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Am I a *****? A ex-friend rang me up in tears and I turned away from it. . . watch

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    Ok I'm going to get this as short as possible as lots of people don't bother reading large quantities of text.

    My ex-friend rang me up today upset and said she really want to see me and no one else. I rang up her closest friend and told her that she should go and see her and my ex-friend texted me back saying thanks for doing that but that she really needs me. I didn't reply.

    However there's a good reason why she's no longer my friend. In November I had my drink spiked and was sexually assaulted and she and her friends told me I was making it up and said if I went to the police they wouldn't support my case. Subsequently I started going home a lot, lost my trust in men, made other friends and stopped talking to her (but remained nice to her in groups). She originally was a great friend to me but ever since this year of uni she really went off the rails, started turning up at my house unexpectedly all of the time demanding food and company when I had deadlines, etc. I went through many things last semester, the sexual assault, the loss of my grandfather, getting dumped, etc and she was NEVER there for me, all she was interested in was going clubbing with her new friends.

    My conscience is burning right now as no matter who they are, if someone rings me up like that I am the sort of person who would just help. However in this instance I just can't help someone who has done those things to me. I feel really terrible right now but I don't know if I should or not.
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    you are a *****

    not.
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    15
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    She wasn't there for you, why should you be there for her?

    Seems you are doing alright, let darwinism take it's course.
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    She's not a friend, you owe her nothing.
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    be the better person and support her
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    not at all. and the fact you're asking if what you did was *****y proves how nice you are
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok I'm going to get this as short as possible as lots of people don't bother reading large quantities of text.

    My ex-friend rang me up today upset and said she really want to see me and no one else. I rang up her closest friend and told her that she should go and see her and my ex-friend texted me back saying thanks for doing that but that she really needs me. I didn't reply.

    However there's a good reason why she's no longer my friend. In November I had my drink spiked and was sexually assaulted and she and her friends told me I was making it up and said if I went to the police they wouldn't support my case. Subsequently I started going home a lot, lost my trust in men, made other friends and stopped talking to her (but remained nice to her in groups). She originally was a great friend to me but ever since this year of uni she really went off the rails, started turning up at my house unexpectedly all of the time demanding food and company when I had deadlines, etc. I went through many things last semester, the sexual assault, the loss of my grandfather, getting dumped, etc and she was NEVER there for me, all she was interested in was going clubbing with her new friends.

    My conscience is burning right now as no matter who they are, if someone rings me up like that I am the sort of person who would just help. However in this instance I just can't help someone who has done those things to me. I feel really terrible right now but I don't know if I should or not.
    I guess you are justified in not wanting anything to do with her now, but it would be good for you to be the better person and help her out in her time of need. She'll realise how much you meant to her, and it could be something very serious :dontknow:
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    No, you're not. I've done worse. She wasn't there for you, why should you be there for her?
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    You're just a better friend, and better person than she is.

    Show her the error of her ways by being there for her when she needs you. I have a friend like this who everyone says I shouldn't bother with because shes all over the place, but fact is, she's still my mate despite things that she might have done and at the end of the day, I like to consider myself a good friend and will always be there for her if she needs me.

    In the long run, she will realise what a good person you were for standing by her, and hopefully it will make her realise she was wrong for treating you the way she did.
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    You'll just be wasting your time. Let the karma play out. Why would you want someone like that as your friend? The people who say otherwise are just very weak and have clearly been taken advantage of by other people constantly. Whatever her problem is, it won't be more serious than, oh I don't know... being sexually assaulted.
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    your choice but she should know why maybe.

    I don´t think it´s cruel. it´s rather self-protective but you have to look into the mirror and like yourself.

    the darwinism idea is very childish to me.
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    Yeah, what Chris said:

    She wasn't there for you, you needn't be for her. All those times she could've been there for you, and she wasn't. Then leeched off you and invited herself to your house.

    You weren't being a *****, at all. However, let me ask you this:

    If she were in your shoes, and you rang her up, would she help? According to your post, probably not. Though, after some back-thought, maybe you should help. Granted she's still a bit of a ***** for not being there for you, but maybe you could take some self-satisfaction about being helpful to those who aren't helpful back.

    I would feel more strongly for the first, and tell her to sort herself out just like you had to. Helping her, though... - Meh, I would feel less strongly about this option, but I'd give it thought. :dontknow:

    My gut says go with the first, though.
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    Why did you even answer the phone? Instant reject from me
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    She shouldn't be expecting so much from you after the way she treated you in the past.
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    I don't think its *****y, but also its not eye for an eye. You should rise above everything she's done to prove you are the better person, and maybe she will see the error of her ways. Also let her know how she has made you feel.
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    She wasn't there for you, don't be there for her. Simples.

    :badger:
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    I came here just to bash you, until I read what she had done of course. Do not be a better person and help, that is poor advice. People have to learn that there are consequences for their actions. Forgiveness is not always the right path.
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    (Original post by air-ninety-one)
    be the better person and support her
    Hell no, ignore that ***** let her get whats coming.

    Dont bail her out and let her use you as a doormat.
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    Despite her abusing your good nature, not being a friend what you needed her most, and generally being a *****, you have remained nice to her in groups.
    You don't owe her anything, so it's not wrong for you to not help her. You did what you thought best, telling her closest friend, and that's more than you had to.

    If you really feel awful, then maybe offer help? But, don't do it if it'll ultimately make you feel worse because she wasn't there for you.
    Best of luck x
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    (Original post by chrislpp)
    She wasn't there for you, why should you be there for her?

    Seems you are doing alright, let darwinism take it's course.
    What do you mean by darwinism?

    To those who suggested I help her I sat and thought a moment andI don't think I can help her. She's turned up at my house too many times with little boy troubles and said "it's all going down in my flat" a million times. I've sat and listened and advised countless times. I'm a poor student who is on a tight budget and she has sat and begged meals off me so many times (I'm not mean I'll happily do it the odd time).

    Getting over a sexual assault or rape is no easy feat and I'm still working to get over it now. So to be told that I'm lying when she later revealed that she saw the bloke walking me down the street and that she and her friends "doesn't have time for it" was an extra shock to my system that was almost as hard to get over as the assault.
 
 
 
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