want to hear about it will, largely, be machiavellian scum bags in an office trying to kiss your arse to ride on your success just like you did to get where you got and as such they will have no real care, respect or even like for you. You'll still get told to **** off by random chavs, you'll still go home every night and moreover you'll wonder why you're throwing every hour god sends after money you'll have no time to spend.

    Also agree with a previous post from NeonSkies: being alone all the time sounds like my idea of hell too. I'm single and have never been in love but give me a loving wife any day! People today are every bit as guilty of falsely romanticising careers as the people they criticise for falsely romanticising marriage/kids/love. Love and family are cornerstones of our society and when you give up on love, human fraternity and that unique warm affection in the name of a career, well, it all seems a shame to me.
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    (Original post by undermyskin)
    Surely there can be inherent value to a career other than monetary gain?
    True but generally a career is a means to survive as opposed to a reason to survive.
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    (Original post by limetang)
    True but generally a career is a means to survive as opposed to a reason to survive.
    but if its your perfect job then its both surely.


    personally i would go with the job
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    yeah
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    But if you had to choose: perfect partner or perfect future?

    Obviously that would be the perfect position: partner + future. But hand on heart, which would you choose?

    OR: which is more important for you to have?
    My wife
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    Seeing as my perfect partner is a woman without a mouth, No.
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    Perfect partner without a doubt for me. I don't get excited over money so long as i can live comfortably, although it would be nice to actually look forward to work everyday.

    (Original post by Stratos)
    Seeing as my perfect partner is a woman without a mouth, No.
    lmao
 
 
 
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