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My girlfriend is asking questions I really don't want to answer. watch

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    I'd really appreciate it if this was kept anon. Can't have this become public knowledge.

    Long story short, my childhood was appaling. I was raped by a teacher through primary school, got horrendously bullied through middle and high schools, and had no friends throughout any of these, as I withdrew into myself so far I just creeped everyone out. Developed severe depression, attempted suicide a couple of times around year 10, which was met with scorn and punishment by my emotionally barren parents. The second time I tried, I was in hospital for three days, and noone visited me once, even though my parents house was less than a mile away. I then had to walk home.

    Needless to say it probably wasn't surprising when my brain imploded in the first year of college, and I ended up in mental hospital.
    While I was there I was inspired. I won't say how, because the story is very cheesy, but needless to say it made me really want to improve myself.

    By the time I got out of hospital I was working out, talking to people (as well as someone with terrible social skills can), and just doing what I could to make things better. Through sheer luck I found a place at uni through clearing, and for the first time in my life I was looking forward to the future.

    In an argument with my parents about how I could let myself get to the point where I was admitted to mental hospital, I decided to tell them everything, from the rape, to the beatings, to the having nobody in my life who cared enough to give me the emotional support I really could have done with. Their response? "That's no excuse for being pathetic". Soon after that gem I moved 200 miles away, with the intention of drawing a line under everything, disowning my parents, never returning to that city and basically starting my life anew.

    I'd read on the internet that social skills were like a muscle, and could be improved with practice. I took this entirely literally, and started going out to clubs every night and talking to randomers; experiencing rejection after rejection, but ultimately learning pretty quick what's cool to say and what's not. After a few months I could actually enjoy myself in a conversation. A few months after *that* and I was actually being described as charming. This combined with the fact that I'd been working out constantly for the previous 8 or 9 months, and girls were starting to notice me.

    I'd gotten myself a pretty solid circle of friends by this point, and started getting really close to this one girl. She is honestly amazing, and I really like her . We're now in an awesome relationship, but there is one problem: my past.

    I made a facebook at the start of the year, and added all my uni friends for whatever reason anyone would ever make a facebook. When me and my girlfriend got together however, she asked me if she could be added to my 'real' facebook.

    "My real facebook?"

    "Your profile was created at the start of the year, and I personally know every single person you have added to it. I mean you must have an older profile with your school friends, and family and stuff."

    "Actually I don't."

    "Then why haven't you added your old friends to your new profile? You're a sociable guy, I find it hard to believe you fell out with every single one of them. And noone gets through school without making friends."

    Legit questions, which I have no idea how to answer. She also wants to know why I stayed at uni over Christmas, and when she can meet my parents. The more I dodge the questions, the more determined she gets about finding out the answers. To begin with I played it off as a joke about how it made me more mysterious, but then when she became visibly annoyed at yet another deflection, I dunno. I have no idea what to do.

    I REALLY don't want to tell her. I mean what would I say? "This time last year I was being force fed anti-psychotics in a mental hospital, with no friends, and noone in the entire world who cared about me"? I don't want her to feel sorry for me. The only other option is make up some elaborate lie, but like, I'm obviously not going to do that because I'm not a ****.

    What do I do TSR? I really don't want to lose her, but I also don't want her to know what I've just told you guys.
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    show her this post mate, moving story
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    First things first, track down the teacher who abused you and get vengeance. I would murder him personally and then high tail it out of the uk on the eurostar.

    Tell her the truth, that you want to leave your past behind. simple really.
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    Man up and tell her.

    I say that in the kindest way possible.

    EDIT: What part of "I say that in the kindest way possible" do people not understand.
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    I would love it if you would PM me the *cheesy yet inspirational bit* that you decided to exclude from your post! But, considering everything you've been through..you should maybe tell your girlfriend a little bit at a time..Explain to her that a lot has happened and that it's going to take a while for you to be able to talk about it. I'm sure she'll understand
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd really appreciate it if this was kept anon. Can't have this become public knowledge.

