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But shes engaged! (long read) watch

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    Hi all.
    Bit of back story before I get into the problem.

    About 2 years ago, a whole mess of problems (mostly lonliness) had added up to making me essentially a broken man. I won't go into it, since most are pretty irrelevant now but I was in a seriously bad way.

    That changed when I met a girl through the internet. She was a couple of years older than me (I was 17, she was 19) but she was going through a pretty bad time as well, so we helped eachother out and became best friends.

    It was pretty inevitable that I fell in love with her and I did.
    Almost a year after we became friends, she got a new boyfriend. Scottish guy that I had known before they got together and hated, even before they got together.
    They moved very fast and after being together for about 3 months, they got engaged.
    This drove me a bit mad and we ended up falling apart.

    Now for the rest of it, I need you to understand something:
    She is not a liar.
    She hates lying more than anything. She is definately not a liar.
    Fish swim, birds fly, dogs bark, she tells the truth.

    About a year later, I still had feelings for her. Still thought about her every day, wild scenarios where she leaves him for me racing through my mind.
    I then get an email from her, complaining about spam. I had a virus on my comp, that was using my email to send her viagra adverts.
    We got to talking through that, just courteous at first. "I hope you are well" at the end of the reply and stuff, but then got to talking again and now we are friends again.

    Sounds great right? Wrong!
    Im still in love with her and a couple of weeks ago, she goes and drops a bomb shell.
    She was curious about if I had found a girlfriend or anything. Which I had, sorta. We'd broken up long ago and it was a long distance thing. We were only in the same room for a few days and it was kind of meaningless tbh.
    Anyways, I was really quite down about it.
    "Well, only one girls ever had feelings for me"
    And then she says:
    "I did.....not sure those feelings havent gone away"

    This blows me away to say the least. Apparently, she never acted on her feelings for me for the same reason I didn't: friendship meant too much to gamble.
    Anyway, we kind of laugh it off and say its something we can look back on and laugh at.

    Then about a week ago, she sends me a text, just before she goes to bed.
    "Good night, sweet dreams. and [my name], Im trying not to fall in love with you"
    I just tell her that Im fine with being friends, although I feel the same way and if she did want to start something with me, Id be all for it.

    Anyway, one of the things that brought us close is a thing called Roleplay. Not sexual, its more like improvisation over the internet. She describes what her charactar says and does, I do the same thing.
    We were talking about our charactars and she says how she really likes the one Im doing now and I say:
    "Yeah, hes more like me than the others. Although I doubt Id be as good in bed lol xxx"
    to which she replies
    "Don't know til you try lol" (Im still a virgin, she knows that)
    Me: "hehe, is that an offer?"
    Her: "If you were with me, I would"
    Me: "Shame your not serious lol"
    her: "I am serious."

    Obviously, this makes me really happy.
    She won't cheat on her man, but she said "If I were to go through with it, Id have to break it off with him"
    This says to me that shes debating it.

    Anyways, we're on webcam (fully clothed before anyone says anything) a few days ago and she tells me that she loves me.
    Seems really happy when she realises too, repeating it in caps a load of times.
    Really, happier than ive ever seen her.

    Now her relationship sounds like its breaking to me. I won't say the things hes done, but she can't trust him, so the weddings off until she can and he sounds like he takes her for granted to say the least.

    Ive been there for her, online to help her out and do my best to make her feel ok. Not sure how much good it does but I try at least. Even saying she can drive down to mine whenever if she needs to escape from him.

    Its a tricky situation.
    She says shes in love with both me and her man.
    But I don't know what to do. If she stays with him, Im sure she'll be very unhappy (shes even admitted shes settling) and if she leaves him for me, what if Im not good enough?
    what if Im a crappy boyfriend or crap in bed? (Sex is a part of any healthy relationship as far as I understand.)

    I just dont know what to do.
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    oh dear. i can understand why youre so hung up on this girl but she sounds like she likes 2 men running around after her? she enjoys the attention youre giving her and that's why she isnt helping you move on.


    with regards to not being good in bed, i wouldnt worry, everyone worries about that at first but you learn together.
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    Basically, you need to get off the internet, and concentrate on your 'real' relationships.
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    Have you actually ever met this girl in real life?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all.


    Now her relationship sounds like its breaking to me. I won't say the things hes done, but she can't trust him, so the weddings off until she can and he sounds like he takes her for granted to say the least.

