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Sexual abuse and intimacy watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is very different to pole dancing but i do want to work in a very male dominated industry an i do want to start my own business. I have always wanted to be in control of pretty much every situation.

    I sometimes think that it would be great to in love, but other times the whole idea of love (not love for immediate family and friends) is quite revolting, pathetic and needless. Not often but some times i meet someone or see someone, and i never see them again(i probably would if i tried) and i think that they are so lovely or beautiful and i think it would just so cool if we hung out, because i knw lots of great guys from college but these guys i know i could feel something for if i kept seeing them. So there are guys that i just keep away from because i tell myself i need to focus on my future, really great guys who always help me out and others who i don't know but seem nice, then all other men i just group together as crap to be honest.

    And when hear of women being attacked i just get so angry i want to do things that i shouldn't and i want to protect myself, and i want to be by myself. But i don't want to be like this forever.I definately on't think that it is selfish to want to be protected i think it is brave to let someone protect you.
    I had always wanted to be in a high position in a job, and even though this is quite pathetic whilst working at a shop I got promoted to senior sales advisor and had a section to maintain and train new staff on I loved it. My disappointment was always getting turned down for supervisor which I had always strived to get.

    The reason I believe it selfish to want someone to protect me is because I feel like I should be strong enough, and smart enough to prevent things from happening. To prevent people from taking advantage and I shouldn't rely on others to do that for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For those of you who have ever been sexually abused/assaulted, how much of an effect did it make on your ability to be intimate?

    I was abused as a child, over ten years ago, and still cannot bring myself to be intimate with anyone, even someone I truly trusted. I thought time would make it more bearable, but it hasn't.

    I don't know what to do.
    Firstly, I'm really sorry you went through that.

    I was sexually assaulted when I was 14. I somehow thought it was my fault and was so embarrassed and ashamed that I pretended it never happened and never told anyone. I tried to forget about it and actually became quite promiscuous. I had a quite a casual attitude towards sex but found it really hard to be emotionally intimate with boys. After having sex, I would tell them to leave and couldn't stand cuddling etc. Then when I was 19, I had a really vivid flashback of the assault. I suddenly became really frigid. The thought of having sex with anyone terrified me. I had a boyfriend at the time and suddenly went from wanting loads of sex to not being able to do anything at all. At the same time, my eating disorder was getting worse and I think the weight loss and loss of period further contributed to my lack of sex drive..

    I'm sorry I don't have any great advice to contribute. I would recommend seeing a therapist though. I've been seeing a therapist for a while now (for my eating disorder but I've started talking about this) and whilst it's not a magic cure it has definitely helped me understand my feelings and learn about myself.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by thru sun and rain)
    I had always wanted to be in a high position in a job, and even though this is quite pathetic whilst working at a shop I got promoted to senior sales advisor and had a section to maintain and train new staff on I loved it. My disappointment was always getting turned down for supervisor which I had always strived to get.

    The reason I believe it selfish to want someone to protect me is because I feel like I should be strong enough, and smart enough to prevent things from happening. To prevent people from taking advantage and I shouldn't rely on others to do that for me.
    The reason I believe it selfish to want someone to protect me is because I feel like I should be strong enough, and smart enough to prevent things from happening. To prevent people from taking advantage and I shouldn't rely on others to do that for me.[/QUOTE]

    I want to be able to take care of myself in every possible way,but if i do that i won't need anybody else. I know myself and if i don't explore my emotions and other people's capabilities, then i will get everything that i ever wanted because all i will want is my dream job and money. And i don't want to have disposable men who want me and i can manipulate.This what i think i will be like, but i won't really know until i try.

    Are you in relationships because you want to be safe or because you think your in love, and do you think love actually exists or is it just a phase?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The reason I believe it selfish to want someone to protect me is because I feel like I should be strong enough, and smart enough to prevent things from happening. To prevent people from taking advantage and I shouldn't rely on others to do that for me.
    I want to be able to take care of myself in every possible way,but if i do that i won't need anybody else. I know myself and if i don't explore my emotions and other people's capabilities, then i will get everything that i ever wanted because all i will want is my dream job and money. And i don't want to have disposable men who want me and i can manipulate.This what i think i will be like, but i won't really know until i try.

    Are you in relationships because you want to be safe or because you think your in love, and do you think love actually exists or is it just a phase?[/QUOTE]

    That is a dificult question. Partly a bit of all of it tbh. I like feeling safe but I also like the warmth that I feel. However how can a person define love? Is it a feeling? an emotion? a phase? a lifestyle? Love, I think does exist, but in many forms. for example the love of family, the love of a pet, the love of jobs and of material goods.
    The love between two people is a hard one to debate. Is there true love? (lol I really don't know how to answer) :o:
    • #6
    #6

    I have had a similar issue, but the abuse happened when I was very young so I don't have definite memories of it or problems with flashbacks, just impressions of emotions felt at the time.

    I have never felt comfortable with men, and my first sexual experiences were not in relationships, I would describe my attitude to them as cold and detached, just something to be gotten out of the way so I was like everybody else.

    However, on the brighter side it is a lot better now. I am 23, have come to terms and excepted that part of my life, realised that there are many other people whose childhoods were traumatic (a lot more so than mine) and men are individuals and some are deserving of my trust and affection and some are not.

    I had an eating disorder as a teenager and there was certainly a lot of confusion and self blame and a massive sense of being rejected as a daughter (abuse by father). It wasn't easy, but now I am strong, empathetic and optimistic (seeing a bad side of human nature has strangely enough made me see the good in people!?)

    So my advice is to wait, go slow, maybe a therapist would help, (personally I told a few trusted friends which lifted the burden) and don't let someone ruin your life and affect your happiness anymore.
 
 
 
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