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Do you feel defined/like you've been messed up by your parents? watch

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    With my upbringing, although my mum is great! I think without the internet I would have been extremely uncultured, because my twin sister is :L So I think I have maybe missed out on a lot, but I love her anyhow
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    Yes, they always made me feel like rubbish, left me with no self-confidence and taught me to never stand up for myself and be walked all-over.

    They stood by while my sibling beat me up and said it was normal for siblings to fight, even though I'd done nothing to deserve it.

    They only care about grades and things because they think people are only worth anything if they earn good money. IMO, this is bull####. Not everyone is greedy and selfish.
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    mine made all the mistakes with me...

    the opposite ones with my brother.....

    and got it just right with my sister
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    (Original post by *Dreaming*)
    Reminds me of Larkins poem....

    They **** you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were ****ed up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself.
    This is excellent.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do you?
    Yes, being black sucks and being socially inept because my parents didn't engage with me at all also sucks. Maybe It's why I consider suicide everyday.
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    No, I wouldn't say that they've messed me up...quite the opposite. They've been very open about their mistakes in the past in a way to stop me making the same mistakes they did. My parents are completely different so while my dad is really over-protective (he hated the idea of me, when I was 16, "baby-sitting" my 14 year old cousin for a few hours when my mum and auntie fancied a night out.). Although the worst he ever did was phone my mum up just after 9 at night, complaining/being annoyed and a bit worried that I was not home from a trip to the cinema with my friends even though I was 17). My mum on the other hand is quite liberal and always pushes me to reach my potential academically and really motivates me

    Only thing that ever bothered me is that I have developed irrational fears (which is due to a few people on my mum's side having them) and also I get really anxious whenever there is an argument/confrontation between any of my family, since my mum and her ex used to argue when I was younger and I was the one that always tried to stop it.
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    I think it's kinda stupid to blame our parents for who we are.
    I suppose they are the one's who bought us up, and one's who define us so my opinion doesnt quite make sense.

    But i live a very 'if i don't like it, i change it'.

    So if there's something about me i don't like, i change it. My parents can't do that for me, only i can.

    But then i am quite a content person....yes I can have/have had quite a few mental health problems due to my childhood(violence, refuges, family mental health/drug problems), but i don't feel i've been messed up by then. At the end of the day, these problems allow me to understand other people with this problems...I try to see it as a positive, not a negative.

    My Mum had one the the worst Mother's i can possible describe. And i know some evil people, i've read a lot of books on abused kids by their parents and none of them compare to my Nan and what she was like....but inspite of this, my Mum worked hard to get out of her hell hole and generally became a fantastic person. All other 6 siblings are in and out of mental insitutions....but if it wasn't for my Nans horrid parenting, my Mum wouldnt be the strong person with buckets of knowledge to help people which she has today.

    There are negatives of course, she has been suicidal in the past and tried countless times, she does put too much pressure on me and told me too much info from a young age. Some very ****ed up things that would be hard to read in the news. But she's an inspiring character who's come from such a harsh background and is the only one who has custody of her children out of all her siblings....I don't blame her, i feel eternally grateful that inspite of her difficulties, she's done her best.

    That's all i can ask for. So if there is something i don't like, it's down to me to change it, not her.

    Most people on the forum are going to University etc anyway....So I don't see how they've been messed up when given such a great leg up in life...whether it was the parents being bastereds that inspired them to be determined to get to University, or financial support and encouragement.
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    (Original post by Elissabeth)
    Yes, they always made me feel like rubbish, left me with no self-confidence and taught me to never stand up for myself and be walked all-over.

    They stood by while my sibling beat me up and said it was normal for siblings to fight, even though I'd done nothing to deserve it.

    They only care about grades and things because they think people are only worth anything if they earn good money. IMO, this is bull####. Not everyone is greedy and selfish.
    Then go and do something about your self confidence. Parent's arn't gods.

    Go to an assertiveness course, go to counselling, do something about what you're unhappy about.

