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    I know TSR is not the best place to ask for help, but I've got nobody else to talk to.

    I've been battling moderate to serious depression for more than three years. It's come to the point where I've started having genuine suicidal thoughts. I'm in my 2nd year and I want to drop out of uni, but if I do, there's essentially no return because I've dropped out once before, and wouldn't be able to afford funding if I want to complete my degree a few years down the road.

    I never thought it would get this bad. I hardly leave my house, let alone my bed. I sleep for as much as 16 hours a day. I eat junk food because I don't want to deal with seeing my flatmates. I cry all the time. I don't remember the last time I was happy. I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid.

    I'm on the brink of failing my course. I was supposed to hand in coursework nearly a week ago and I haven't even started it, even though I'm being penalised 5% for every late day. I don't even want to study this course; I spoke to my tutor about it last term and she convinced me to switch from a respected degree to a lesser degree with a lighter workload, which I have done. Now I regret it so much. At least before the work was worth something. Now I feel like this is all pointless. I can't even transfer to a uni closer to home because my grades have been so bad (averaging 50% on a good day).

    There is pressure on me because I'm the first to go to uni. I feel like I have to get a degree if I stand a chance getting a decent job.

    My family has a history of mental illness; my brother is schizophrenic and is in a hospital. My mother is disabled and unless she gets a kidney transplant, it's pretty terminal. I see my GP on almost a weekly basis, and I have been prescribed antidepressants but they never took effect because I'm too useless to remember to take them everyday. I'm on a 6 week waitlist to see a counsellor but I've no high hopes for that.

    It's all too much. I just want to curl up and disappear. I don't care about this work. I hate my flatmates. I only have one decent friend and she's not even in the country at the moment. I've never had a boyfriend or a relationship. I'm ugly and fat and boring and a liar and I'm always lonely. I feel like I should stick it out for one more year just to get the degree but I genuinely don't know if I can handle it.

    I'm 21 years old and I feel like life is over. I feel like nobody cares and if I tell people what's going on they'll think I'm attention seeking or that I'm a failure. I don't even feel like I have the right to complain when there are tsunamis in Japan. I'm nobody. Nothing makes me happy now. I was a real high achiever in school, I've got a s**t load of GCSEs and A Levels all at A/A*, I was the brightest in my class and everybody expected a lot from me, but what's any of that worth now, when I can't even get myself together to do uni assignments?

    This is just the surface, I could go on for days, but I feel so pathetic and angsty and emo even writing this. All the same, please, somebody give me some advice.



    tl;dr I'm feeling suicidal and want to drop out but this is essentially my last chance to get a degree.
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    What everybody is thinking - you need professional help which your university should provide. People on a student forum are not professionals.
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    i know where you're coming from, even though im not depressed to your extent i can really sympathise. a lot of times i feel like what is the point of life, everything seems like a rat race, you are expected to do this and do that just like everyone else.
    i dont really know what practical advice i can actually give you about your work though, why don't you try getting an extension for your coursework after explaining your depression? all i can say is just tryyy and motivate yourself to do it. if you have nothing else in the world at least you can have control over your studies. just put things into perspective. what is the most important thing? don't thikn too much about social life or stuff like that, just try and find one thing to focus on atm and slowly build on that.
    i wish you all the best. just remember lots of people can relate to you, you're not alone.
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    If you have a history of Schizophrenia in your family, you are at risk from a mental health disorder - have you had yourself properly diagnosed? Arrange to see another GP and explain to him what you have explained here.

    Regarding therapy, you have to have some desire for it to get better. You sound bright and also, sound like you've hit a poignant bump in the road because of your depression.

    But don't let it ultimately run your life.
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    Have you considered intercalating (taking time out) for a year or so? That's what I've been doing, and it's given me time to get over my depression without having to stress about uni stuff.

    Do your family know what's going on? If they have mental health problems too then hopefully they'll be understanding and offer support.

    If your depression has no cause that you know of (I don't think you say) then I'd really urge you to give antidepressants another go. It took me a long time to find ones which actually worked, but when I did the difference was amazing. If you have trouble remembering to take them leave yourself notes in places where you'll definitely see them, or set a reminder on your phone.

    For more support I recommend posting in the depression society, it's full of good people.
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    I am actively seeking professional help and I've seen more than one GP about this. I know I need real help and I haven't been properly diagnosed. I just need to talk.

