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My girlfriend is asking questions I really don't want to answer. Watch

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    I don't really have any advice on what you should do, but I just wanna say you sound like a ****ing awesome guy and I'm really happy for how you've turned things around. :five: Nice one mate.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    but I just wanna say you sound like a ****ing awesome guy and I'm really happy for how you've turned things around. :five: Nice one mate.
    Exactly this

    Thats pretty amazing to read, reminds me of my own life a little except you've gone through a lot more than I have. And glad you have, always nice to hear when things turn out great for people in the end.

    As for telling your gf, there's 3 things you can do I think.

    Firstly, it depends on how serious the relationship is, and how serious you think it can be. If its pretty serious and you don't see it ending anytime soon, then I'd suggest not telling her the truth, but at least part of it. She'll not only respect you for it but if she accepts it all it'll bring you both even closer.

    Secondly you can simply tell her you want to forget your past as someone else said. Only thing is, she might feel a little hurt/annoyed that you can't be honest with her about some things, bear that in mind. It might not matter now but if the relationship gets more and more serious it might come up time and time again

    Thirdly, lie to her. I wouldnt, since all lies get found out sooner or later

    Oh and lastly, could you also PM me the cheesy inspirational part?
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    Let the crazy out in little bits...
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    You could tell her the truth, like a lot people here have jumped to saying. But in my opinion if you aren't comfortable with sharing that information then you shouldn't have to. It's your past, your trauma to cope with and it's nobody's business unless you want it to be. Obviously in relationships a certain level of trust and sharing is required/expected. But maybe you're not there just yet.

    You could say that you have personal reasons for not having old school friends, not having her meet the parents etc. You could say you're not quite ready to share that with her, that you haven't shared that with anybody really, and you need time.

    It's not necessarily a case of not ever telling her what happened, but maybe just a case of not telling her at this moment. If she gets upset at all that you won't tell her, stress that you're just not ready and that she needs to respect that. It's not about her specifically.

    Good luck, it's hard but you'll do fine
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    Never tell her your past otherwise it will give her ammo when guys argue. And she might tell someone else and it could spread like wildfire thus ruining your image. Tell her that you drunkenly slept with your old friend's gf and everyone started hating you.
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    You sound like a great guy, show her this post, or just tell her, I'm sure she'll understand.

    A lot of people have social skill issues. The number of times I've been ostracized for x or x reason. And yet when people meet me first they'd probably never guess now, but still... It's more common than people think, and in general people understand, but I know that it's hard to talk about it. My childhood's social life was one of the things I was most ashamed of when growing up, but people helped me get over it. I'm still ostracized from time to time, and random people stop talking to me without me ever finding out why, but then you also meet great people and move on. =)

    I'd also like the pm that everyone's asking for.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd really appreciate it if this was kept anon. Can't have this become public knowledge.

    Long story short, my childhood was appaling. I was raped by a teacher through primary school, got horrendously bullied through middle and high schools, and had no friends throughout any of these, as I withdrew into myself so far I just creeped everyone out. Developed severe depression, attempted suicide a couple of times around year 10, which was met with scorn and punishment by my emotionally barren parents. The second time I tried, I was in hospital for three days, and noone visited me once, even though my parents house was less than a mile away. I then had to walk home.

    Needless to say it probably wasn't surprising when my brain imploded in the first year of college, and I ended up in mental hospital.
    While I was there I was inspired. I won't say how, because the story is very cheesy, but needless to say it made me really want to improve myself.

    By the time I got out of hospital I was working out, talking to people (as well as someone with terrible social skills can), and just doing what I could to make things better. Through sheer luck I found a place at uni through clearing, and for the first time in my life I was looking forward to the future.

    In an argument with my parents about how I could let myself get to the point where I was admitted to mental hospital, I decided to tell them everything, from the rape, to the beatings, to the having nobody in my life who cared enough to give me the emotional support I really could have done with. Their response? "That's no excuse for being pathetic". Soon after that gem I moved 200 miles away, with the intention of drawing a line under everything, disowning my parents, never returning to that city and basically starting my life anew.

    I'd read on the internet that social skills were like a muscle, and could be improved with practice. I took this entirely literally, and started going out to clubs every night and talking to randomers; experiencing rejection after rejection, but ultimately learning pretty quick what's cool to say and what's not. After a few months I could actually enjoy myself in a conversation. A few months after *that* and I was actually being described as charming. This combined with the fact that I'd been working out constantly for the previous 8 or 9 months, and girls were starting to notice me.

    I'd gotten myself a pretty solid circle of friends by this point, and started getting really close to this one girl. She is honestly amazing, and I really like her . We're now in an awesome relationship, but there is one problem: my past.

    I made a facebook at the start of the year, and added all my uni friends for whatever reason anyone would ever make a facebook. When me and my girlfriend got together however, she asked me if she could be added to my 'real' facebook.

    "My real facebook?"

    "Your profile was created at the start of the year, and I personally know every single person you have added to it. I mean you must have an older profile with your school friends, and family and stuff."

    "Actually I don't."

