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Boyfriend a complete joke! watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, yes I know. This part is very difficult to explain, but I discuss everything with him and never coerce him into going. He said quite a few times he wanted to go to Amsterdam and when I said with me, via Eurostar he was really up for it. It's when he drops out that I say he is just not enthusiastic about travelling/committing to it.
    Exactly this. It isn't really a contradiction because it's not as if he's stated he's not interested in travelling or it's not like he doesn't sound interested in the whole idea beforehand.

    The OP is trying to make the point that when the time does approach he finds an excuse not to go, or backs off. If he wasn't so interested in the idea he should say initially instead of giving her the idea that he wants to go. It's just unreliable and wasting more time.

    Sounds as though the effort/ideas are coming from your side tbh. Don't miss out on your money/opportunity and try phoning up the company to see if it's possible to change the names.

    EDIT: I don't see how changing the names should be too much trouble, since you've already paid the money.

    I'd also look into your relationship. The two of you are completely different by the sounds of things, you being the more adventurous and enthusiastic type and he, being more content to have relaxing nights in etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, my boyfriend of 5 years has a habit of ruining all of my plans and getting in my way and I don't know how to solve the problem. He is never enthusiastic about travelling so I try to do things he would enjoy. I talked to him about a Trek around the West coast of America last August and he said it sounded amazing and to book it. So I booked the Trek for December, by that time he was no longer interested because of the money involved (even though he had alot of savings) and so I pushed it back to March 2011, again as it got closer to the time, he was just not interested.

    To cut a long story short (me being a doormat) compromised by saying we could go to Amsterdam. He had the leave booked for March originally as we intended to go to the US. Well, I have been excited about this and have mentioned it quite a bit. I went away to my parents and when I casually mentioned packing etc for next week, he said 'Thought it was in July!!' so I sat that in absolute amazement. He has NOT booked any LEAVE off at all for the duration of this year.

    I had booked Eurostar, it's non refundable and names cannot be changed which means I will be going on my own. I just can't believe it. I am always messed around and then, when I say I will go on my own, he gets annoyed and says he will come, then when I book, he doesn't want to go.

    I just don't know what the solution is, apart from go places on my own and then when it gets mentioned to his family, they think I am being unfair on HIM, or that he is just 'forgetful'! Last time the US trip got cancelled, his Mum said 'Well you can get a nice new car now' to him. So nobody ever tells him he is bang out of order for being such a let down to me and my plans!
    Ring up and beg Eurostar to change the names lol. Act all cool about it you could try saying you put the wrong name down and try and change it to your friends name, or say you'll demand a refund if they don't change the name so its in their interests to just let you change the name or they'll lose 2 customers
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    Could you start off with something smaller? If he doesn't like travelling, and you want him to start doing it with you, then try somewhere in Britain for a few days first, not suggest crossing the Atlantic. Start small and build up, not start big, else you'll have to compromise down and give him the impression you're the doormat you say you are
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    Go to Amsterdam on your own but make sure he sees you packing loads of condoms... :ahee:

    That ought to worry him.
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    Go.. with a male friend. That will make him think twice.
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    (Original post by Bektas)
    Go with some mates, that would be piss him off.
    go with a mate, male and one that preferably makes womens uterus pound like a bass drum when he walks past
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    You sound incredibly selfish, listen to yourself.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone, my boyfriend of 5 years has a habit of ruining all of my plans and getting in my way and I don't know how to solve the problem.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He is never enthusiastic about travelling so I try to do things he would enjoy.
    By organising some travelling? Something he doesn't like? Are you stupid????

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I talked to him about a Trek around the West coast of America last August and he said it sounded amazing and to book it. So I booked the Trek for December, by that time he was no longer interested because of the money involved (even though he had alot of savings) and so I pushed it back to March 2011, again as it got closer to the time, he was just not interested.
    He said he wasn't interested, so you didn't cancel, you postponed it. Then when you tried to force him to go again he said no? What did you expect? Silly woman.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To cut a long story short (me being a doormat) compromised by saying we could go to Amsterdam. He had the leave booked for March originally as we intended to go to the US. Well, I have been excited about this and have mentioned it quite a bit. I went away to my parents and when I casually mentioned packing etc for next week, he said 'Thought it was in July!!' so I sat that in absolute amazement. He has NOT booked any LEAVE off at all for the duration of this year.
    So you assumed that he knew you were booking it for March at the same time, and you assumed that he wasn't going to cancel the leave, and you left it until the week before to mention this to him? Your stupidity amazes me.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had booked Eurostar, it's non refundable and names cannot be changed which means I will be going on my own. I just can't believe it. I am always messed around and then, when I say I will go on my own, he gets annoyed and says he will come, then when I book, he doesn't want to go.
    Basically your guilt tripping failed, you deserve everything you get really.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just don't know what the solution is, apart from go places on my own and then when it gets mentioned to his family, they think I am being unfair on HIM, or that he is just 'forgetful'! Last time the US trip got cancelled, his Mum said 'Well you can get a nice new car now' to him. So nobody ever tells him he is bang out of order for being such a let down to me and my plans!
    It's all about YOU isn't it. Don't spare a thought about anyone else do you?
    People like you disgust me.
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    (Original post by Stefan1991)
    .
    I kinda agree with this actually. What do you think that she should do though? You seemed to have criticised without giving advice.
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    #1

    Hello, people should not judge me, it is not very nice! I am the least selfish person you could meet. I go out of my way to help my boyfriend, in fact - too much which is why he is taking me for a joke! I buy all of the food shopping on my own, do all of the cleaning, spend alot of time with HIS parents, organise all of his family's presents/anything that has to be done, and when we had 3 years in an LDR I did almost all of the travelling for the first two years resulting in a massive overdraft as a university student.

