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    Hey!

    Im bengali and well i live in UK..Been living here for the past 4 years.. used to live in denmark b4..
    But anyway my parents hate me the way i am.. Literally everything..
    They want me to be the ideal bengali girl.. u kno like wear asian clothes.. plat and oil my hair and all tht crap.. But i can't do tht.. i'll look like a freshie! They dnt understand this... They say "we cant forget our bengali culture, ur a bengali girl so u shud look like one and behave like one" etc..
    Im not trying to direspect my culture or anything.. its just that i dnt want to dress tht way.. i have my own style.. which is not asian at all but hey thts me.. dnt i have the right to choose what i wear??? How can i make my parents understand this without getting rude.. i ve tried explaining but u kno they wnt change their minds.. and its the same thing every single day.. wen im ready to go college i go downstairs for breakfast.. my dad wud comment on my hair and my clothes... grrrr its getting soo frustrating.. and wen i come home my mum wud be right there telling me to tie up my hair and put on the salwar kameez.. they dont understand tht i dnt like it! grrr... sorry for the long story... But what do i doo???
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    Give them the middle finger. If they love Bengali culture so much why the hell did they move to Europe in the first place? Did they honestly think that they could make you live exactly the same way as Bengali's do in Bangladesh? If so then they are deluded idiots and hypocritical. They can't have it both ways, the wealth of the west and their culture from back home.
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    ^ negged for breaking combo
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    (Original post by LadyElectra)
    Hey!

    Im bengali and well i live in UK..Been living here for the past 4 years.. used to live in denmark b4..
    But anyway my parents hate me the way i am.. Literally everything..
    They want me to be the ideal bengali girl.. u kno like wear asian clothes.. plat and oil my hair and all tht crap.. But i can't do tht.. i'll look like a freshie! They dnt understand this... They say "we cant forget our bengali culture, ur a bengali girl so u shud look like one and behave like one" etc..
    Im not trying to direspect my culture or anything.. its just that i dnt want to dress tht way.. i have my own style.. which is not asian at all but hey thts me.. dnt i have the right to choose what i wear??? How can i make my parents understand this without getting rude.. i ve tried explaining but u kno they wnt change their minds.. and its the same thing every single day.. wen im ready to go college i go downstairs for breakfast.. my dad wud comment on my hair and my clothes... grrrr its getting soo frustrating.. and wen i come home my mum wud be right there telling me to tie up my hair and put on the salwar kameez.. they dont understand tht i dnt like it! grrr... sorry for the long story... But what do i doo???

    Your parents should let you be who you want to be. You're not forgetting where you come from.
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    Tbh i think you just need to tell your parents that
    a) You are your own person and can choose what you wear & how you wear it.
    b) You are not being disrespectful to your culture or where you came from but living in a different country, (remind them that was their decision!) You are of course going to pick up on the cultures around you, and this becomes the norm.
    c) Providing you know in your heart & head who you are and where you come from, how you dress should not matter at all!
    & if all else fails, We were born naked, perhaps they'd rather you ditched the clothes you wear now & go back to how we were born, without clothes!!
    Im sure they would rather you kept covered up in some kind of clothing, might help your case
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    well i guess you could listen to what they're tryina say, coz you don't wanna turn white - not being rascist btw - and this is coming from a bengali girl too!
    buuut - not to the extent that you have 'plaits, oily hair' etc; but im sure wearing salwar kameez at home wouldn't hurt you ?
    i dunno - at the end of the day, it is your choice but take your parents words into consideration!

    :]
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    I agree with this comment, I'm Bengali too but I'm a dude, so yeah.

    By comment, I mean the one above this
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    (Original post by LadyElectra)
    Hey!

    Im bengali and well i live in UK..Been living here for the past 4 years.. used to live in denmark b4..
    But anyway my parents hate me the way i am.. Literally everything..
    They want me to be the ideal bengali girl.. u kno like wear asian clothes.. plat and oil my hair and all tht crap.. But i can't do tht.. i'll look like a freshie! They dnt understand this... They say "we cant forget our bengali culture, ur a bengali girl so u shud look like one and behave like one" etc..
    Im not trying to direspect my culture or anything.. its just that i dnt want to dress tht way.. i have my own style.. which is not asian at all but hey thts me.. dnt i have the right to choose what i wear??? How can i make my parents understand this without getting rude.. i ve tried explaining but u kno they wnt change their minds.. and its the same thing every single day.. wen im ready to go college i go downstairs for breakfast.. my dad wud comment on my hair and my clothes... grrrr its getting soo frustrating.. and wen i come home my mum wud be right there telling me to tie up my hair and put on the salwar kameez.. they dont understand tht i dnt like it! grrr... sorry for the long story... But what do i doo???


    lol! i'm sorry but this made me laugh! your parents are the same as all other parents out there! - asian in particular

    i'm bengali too but my parents trust me and know that i'm responsible and they give me a lot of freedom because they know i won't abuse it.
    my parents are freshies but they grew up with your type of parents but worse because, well, think bengladesh 30 years ago! lol

    anyway, i can sympathise with you because i see my friends and their sisters/brothers going through it all the time
    tbh, there isn't much you can do. get married so that it gives you a valid reason [for bengalis] to get ur own place?? lol

    its hard to say exactly what you can do because really, there isn't anything without either leaving them for good or something stupidly drastic

    but as for the hair, keep it simple when your with them, like not exactly plaits but a pony tail?? or even fish plaits? you don't have to do typical freshie plait!
    and as for the kameez, you could get plain black or whatever colour you like and just wear the kameez with pajama bottoms??