    "Then why haven't you added your old friends to your new profile? You're a sociable guy, I find it hard to believe you fell out with every single one of them. And noone gets through school without making friends."

    Legit questions, which I have no idea how to answer. She also wants to know why I stayed at uni over Christmas, and when she can meet my parents. The more I dodge the questions, the more determined she gets about finding out the answers. To begin with I played it off as a joke about how it made me more mysterious, but then when she became visibly annoyed at yet another deflection, I dunno. I have no idea what to do.

    I REALLY don't want to tell her. I mean what would I say? "This time last year I was being force fed anti-psychotics in a mental hospital, with no friends, and noone in the entire world who cared about me"? I don't want her to feel sorry for me. The only other option is make up some elaborate lie, but like, I'm obviously not going to do that because I'm not a ****.

    What do I do TSR? I really don't want to lose her, but I also don't want her to know what I've just told you guys.
    I've had a similar problem in the past with guys.
    I found giving them images of it, helped however not the whole story. The images were normally enough to stop them asking questions for a while. But when a few months down the line they became more pestering, i had to be a bit more creative.

    It may be good to twist the truth a bit, 'I was in foster care and always moving around' may explain to some extent not wanting to talk about parents, and not having anyone from previous school.

    Eventually if the relationship progresses to being a few years long, i'd recommend telling her a bit more. I can't imagine it making her dislike you but have more respect for you.

    Also few questions about social skills: Struggle with change? Taking language literally too often? Struggle with picking up sarcasm?

    Well done for combating your social skills btw. Quite impressed especially as it's something extremely hard to do with low confidence .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I REALLY don't want to tell her. I mean what would I say? "This time last year I was being force fed anti-psychotics in a mental hospital, with no friends, and noone in the entire world who cared about me"? I don't want her to feel sorry for me. The only other option is make up some elaborate lie, but like, I'm obviously not going to do that because I'm not a ****.

    What do I do TSR? I really don't want to lose her, but I also don't want her to know what I've just told you guys.
    I don't believe she would feel sorry for you in the way that would bother you. It sounds like you are doing really well right now so the odds are that she is really amazed and proud of you as you have been able to recover so well. And knowing those things, if she doesn't bring them up when you don't want, can help her understand you as a person, and that will only do good for your relationship.

    It sure is scary to reveal such tabu and tragic things and you definitely should not rush into telling it. Maybe you could start just by telling that there are some painful memories and that you need some time before you tell them. Thus she can understand better and maybe she understands to stop asking uncomfortable questions. If you don't tell her anything, not even that you have a dark things in your past and that you have started a completely new life recently, she might not understand you at all and that eats away her trust. She might feel that you don't let her close enough etc. I don't mean that you should tell her the things you don't like but I think you should explain at least why you are being so mysterious.

    But anyway, you have done incredible work with yourself. I truly admire you, and as I am sorry for you, there is no the kind of pity people usually don't want to get. And I think your girlfriend could take it really well as it will be only your history to her as she knows you already as a person who you nowadays are.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd really appreciate it if this was kept anon. Can't have this become public knowledge.

    Long story short, my childhood was appaling. I was raped by a teacher through primary school, got horrendously bullied through middle and high schools, and had no friends throughout any of these, as I withdrew into myself so far I just creeped everyone out. Developed severe depression, attempted suicide a couple of times around year 10, which was met with scorn and punishment by my emotionally barren parents. The second time I tried, I was in hospital for three days, and noone visited me once, even though my parents house was less than a mile away. I then had to walk home.

    Needless to say it probably wasn't surprising when my brain imploded in the first year of college, and I ended up in mental hospital.
    While I was there I was inspired. I won't say how, because the story is very cheesy, but needless to say it made me really want to improve myself.

    By the time I got out of hospital I was working out, talking to people (as well as someone with terrible social skills can), and just doing what I could to make things better. Through sheer luck I found a place at uni through clearing, and for the first time in my life I was looking forward to the future.

    In an argument with my parents about how I could let myself get to the point where I was admitted to mental hospital, I decided to tell them everything, from the rape, to the beatings, to the having nobody in my life who cared enough to give me the emotional support I really could have done with. Their response? "That's no excuse for being pathetic". Soon after that gem I moved 200 miles away, with the intention of drawing a line under everything, disowning my parents, never returning to that city and basically starting my life anew.

    I'd read on the internet that social skills were like a muscle, and could be improved with practice. I took this entirely literally, and started going out to clubs every night and talking to randomers; experiencing rejection after rejection, but ultimately learning pretty quick what's cool to say and what's not. After a few months I could actually enjoy myself in a conversation. A few months after *that* and I was actually being described as charming. This combined with the fact that I'd been working out constantly for the previous 8 or 9 months, and girls were starting to notice me.

    I'd gotten myself a pretty solid circle of friends by this point, and started getting really close to this one girl. She is honestly amazing, and I really like her . We're now in an awesome relationship, but there is one problem: my past.

    I made a facebook at the start of the year, and added all my uni friends for whatever reason anyone would ever make a facebook. When me and my girlfriend got together however, she asked me if she could be added to my 'real' facebook.

    "My real facebook?"

