OK so I'm not in dire trouble or in need of immediate advice I just want to vent and see what comes of it - if you don't want to read a bit of a self-downer then this isn't for you.
Just lately I've felt like I can never be good enough for anyone close to me - let's take the 4 people closest to me: my girlfriend, my best friend and my parents.
As far as my girlfriend's concerned, I do loads for her - I take her out a lot, I buy her lots of things and treat her as the most important person on the planet to me (but not in an overly-bad way or anything, in ways that she likes) and I do all I can to make her happy but I still do things that, for reasons that I don't understand, annoy her and make her angry at me, like sometimes she gets annoyed at me for how I spend my money, etc, not being as cautious with it as her. Also due to things other than me in her personal life all the time I've known her (we've been together 6 months now) she dropped out of uni and is now living at home an hour away just missing when she used to be in college with all her friends and says so often how much she wishes she could just go back in time, taking me with her, and be back in college having fun with all her friends who are now scattered around at various other unis. I know I do a lot for her but because of all this I never feel like I can do enough because she's so often depressed about her life still.
With my best friend... it's not that I don't feel good enough but I just sometimes hate that he doesn't like to tell me things that might upset me or something to protect me rather than telling me the truth. For example - we're at the same uni having been best friends for about 18 months before coming here (in first year atm) but I'm hating my course and so have applied for a course I'd much rather do at a better uni a couple of hundred miles away. Unfortunately I've also signed a contract on a flat with him next year so if I get in there I'll have to help him find another flatmate and, because he doesn't really have many / any other good friends here, there are no obvious choices and I really would be leaving him virtually friendless, but we both know (and I'm glad he agrees) that this would be the best thing for me to do for me and my future and career. I know, because he confides in my girlfriend NOT ME about it, that he's more upset than he lets on but he refuses to talk to me about it and I feel even worse about doing this when I know he doesn't want to talk to me about it, so I feel like it's somehow my fault that he feels he can't talk to me and be open about it and possibly let me help him feel better just by being open about it. Meh.
My parents - well for one reason or another I've never felt good enough for them; whether it's the GCSEs or A levels I want to take, or the switch in uni degree choice (turns out now the only one they're happy with is the one that gets my best friend and girlfriend annoyed at me for leaving here, what a horrible situation...) or the fact that, getting to know my parents as adults rather than just parents, I've realised what they're actually like and how our relationships are. In short my mum likes to believe things about people that simply aren't true so she thinks I'm some horrible manipulative person when no one else who's ever known me would think that sort of thing, etc, and my dad... well he's just not a good communicator or anything so a lot of the time I feel worn out as if I'm parenting him, getting in contact or arranging to see him after my parents split up 12 years ago, etc, and sometimes I feel I'm doing something wrong to make him act so careless and make my mum so horrible to me.
I just need a break because these are the main 4 people in my life and it's not like I have a lot of other friends (especially not locally, maybe a couple back home with my dad) to fall back on who aren't so constantly disappointed in me...
Thanks for reading it (I would say "if you did" but if you didn't you wouldn't be reading this now would you?)... I don't know what I'm expecting you to say but I have no one to talk to except the random TSRians who are online this time on a Monday morning... any self-confidence inspiring words would be very appreciated.
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I wish I could be good enough for just someone watch
- Thread Starter
- 21-03-2011 04:30
- 21-03-2011 04:42
sounds like your not having a very nice time at the moment, all those things you've stated are very common. You just gotta man up and let it past, things will get better. What i would try is mirroring these people in your life, for example when your parent, mate or gf says something to you like 'stop wasting your money' just mirror them and try to find out why rather than attempting to constantly make other people happy and pleased. Try not to always think about how other people feel because at the end of the day you are NOT responsible for their feeling. hope this helps