    parents always have their reasons. it sucks! but its life

    or you could find a way to communicate with them on a level of their understanding?
    don't speak with your voice, speak with theirs.
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    (Original post by you7me)
    lol! i'm sorry but this made me laugh! your parents are the same as all other parents out there! - asian in particular

    i'm bengali too but my parents trust me and know that i'm responsible and they give me a lot of freedom because they know i won't abuse it.
    my parents are freshies but they grew up with your type of parents but worse because, well, think bengladesh 30 years ago! lol

    anyway, i can sympathise with you because i see my friends and their sisters/brothers going through it all the time
    tbh, there isn't much you can do. get married so that it gives you a valid reason [for bengalis] to get ur own place?? lol

    its hard to say exactly what you can do because really, there isn't anything without either leaving them for good or something stupidly drastic

    but as for the hair, keep it simple when your with them, like not exactly plaits but a pony tail?? or even fish plaits? you don't have to do typical freshie plait!
    and as for the kameez, you could get plain black or whatever colour you like and just wear the kameez with pajama bottoms??

    parents always have their reasons. it sucks! but its life

    or you could find a way to communicate with them on a level of their understanding?
    don't speak with your voice, speak with theirs.
    Thank u for ur advice.. much appreciated.. xx
    im thinking of living away wen i go to uni.. but they are against tht.. i dnt kno how i can convince them.. wen i was applying they told me apply to unis which are close to home which i did but i applied to one tht is far away.. and i got an offer from der..
    so yh..
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    (Original post by LadyElectra)
    Thank u for ur advice.. much appreciated.. xx
    im thinking of living away wen i go to uni.. but they are against tht.. i dnt kno how i can convince them.. wen i was applying they told me apply to unis which are close to home which i did but i applied to one tht is far away.. and i got an offer from der..
    so yh..
    do that one thing we hate when our parents doin - compare yourself!

    think of one family with a son or daughter around the same age as you and say ''yeah, so and so is stuck here. but if i go to this uni, imagine how good it would look'' AND to take it even further, say on your marriage CV, or biodata or whatever it's called, everyone would want you because the uni u wanna go is very bloody excellent!
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    (Original post by you7me)
    do that one thing we hate when our parents doin - compare yourself!

    think of one family with a son or daughter around the same age as you and say ''yeah, so and so is stuck here. but if i go to this uni, imagine how good it would look'' AND to take it even further, say on your marriage CV, or biodata or whatever it's called, everyone would want you because the uni u wanna go is very bloody excellent!
    Well yh.. but the uni's i applied to are not soo bloody excellent.. i flopped my first yr at college so i had to apply to crappy unis... fml.. Kingston and Middlesex are my choices...
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    (Original post by LadyElectra)
    Hey!

    Im bengali and well i live in UK..Been living here for the past 4 years.. used to live in denmark b4..
    But anyway my parents hate me the way i am.. Literally everything..
    They want me to be the ideal bengali girl.. u kno like wear asian clothes.. plat and oil my hair and all tht crap.. But i can't do tht.. i'll look like a freshie! They dnt understand this... They say "we cant forget our bengali culture, ur a bengali girl so u shud look like one and behave like one" etc..
    Im not trying to direspect my culture or anything.. its just that i dnt want to dress tht way.. i have my own style.. which is not asian at all but hey thts me.. dnt i have the right to choose what i wear??? How can i make my parents understand this without getting rude.. i ve tried explaining but u kno they wnt change their minds.. and its the same thing every single day.. wen im ready to go college i go downstairs for breakfast.. my dad wud comment on my hair and my clothes... grrrr its getting soo frustrating.. and wen i come home my mum wud be right there telling me to tie up my hair and put on the salwar kameez.. they dont understand tht i dnt like it! grrr... sorry for the long story... But what do i doo???
    This happens a lot, i say try and bring Islam into it (guessing your muslim) and use your faith to say its more important to be that then follow culture.
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    (Original post by LadyElectra)
    Hey!

    ... But what do i doo???
    Remind them that Bengal is a few thousand odd miles to the East.


    (Original post by blah_blah_blah)
    well i guess you could listen to what they're tryina say, coz you don't wanna turn white - not being rascist btw
    Shame, you just were. Hate to bust your chops but almost every life on Earth is effected by western CULTURE (note that culture and race are two distinct concepts, one incredibly flawed).

    Take a trip to Bengal and I could probably spend a day pointing out every little thing that stems from western origins. A sense of belonging to a community is one thing, but actively trying to separate yourself from other cultures as if they are someone completely distinct from your life is just retarded and makes me question how people with such views manage to convince admission offices they aren't clinically retarded. Especially when you live in the culture you claim to be distinct from.

    You do not 'turn' white, you simply adopt different cultural and social norms as you see fit. Not being especially bothered with elements of a distant country's/minority community's culture does not make you any less of a laughably insignificant skin tone than you were before.

    Skin colour is just skin deep, and culture is by its nature a changeable malleable concept that alters all the time.
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    if you're referring to Bengal as in South-East Asia as a whole, then yes, the majority of stuff roots from Western culture. however, if you're talking about Bangladesh specifically, then i would disagree completely. Bangladesh has not followed suit like countries such as India (Bollywood, clothing, media, norms etc) - additionally, i don't fully know if you're from Bangladesh, but i reeally dont think you can generalise like you did without visiting Bangladesh, especially as its such a small country.

    and when i said 'turn white', i didnt mean it literally - i should have elaborated. i meant to take on Western culture - i thought that would have been simple to work out.

    and next time, there's no need to be so pessimistic and rude.

    Ta
 
 
 
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