    Ive been there for her, online to help her out and do my best to make her feel ok. Not sure how much good it does but I try at least. Even saying she can drive down to mine whenever if she needs to escape from him.

    Its a tricky situation.
    She says shes in love with both me and her man.
    But I don't know what to do. If she stays with him, Im sure she'll be very unhappy (shes even admitted shes settling) and if she leaves him for me, what if Im not good enough?
    what if Im a crappy boyfriend or crap in bed? (Sex is a part of any healthy relationship as far as I understand.)

    I just dont know what to do.
    I maybe somewhat skeptical but I would go find someone else. It sounds like your an scapegoat for when things go sour with this other guy on the basis she knows you liked her, she is playing your weakness to see if she gets a reaction. She obviously likes admiration and attention.
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    Basically, you need to get off the internet, and concentrate on your 'real' relationships.
    Excuse me, Im going to leap to the OP's defense here and try to dispel some truths
    What you fail to understand (and theres alot of other ignorant people with you) is that just because they met online, doesn't mean she isn't real person.
    She is a human being behind that computer screen.
    Apparently, she also lives within driving distance and they have apparently been through a lot together so shes been a better friend to him than most of my "real" friends.

    Down ranked for ignorance.
    Feel free to thumbs down for making valid points.


    @OP: Its a strange situation, Id just see how it plays out and carry on being the guy she likes enough to fall for.
    Dont worry about sex, if she knows your a virgin, she'll be understanding.
    • #1
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    (Original post by INeedToLoseWeight)
    Have you actually ever met this girl in real life?
    Sadly not.
    We tried to but various things like exams and money got in the way.
    • #1
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    Basically, you need to get off the internet, and concentrate on your 'real' relationships.
    I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
    Even if they are trolling.
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    Bumping because I still need help.
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    youve had help. not sure what you want us to say??
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    I think you're playing a very dangerous game by letting her get close to you over the internet when in real life she is engaged. Give her an ultimatum; you can't carry on like this while she's engaged, it's just not fair on the guy.
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    (Original post by petitflam)
    youve had help. not sure what you want us to say??
    Im grateful for your help, I was just hoping for a few more.
    Don't think Im belittling your opinion, I just want to see if anyone else has another perspective.
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    (Original post by MovingOn)
    I think you're playing a very dangerous game by letting her get close to you over the internet when in real life she is engaged. Give her an ultimatum; you can't carry on like this while she's engaged, it's just not fair on the guy.
    I can't do that
    I promised that I would never make her choose and I keep my promises.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't do that
    I promised that I would never make her choose and I keep my promises.
    Then back off from her for a while until she has made her mind up. At the moment, she's playing both you and him.
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    Let her make her mind off, but stay away until she does. If she is that interested in you, she would leave him for you and will contact you.
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    (Original post by MovingOn)
    Then back off from her for a while until she has made her mind up. At the moment, she's playing both you and him.
    Ill think about it, thanks.
    It would be very hard.
    I get unhappy if we don't talk for one day.
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    (Original post by undermyskin)
    Let her make her mind off, but stay away until she does. If she is that interested in you, she would leave him for you and will contact you.
    Im not sure I can do that.
    Losing her would be too painful and I promised Id never force her to choose.
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    Thank you so much. This is possibly one of the most hilarious things I've ever read on the internet anywhere. I'm not sure whether it's the way you've written it or what. Your story enthralls me, I want to know more and don't at the same time for fear that my sides will split. Basically, what 'in_vogue' said. Internet relationships are for people who are awful deipnosophists and have no people skills, get to know people. Don't get to know internet usernames or email addresses.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im not sure I can do that.
    Losing her would be too painful and I promised Id never force her to choose.
    Your not forcing her, your letting her decide in her own time. She can't keep playing you. Also the sooner you try to move away from someone the easier it is to forget them.
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    (Original post by kingstriker)
    Thank you so much. This is possibly one of the most hilarious things I've ever read on the internet anywhere. I'm not sure whether it's the way you've written it or what. Your story enthralls me, I want to know more and don't at the same time for fear that my sides will split. Basically, what 'in_vogue' said. Internet relationships are for people who are awful deipnosophists and have no people skills, get to know people. Don't get to know internet usernames or email addresses.
    You know shes a real person right?
    I do know her real name, address and stuff.
    What we do is essentially the same as talking on the phone.
    I guess phones are for "awful deipnosophists who have no people skills" too?

    Can't tell if your trolling but I hope you are, for your sakes.
 
 
 
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