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Overdue virgins: what do your parents think of your condition? watch

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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    It seems I've touched a nerve... oh well. It's not a close-minded opinion, I had an open mind about it, but then I reached the correct logical conclusion. How can an opinion be closed minded anyway? That makes no sense. How I formulate my opinions is actually very open-minded.

    Rejecting experiences for no reason is not what I'd describe as "living life to the full", particular one as significant to the human condition, and as pleasurable as sex. Also I fail to see how you are bettering yourself, if you've never had sex you're obviously not getting any better at that... that's only going to hold you back in life.

    How can you live life having not experienced the one facet of unadulterated pleasure you are actually BORN with. It's common to all human beings and is referred to in almost all aspects of culture across all cultures. So yes, if everyone else is experiencing it and enjoying it, and you aren't, you are missing out. It's comparable to living a whole life without ever knowing what music sounds like, or the sunset looks like, or never seeing the sea.

    It's like going through life listening to your friends talking about what happened on the Simpsons last night but having never watched a Simpsons episode in your life. Have you ever watched the Simpsons? Do you know anyone who hasn't?

    Having nice friends and family is all very nice, but if you think that's all there is to life you're not really experiencing much of what life has to offer. Most people have nice friends and family, that's like entry level living.

    You could die a virgin and have lived a life full of love and happiness, but is that hypothetical situation even close to realistic? Most virgins die sad and alone.
    Some good points made there - plus repped .
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    good on you better than sleeping with a different girl every day catching god knows what, pure dirt. you've got respect for yourself and sound like you'd make a good boyfriend one day
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    (Original post by HighestKungFu)
    Sex is a huge motivation for a lot of what we do in life, whether you consciously realise it or not.
    Exactly! Reproduction and the survival of one's genes is the only motivation for all human behaviour, and everything in life.
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    My mother likes to assume. She assumes I'm a virgin. Consequently, she assumes I'm a lesbian. She's lovely.
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    being a virgin isn't a "condition"

    why should people be treated differently if they are a virgin or not ?

    My parents don't know if I am a virgin or not but if they knew either way they wouldn't judge me or think of me any differently.
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    I don't talk to my parents about that stuff so I really wouldn't know what they think. I suppose they're at least glad I haven't turned out to be an irresponsible teenage mother :dontknow:
    • #6
    #6

    I like the thread title

    I'm a 22 year old virgin, and do regard myself as overdue. My parents used to tactfully enquire, but I think they've given up now. People often assume I have a girlfriend though, so it's nice to know that the notion isn't completely absurd!
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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    It seems I've touched a nerve... oh well. It's not a close-minded opinion, I had an open mind about it, but then I reached the correct logical conclusion. How can an opinion be closed minded anyway? That makes no sense. How I formulate my opinions is actually very open-minded.

    Rejecting experiences for no reason is not what I'd describe as "living life to the full", particular one as significant to the human condition, and as pleasurable as sex. Also I fail to see how you are bettering yourself, if you've never had sex you're obviously not getting any better at that... that's only going to hold you back in life.

    How can you live life having not experienced the one facet of unadulterated pleasure you are actually BORN with. It's common to all human beings and is referred to in almost all aspects of culture across all cultures. So yes, if everyone else is experiencing it and enjoying it, and you aren't, you are missing out. It's comparable to living a whole life without ever knowing what music sounds like, or the sunset looks like, or never seeing the sea.

    It's like going through life listening to your friends talking about what happened on the Simpsons last night but having never watched a Simpsons episode in your life. Have you ever watched the Simpsons? Do you know anyone who hasn't?

    Having nice friends and family is all very nice, but if you think that's all there is to life you're not really experiencing much of what life has to offer. Most people have nice friends and family, that's like entry level living.

    You could die a virgin and have lived a life full of love and happiness, but is that hypothetical situation even close to realistic? Most virgins die sad and alone.
    Have you ever considered that virgins might be happier if they weren't convinced by society that they are lesser people for not having sex? It's a completely circular argument- a mass of people claim that sex is important for a fulfilling people, which makes people feel inadequate for not having sex, which people then use as evidence that sex is important! It's absurd!

    Just because other people, no matter how large in number, deemed an activity important does not mean we should feel obliged to engage in it. These things are all subjective.
    • #7
    #7

    They assume I'm not. I'm 20 and haven't ever had a proper boyfriend, so my mum just assumes I must be having one night stands. I don't correct her.
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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    It seems I've touched a nerve... oh well. It's not a close-minded opinion, I had an open mind about it, but then I reached the correct logical conclusion. How can an opinion be closed minded anyway? That makes no sense. How I formulate my opinions is actually very open-minded.