    Long story short, my childhood was appaling. I was raped by a teacher through primary school, got horrendously bullied through middle and high schools, and had no friends throughout any of these, as I withdrew into myself so far I just creeped everyone out. Developed severe depression, attempted suicide a couple of times around year 10, which was met with scorn and punishment by my emotionally barren parents. The second time I tried, I was in hospital for three days, and noone visited me once, even though my parents house was less than a mile away. I then had to walk home.

    Needless to say it probably wasn't surprising when my brain imploded in the first year of college, and I ended up in mental hospital.
    While I was there I was inspired. I won't say how, because the story is very cheesy, but needless to say it made me really want to improve myself.

    By the time I got out of hospital I was working out, talking to people (as well as someone with terrible social skills can), and just doing what I could to make things better. Through sheer luck I found a place at uni through clearing, and for the first time in my life I was looking forward to the future.

    In an argument with my parents about how I could let myself get to the point where I was admitted to mental hospital, I decided to tell them everything, from the rape, to the beatings, to the having nobody in my life who cared enough to give me the emotional support I really could have done with. Their response? "That's no excuse for being pathetic". Soon after that gem I moved 200 miles away, with the intention of drawing a line under everything, disowning my parents, never returning to that city and basically starting my life anew.

    I'd read on the internet that social skills were like a muscle, and could be improved with practice. I took this entirely literally, and started going out to clubs every night and talking to randomers; experiencing rejection after rejection, but ultimately learning pretty quick what's cool to say and what's not. After a few months I could actually enjoy myself in a conversation. A few months after *that* and I was actually being described as charming. This combined with the fact that I'd been working out constantly for the previous 8 or 9 months, and girls were starting to notice me.

    I'd gotten myself a pretty solid circle of friends by this point, and started getting really close to this one girl. She is honestly amazing, and I really like her . We're now in an awesome relationship, but there is one problem: my past.

    I made a facebook at the start of the year, and added all my uni friends for whatever reason anyone would ever make a facebook. When me and my girlfriend got together however, she asked me if she could be added to my 'real' facebook.

    "My real facebook?"

    "Your profile was created at the start of the year, and I personally know every single person you have added to it. I mean you must have an older profile with your school friends, and family and stuff."

    "Actually I don't."

    "Then why haven't you added your old friends to your new profile? You're a sociable guy, I find it hard to believe you fell out with every single one of them. And noone gets through school without making friends."

    Legit questions, which I have no idea how to answer. She also wants to know why I stayed at uni over Christmas, and when she can meet my parents. The more I dodge the questions, the more determined she gets about finding out the answers. To begin with I played it off as a joke about how it made me more mysterious, but then when she became visibly annoyed at yet another deflection, I dunno. I have no idea what to do.

    I REALLY don't want to tell her. I mean what would I say? "This time last year I was being force fed anti-psychotics in a mental hospital, with no friends, and noone in the entire world who cared about me"? I don't want her to feel sorry for me. The only other option is make up some elaborate lie, but like, I'm obviously not going to do that because I'm not a ****.

    What do I do TSR? I really don't want to lose her, but I also don't want her to know what I've just told you guys.
    You don't have to lie to her to not talk about it.

    Say you don't get on with your parents and would rather not talk about it because its a difficult subject for you. Or that you had a rough childhood and would rather leave it all behind and that its difficult to talk about.

    You don't have to never tell her, just not right now.
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    Tell her, if she loves you she won't mind and if she does mind well..you won't be wasting your time on her anymore.

    Good for you though for overcoming all that adversity
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    Wow, thats intense. I really feel sorry for what you've been through... You have said that you think this girl is amazing, you should give her the chance to prove that to you.
    I hope it goes well.
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    I think you have to give her some kind of explanation - but like someone suggested maybe just telling her part of it, and saying you aren't ready to talk about everything yet.
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    Tell her that you never used facebook before university, and you don't talk much with old friends so you won't add them.
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    Wow. I am impressed that you got back on your feet. Well done for doing that . Reminds me a little of my life but you have gone through a lot more than me.

    I wouldn't tell her yet. How long have you know her for? Can you trust her? If you haven't been together very long, then she is being really intrusive and she shouldn't push you for answers when you are clearly uncomfortable with it.
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    I would suggest that do not lie, but perhaps give a VERY general but truthful account of what you have just mentioned. If she's still interested in you (i.e. is interested in you on more than just a physical level) then she's worth making an effort for.

