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    Hi everyone, my boyfriend of 5 years has a habit of ruining all of my plans and getting in my way and I don't know how to solve the problem. He is never enthusiastic about travelling so I try to do things he would enjoy. I talked to him about a Trek around the West coast of America last August and he said it sounded amazing and to book it. So I booked the Trek for December, by that time he was no longer interested because of the money involved (even though he had alot of savings) and so I pushed it back to March 2011, again as it got closer to the time, he was just not interested.

    To cut a long story short (me being a doormat) compromised by saying we could go to Amsterdam. He had the leave booked for March originally as we intended to go to the US. Well, I have been excited about this and have mentioned it quite a bit. I went away to my parents and when I casually mentioned packing etc for next week, he said 'Thought it was in July!!' so I sat that in absolute amazement. He has NOT booked any LEAVE off at all for the duration of this year.

    I had booked Eurostar, it's non refundable and names cannot be changed which means I will be going on my own. I just can't believe it. I am always messed around and then, when I say I will go on my own, he gets annoyed and says he will come, then when I book, he doesn't want to go.

    I just don't know what the solution is, apart from go places on my own and then when it gets mentioned to his family, they think I am being unfair on HIM, or that he is just 'forgetful'! Last time the US trip got cancelled, his Mum said 'Well you can get a nice new car now' to him. So nobody ever tells him he is bang out of order for being such a let down to me and my plans!
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    Go with some mates, that would be piss him off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, my boyfriend of 5 years has a habit of ruining all of my plans and getting in my way and I don't know how to solve the problem. He is never enthusiastic about travelling so I try to do things he would enjoy. I talked to him about a Trek around the West coast of America last August and he said it sounded amazing and to book it. So I booked the Trek for December, by that time he was no longer interested because of the money involved (even though he had alot of savings) and so I pushed it back to March 2011, again as it got closer to the time, he was just not interested.

    To cut a long story short (me being a doormat) compromised by saying we could go to Amsterdam. He had the leave booked for March originally as we intended to go to the US. Well, I have been excited about this and have mentioned it quite a bit. I went away to my parents and when I casually mentioned packing etc for next week, he said 'Thought it was in July!!' so I sat that in absolute amazement. He has NOT booked any LEAVE off at all for the duration of this year.

    I had booked Eurostar, it's non refundable and names cannot be changed which means I will be going on my own. I just can't believe it. I am always messed around and then, when I say I will go on my own, he gets annoyed and says he will come, then when I book, he doesn't want to go.

    I just don't know what the solution is, apart from go places on my own and then when it gets mentioned to his family, they think I am being unfair on HIM, or that he is just 'forgetful'! Last time the US trip got cancelled, his Mum said 'Well you can get a nice new car now' to him. So nobody ever tells him he is bang out of order for being such a let down to me and my plans!
    I'd give him say 3 days to book time off work and get everything sorted to go, or take somebody else, even if it means they have to pick up a Eurostar ticket - I'm sure many people would jump at the chance! You'll get to have a great time away with a friend, he'll likely realise what a mistake he's making when he does this, and the tickets won't go to waste
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    Yeah, I think your boyfriend is a joke too, a made up joke. Putting up with that would make you only slightly less pathetic than making him up.
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    You say "He is never enthusiastic about travelling so I try to do things he would enjoy." And then talk about various travelling excursions for the rest of the post.

    Contradiction?
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    (Original post by DarkWhite)
    I'd give him say 3 days to book time off work and get everything sorted to go, or take somebody else, even if it means they have to pick up a Eurostar ticket - I'm sure many people would jump at the chance! You'll get to have a great time away with a friend, he'll likely realise what a mistake he's making when he does this, and the tickets won't go to waste
    This.

