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Long-distance relationships at uni Watch

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    hey, so I was wondering what peoples views are on long distance relationships whilst at uni?

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we both said we would choose universities that we want to go to, not for each other and now it looks like we're going to end up on opposite sides of the country ...

    any advice? can it work? I'm willing to try everything but want to know if it's too much pressure, or affects work etc.

    thoughts appreciated!
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    Well my girlfriend (of 3years) broke up because she was "worried" about me going to uni.

    Please give it a go and see what happens first. Try not to think "It'll never work". You don't know until you try
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    What uni are you and him going to?
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    (Original post by soutioirsim)
    Well my girlfriend (of 3years) broke up because she was "worried" about me going to uni.

    Please give it a go and see what happens first. Try not to think "It'll never work". You don't know until you try
    Yeah I was going to, I don't want to throw everything away over this!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What uni are you and him going to?
    well I'm hopefully going to Southampton or UEA, and him York or Bangor...
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    I have this very same worry.

    I have been with my boyfriend for four years now and I'm going to uni. One of the reasons I didnt was because of him, i didnt want to lose him. Now i'm 22 and going back into education (scary thing huh).

    There are always weekends and stuff where you can meet in the middle, holidays and such, but go into it with a positive attitude too.
    There's webcam date and stuff like that, skype where you can keep in contact with each other. Alternate weekends, lke he comes to you one weekend and the next you go to him.

    I hope for the best for you hun, I'm in the same boat xxxx
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    It never works. Ever. And if it does you'd both be constantly frustrated.
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    I know a couple, ones in plymouth the others in london. It can work.
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    (Original post by Lovin)
    I have this very same worry.

    I have been with my boyfriend for four years now and I'm going to uni. One of the reasons I didnt was because of him, i didnt want to lose him. Now i'm 22 and going back into education (scary thing huh).

    There are always weekends and stuff where you can meet in the middle, holidays and such, but go into it with a positive attitude too.
    There's webcam date and stuff like that, skype where you can keep in contact with each other. Alternate weekends, lke he comes to you one weekend and the next you go to him.

    I hope for the best for you hun, I'm in the same boat xxxx
    yeah I guess so! Probably just have to take it as comes but I know it'll be hard :/

    good luck at uni and all the best for you too, xxx

    (Original post by Nick Longjohnson)
    It never works. Ever. And if it does you'd both be constantly frustrated.
    & now i'm divided - are you saying that as someone with experience or a generic statement ? either way I won't judge (:
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    Give it a go. Me and my bf are at seperate unis, been together 3 years and this 1st yea has been ok, Its been hard and we've had our moments but I'm glad we stayed together.

    You never know untill you try. For some people it works, and for others it doesn't. I think its brought us closer
    Communication and trust are the keys for it to work

    Best of luck!
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    (Original post by popsiclee67)
    & now i'm divided - are you saying that as someone with experience or a generic statement ? either way I won't judge (:
    Not personal, no, but every single one of my friends was in a relationship before uni, and every single one has ended. Maybe it's because my course means you literally have no weekends free, but I can't imagine being happy with someone if you only get to see them once every other week.
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    (Original post by Nick Longjohnson)
    It never works. Ever. And if it does you'd both be constantly frustrated.
    It works, after 2 years of long-distance, we're now living together.

    Things you need to make it work:
    - The patience of a hermitic monk (for when you're apart)
    - The stamina of an Olympic athlete in the sack (for when you're together)
    - Regular phone calls and texts - but not every minute of the day
    - The knowledge that it won't be long-distance forever.



    ...did I accidentally make that rhyme?
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    (Original post by Fjarskafinn)
    It works, after 2 years of long-distance, we're now living together.

    Things you need to make it work:
    - The patience of a hermitic monk (for when you're apart)
    - The stamina of an Olympic athlete in the sack (for when you're together)
    - Regular phone calls and texts - but not every minute of the day
    - The knowledge that it won't be long-distance forever.



    ...did I accidentally make that rhyme?
    Congrats

    I personally couldn't do it. A combination of having no patience, and getting ~4-5 hours sleep daily because of uni doesn't do me any favours.

    And I can't tell if that rhymes, I'm too tired :moon:
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    I was with my ex nearly 4 years and most of that was uni, long-distance.

    I was devastated when he broke up with me. Seems he couldn't cope with long distance (which seems ridiculous as we're about to leave uni- we broke up in december)

    Distance is SO hard. It can make r-ships that you think are so strong break down. I know so many people have been through it and I know a few people where it's still kinda working.

    I think it's cause at uni, you do change alot even if its just in terms of being busy, independent and having a separate life from your partner.

    I really want to be positive about this one and say it can. and maybe it can. but I really thought mine would last and it didn't.

