Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Why am I not over this? watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So I met a guy, I liked him a lot, I thought he liked me a lot. We met up a few times and then he stopped contacting me. If I phoned him he was happy to talk to me, but after a couple of weeks passed and he made no attempt to talk to me I knew he just wasn't that interested.

    I felt, (still feel actually) quite gutted about it. There was so much about him that I liked, and I don't feel like I'd done anything to put him off; what hurt more was that he never gave me closure - he never specifically told me he wasn't interested, I just had to assume it. I'm not really angry or upset at him over this - he's a nice guy and I think he didn't want to hurt my feelings...so I'm not really resentful toward him...and I've accepted that he's not interested....but I'm struggling to get over him.

    When I go out, I might kiss other guys, but I spend the whole night looking for him. I check my phone constantly in case he has texted, even though I know he hasn't. And I look at his fb profile an unhealthy amount, feeling a sinking feeling if another girl (well, one in particular) has spoken to him.

    Why can't I get over him? I know he's not interested and I've accepted that, I don't even really dislike him for it, I just feel sad. I can pull other guys, flirt etc. but it doesn't help. I go to the gym, I do work, I see friends, but he's always on my mind. And I only knew him for a month or so anyway. Please help me shake him off, I don't want to feel so hung-up on him. It's pathetic. Has anyone got any advice on this?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Bump
    • #2
    #2

    Maybe you need to confront him, ask him what it meant to him? Was it just a fling or did he not think anything of it?
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    You've identified why you can't get over him, and that's a good thing. You don't know what went on in his mind, and he had the upper hand, and that's why you can't let go. Though you'll never know what he thought (unless you ask him, and even then he might not give you a straight answer and he could lie, and also it could be a bit undignified) what you need to do is look at it differently. At the moment, you see it as him failing to call you and you assuming that it was because he wasn't interested. Turn it the other way. This guy didn't call you, he left you high and dry, and then you decided that you were far better than waiting around for someone who didn't make his feelings (or lack thereof) clear, and so you decided that he wasn't right for you and that's that.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Liam 09)
    I want to neg every post I have ever seen you make. Honestly so many ****ing troll accounts and the mods don't even bother banning them..
    thank GOD there is a limit to how much you can rep posts per day, i... i don't know how i would go on were my reputation sullied any further today. i think i'd be utterly crushed. you ****ing moron.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    How long ago was this? I know you two were never officially together, but it's still fair enough to be upset about it. I think as you've said because you never really got closure or worked out what went wrong, it's hard to learn from it and move on. I also think accepting he's not interested doesn't mean you stop hoping that he is. It's completely understandable that you're still waiting for the best case scenario. You can stop yourself constantly looking at his FB though- it clearly only makes you more upset and annoyed. I think it's probably too late to talk to him about it, especially if you weren't "together" long. Therefore unfortunately I think it will just take time. If you meet someone new who you really like and get along with I'm sure you'll forget all about this guy- but you can't force that to happen, you just have to be patient.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    thank GOD there is a limit to how much you can rep posts per day, i... i don't know how i would go on were my reputation sullied any further today. i think i'd be utterly crushed. you ****ing moron.
    My point was not to hurt your feelings by negging you, I meant every post you make is just you being a total asswipe ending with the timeless phrase "You ****ing idiot/moron". Just piss off, you aren't even funny.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Liam 09)
    My point was not to hurt your feelings by negging you, I meant every post you make is just you being a total asswipe ending with the timeless phrase "You ****ing idiot/moron". Just piss off, you aren't even funny.
    hey, as long as i laugh at my jokes, i'm funny enough for me. you ****ing imbecile.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    because you're weak and are probably the type to smoke, get a pet cat and read lusty fanfiction later in life. you have low self-esteem, your face is probably on the unfortunate end of the attractiveness scale, your thighs are larger than you'd like, you worry about marks on your body and are uncomfortable naked, you haven't had many partners, you suck in bed and you have a phobia or two.
    Theres trolling and then theres just being a complete pr*ck, You fall into the latter category.
    Don't get me wrong, I troll sometimes but there are some things that go too far.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by amime)
    Theres trolling and then theres just being a complete pr*ck, You fall into the latter category.
    Don't get me wrong, I troll sometimes but there are some things that go too far.
    hey, it's important to be honest. girls - in fact, all humans - will beg for honesty from you for your entire life. give it to them, and they wince and squeal.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    hey, it's important to be honest. girls - in fact, all humans - will beg for honesty from you for your entire life. give it to them, and they wince and squeal.
    Well if you know they're going to wince and squeal then surely (unless you have a mental deficiency) you would learn from this and when you don't have anything nice to say, you don't say anything at all.
    Especially when OP didn't ask for honest opinions of herself she asked she asked "why she can't get over him?"

