Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've always viewed myself as quite shy, timid and very insecure, don't have much faith in myself and am very awkard around new people.
    i always assumed people viewed me as a little weird, shy but generally a decent guy, untill last night someone said something which just made me realise, im nothing like what i though i was... im an utter ****!
    in peoples eyes im more like a stereotypical jock figure, only out for himself, and i can see why.
    I'm pretty muscly, i now realise i ***** about other people and what i think is harmless banter can actually be pretty harsh. I use other people as a conversation starter if i feel theres too much silence and will mock people!
    All of that is my form of self defence, i work out as i was bullied when i was younger and used to be pretty soft, pretty much anyone could make me cry, since it was obvious teachers were useless my take on the matter was to man the **** up! which worked, i stopped taking **** from people and can now stand up for myself.
    The insulting "banter" is my way of making me feel better about myself, due to the bullying i don't take casual insults well and view it as a personal insult so will insult back but i tend to try and get the upper hand and i get a bit harsh!
    All this is due to the amount i was mocked/bullied at school and now im scared to look weak, this is making it hard to make real friends as girls just see me as a utter ****, and since im not that confident or good looking i can't pull off the typical bad boy thing, and with guys i have mates but it takes a long time for me to be comfortable enough to text or chill with them when im sober
    i don't know how im meant to change as when i try i get much more anxious and nervous around people to the point ill just be alone in a corner or chatting to one mate, which is becoming a bit dull

    tl:dr, high school bullying has meant im too insecure and hide this by being a **** to people, want to change but too insecure to do so, need to get over this somehow
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    ahh so your chandler with bigger muscles?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I've got an image of Stifler in my head.

    Anyways, if you realise that what you say to people could be misconstrued as a bit harsh, analyse what you say before you say it and how you'd feel if someone said this to you. Chill out and don't take the banter too seriously, thats not cool. If they're your friends, they won't intentionally try to hurt you, so just take what they say lightly and don't let it affect your confidence.

    I've never been bullied so I won't pretend to know what thats like or how it affects you. You just need to regain your confidence and assess how other people may perceive what you think is self defensive.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    This thread would have been a lot more interesting if it turned out you were an otters ****
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You're not that much of a **** if you relize what you're doing is wrong. Very simple: don't feel the need to fill the silences, and think before you speak.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by silverbolt)
    ahh so your chandler with bigger muscles?
    Surely this would mean everyone would love the OP? :curious:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by silverbolt)
    ahh so your chandler with bigger muscles?
    :teehee: Oh he wishes.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by silverbolt)
    ahh so your chandler with bigger muscles?

    Shut up silverbolt
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    OP, the first step towards solving your problem is recognising that it is - it'd be a lot worse if you didn't realise that youre generally taking stuff a bit too far.
    However just cos one person has this opinion of you doesn't mean everyone does?
    Just try not to care what people think of you so much, relax a bit more in social situations and Think before saying stuff which might offend people.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Elf.)
    Shut up silverbolt
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'd second what others have said, apart from the stuff about Chandler and otter's cocks :P

    I used to get picked on quite a bit when I was younger and yeah, it does make you very insecure. For me, it helped to realise that a lot of the things I was teased about either didn't matter, or were in fact assets: I'm naturally a bit of a geek, but later in school and at uni it's great cos it means I can help people out with work and stuff, guaranteed to endear yourself to them! So if you recognise you don't need to be sensitive about the reasons you were picked on, you don't need a defensive wall. People at uni probably don't even notice them.

    One practical suggestion: join your uni Nightline as a volunteer (hopefully it has one). I'll admit my bias here, I'm thinking of running for committee next year! But... you get training and practice in how to listen and not judge, it might help you get over some of your insecurities by helping others, and it shows people you do have a caring side!

    That might not be for you, but consider it. If you don't have a Nightline there are plenty of other similar things around.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I ***** about other people and what i think is harmless banter can actually be pretty harsh ... I use other people as a conversation starter if i feel theres too much silence and will mock people! ... I was bullied when i was younger and used to be pretty soft, pretty much anyone could make me cry, since it was obvious teachers were useless my take on the matter was to man the **** up! which worked, i stopped taking **** from people and can now stand up for myself
    You sound a bit like me at 15/16, I was bullied too for a time as a youngster, and had to rely on my own guile to rectify the situation, I guess that this, among other things, can make a person quite 'reactionary' aye

    At least you recognise there's an issue here, I don't think I realised at the time. Sometimes wonder just how I'd have turned out if my life hadn't taken a turn for the worse, it kind of forced me to take stock and to learn to be a great deal more stoical/introspective

    Next step is to learn to love yourself, and I don't mean in an arrogant/external way but to be pragmatic about your strengths and weaknesses, and reflective yet stoical concerning how you believe you are received by others. This is an important step towards mastering yourself
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Better than being a fanny, I guess.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 18, 2011
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.