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Would you *ever* give up your ideal dreams/future/career for your perfect partner? Watch

  • View Poll Results: Ideal future or perfect partner?
    Ideal future
    49.38%
    Perfect partner
    50.62%

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    (Original post by im so academic)
    But why?
    Well, firstly because I roughly know, right now, what my perfect career would involve. I know the forms and shapes it could take. Not to mention the fact that I have a greater chance of achieving my perfect career anyway, as opposed to finding my perfect partner.

    Whereas I have no idea as to who my perfect partner is (what traits they have etc...). So suppose that this omniscient being, who proposed such a dilemma, could tap into my subconscious and draw out something that I have no clue about and create my perfect partner. I'd be compelled to pick the partner just because it holds an element of fantasy. I.e. I will probably never meet this person in reality. The difference between an average partner and a perfect partner would probably be larger than the difference between an average job and my perfect job. In the latter respect, it would be more difficult for me to judge where my average job finished and my perfect job started.

    Another criterion you said is that you must sacrifice one for the other? Fine with that. I'd rather have no job than no partner. So even if I couldn't ever do medicine (another thing: since I'm not halfway through being a doctor, I wouldn't really know what I'm missing in the first place), I'd be content doing other things/hobbies. Like cooking. Or reading. Or writing. Or playing golf. So having no job is fine. Obviously money is still important but, hopefully, my perfect partner would be rich enough to provide for us both :p: Whereas the idea of having no partner would, definitely, be a bad thing IMO. I'm not saying I'll be emotionless/a loner if I don't have a partner; I just feel that I need that connection.

    Meh. People want different things.
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    (Original post by spacepirate-James)
    Well, firstly because I roughly know, right now, what my perfect career would involve. I know the forms and shapes it could take. Not to mention the fact that I have a greater chance of achieving my perfect career anyway, as opposed to finding my perfect partner.

    Whereas I have no idea as to who my perfect partner is (what traits they have etc...). So suppose that this omniscient being, who proposed such a dilemma, could tap into my subconscious and draw out something that I have no clue about and create my perfect partner. I'd be compelled to pick the partner just because it holds an element of fantasy. I.e. I will probably never meet this person in reality. The difference between an average partner and a perfect partner would probably be larger than the difference between an average job and my perfect job. In the latter respect, it would be more difficult for me to judge where my average job finished and my perfect job started.

    Another criterion you said is that you must sacrifice one for the other? Fine with that. I'd rather have no job than no partner. So even if I couldn't ever do medicine (another thing: since I'm not halfway through being a doctor, I wouldn't really know what I'm missing in the first place), I'd be content doing other things/hobbies. Like cooking. Or reading. Or writing. Or playing golf. So having no job is fine. Obviously money is still important but, hopefully, my perfect partner would be rich enough to provide for us both :p: Whereas the idea of having no partner would, definitely, be a bad thing IMO. I'm not saying I'll be emotionless/a loner if I don't have a partner; I just feel that I need that connection.

    Meh. People want different things.
    Ideally everyone wants both. But when push comes to shove - what is more important?

    Well looking at the poll, it seems it's pretty much even.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    Ideally everyone wants both. But when push comes to shove - what is more important?
    In terms of the conditions you set out, for me, partner.

    What about for you? (I'm going to guess career :p:). Why?
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    (Original post by spacepirate-James)
    In terms of the conditions you set out, for me, partner.

    What about for you? (I'm going to guess career :p:). Why?
    PMed you.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    PMed you.
    That was a rather angsty and defensive PM. I will reply to the points in such and such time, when deadlines do not loom impendingly over my head.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    To state the parameters of this question (as it could be interpreted in different ways):

    *Pretend you have not experienced your dream/future/career, i.e. to be an investment banker or to travel around the world. So it is NOT a case of "yeah, when I'll give up my career half-way through". No, it's one or the other.

    *Your dream or whatever cannot be finding "true love" or "happiness" or any of that wishy-washy crap. Just definite and specific goals. No emotions included, it has to be an actual goal.

    *To reiterate once again, it is a ONE or the OTHER choice. No best of both worlds in this case.

    I edited this bit as people are going down the "compromise" route, i.e. they'll take the perfect partner with a not so perfect career. So the situation is changed. NO compromise. It's:

    *Perfect partner + ****/no career
    *Perfect career + ****/no partner


    Also, no exploiting any loopholes.

    Thanks. Interested in your opinions.