    And OP. To me, It sorta sounds like a crush. It'll probably go away soon. Also I'm 95% sure that this guy would'nt have wanted a relationship more than a fling, especially if you met him at a bar/club.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    .
    However if you really want to meet him again:
    Have you thought about texting him? I presume he's not in a relationship as you would have mentioned about him having a relationship status on his FB

    Just text him saying something like: "Hey <Hisname> it's <yournamehere> Havent spoke in a while just wondering if you fancied a catch up? Perhaps go out somewhere? Up 2 you. Bye (1 or 2 kisses)"
    And don't have the mindset that guys don't like being asked out because 'its desperate if the girl asks', Its not. I'd say 90% of relationships probably don't get going because both people are scared to make the first or next move
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    because you're weak and are probably the type to smoke, get a pet cat and read lusty fanfiction later in life. you have low self-esteem, your face is probably on the unfortunate end of the attractiveness scale, your thighs are larger than you'd like, you worry about marks on your body and are uncomfortable naked, you haven't had many partners, you suck in bed and you have a phobia or two.
    And this is you:
    http://www.geekologie.com/2010/07/21/geek-flirting.jpg
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    the likeness is uncanny, though i'd never have my shirt tucked in.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by amime)
    Well if you know they're going to wince and squeal then surely (unless you have a mental deficiency) you would learn from this and when you don't have anything nice to say, you don't say anything at all.
    Especially when OP didn't ask for honest opinions of herself she asked she asked "why she can't get over him?"
    >learn from this
    >when you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all

    is it an axiom of logic? is it a rule that must be followed? no, it is not an axiom or a rule of any kind, it is a social contract that i do not observe, a kindness and courtesy done to weak people by other weak people for fear of being emotionally injured themselves. you really are a primitive form of life, reading so much significance into the emotional. i enjoy saying what I think, regardless of it being unfeeling, rude or provocative. i enjoy doing it because i like watching you idiots complain about it. you sustain me with your idiocy and ignorance to the way things are beyond your little, subjective fields of vision.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    a kindness and courtesy done to weak people by other weak people
    Which is why troll behind a computer screen.... To prove you're not weak?
    I'd say that you feel the need to say things that might upset others is because you are unhappy with your own life. Maybe you're a social outcast and you feel that the five minutes of attention that you get from a box that has tiny little lights inside that get arranged into different patterns makes you feel slightly better. I could be wrong (and you would undoubtedly say that I was but... meh, whatever makes you feel better).
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by amime)
    Which is why troll behind a computer screen.... To prove you're not weak?
    I'd say that you feel the need to say things that might upset others is because you are unhappy with your own life. Maybe you're a social outcast and you feel that the five minutes of attention that you get from a box that has tiny little lights inside makes you feel slightly better. I could be wrong (and you would undoubtedly say that I was but... meh, whatever makes you feel better).
    hahaha. i just like ****ing with people. you teenagers, you do so love to complicate things! you're definitely a right-hemisphere guy, not much rational thought but oh so poetic! "a box that has tiny little lights inside" - lovely, truly lovely. anyone else would have said "monitor" but no, you describe it so adorably! i could come to regard you as a buddy. sadly, however, you lack the rational thought as i just mentioned - and i don't keep irrational company, so i am afraid you will be without my friendship. i'm.. i'm sorry my good man.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you're just going to have to move on :/ as hard as it is
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Crocodile, M.D.)
    and i don't keep irrational company
    Do you keep any company?

    so i am afraid you will be without my friendship. i'm.. i'm sorry my good man.
    To be honest, I'm happy living in my own irrational world, with my irrational friends that you would probably find too irrational for your rational, superior, self-idolised, egocentric and lonely existence.

    I guess I'll just have to go through life thinking about and contemplating the special relationship that we could have had but, where opportunity passed us by. Oh well
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    You've identified why you can't get over him, and that's a good thing. You don't know what went on in his mind, and he had the upper hand, and that's why you can't let go. Though you'll never know what he thought (unless you ask him, and even then he might not give you a straight answer and he could lie, and also it could be a bit undignified) what you need to do is look at it differently. At the moment, you see it as him failing to call you and you assuming that it was because he wasn't interested. Turn it the other way. This guy didn't call you, he left you high and dry, and then you decided that you were far better than waiting around for someone who didn't make his feelings (or lack thereof) clear, and so you decided that he wasn't right for you and that's that.
    I think that that's a good way of thinking of it. Thank-you

    My friends pestered me to text him a few days ago to try and get closure, and we had quite a long convo considering, but then I was last to text and I haven't heard since. So I feel like I've done my bit, and I don't want to chase him because I hate mind games and I don't want to give him the ego-boost. So maybe your way of thinking is the right way to look at it. I tried, he wasn't interested, I wouldn't chase. Thanks
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Georgiahoneybee)
    How long ago was this? I know you two were never officially together, but it's still fair enough to be upset about it. I think as you've said because you never really got closure or worked out what went wrong, it's hard to learn from it and move on. I also think accepting he's not interested doesn't mean you stop hoping that he is. It's completely understandable that you're still waiting for the best case scenario. You can stop yourself constantly looking at his FB though- it clearly only makes you more upset and annoyed. I think it's probably too late to talk to him about it, especially if you weren't "together" long. Therefore unfortunately I think it will just take time. If you meet someone new who you really like and get along with I'm sure you'll forget all about this guy- but you can't force that to happen, you just have to be patient.
    You've hit the nail on the head. If I knew what I'd done wrong I'd feel happier about it. It's even worse that whenever I contact him/see him he acts like nothing has changed and he's still into me. Like last week I texted him asking how he was and he replied immediately saying that he felt like it's been ages since we last spoke and if I was around...but I was out with my friends and just replied asking a few questions. But he didn't reply :/

    Yeah, I think the fact that I don't really speak to him at all now really just means that asking him if anything was going on would be degrading because it's clearly not.

    You're 100% right about the whole waiting for someone to come along too! I started sort of 'seeing' this guy about the time that I stopped 'seeing' another guy, so I sort of went straight from one to the other which boosted my self-esteem a bit (the previous guy was a w*nker to me). So now I just feel a bit lonely without anyone...

    Thank-you for your advice, it was really helpful
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 22, 2011
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.