Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Is it possible to move on without closure? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I would really appreciate some good advice, please no "chill out" type remarks, because I really am tired of this being an issue for me.

    About a year and a half ago I was with this guy and we got on so well and were together for about a year. However, we broke up due to the fact that I was moving 4 hours away for university and we didn't think a long distance relationship would work. We agreed to stay good friends, but suddenly he stopped replying to my messages for a good couple of months. Then by chance, he replied to a christmas text and admitted that the reason he had ignored me is because he had a new girlfriend. I told him that I was happy for him and thought that we were going to be friends? He agreed and said he would talk more. However, not long after this he deleted me off facebook and all the pictures of me and him together. It was like I was being whiped clean out of his life. I just don't understand why he would be like that when we ended on such good terms? It wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the fact that a year has passed and yet I still can't seem to get over it. I am not one for throwing the word love about, and I am no stranger to men (take that as you will), but I can't get him out of my head. This is not normal, and it seems that no amount of time is having an effect on me.

    Can someone give me any advice as to how I move on from this? Apologies for the loooooong post
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe his girlfriend didn't like it. I know that I wouldn't like pictures of my boyfriend with an ex on facebook.

    It seems you are dwelling on memories, and perhaps time has warped those memories to more than they were. Yes, remember the good times, but also know that past is past. You have to move on, and to do this, yes you need closure. Coming from personal experience, seeing him would probably do that, as you realize they are not as great as you thought.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Why should he keep them?

    he's moving on.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    he wants to move on.
    leave him alone now
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I want to address what you guys have said.

    Dreamer- thank you for your advice, I think you are right and I am thinking too much about the memories and it would be beneficial for me to stop dwelling on the past

    As for the girl who said I need to leave him alone....I have been doing? Since he deleted me off facebook a year ago, I have not had any contact. I get the feeling you are being mean for the sake of it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by *Dreaming*)
    Maybe his girlfriend didn't like it. I know that I wouldn't like pictures of my boyfriend with an ex on facebook.

    It seems you are dwelling on memories, and perhaps time has warped those memories to more than they were. Yes, remember the good times, but also know that past is past. You have to move on, and to do this, yes you need closure. Coming from personal experience, seeing him would probably do that, as you realize they are not as great as you thought.
    *duelling

    Learn to spell before you advise others on their lives, please.

    Sorry OP. I just can't stand such fools.

    I personally think you're just dwelling too much on old memories, and maybe with time those memories have gotten worse. Of course you should remember the good times, but don't forget that the past has passed. You must move past it, and indeed you need closure to do it.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Economister)
    *duelling

    Learn to spell before you advise others on their lives, please.

    Sorry OP. I just can't stand such fools.

    I personally think you're just dwelling too much on old memories, and maybe with time those memories have gotten worse. Of course you should remember the good times, but don't forget that the past has passed. You must move past it, and indeed you need closure to do it.
    You got it wrong too. Remember, the law "e before u except after g", it's deulling.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Economister)
    *duelling

    Learn to spell before you advise others on their lives, please.

    Sorry OP. I just can't stand such fools.

    I personally think you're just dwelling too much on old memories, and maybe with time those memories have gotten worse. Of course you should remember the good times, but don't forget that the past has passed. You must move past it, and indeed you need closure to do it.
    You just spelt it the exact same way.

    Get a life.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by *Dreaming*)
    You just spelt it the exact same way.

    Get a life.
    Shush please don't divert the thread off-topic. Please learn to spell and then come back.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    That makes me kind of sad, it's been a year and you sitll haven't got over him..
    I'm worried now that a 11 months from now I will still not be over my own relationship.. That's kind of worrying...

    I know time heals the wounds it can only get easier as you slowly erase him from your mind and think about other things like university, a new guy/perfect dream guy and meeting him?

    I guess I never had closure too, it ended too suddenly which made my world collapse it's just mine ended worse than your.
    I think your closure is the fact that he has a girlfriend. Now it's your turn to think of finding someone else. He hasn't waited for you and he's not waiting anymore either.
    Simply try not to think of him, delete pics too if you have any, don't leave any reminders of him. Just think of the positive future.
    If he happens to pop into your mind just think there were some nice memories, but also some bad ones as with all relationships. It didn't work out so it means it's over and time to move on.
    Nothing good ever gets away. So it means he wasn't good.
    Go out more, make yourself look appealing everyday for yourself and others. You will find someone in time who will fix that final piece of your heart.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    still tryna be clingy when he's forgotten about you and banging someone better than you eh
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would really appreciate some good advice, please no "chill out" type remarks, because I really am tired of this being an issue for me.