    I sometimes dwell on this thought, as I've seen and heard of it happening. The thing is though, I have always seen myself as aiming for the top. The choices you've made in life stick with you forever- career, education etc. However girlfriends and boyfriends come and go.

    So it wasn't too much of a hard decision in the end. The "perfect" partner, would understand my needs also
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    (Original post by spacepirate-James)
    That was a rather angsty and defensive PM. I will reply to the points in such and such time, when deadlines do not loom impendingly over my head.
    Angsty? Defensive? :hmmm:

    Just being honest.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    Career =/= constantly alone
    Married life =/= constantly with people
    Career and no married life/lasting relationship means no meaningful loving relationship (excluding the platonic ones). That is a sort of loneliness that no amount of friends, trips to different countries and hobbies could fill for me. As I have said about five times already, everyone is different. For many people friends and exciting events would be enough but not for me.

    Why? Even though you're arguing differently it does seem you're saying that because it is what is expected of you.

    Can you give me reasons why?
    Many of the reasons are obviously personal, and I don't have to explain them to you. Anyway, society doesn't tend to value marriage very much now; it's perfectly normal for unmarried couples to live together/have children and for children to have step/half brothers and sisters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned, but I just feel like I want to find someone who I can stay with for good. It might sound cheesy, but I want to grow old with someone who I've shared my youth/early adult years with.


    Exactly, so this idea of "wearing thin" is hardly an argument against the single life.
    Nor is it an argument against the married life. It is all about perspective and you don't seem to understand that someone else has a different point of view. Why can't both be true?

    Or rather do want I want, when I want? I should I have to compromise when actually I don't need to?
    As I have said, that is fine. I'm not going to stop you. I just personally feel that I would end up unfulfilled by the time I was forty living that sort of life. There is nothing wrong with compromise. Everyone has to do it at some point whether it be in love, work or day to day relations with people.


    Emotions =/= romantic or marital love
    Emotions =/= having children
    Emotions =/= getting married
    Of course. I'm not saying that. I cannot stress the next two words enough, for me love is an emotion that I will never deliberately deny. You asked for opinions and now you have them. I am not going to change my opinion because someone else thinks it is wrong. If you are just testing people's resolve then surely you have already done that by now?
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    (Original post by Emmie3303)
    Career and no married life/lasting relationship means no meaningful loving relationship (excluding the platonic ones). That is a sort of loneliness that no amount of friends, trips to different countries and hobbies could fill for me. As I have said about five times already, everyone is different. For many people friends and exciting events would be enough but not for me.
    Fair enough, but for me, I'd still have a fulfilled life.

    Many of the reasons are obviously personal, and I don't have to explain them to you.
    PM me then.

    Anyway, society doesn't tend to value marriage very much now; it's perfectly normal for unmarried couples to live together/have children and for children to have step/half brothers and sisters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned, but I just feel like I want to find someone who I can stay with for good. It might sound cheesy, but I want to grow old with someone who I've shared my youth/early adult years with.
    Fair enough, but society do expects people to have some sort of long-lasting relationship.

    Nor is it an argument against the married life. It is all about perspective and you don't seem to understand that someone else has a different point of view. Why can't both be true?
    Shush. I'm happy to accept other people living their life. But why have people on this thread said "oh, if you choose career, you'll be lonely"?

    As I have said, that is fine. I'm not going to stop you. I just personally feel that I would end up unfulfilled by the time I was forty living that sort of life. There is nothing wrong with compromise. Everyone has to do it at some point whether it be in love, work or day to day relations with people.
    Fine then.

    Of course. I'm not saying that. I cannot stress the next two words enough, for me love is an emotion that I will never deliberately deny. You asked for opinions and now you have them. I am not going to change my opinion because someone else thinks it is wrong. If you are just testing people's resolve then surely you have already done that by now?
    I want people to justify why they think that for themselves. Yes, I KNOW it's about YOU, but why?

    That's really the whole point of this thread.
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    >perfect partner
    nope. my ambitions are for me. my perfect partner is no different from a random ****toy, just somewhere to park my **** when i feel like releasing some jizz. hell, it's not even necessary. i don't care about shared memories because, well, i have my memories - what do i want my memories and her memories for if they're the same bloody experiences? and all of this love **** - boring! partners are just drains on financial resources and generally decrease one's personal safety, mental and physical.
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    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    >perfect partner
    nope. my ambitions are for me. my perfect partner is no different from a random ****toy, just somewhere to park my **** when i feel like releasing some jizz. hell, it's not even necessary. i don't care about shared memories because, well, i have my memories - what do i want my memories and her memories for if they're the same bloody experiences? and all of this love **** - boring! partners are just drains on financial resources and generally decrease one's personal safety, mental and physical.
    In a way yes. It seems the only advantage they have is "love" (oh wow!).