    Rejecting experiences for no reason is not what I'd describe as "living life to the full", particular one as significant to the human condition, and as pleasurable as sex. Also I fail to see how you are bettering yourself, if you've never had sex you're obviously not getting any better at that... that's only going to hold you back in life.

    How can you live life having not experienced the one facet of unadulterated pleasure you are actually BORN with. It's common to all human beings and is referred to in almost all aspects of culture across all cultures. So yes, if everyone else is experiencing it and enjoying it, and you aren't, you are missing out. It's comparable to living a whole life without ever knowing what music sounds like, or the sunset looks like, or never seeing the sea.

    It's like going through life listening to your friends talking about what happened on the Simpsons last night but having never watched a Simpsons episode in your life. Have you ever watched the Simpsons? Do you know anyone who hasn't?

    Having nice friends and family is all very nice, but if you think that's all there is to life you're not really experiencing much of what life has to offer. Most people have nice friends and family, that's like entry level living.

    You could die a virgin and have lived a life full of love and happiness, but is that hypothetical situation even close to realistic? Most virgins die sad and alone.
    Not wanting to lose your virginity at an early age isn't 'rejecting an experience for no reason'. Most people who choose to stay virgins have very good reasons for doing so, and those reasons and what they signify are far more important than the act itself.

    Just because other people experience something, it doesn't mean I'm missing out by not wanting to experience it at this point in my life. Other people want to go skydiving, it doesn't mean I'm missing out on anything if I don't. You're only missing out if you're not doing something that you want to be doing.

    How exactly does not being good at sex equate to not bettering yourself?! Life should be about bettering yourself in meaningful ways, gaining knowledge, skills, practising your talents, expanding your intellectual horizons - not about prowess in bed.

    Your life really can't be very fulfilling if you think sex is so important - you're obviously lacking in many aspects of life that are pretty damn important.
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    Have you ever considered that virgins might be happier if they weren't convinced by society that they are lesser people for not having sex?
    Where did I say they are "lesser people"? They are simply illogically choosing not to experience something pleasurable and sociable, those who think they are somehow better and more righteous for not having sex, which is ridiculous of course.

    (Original post by innerhollow)
    Just because other people, no matter how large in number, deemed an activity important does not mean we should feel obliged to engage in it. These things are all subjective.
    No one is saying you are obliged, simply that you don't understand enough about sex to know there's nothing intrinsically great about being a virgin.
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    (Original post by abc101)
    Not wanting to lose your virginity at an early age isn't 'rejecting an experience for no reason'. Most people who choose to stay virgins have very good reasons for doing so, and those reasons and what they signify are far more important than the act itself.
    Such as what?

    (Original post by abc101)
    Just because other people experience something, it doesn't mean I'm missing out by not wanting to experience it at this point in my life. Other people want to go skydiving, it doesn't mean I'm missing out on anything if I don't. You're only missing out if you're not doing something that you want to be doing.
    How do you know that you don't like sex if you've never had it?

    (Original post by abc101)
    How exactly does not being good at sex equate to not bettering yourself?! Life should be about bettering yourself in meaningful ways, gaining knowledge, skills, practising your talents, expanding your intellectual horizons - not about prowess in bed.
    Why not? Infact, why can't you do all that and also enjoy sex? You make it sound like you can only do one or the other, they're not mutually exclusive.

    (Original post by abc101)
    Your life really can't be very fulfilling if you think sex is so important - you're obviously lacking in many aspects of life that are pretty damn important.
    I'm not lacking in anything, I live my life to the full unlike a lot of people.
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    (Original post by bognor-regis)
    Awesome, also known as 'The Devil's 13some'.
    this actually made me LOL haha
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    I don't think I ever want a discussion about sex with my parents :lolwut:
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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    Where did I say they are "lesser people"?
    They are simply illogically choosing not to experience something pleasurable and sociable, those who think they are somehow better and more righteous for not having sex, which is ridiculous of course.

    No one is saying you are obliged, simply that you don't understand enough about sex to know there's nothing intrinsically great about being a virgin.
    I don't understand your bizarre belief that there is no good reason not to have sex. Firstly, the sexual habits of individuals are, except in exceptional circumstances, the business of NO ONE else. Secondly, asexual people do exist and are able to lead productive lives without actively having sex. Not everyone is the same- some people just DON'T find sex interesting. You can deny it and rationalise it all you want- you have no jurisdiction to tell people that they are wrong for not wanting to have sex. Sex can be a fun and sociable activity, but it can also be very taxing and frustrating and for some people just plain boring.
    • #8
    #8

    (Original post by HighestKungFu)
    Use it or lose it is the way I see it. No guts no glory. The longer you leave it the more risk you run of becoming increasingly unattractive and unable to find a mate. Most people aren't lucky enough to be like a fine wine and get better with age.
    This is poor advice.