    About a year and a half ago I was with this guy and we got on so well and were together for about a year. However, we broke up due to the fact that I was moving 4 hours away for university and we didn't think a long distance relationship would work. We agreed to stay good friends, but suddenly he stopped replying to my messages for a good couple of months. Then by chance, he replied to a christmas text and admitted that the reason he had ignored me is because he had a new girlfriend. I told him that I was happy for him and thought that we were going to be friends? He agreed and said he would talk more. However, not long after this he deleted me off facebook and all the pictures of me and him together. It was like I was being whiped clean out of his life. I just don't understand why he would be like that when we ended on such good terms? It wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the fact that a year has passed and yet I still can't seem to get over it. I am not one for throwing the word love about, and I am no stranger to men (take that as you will), but I can't get him out of my head. This is not normal, and it seems that no amount of time is having an effect on me.

    Can someone give me any advice as to how I move on from this? Apologies for the loooooong post
    It would bother me too if I were in the same situation and I would probably want an explanation too. By the sounds of it he probably isn't the person you thought he was otherwise he wouldn't have done this to you. He has clearly gone to lengths to cut you out of his life (with the fb thing). I would say convince yourself that you deserve better and that you don't wanna know him after what he has done. It may take time to get over it but there isn't much you can do. You can't really ask him after he deleted you as you could come across as a bit stalkerish even though you only want an explanation.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by st_23)
    It would bother me too if I were in the same situation and I would probably want an explanation too. By the sounds of it he probably isn't the person you thought he was otherwise he wouldn't have done this to you. He has clearly gone to lengths to cut you out of his life (with the fb thing). I would say convince yourself that you deserve better and that you don't wanna know him after what he has done. It may take time to get over it but there isn't much you can do. You can't really ask him after he deleted you as you could come across as a bit stalkerish even though you only want an explanation.
    Thank you! I am glad you understand, that is exactly how it is. I can't get full closure because he cut me out of his life and as you said it would be stalkerish for me to ask him why. I am actually from essex too, so hopefully you don't know him haha
    • #2
    #2

    Oh my god, similar to me. I had no closure from something as well, and it's been over a year and i can't get it out of my head. Time isn't healing me!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you! I am glad you understand, that is exactly how it is. I can't get full closure because he cut me out of his life and as you said it would be stalkerish for me to ask him why. I am actually from essex too, so hopefully you don't know him haha
    I kinda had a similar situation to you so i know how you feel although it wasn't someone who tried to cut me out, she just became more distant.

    Haha you never know, if he is from south essex maybe although probably not still
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by st_23)
    I kinda had a similar situation to you so i know how you feel although it wasn't someone who tried to cut me out, she just became more distant.

    Haha you never know, if he is from south essex maybe although probably not still
    Erm Chelmsford area, so probably not Although it is such a small world. I hope things worked out okay for you though! I am guessing you are over that girl now?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Erm Chelmsford area, so probably not Although it is such a small world. I hope things worked out okay for you though! I am guessing you are over that girl now?
    Yeah I don't know many people from there.

    Ah yeah tell me about it, you always seem to meet or talk to people you know or know people you know in random places.

    Yeah I got over it , it was just frustrating at the time because everything didn't add up although I won't go into anymore detail on here as i'm not anonymous :P
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by st_23)
    Yeah I don't know many people from there.

    Ah yeah tell me about it, you always seem to meet or talk to people you know or know people you know in random places.

    Yeah I got over it , it was just frustrating at the time because everything didn't add up although I won't go into anymore detail on here as i'm not anonymous :P
    Fair enough I feel tempted to take away the anonymous status so I look like less of a crazy person hiding away :P Even though I doubt anybody I am friends with is on here, you cannot be too careful I suppose- that six degrees of seperation theory may **** me over at some point lol
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 19, 2011
Poll
Who is your favourite TV detective?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.