    I know TSR isn't the best place, but I need some advice from students and people my own age. My friends (if I can call them that) seem to think I'm exaggerating. I say, "I'm so depressed", they say, "yeah, me too. can't wait for the holidays." I say, "this work is too much," They say, "I know, uni is so long." They think they're being empathetic, but obviously, no fault of their own, they don't really get what I'm going through. So now I just lie and pretend everything is fine. It's better than seeing them pretend to understand.

    My mum can't give me objective advice, all she wants is for me to come home so she can give me hugs and look after me. It makes me feel worse to talk to her seeing as she's got so much going on.
    My GP is too objective and only wants to prescribe me varying amounts of drugs. She's great to talk to, but you know, she goes home at the end of the day.
    The advice my tutor gave me was to change to a lighter degree (aka one without professional recognition). I did that and I regret it now. I am at a good university, but I could have got this degree from anywhere. And she basically only did it because she needed more students on the other course.

    So I came on here because it's anonymous, I can say exactly what I'm feeling. You guys can tell me what you think and I don't have to worry about feeling your pity because I don't know you. It's a student environment and people might have some good advice. I don't know whether a degree is worth me sticking it out for another year, all things considered. I'm going to be so incredibly embarrassed to have go home to my peers and say, "yep, I fail at life."
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    University should be the last thing on your mind right now. Make sure you get professional help; not only medication, but also therapy (CBT). Tell the health professionals what you have told us here—they will take it seriously.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am actively seeking professional help and I've seen more than one GP about this. I know I need real help and I haven't been properly diagnosed. I just need to talk.

    I know TSR isn't the best place, but I need some advice from students and people my own age. My friends (if I can call them that) seem to think I'm exaggerating. I say, "I'm so depressed", they say, "yeah, me too. can't wait for the holidays." I say, "this work is too much," They say, "I know, uni is so long." They think they're being empathetic, but obviously, no fault of their own, they don't really get what I'm going through. So now I just lie and pretend everything is fine. It's better than seeing them pretend to understand.

    My mum can't give me objective advice, all she wants is for me to come home so she can give me hugs and look after me. It makes me feel worse to talk to her seeing as she's got so much going on.
    My GP is too objective and only wants to prescribe me varying amounts of drugs. She's great to talk to, but you know, she goes home at the end of the day.
    The advice my tutor gave me was to change to a lighter degree (aka one without professional recognition). I did that and I regret it now. I am at a good university, but I could have got this degree from anywhere. And she basically only did it because she needed more students on the other course.

    So I came on here because it's anonymous, I can say exactly what I'm feeling. You guys can tell me what you think and I don't have to worry about feeling your pity because I don't know you. It's a student environment and people might have some good advice. I don't know whether a degree is worth me sticking it out for another year, all things considered. I'm going to be so incredibly embarrassed to have go home to my peers and say, "yep, I fail at life."
    Have you considered going and staying with your mum for a while? I moved in with my sister when I was really depressed, and although at first I didn't want to live with her cos I didn't want her to see how bad I was feeling, it was definitely the right decision. Sometimes you need looking after, and there's no shame in admitting that.

    I'd put uni on hold if I were you, making major decisions about stuff like dropping out when you're depressed can lead you to regret it later on. Take some time out, try and get better, then decide whether or not to continue your studies. It might even be possible to switch back to the degree you were on before, if you get better and can show uni that you're better able to cope.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am actively seeking professional help and I've seen more than one GP about this. I know I need real help and I haven't been properly diagnosed. I just need to talk.
    I suppose you make a good point there. Being depressed all boils down to one thing really which is having nobody you can really talk to. You can't talk to people you actually know because then you having this condition is mutual knowledge and you feel it'll affect your relationship with them, however, the problem with talking to somebody you don't know is that all they can do is be sympathetic and not really help at all.

    You want objective advice? You're not being a drama queen but you're not doing yourself any favours either. "Too much uni work" arises from you not doing it in the first place. Also, you're in a depressed state so thinking about material things such as not having a boyfriend or relationship is counter productive.

    Tl;dr - Do your work. It is that simple. You don't have to finish it all today. You'll even have tomorrow. Just start it.
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    Don't be so hard on yourself. I haven't suffered with depression myself but I know what you are talking about from experience. You are not alone. A lot of people hit this bleak and rough patch where it feels like you have nothing to look forward to. I know I did for a while! So did most of my friends. You avoid the mirror. You feel hungry constantly so you stuff your face with junk food that doesn't fill you up but makes you feel heavy. This lethargy then makes you feel puffy and fat so you hide yourself from others, missing classes and constantly telling yourself "just one last lie-in". But you never actually go because the effort is too enormous to just scrape a pass grade. Everything is an effort now. Is that how you feel? Listen. People do care about you OP. You may not see it straightaway but these things aren't always apparent. I am a random stranger and yet I am delaying my wednesday essay for YOU.