    Good luck my friend.
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    Your teacher needs to be publicly hanged, and your parents named and shamed. This sounds really patronising but I can't think of another word, I'm so proud of you for getting through all that. I can imagine that I would have tried to commit suicide more than twice if I was in your past situation.

    Anyway, with the girlfriend, how long have you been with her for? I'd probably want to wait at least 6 months before telling her EVERYTHING. Maybe for now just say that you had an argument with your parents about going to university, and haven't spoken to them since? As for old friends, I'm not sure about that one sorry :/

    Sorry, but why have I been negged?
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    Well done getting back on track with your life after that awful ordeal mate
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    (Original post by bognor-regis)
    First things first, track down the teacher who abused you and get vengeance. I would murder him personally and then high tail it out of the uk on the eurostar.

    Tell her the truth, that you want to leave your past behind. simple really.
    Lets just say that a package made up of some photoshopped chatlogs of my ex teacher grooming underage girls on the internet, and a personal letter from a parent saying how he later met up with and molested their 7 year old son has found its way through the letterboxes of his entire neighbourhood, his family, and of everyone he works with.

    I can't prove anything he did to me, but I can for sure make his life difficult.

    (Original post by Hooovan*)
    I would love it if you would PM me the *cheesy yet inspirational bit* that you decided to exclude from your post! But, considering everything you've been through..you should maybe tell your girlfriend a little bit at a time..Explain to her that a lot has happened and that it's going to take a while for you to be able to talk about it. I'm sure she'll understand
    PM'd

    (Original post by Misnomer)
    Wow. I am impressed that you got back on your feet. Well done for doing that . Reminds me a little of my life but you have gone through a lot more than me.

    I wouldn't tell her yet. How long have you know her for? Can you trust her? If you haven't been together very long, then she is being really intrusive and she shouldn't push you for answers when you are clearly uncomfortable with it.
    Thanks man.

    She didn't start off like this. To begin with it was just casual questions out of curiosity. Then I just kept changing the subject every time she asked. I've never outright said I'm uncomfortable with her asking, so I guess she thinks I'm just messing around.

    I do trust her a lot though.

    (Original post by Joel4fun4u)
    Stop being a crybaby.
    Oh don't get me wrong; this thread was written in a moment of stress. It's not indicative of how I usually behave. Usually I'm pretty collected.
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    Hey mate,

    I think you're awesome, there aren't many people who could go through what you have and pull through it. Massive respect!

    As for the girlfriend, she clearly digs you for who you are now, I understand why you don't want to dig up the past and you're worried how she might react but I think you should give her a chance. If she's as special as you believe her to be she will appreciate your honesty and understand why you haven't wanted to talk about it. It's a tough one, you recognise that she's asking legit questions and if it's turning into something serious you're going to have to talk about it a little. Having read and thought about your post I don't feel sorry for for...just admiration, I suspect she'll feel the same and realise what a cool guy you are.

    Good luck!
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    What so your teacher raped you up the arse and he got away with it you should try and track him down or go to the police incase he does it to other people.
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    (Original post by pippa90)
    Your teacher needs to be publicly hanged, and your parents named and shamed. This sounds really patronising but I can't think of another word, I'm so proud of you for getting through all that. I can imagine that I would have tried to commit suicide more than twice if I was in your past situation.

    Anyway, with the girlfriend, how long have you been with her for? I'd probably want to wait at least 6 months before telling her EVERYTHING. Maybe for now just say that you had an argument with your parents about going to university, and haven't spoken to them since? As for old friends, I'm not sure about that one sorry :/
    No. If you twist the truth, she'll try and get involved by thinking shes helping. She'll either want to talk about it at length with him or get him to reconcile his differences with his parents if shes told it was just an argument about uni. He'll never hear the end of it.

    He has things under control as it is its his history he can tell her when he feels more comfortable about it, all she needs to know is that he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it it brings up bad memories.
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    (Original post by insoms)
    No. If you twist the truth, she'll try and get involved by thinking shes helping. She'll either want to talk about it at length with him or get him to reconcile his differences with his parents if shes told it was just an argument about uni. He'll never hear the end of it.

