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Feel disgusted with things I've done in the past and can't move on watch

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    After reading this I'm sure I'll be judged negatively, probably rightly so, but please don't be rude just for the sake of it as I feel bad enough as it is right now. Basically, about a year ago I lost my virginity to a boy I didn't know well at all, on a one night stand. He had no idea I was a virgin, and afterwards we never spoke again. I also lost it in a playground - the whole thing really was ridiculously and shamefully chavvy, and I'm embarrassed about it and don't know what I'll tell people if they ask me about losing my virginity. I then had sex with another boy about a month later, who I did actually like, but again it was just a one night stand and the whole situation was horrible as it involved me getting sick beforehand, which really makes me still cringe. Anyway, it's now properly 'hit me' how disgusting I was and how little self respect I had/have, and although I've learnt from this and will not be having sex again until I'm in a relationship or at least with a boy I really care about, I can't help but feel sort of tainted for life and I don't know what to do. I feel extremely guilty and like I've got a horrible dirty secret that would put people off wanting to know me if they knew
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    A lot of people will have had regrettable experiences, either laugh about it or lie about it. No one will judge you for your past, or if they do then they're silly. If you've learnt from it, they surely it's a good thing
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    Meh, worse things have happened. No-one will judge you for that.
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    you've slept with two people. I know people who've had one night stands with 20+ people. not going to lie - getting it on in a playground isn't the classiest of things but we've all been young and silly. what's most important is that you've learnt from it. let the past be the past and you don't have to discuss losing your virginity with anyone if you don't want
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After reading this I'm sure I'll be judged negatively, probably rightly so, but please don't be rude just for the sake of it as I feel bad enough as it is right now. Basically, about a year ago I lost my virginity to a boy I didn't know well at all, on a one night stand. He had no idea I was a virgin, and afterwards we never spoke again. I also lost it in a playground - the whole thing really was ridiculously and shamefully chavvy, and I'm embarrassed about it and don't know what I'll tell people if they ask me about losing my virginity. I then had sex with another boy about a month later, who I did actually like, but again it was just a one night stand and the whole situation was horrible as it involved me getting sick beforehand, which really makes me still cringe. Anyway, it's now properly 'hit me' how disgusting I was and how little self respect I had/have, and although I've learnt from this and will not be having sex again until I'm in a relationship or at least with a boy I really care about, I can't help but feel sort of tainted for life and I don't know what to do. I feel extremely guilty and like I've got a horrible dirty secret that would put people off wanting to know me if they knew
    Your attitude suggests that you are not the person to want do this, so if a guy was wary of your past, your feelings would comfort him in the fact that hes not going to lose you to some one night stand!

    Why regret the past? Its done and it doesnt make you a bad person if you dont want it to... I wouldnt hide it (though I wouldnt bring it up particularly unless you feel you want to share/he asks)....

    In the scale of your life, its not alot x
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    I'd swap my virginity for your experiences - they're what shape us, for better or worse. We all regret things, especially in our youth. Hardly anyone loses their V to the love of their life. I know people say virginity is important but it's just an act, just a bit of membrane.
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    Everyone has done things they regret, it makes you the person that you are. The important thing is that you've realised that that isn't the person you are and have learnt from your experiences. Don't regret anything that makes you a better person. It's rare to find someone who doesn't regret their first time, and people only have to know what you tell them.
    • #2
    #2

    Everyone has a first experience, be it in a relationship or a one night stand. Its what you do now that people will judge you on.

    I lost my virginity to a one night stand. Not expected. In all honesty it effected me so badly I felt like i let everyone down, everyone thinks im the good girl, know what i want etc.

    Now Looking back i can only say it was the best thing for me. I wasnt desperate to get into a relationship now and I knew what i wanted from a guy. A few months later I got into a brilliant relationship.

    The only thing that matters is how you feel about losign your virginity to a one night stand. Please dont feel bad!
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    You can't change the past, no matter how desparately you may want to. You can control your future experiences though, which it sounds like your past is helping you to do. You're never going to be proud/happy about your past, fair enough, but you can't let it control your present and future. You don't need to tell anyone about your first time, it's no ones business! If you decide in the future you want to open up to a boyfriend, then it may be easier than you think and again it's upto you how much you tell him. Try not to dwell on things you cannot do anything positive about!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After reading this I'm sure I'll be judged negatively, probably rightly so, but please don't be rude just for the sake of it as I feel bad enough as it is right now. Basically, about a year ago I lost my virginity to a boy I didn't know well at all, on a one night stand. He had no idea I was a virgin, and afterwards we never spoke again. I also lost it in a playground - the whole thing really was ridiculously and shamefully chavvy, and I'm embarrassed about it and don't know what I'll tell people if they ask me about losing my virginity. I then had sex with another boy about a month later, who I did actually like, but again it was just a one night stand and the whole situation was horrible as it involved me getting sick beforehand, which really makes me still cringe. Anyway, it's now properly 'hit me' how disgusting I was and how little self respect I had/have, and although I've learnt from this and will not be having sex again until I'm in a relationship or at least with a boy I really care about, I can't help but feel sort of tainted for life and I don't know what to do. I feel extremely guilty and like I've got a horrible dirty secret that would put people off wanting to know me if they knew
    Oh come on - don't be silly. Sex is fun. In fact, in the right circumstances it's better than fun and can be all the things its portrayed as: spiritual, cool, mind-blowingly pleasurable, loving, hotttt, filthy, etc (in various combinations).

    In short: sex is great.

    But it's not so absolutely important that you should feel guilty about having lost it to a random guy.

    There are still a load of horrible, lingering preconceptions about the importance of female purity (notice how in almost all cultures it's the women who get lumped with the guilt about this stuff).

    For your own sake, until you're clearer about what you want, you should probably steer clear of random encounters like that and wait for someone you like. (Although there are plenty of men and women who have frequent no-strings sex and feel fulfilled through that).

    My advice is this: get an STI check-up (if you feel there's any risk) and then drop the guilt and start enjoying life again - you've not done anything wrong.
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    Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. I think that probably if you asked a lot of people they wouldn't be very happy about their first time for whatever reason. All I'd say is don't use it as an icebreaker to a conversation! You don't have to tell people about it if you don't want to, and it's certainly nothing to feel guilty about. So what if you made a bad judgement call, you were young and it probably seemed like a good idea at the time. All that matters now is how you carry yourself going forward. If it's really that important to you, wait for your Mr right and have your first time together the way you would have wanted to have your first ever time. Some people may judge you, yes, but they really don't know anything about the circumstances you were in at the time, and I know plenty of people who would love to be able to say they'd had sex in such an adventurous place. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's really as bad as it seems.
    • #3
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    Frankly as a boy I would lose massive respect for you if you had told me that.

    Just being honest.
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    yeh cos everyones first time is perfect...

    Don't worry, everyones done something theyre not proud of, just learn from your mistakes and move on with your life
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Frankly as a boy I would lose massive respect for you if you had told me that.

    Just being honest.
    Frankly as a boy I would lose massive respect for you if you said that.

    Just being honest.
 
 
 
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