    "Your profile was created at the start of the year, and I personally know every single person you have added to it. I mean you must have an older profile with your school friends, and family and stuff."

    "Actually I don't."

    "Then why haven't you added your old friends to your new profile? You're a sociable guy, I find it hard to believe you fell out with every single one of them. And noone gets through school without making friends."

    Legit questions, which I have no idea how to answer. She also wants to know why I stayed at uni over Christmas, and when she can meet my parents. The more I dodge the questions, the more determined she gets about finding out the answers. To begin with I played it off as a joke about how it made me more mysterious, but then when she became visibly annoyed at yet another deflection, I dunno. I have no idea what to do.

    I REALLY don't want to tell her. I mean what would I say? "This time last year I was being force fed anti-psychotics in a mental hospital, with no friends, and noone in the entire world who cared about me"? I don't want her to feel sorry for me. The only other option is make up some elaborate lie, but like, I'm obviously not going to do that because I'm not a ****.

    What do I do TSR? I really don't want to lose her, but I also don't want her to know what I've just told you guys.

    Awwww you're so precious and I really wish I could have been there for you throughout all these terrible experience! I don't know you but I love you already (LOL) ok not love but just want to protect you Ok i'll stop there. You're so amazing and I salute you 100% you're brave and have a million of great things ahead of you!

    Now for the gf, when the time is right you tell her. If you see your relationship going somewhere you will tell her at some point. There is no rush you experiences are very deep. If she is a good gf she will want to do what I want to do and give you a big hug and protect you from everything even an ant ok exaggeration there! Worse thing that can happen is her asking you why you didn't tell her from the get go!

    Who ever you are pm if you ever need me
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    :love:
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    Show her this post and tell you you don't want to talk about it again. If that's what you want.

    There will be a time in the future that this will come up again, if and when you guys get more serious, but she will by then no doubt love you to pieces and can help you finish off the final pieces of getting your life back on track Good luck
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    you sound like an amazing person, please tell her she will most likely understand, otherwise the empty questions will come between you eventually.. carying slightly, you seem like a turely inspirational person. whatever happens i hope you get the best result possible, as that is what you deserve.
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    If you don't really feel comfortable talking about it, tell her that, I'd say. Just be very general, saying that you fell out with your parents and the old friends you had, and you don't want to go into the details right now. Then, when you feel comfortable talking about it, sit down and talk it through with her.

    I'd like to echo the sentiments that you are a ****ing inspiration, though. To get your life back together after stuff like that happens, I'm seriously in awe.
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    Either - Say you had a bad childhood and don't get on with your parents, but you're not ready to discuss it yet. (she should then respect this and drop it, for now).

    Or - Tell her. Show her this post? Kinda tell her a BIT, but not all of it? Maybe if you tell her a bit of the story, she'll be satisfied for the time-being?

    Best of luck x
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    To be honest I think its easy to say "just tell her, be hoenst" but if I was in your situation there would be no way I would tell her.

    The most likely thing I would do is pick and choose what you do and don't tell her. I would leave out the raping bit unless you intend going to the police about it as she would almost definitely encourage you to find and take revenge on the teacher, which could end up ruining your life you have worked so hard to get back on track.

    But tell her you were bullied through school, say you went to a really rough High school and you just didn't get on with anyone because they were basically idiots and you were glad to leave with no friends because there was nobody there worth being friends with. Tell her your parents also were horrible to you and you have no intention of seeing them again, don't mention you went to a mental hospital as is a very personal thing.

    Just do this and make sure you fill in all the cracks so she doesn't become suspicious. Remember this isn't lying to her, its just withholding some information that you feel could compromise your position.

    Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck with it. Your story is inspiring.
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    Firstly I want to say that I agree with all the comments stating that you are in an inspiration, because you are.
    Secondly, the issue with your gf, just say quite bluntly that you had a very difficult time whilst at school and would appreciate to let go of it and that in due time you will let her in.
    If she starts with the You don't trust me card, then say back that if she trusted you she would trust your judgement and let it be as you aren't ready to discuss that part of your life with her yet.
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    (Original post by rylit91)
    Tell her that you never used facebook before university, and you don't talk much with old friends so you won't add them.
    This, last I checked it wasn't uncommon to pretty much drift away from 'schoolyard chums'.

    Personally I only know a few people from school, and pretty much have forgotten everyone else. I could pass an old school mate in the street and not realise it.


    As for your parents, not getting on with them is also not uncommon. Just tell her the truth in that regard.

    No-one is expecting you to volunteer the rape and mental hospital stuff.
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    Just say you a crappy past that you don't want to go into. She will understand, most girls will be understanding enough just to drop it.

    But wow, this is truly inspiring, :love:
    Good luck for the future <3
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    Be honest without being specific. You can tell her that you purposely moved away from your parents, you don't have to say why, you can tell her that you didn't have any friends in school, without saying how that happened. She'll appreciate honesty, without pushing for details if you make it clear that you're not interested in sharing them. I think it's important that you don't lie.

    Hope everything works out for you, you deserve it.
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    OP, you're awesome :love:
 
 
 
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