    He has things under control as it is its his history he can tell her when he feels more comfortable about it, all she needs to know is that he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it it brings up bad memories.
    Well he has posted on here asking what to do, he can't be in as much control as he used to be. He could just say that what his parents said to him were really upsetting, he never wants to talk to them again, and he doesn't want to go over what they did/said to him just yet because it still really upsets him. She's going to keep asking him why he doesn't see or talk to his parents, so if he wants to it would probably be advisable to tell her part of the truth now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd really appreciate it if this was kept anon. Can't have this become public knowledge.

    Long story short, my childhood was appaling. I was raped by a teacher through primary school, got horrendously bullied through middle and high schools, and had no friends throughout any of these, as I withdrew into myself so far I just creeped everyone out. Developed severe depression, attempted suicide a couple of times around year 10, which was met with scorn and punishment by my emotionally barren parents. The second time I tried, I was in hospital for three days, and noone visited me once, even though my parents house was less than a mile away. I then had to walk home.

    Needless to say it probably wasn't surprising when my brain imploded in the first year of college, and I ended up in mental hospital.
    While I was there I was inspired. I won't say how, because the story is very cheesy, but needless to say it made me really want to improve myself.

    By the time I got out of hospital I was working out, talking to people (as well as someone with terrible social skills can), and just doing what I could to make things better. Through sheer luck I found a place at uni through clearing, and for the first time in my life I was looking forward to the future.

    In an argument with my parents about how I could let myself get to the point where I was admitted to mental hospital, I decided to tell them everything, from the rape, to the beatings, to the having nobody in my life who cared enough to give me the emotional support I really could have done with. Their response? "That's no excuse for being pathetic". Soon after that gem I moved 200 miles away, with the intention of drawing a line under everything, disowning my parents, never returning to that city and basically starting my life anew.

    I'd read on the internet that social skills were like a muscle, and could be improved with practice. I took this entirely literally, and started going out to clubs every night and talking to randomers; experiencing rejection after rejection, but ultimately learning pretty quick what's cool to say and what's not. After a few months I could actually enjoy myself in a conversation. A few months after *that* and I was actually being described as charming. This combined with the fact that I'd been working out constantly for the previous 8 or 9 months, and girls were starting to notice me.

    I'd gotten myself a pretty solid circle of friends by this point, and started getting really close to this one girl. She is honestly amazing, and I really like her . We're now in an awesome relationship, but there is one problem: my past.

    I made a facebook at the start of the year, and added all my uni friends for whatever reason anyone would ever make a facebook. When me and my girlfriend got together however, she asked me if she could be added to my 'real' facebook.

    "My real facebook?"

    "Your profile was created at the start of the year, and I personally know every single person you have added to it. I mean you must have an older profile with your school friends, and family and stuff."

    "Actually I don't."

    "Then why haven't you added your old friends to your new profile? You're a sociable guy, I find it hard to believe you fell out with every single one of them. And noone gets through school without making friends."

    Legit questions, which I have no idea how to answer. She also wants to know why I stayed at uni over Christmas, and when she can meet my parents. The more I dodge the questions, the more determined she gets about finding out the answers. To begin with I played it off as a joke about how it made me more mysterious, but then when she became visibly annoyed at yet another deflection, I dunno. I have no idea what to do.

    I REALLY don't want to tell her. I mean what would I say? "This time last year I was being force fed anti-psychotics in a mental hospital, with no friends, and noone in the entire world who cared about me"? I don't want her to feel sorry for me. The only other option is make up some elaborate lie, but like, I'm obviously not going to do that because I'm not a ****.

    What do I do TSR? I really don't want to lose her, but I also don't want her to know what I've just told you guys.
    Wow... and I thought my life had been bad. Just puts things into perspective really. Also, I'd love to read the story that you didn't want to post, if you don't mind pming me it?

    As for the girlfriend, I'd suggest not telling her everything outright if you're trying to forget your past. She'll probably only ask more questions or bring it up in the future which I'm sure you don't want.

    Good luck with your life mate. I hope it's a long and happy one.
 
 
 
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