    Imo, love prevents people from achieving their true potential.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    In a way yes. It seems the only advantage they have is "love" (oh wow!).

    Imo, love prevents people from achieving their true potential.
    omg r u my sole meight??? we shud be together and circumvent our potentials

    but yes, i agree.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    Ideally everyone wants both. But when push comes to shove - what is more important?

    Well looking at the poll, it seems it's pretty much even.
    Speaking of assumptions.
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    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    omg r u my sole meight??? we shud be together and circumvent our potentials

    but yes, i agree.
    Let's be honest, instead of wasting money on the marriage, you could be using that money to live our your own dreams.
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    (Original post by Circadian_Rhythm)
    Speaking of assumptions.
    I agree, as even that doesn't apply to me.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    Let's be honest, instead of wasting money on the marriage, you could be using that money to live our your own dreams.
    yes. marriage makes no sense to me. i can kind of almost sort of understand relationships, but £20,000 weddings and pieces of paper signifying that you can still **** the neighbour anyway - yeah, makes no sense in this day and age where the unity of two blood-tribes is no longer important.
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    Fair enough, but for me, I'd still have a fulfilled life.

    Fair enough, but society do expects people to have some sort of long-lasting relationship.
    So just because society on some level expects that the majority of people will have a long term relationship that is a reason not to have one?

    Shush. I'm happy to accept other people living their life. But why have people on this thread said "oh, if you choose career, you'll be lonely"?

    I want people to justify why they think that for themselves. Yes, I KNOW it's about YOU, but why?

    That's really the whole point of this thread.
    I don't think I've said that myself, so you're better off taking that one up with the people that have . Anyway, a lot of people use 'you' when they mean themselves so it's a bit pedantic to base your criticism on one word. I understand what you want to discover though. You want people to justify their choice without reference to society or anyone else around them. I think that is quite difficult because we are all directly and indirectly influenced by the things that surround us. Perhaps growing up in a world where literature and media seem to venerate love and romance (to a certain extent) has influenced my views on the subject, but that does not mean to say that my feelings and opinions have been dictated to me by society. As long as I believe something because I am truly invested in that ideal, instead of believing it because I feel like it is the normal thing to do, then why should my particular reasons have any relevance to anyone else?
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    (Original post by Emmie3303)
    So just because society on some level expects that the majority of people will have a long term relationship that is a reason not to have one?
    No, I do what I want, irrespective of what society tells me to do.

    I don't think I've said that myself, so you're better off taking that one up with the people that have .
    I was making a general statement with regards to your comments.

    Anyway, a lot of people use 'you' when they mean themselves so it's a bit pedantic to base your criticism on one word.
    They need to learn to differentiate between the first person and the second person.

    I understand what you want to discover though. You want people to justify their choice without reference to society or anyone else around them. I think that is quite difficult because we are all directly and indirectly influenced by the things that surround us.
    No, it is not difficult. People always made decisions. There are always reasons why.

    Perhaps growing up in a world where literature and media seem to venerate love and romance (to a certain extent) has influenced my views on the subject, but that does not mean to say that my feelings and opinions have been dictated to me by society.
    Bull****. So you're saying you're sucked by the media?

    As long as I believe something because I am truly invested in that ideal, instead of believing it because I feel like it is the normal thing to do, then why should my particular reasons have any relevance to anyone else?
    Because I want to know why. People on this site say "I want a family/kids" - but WHY?
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    (Original post by im so academic)
    No, I do what I want, irrespective of what society tells me to do.

    I was making a general statement with regards to your comments.

    They need to learn to differentiate between the first person and the second person.

    No, it is not difficult. People always made decisions. There are always reasons why.

    Bull****. So you're saying you're sucked by the media?

    Because I want to know why. People on this site say "I want a family/kids" - but WHY?
    I give up.
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    I don't know I don't think I'd know until I was in the situation where I found my perfect partner- maybe then I would give up my future aspirations- but maybe then I would just resent them for the rest of my life so I think it's better to achieve your goals no matter what
 
 
 
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