    He says he wants to go places, then drops out at the last minute, which is quite frustrating. It's not all about me, but at the same time, it would be nice to be able to go somewhere with a boyfriend.

    He sits on his laptop all day and all night during the weekend and in the evenings after work. I went to see my parents for 5 days and came back to piles and piles and piles of plates on the side, my expensive face cream lid off and half used (!).

    What I am trying to say is that I really try with him, and it's not all about travelling. I think there are deeper issues in the relationship like him being bothered.
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    go with friendsss hes a tool
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    Rate yourself out of ten. If you are a 7+ i'll come with you. (and on you)
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    (Original post by Vanbrugh)
    My GF would murder me if I messed her around like that. I would not put up with that behaviour either. I second the above poster's recommendation to just go to Amsterdam with some friends. What to do in the long term is up to you.
    Exactly this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello, people should not judge me, it is not very nice! I am the least selfish person you could meet. I go out of my way to help my boyfriend, in fact - too much which is why he is taking me for a joke! I buy all of the food shopping on my own, do all of the cleaning, spend alot of time with HIS parents, organise all of his family's presents/anything that has to be done, and when we had 3 years in an LDR I did almost all of the travelling for the first two years resulting in a massive overdraft as a university student.

    He says he wants to go places, then drops out at the last minute, which is quite frustrating. It's not all about me, but at the same time, it would be nice to be able to go somewhere with a boyfriend.

    He sits on his laptop all day and all night during the weekend and in the evenings after work. I went to see my parents for 5 days and came back to piles and piles and piles of plates on the side, my expensive face cream lid off and half used (!).

    What I am trying to say is that I really try with him, and it's not all about travelling. I think there are deeper issues in the relationship like him being bothered.
    This post proves the issues run deeper.
    As they say, a leopard never changes its spots. I'd find someone new, sounds like you don't work so well together.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello, people should not judge me, it is not very nice! I am the least selfish person you could meet. I go out of my way to help my boyfriend, in fact - too much which is why he is taking me for a joke! I buy all of the food shopping on my own, do all of the cleaning, spend alot of time with HIS parents, organise all of his family's presents/anything that has to be done, and when we had 3 years in an LDR I did almost all of the travelling for the first two years resulting in a massive overdraft as a university student.

    He says he wants to go places, then drops out at the last minute, which is quite frustrating. It's not all about me, but at the same time, it would be nice to be able to go somewhere with a boyfriend.

    He sits on his laptop all day and all night during the weekend and in the evenings after work. I went to see my parents for 5 days and came back to piles and piles and piles of plates on the side, my expensive face cream lid off and half used (!).

    What I am trying to say is that I really try with him, and it's not all about travelling. I think there are deeper issues in the relationship like him being bothered.
    You are right there are deeper issues in the relationship, I'd say it's not just about him being bothered, it's about him realizing just how very F^&*()G lucky he is to have someone like you care about him.

    I've been in a relationship where I was the one who like you are doing, I did all the work in it, doing what you are. It is difficult and I know how much it hurts to end it when you care about the other person, but you deserve to be treated far better than the way he is treating you. I would say that after having put him first for five years, it's time you put yourself and what you want first for once.

    A relationship should be about two people meeting each other as equal partners, with both people working at it, being honest and respecting each other.

    Raven
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    (Original post by Vanbrugh)
    My GF would murder me if I messed her around like that. I would not put up with that behaviour either.
    Exactly right, my ex partner's mother wanted to murder her daughter for behaving towards me in a similar way that OP's boyfriend is behaving towards them.

    From personal experience I know that it is difficult if you have low self esteem and are being manipulated in this way to really believe that you deserve to be treated better than the manipulator is treating you and that their is someone out there who will see your true worth and treat you well.

    Raven
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    (Original post by Storm_Raven)
    In my opinion your boyfriend is playing power games, he's manipulating you into doing what he wants and into not doing what you want and that his family are well and truly under his spell, your description sounds awfully close to that of the early stages of an abusive relationship, from your post it appears that he is working to undermine your self-esteem and independence.

    Personally I would say that if he can't/won't meet you as an equal and honest partner then he isn't worth your time or your effort and that you can do far better than him. Dump him and go to Amsterdam and anywhere else you want to go, either on your own or with friends and don't feel bad about it.

    Raven
    lol wtf?

    My interpretation: He's not arsed about travelling, which is why he shows as little interest in going to Amsterdam as you would going to a premier league football match or whatever he's into. So stop pushing the travel thing on him because he's clearly not interested. You don't sound like a good match btw.
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    Not everyone loves travelling.
 
 
 
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