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    As a young adult (say, aged 16-25), is it appropriate for parents to offload onto their children? Or is it too much stress to put on their (16-25 year old) children?

    My boyfriend is his mum's main source of emotional support, she does talk to other friends and family members, but it's primerily my boyfriend and it's been that way for all the time i've known him; about 3 years (he's nearly 21). He thinks it's good that his mum can rely on him and that he can be there for her, however i know how much stress it's put him through worrying about her.

    My family have more the veiw that children shouldn't have to be there for their parents, it's too much weight to put on their shoulders. Obviously not young children, but even at 17/18 my parents thought this. My sister and i never knew that my mum had been on and off antidepressants for years until i was about 15. Though my mum and i have the same problems with my dad, she doesn't think it's appropriate to talk to me about it as it might put me in an awkward posititon and i shouldn't have to worry about her problems.

    But what do you think is normal? As a young adult, is it appropriate for parents to offload onto their children? Or is it too much stress to put on them?
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    A lot of children don't have a choice, so I don't think you should speak as if there is a choice in all situations.
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    I think it's fine for a parent to share their problems with their ADULT children. Maybe not a 16 year old, that's pushing it, but seriously come on, by 25 I had 3 kids of my own, so I'm pretty darned sure that I wasn't some fragile little creature who my parents had to tiptoe around and hide their problems from for fear of causing me "stress". I mean, that's just patronising really. I was married and a mother at 21 for goodness sake!
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    I had to drop out of Uni the first time because my mum was too ill to work and my dad too lazy. Someone had to pay the mortgage and my sister was at a private school and it fell down to me.

    Sometimes in life you don't have much of a choice. Either you do right by your family or by yourself. You can't have both some of the time. Part of growing up is realising that your parents are people just like you with their own faults and weaknesses.

    All you can do is your best.
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    (Original post by sil3nt_cha0s)
    A lot of children don't have a choice, so I don't think you should speak as if there is a choice in all situations.
    Agreed, my mum has always relied on me since her and my dad broke up, if I'm honest I used to absolutely hate it because it does put me in an awkward position sometimes. But at the end of the day you'd want your mum to be there for you when you have any issues, and tbh once you're about 17/18, you'd be pretty clued up with what was going on at home so there's no point wrapping your child in cotton wool. So yeah basically, it's a two way thing. You want your parent to be there for you, and sometimes they just want you to be there for them, perhaps in return for them bringing you up for so long.
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    I don't see anything wrong with children helping their parents with issues - I'd be a little concerned if I hadn't known about one of my parents being on medication for a number of years. I understand wanting to keep potentially upsetting or worrying details from kids, because you want to look out for them and keep them happy, but I think children should know about important things. It's unfair and patronising to keep them in the dark, and only makes the children worry more if they think something's being hidden from them.

    My mum is my best friend, I'm closer to her than anyone in the world, so yeah, we do live in each other's pockets somewhat, but my parents are also very good at being parents, and they never put a burden on me, or expect me to deal with things. They don't keep me in the dark about things I ought to know about, but they don't expect me to provide anything - even though they know I would.
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    its wrong is the child is not yet an adult. i think kids need secure parents to be completely happy
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    It really depends on the two individuals involved: their personalities, tendencies and ability to cope with everything. It also depends on the exact nature of the reliance: whether it's a case of providing support or whether it's something more serious/neurotic, like strong/complete dependence/possessiveness.

    My parent figure at uni ended up leaning on me heavily for emotional support and quite a few people took issue with that. I was sad that she was in such a state that she needed to turn to me in that way but I was happy to help her in any way I could and rarely took issue with it
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    I relied on my mum when I was younger, I'll make damn sure she can rely on me when she needs help.
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    My mum doesn't tell me everything but she does tell me things she feels that she needs help with and her offloading them to me had helped her and she did feel better by it. I don't think anything wrong with it. Your own child is most likely the one most likely to understand. I talk to my daughter about anything (doesn't really count as she's 6 months and doesn't understand anything I say) :p:
 
 
 
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