    Take me, for example. I'm 21 and male. The reason I'm still a virgin is because I'm highly introverted - I have little to no interest in pursuing a social life, and I'm perfectly happy when alone. Having said that, I would like to be in a relationship eventually, but due to the nature of my personality, I've never had the opportunity to begin one. Never met the right person, and not the type to have one night stands.

    Are you suggesting I suppress my natural behaviour in order to go out and get laid? I wouldn't really see the point of that. It's easy enough to lose your virginity if you're extroverted and enjoy parties/drinking, but for quiet people like me it'd probably just feel awkward to be actively in pursuit of sex. If I meet the right person, I'll consider it. I don't think I should be seen as some sort of loser for having that mindset.

    I don't appreciate the stereotyping of virgins as socially inept and unattractive. Many of us are perfectly well adjusted, mature, and highly intelligent, but we simply haven't found or don't desire sexual relationships at such a young age. I don't see why that should be something to be ashamed of. Losing your virginity is not an accomplishment.
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    I don't understand your bizarre belief that there is no good reason not to have sex. Firstly, the sexual habits of individuals are, except in exceptional circumstances, the business of NO ONE else.
    That's still not a reason.

    (Original post by innerhollow)
    Secondly, asexual people do exist and are able to lead productive lives without actively having sex.
    That would be a good reason, however no one as of yet has used this reason. Are you claiming that all those virgins are in fact asexual?

    (Original post by innerhollow)
    Not everyone is the same- some people just DON'T find sex interesting. You can deny it and rationalise it all you want- you have no jurisdiction to tell people that they are wrong for not wanting to have sex. Sex can be a fun and sociable activity, but it can also be very taxing and frustrating and for some people just plain boring.
    So your theory is that virgins are asexual? I find that pretty hard to believe.

    How can people claim to find sex uninteresting if they have never even tried it? That's one huge flaw in your theory.

    I would understand if someone found sex taxing, frustrating etc like you said, but we are talking about people who have never been open-minded enough to even try it.

    Also if they find it taxing and frustrating it's possibly because they haven't practised enough, giving up on sex just because you didn't get into it the first time is defeatist, and no one can say that's a good attitude to have in life.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    All this talk of being a virgin because sex is not important, religion/society/family, being asexual, blah blah blah. What about those of us virgins who are just utterly hopeless at talking to the opposite sex? (I am one of these)
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    (Original post by HighestKungFu)
    (arguably from a Darwinian/Freudian perspective the only real objective of life - procreation). Also, if you've never had sex, how can you know what you are or aren't missing out on? Is it not you that is being closed-minded therefore?

    Sex is a huge motivation for a lot of what we do in life, whether you consciously realise it or not.
    This is nothing to do with the thread, or even the argument you're having, but that is an incredibly inaccurate reading of Freud—he's probably turning in his grave as we speak.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    All this talk of being a virgin because sex is not important, religion/society/family, being asexual, blah blah blah. What about those of us virgins who are just utterly hopeless at talking to the opposite sex? (I am one of these)
    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    That would be a good reason, however no one as of yet has used this reason. Are you claiming that all those virgins are in fact asexual?

    So your theory is that virgins are asexual? I find that pretty hard to believe.
    Not all. I guess you could say that long-term virgins fall into three broad groups.

    - Chosen celibacy, either to focus on other things such as work/study/family, which involves resisting and suppressing sexual desires.

    - Lack of sexual desires altogether (asexuality)

    - Forced celibacy, from not being able to find a suitable sexual partner

    The first two groups benefit from abstaining from sex, and can choose to start having sex if they find they no longer benefit from such a lifestyle. The third group has no choice in the matter so is a null point.

    I am asexual myself- I KNOW instinctively that I don't want to have sex. If my boyfriend ever asked for it (unlikely) I would consider, but otherwise I'm perfectly happy to not have sex for quite a long time... possibly only interrupting this period of abstinence to try sex simply out of intrigue.


    How can people claim to find sex uninteresting if they have never even tried it? That's one huge flaw in your theory.
    Does this really make sense to you? Think about the vast number of things people claim they're not interested in without trying. For example, the vast majority of the population identifies as heterosexual, without ever having had sex with an individual of the same sex. How can these people claim to find homosexual sex uninteresting if they have never even tried it?


    I would understand if someone found sex taxing, frustrating etc like you said, but we are talking about people who have never been open-minded enough to even try it.

    Also if they find it taxing and frustrating it's possibly because they haven't practised enough, giving up on sex just because you didn't get into it the first time is defeatist, and no one can say that's a good attitude to have in life.
    Same point as above.
 
 
 
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