    I'd definitely say give it a shot. you'd probably regret it more if you didn't

    hope it works out well for you xxx
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    My older brother had a relationship with someone at Uni before he got graduated. But a few months after he left he split up with her as she was still at Uni and didn't have the time to see one another.
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    It's hard, definitely. But it can be done.
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    I have just broken up with my boyfriend after getting together with him in the summer before I left for uni as a result of the LDR element of the relationship. On paper, it looked as though it was never going to work - we had only been dating for a few months before I left, and he had already graduated uni and was left in my home town. He came to visit once or twice a term for a few days at a time, and at the start it was brilliant and it was such a comfort to know that I had someone back home who loved me and I could talk to. I missed him terribly for most of the time I was away, but ended up breaking up with him because by the end of the 2nd term, I realised that I was wishing my time at university away because of him. I spent about 2 weeks if I added up all the crappy days being upset about arguments we had over skype about lack of communication or wondering when he would text next, and watching him leave me each time was rubbish. I realised that I couldn't deal with it, but that could well be the way we handled it as a couple, and we had different ideas as to how much communication was needed to keep us happy. He took the method of burying his head in the sand while I was away, and not really talking much so as not to remind him that I was far away, which lead to me feeling neglected.

    I don't regret going to uni with a boyfriend and trying an LDR, but for us it didn't work out. It was a 4 hour drive which meant that visits every 3/4 weeks were the most we could manage. I would say to try it out, but be prepared to be honest with your partner and talk about things if you think they aren't working out, don't wait until either of you cheats or lose your friendship.
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    (Original post by popsiclee67)
    hey, so I was wondering what peoples views are on long distance relationships whilst at uni?

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we both said we would choose universities that we want to go to, not for each other and now it looks like we're going to end up on opposite sides of the country ...

    any advice? can it work? I'm willing to try everything but want to know if it's too much pressure, or affects work etc.

    thoughts appreciated!
    They can work but they are extremely hard. I've been LDR for 3 years, 2 of those due to uni and it has been extremely difficult but has been well worth it. The most important things are communication - try to have some form every day whether a text, a call or skype (amazing! it's free and if you have webcam you can see one another). Trust - without trust there is no point in any relationship but in a LDR it's even more important as you're not there. I would also say throw yourself into uni whether thats work or societies because it keeps you busy and makes missing the other half easier and sitting around waiting for them is not healthy and can lead to arguments when they're not online. You have to have your own life as well and make the most of uni.

    There are a lot of people who will say it doesn't work and for many it doesn't, distance can aggravate the problems that already exist in a relationship. Not to mention that people do change at uni and in life and so they may not be the person who you thought they were.

    I would say go for it.. else you'll always wonder what if, for me there is no point in not trying but it's important to know its not easy. Theres a LDR soc on this site feel free to pop in and chat.
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    For me the LDR is working. Actually 2 other in my house are in LDR and a lot of my home friends are still in them. It's not such an uncommon thing.

    One very important thing, which I had always made sure of is that YOU lead your life as to what makes you happy. As in, you cannot rely on your boyfriend for happiness but in the things you enjoy, like the course at uni, new friends, new activities, etc. That way you're not feeling stagnant or resentful your boyfriend is pulling you down. Then you'll really enjoy the phone calls to each other about your day and all the new things you are getting upto.

    I think there are some things I would not have ended up trying out if my boyfriend had been closer about. So last term I joined the Officer training corp which is run by the Army and its completely unlike me. Ok I'd quit now but I think I'd been too comfortable if he was nearer to my uni to challenge myself. And he has been really proud of me for it.

    As far as communication for, you need to strike a balance. You need to be busy enough to get on with the day and not be ringing each other every 5 minutes. I ring my boyfriend every night and its my wind-down time before bed.

    Some days, it is very hard. We only see each other once every 3/4 weeks but at the same time, I couldn't be happier. I just think it's worth giving a shot. Recently, my housemate said that both my boyfriend and I were really natural for each other- just from his observation of when he'd been up to see me about 3 times in the year. I think that was utterly complimentary and shows that just because you grow as a person during uni doesn't mean you will grow apart =)

    Good luck with your decision x
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    The main things that helps me cope with an LDR are 1. knowing it won't be that way forever and 2. having complete trust in my boyfriend. We have had some tough arguments, especially now we're both in our third year (his final one) and the pressure is upped but when we are with each other it is the best feeling in the world! We've been together for two years and meet ups are very sporadic, anywhere from three weeks to three months. It really depends on how much of a future you see in the relationship and if you're both on the same page (at least most of the time!)

    I think having some distance can also help you to see if he really is the guy for you, it does take more effort than a 'normal' relationship and you aren't going to know where he is and who he's with a lot of the time. You will both change a lot during those three years, just see how it goes but don't put pressure on yourself to make it work since then you'll resent the relationship rather than enjoy it! You may find you have the best of both worlds, freedom to do your own thing at Uni and be independent along with the stability of a relationship to support you too.
    • #2
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    I'm in London he's in Durham it works very well mostly.
    Flatmate is in London and his girlfriend is in Sweden...they have some issues.
    Trust and communication is a biggie
 
 
 
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