    As for grades, it is a lot of pressure...but at least you're encouraged to get good grades and to get a good start in life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Then go and do something about your self confidence. Parent's arn't gods.

    Go to an assertiveness course, go to counselling, do something about what you're unhappy about.

    As for grades, it is a lot of pressure...but at least you're encouraged to get good grades and to get a good start in life.
    How do you define 'good'? Money doesn't make people happy. I don't really see the point in uni courses, unless you're doing one because you enjoy it or because you want to help people in the end.

    I would personally much rather live with nothing if I had lots of confidence, a bubbly personality and loads of confidence.
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    I'd be lying if I said they didn't. That said, some of my siblings and extended family messed me up as well (I'm the youngest)...it wasn't sexual abuse or anything like that, thank God.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Elissabeth)
    How do you define 'good'? Money doesn't make people happy. I don't really see the point in uni courses, unless you're doing one because you enjoy it or because you want to help people in the end.

    I would personally much rather live with nothing if I had lots of confidence, a bubbly personality and loads of confidence.
    Good start in life could be a range of oppitunities.

    If you don't want to go to University, don't =)...If you want to go to get on a good course in the end, then do.

    Confidence take's work, especially when it's been severely knocked. Things take time and University can help with that. I know quite a few people (Autism, other social difficulties) who had severe confidence problems and never a friend in their life...University managed to change all that.

    My point there is confidence can grow, it's not impossible. It take's work but if you have the motivation to do it, you can bit by bit. And you can feel proud about what you've accomplished after .
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    Yes, both good and bad.
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    Yes, but I'm trying my best to change myself
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    Big time. I feel unable to trust men.
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    *sighs* yes mostly by my dad, i would also say that he messed up my bro too, not intentional though but tbh i just don't think he knows how to raise kids any other way as he believes that his way is the right way. shame it backfired on him and even though i would've loved to have more siblings, for that reason i'm glad we don't. i'm not saying i'm totally blameless in the way i've turned out but i do believe he's the cause of most of mines and my families problems.
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    (Original post by Elissabeth)
    Yes, they always made me feel like rubbish, left me with no self-confidence and taught me to never stand up for myself and be walked all-over.

    They stood by while my sibling beat me up and said it was normal for siblings to fight, even though I'd done nothing to deserve it.

    They only care about grades and things because they think people are only worth anything if they earn good money. IMO, this is bull####. Not everyone is greedy and selfish.
    that sounds like my parents a bit though sometimes they are ok.
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    My dad was kicked out when I was about 7-8, my mum found partnership with a new man in under two years. They live together, I get blamed a lot for my favouritism over my dad, despite how little I see him. What can I say, I am a dady's girl.

    I have been depressed since I was 9 and suicidal(feelings of worthlessness and wishing to die, not actual trying to hang myself) for a couple of years. My mother makes a small effort to try to understand but most of the time wishes I was someone else and tries to ignore my problems. I am a lot like my dad, which makes her feelings of dislike towards me much stronger. I was never pushed with my acedemia even though I am percieved as clever.

    So in summary, I have fatherly withdrawal symptoms, feelings of suicide, lack of self-esteem/confidence. My parents most certainly screwed me up.
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    I personally adore my parents, they've led me to lead my own life but instilled their views on morality, good treatment for others and a drive to do well. They're very liberal and some might consider them very lax, they were extremely young when they had me and always wanted me to do better. My mum especially I am extremely similar too, we go out a lot and have very similar fashion and musical tastes. I feel my parents have defined me, but in an entirely positive way.
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    omg yes! so glad this thread has been made. i don't feel that bad about it though, it's just annoying when i think about my faults sometimes and realise it roots from their personalities... but i guess as long as we're aware of these things we can try and improve ourselves for the better.
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    Yes, but not completely. I started working out on myself as soon as I started living on my own. But part of me wants to blame my parents for having psychological issues.
 
 
 
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