    Do you know why? Because you're not a failure. You're not stupid and you sure as hell aren't at fault here. Forget your flatmates and start caring about yourself. Be selfish just this once. Depression is considered a mitigating circumstance at university so your professors should allow you to take an "interruption of study" if you give a doctor's note explaining. That way you get a year's break at no extra cost to rebuild and replenish yourself. You need a break because you will run yourself into the ground. Go home, hug and hang out with your mum and seek professional help. Forget uni for now.



    Your health and future happiness is worth much more than a qualification.



    Take care k? Pm me if you need to chat. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Irrelevance)
    I suppose you make a good point there. Being depressed all boils down to one thing really which is having nobody you can really talk to. You can't talk to people you actually know because then you having this condition is mutual knowledge and you feel it'll affect your relationship with them, however, the problem with talking to somebody you don't know is that all they can do is be sympathetic and not really help at all.

    You want objective advice? You're not being a drama queen but you're not doing yourself any favours either. "Too much uni work" arises from you not doing it in the first place. Also, you're in a depressed state so thinking about material things such as not having a boyfriend or relationship is counter productive.

    Tl;dr - Do your work. It is that simple. You don't have to finish it all today. You'll even have tomorrow. Just start it.
    I start working and then I get frustrated and delete/rip up everything I've done. Then I'll start panicking and crying, which can literally last for hours. Before I know it, I'm sleeping and I've wasted another day. See, I know you're right about doing the work. I tell myself this all the time. This is why I feel so pathetic telling my friends about it, because what student has never let work get ahead of them? It happens, it's not unusual, I'm not different. They all manage to get themselves together. So then I start thinking I have no right to start complaining, I'm just lazy. I can't bring myself to care enough to do it.

    And to be honest, I almost don't care about not having a boyfriend anymore. I can be honest with myself and just admit that it's probably not going to happen for me anytime soon. In the grand scale of things, it's pretty minor.




    Uni probably should be the last thing on my mind. But it's so hard to let go when I think how important education has been to me and how good I used to feel when I was achieving during school and college. I invested so much into it, and I feel like screaming now I can't do it. The more I write, the more I realise that this is overwhelming.
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    (Original post by Persephone.)
    Don't be so hard on yourself. I haven't suffered with depression myself but I know what you are talking about from experience. You are not alone. A lot of people hit this bleak and rough patch where it feels like you have nothing to look forward to. I know I did for a while! So did most of my friends. You avoid the mirror. You feel hungry constantly so you stuff your face with junk food that doesn't fill you up but makes you feel heavy. This lethargy then makes you feel puffy and fat so you hide yourself from others, missing classes and constantly telling yourself "just one last lie-in". But you never actually go because the effort is too enormous to just scrape a pass grade. Everything is an effort now. Is that how you feel? Listen. People do care about you OP. You may not see it straightaway but these things aren't always apparent. I am a random stranger and yet I am delaying my wednesday essay for YOU.


    Do you know why? Because you're not a failure. You're not stupid and you sure as hell aren't at fault here. Forget your flatmates and start caring about yourself. Be selfish just this once. Depression is considered a mitigating circumstance at university so your professors should allow you to take an "interruption of study" if you give a doctor's note explaining. That way you get a year's break at no extra cost to rebuild and replenish yourself. You need a break because you will run yourself into the ground. Go home, hug and hang out with your mum and seek professional help. Forget uni for now.



    Your health and future happiness is worth much more than a qualification.



    Take care k? Pm me if you need to chat. :hugs:
    Thank you so much. Seriously. And to Superwolf, Irrelevance and all the other posters. I really do appreciate you all taking time to read and reply.
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    i want to give you a great big hug and tell you everything will be ok!

    you're not complaining my friend, we all go through very difficult times and all need help! maybe take some time out and clear ur head, try and identify whats evoking these negative emotions
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much. Seriously. And to Superwolf, Irrelevance and all the other posters. I really do appreciate you all taking time to read and reply.
    No problem. If you ever want a chat you can always pm me, or post in the depression soc, I'm on there a lot.
 
 
 
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