    OP have you ever been away together before? I can speak from the perspective of someone who is terrified of travelling due to panic attacks, but I don't string people along, I'm quite upfront with people about it because I'm not ashamed to say I can't travel because of it. Maybe he has some sort of problem that he hasn't faced himself yet?
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    My GF would murder me if I messed her around like that. I would not put up with that behaviour either. I second the above poster's recommendation to just go to Amsterdam with some friends. What to do in the long term is up to you.
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    He should count himself lucky that he has such an enthusiastic girlfriend!
    Talk to him and about how you feel. Can you not find a friend to go to Amsterdam with? On your own is rubbish…
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    You don't sound like you go well together, different interests and all that.
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    cant you get a mate to go with you at the last minute? do that.

    also, plan to do the US with someone else or alone. he obviously isnt bothered about doing it. you cant really force him to have the same interests as you. having said that, he sounds like a massive douche for messing you about like this.

    make him feel terrible for a good while, teach him a lesson.


    edit: just read the bit about tickets having names on... you should make him pay for the tickets and just not bother going. he should def pay though cuz you've been going on about it for months and he only told you a week before.

    i dont think i could stay with someone so selfish and unreliable, he sounds rubbish!
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    Get the name changed and go with someone else. And tell him you are getting rid of him before you go and have a great time in Amsterdam and do the travelling you want to do!
    I wouldn't let anyone stop me!
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    (Original post by Lana_07)
    Get the name changed and go with someone else. And tell him you are getting rid of him before you go and have a great time in Amsterdam and do the travelling you want to do!
    I wouldn't let anyone stop me!
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had booked Eurostar, it's non refundable and names cannot be changed
    Try reading.
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    (Original post by Converse)
    Try reading.
    Chill, I didn't see that part..



    Surely you can with a fee maybe? Well if not then try and find someone who would be willing to come with you? Or have a fantastic time on your own
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    (Original post by DiZZeeKiD)
    You say "He is never enthusiastic about travelling so I try to do things he would enjoy." And then talk about various travelling excursions for the rest of the post.

    Contradiction?
    This.
    OP, whie your bf is out of order for agreeing to things and then being an arse about it, you have to understand that not everyone likes travelling about the place. You say he isn't enthusiastic about it, well that is probably because he just isn't fussed.
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    Just call up the company you booked the trip with and get the name changed, go with one of your mates and have a good time.
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    In my opinion your boyfriend is playing power games, he's manipulating you into doing what he wants and into not doing what you want and that his family are well and truly under his spell, your description sounds awfully close to that of the early stages of an abusive relationship, from your post it appears that he is working to undermine your self-esteem and independence.

    Personally I would say that if he can't/won't meet you as an equal and honest partner then he isn't worth your time or your effort and that you can do far better than him. Dump him and go to Amsterdam and anywhere else you want to go, either on your own or with friends and don't feel bad about it.

    Raven
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    dump.
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    'He is never enthusiastic about travelling'

    Then you book travelling trips to America and Amsterdam.

    Brilliant.
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    (Original post by DaneCook)
    'He is never enthusiastic about travelling'

    Then you book travelling trips to America and Amsterdam.

    Brilliant.
    Yes, yes I know. This part is very difficult to explain, but I discuss everything with him and never coerce him into going. He said quite a few times he wanted to go to Amsterdam and when I said with me, via Eurostar he was really up for it. It's when he drops out that I say he is just not enthusiastic about travelling/committing to it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, yes I know. This part is very difficult to explain, but I discuss everything with him and never coerce him into going. He said quite a few times he wanted to go to Amsterdam and when I said with me, via Eurostar he was really up for it. It's when he drops out that I say he is just not enthusiastic about travelling/committing to it.
    No idea how your relationship works tbh, next time you book a trip, give him constant reminders everyday. That way he can't back out, and if he does, let him know you're unhappy about it, as in REALLY unhappy.

    Can't imagine someone saying 'Oh didn't think that trip you've been reminding me about every day for 2 months has creeped up on me'

    So yea, try it.
 
 
 
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