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    #1

    This is going to be long so if you can't be bothered to read it, don't. Also I don't need people telling me to 'man up' or make stupid jokes right now.

    I know there are worse things going on in the world, it's not the end of the world, etc. but I still feel like absolute crap.

    Firstly, there's my parents. I don't have that relationship with my mum where she's like my best friend and I find it really hard to talk to her and anything I tell her, she just tells my dad straight away so they can have a little joke about it. I can take a joke but some things I just don't need being made into a joke. And they're usually really nasty about it and pick it apart over dinner. So I stopped talking to her and she just started making things up and telling my dad about things I hadn't even done! My dad's not exactly the nicest man. He's constantly telling me to piss off and leave him alone when all I've done is walk into a room. Or he'll say how he wishes I was never born for stupid little things. He once threatened to kick me out because I was apparently talking to him in a rude tone of voice - I wasn't even being rude to him, I just had a rough day and was tired so there was no enthusiasm in my voice. That's it.

    Secondly, my boyfriend's being a bit...confusing, really. I feel like he's trying to avoid me by 'forgetting' about when I ask to talk to him and just walking away or being really, really blunt with me when he knows I'm already feeling low and just making me feel worse. But when we do talk usually, he's nice and he's his normal self. I keep thinking there's something wrong and he's not talking to me about it but I don't want to push him and make him talk about it. The thing is, whenever he rings me 'just to talk', I always make time for him and listen to him but if I ring him because I just want to speak to him, he always says he's busy and that he'll ring back but he never does. And if I see him the next day, he won't even ask what the problem was - he's not nasty about it but he just acts as if I never even rang him. I love him and there are so many things about him that I adore but this recent behaviour is just really confusing me. We've been together just over a year and we've known each other for 18 months and I know this isn't normal behaviour for him. He's been like this for the past month or so. I know that he is actually busy this time of year but he's busy for most of the year and he's not been this distant. I don't mind giving him space but it'll be nice to feel like he's not just putting up with me or seeing me when he wants to.

    Every time I try and talk to my closest friends about things, they just go on about their own problems instead. One friend has been refusing to talk to me because the birthday card I sent her arrived on the wrong day...I can't control the post and I did write the date of her birthday on the card plus I rang her up on the day so she knows I know the actual date. Not only that, but every year for the past 9 years, she has forgotten my birthday - she still can't even remember when it is - but I don't say a word to her about it and don't hold it against her especially if she needs me.

    Recently, a close male friend tried to rape me and he probably would have succeeded had he not passed out from being too drunk. We were walking through a park and he pushed me up against a tree and shoved his hand down my knickers and started fingering me so roughly I was bleeding. He only got to unzipping his jeans and pulling my knickers down before he passed out. I never expected someone like him to behave like that and I just didn't know what to do. I just called one of his housemates to come and get him as I walked back home. On the way home, I rang my boyfriend in tears and he just said 'not now, I've got work to do' and when I said I really needed to see him, he just said he can't now and that I should go round to his in the morning. He could tell I was upset but he just didn't get that I'd never ask to see him urgently unless I really had to. I felt let down when I really needed him. I still haven't told him what happened. I rang one of my friends up instead so I could talk to her and she just had a go at me for ringing her when she's doing her essay at the last minute. I said 'sorry I wouldn't ring unless it's urgent' and she just said 'stop being so selfish, all you do is talk about yourself', which is just not nice when all I've ever done is be there for her, listen to her and she's just never been there for me, ever. So I just kept walking home, ignored my parents, and ran into my bedroom and locked the door. I felt so betrayed by everyone I thought I could count on and it hurt so much. It sounds so pathetic and I never thought I'd be the kind of person to do this but I just cried myself to sleep that night. The next day, I just tried to pretend nothing had even happened. There's no point. No one would care either way.

    Sorry this has been so long but I just needed to let it all out. Advice/whatever is welcome.
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    :hugs:

    I don't mean to sound insensitive and I know what you went through is awful..but can it really be a coincidence that everyone around is feeling off with you? Maybe re-evaluate how you treat your friends/ bf etc...

    I'm only saying this cos I have a friend who is convinced we don't care about her and never listen to her etc when ALL we do is hear her voice ALL the time. It's like if the convo isn't about her, she's not interested. Now I'm not saying you're that extreme but it's just something to think about
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    :hugs:

    Chin up!

    Everything will get better!
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    Advice?
    You'd be better going to see a counsellor or someone else who can offer unbiased advice on this.

    :console:
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    it can only get better hun, i hope it does. you sound like a very nice girl plus worrying about the boyfriend, its probs nothing, you might just be thinking into stuff too much, spesh if you've got lots of time on your hands. i think too much sometimes and i worry like mad, i hate it :/ anyway hope things improve! x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Saranghea)
    :hugs:

    I don't mean to sound insensitive and I know what you went through is awful..but can it really be a coincidence that everyone around is feeling off with you? Maybe re-evaluate how you treat your friends/ bf etc...

    I'm only saying this cos I have a friend who is convinced we don't care about her and never listen to her etc when ALL we do is hear her voice ALL the time. It's like if the convo isn't about her, she's not interested. Now I'm not saying you're that extreme but it's just something to think about
    I've tried to think if it's something I've done to piss everyone off but I can't think of anything. I'm usually the one listening instead of talking - I've always been like that, never been big on talking and I hate talking about myself. I've never been nasty to my friends and would never hurt anyone I care about in any way. If I felt like I had, I'd apologise immediately. I rang up a friend apologising because I thought I'd accidentally shut the door on her the previous day :o: I'm usually all smiles around them so I'm not 'depressing' them or anything. I always make an effort to be nice to everyone I meet and I know I'm not a bad person or anything. I'm used to putting others before me but it'll be nice if those people were actually there for me
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    Ouch - I feel sorry for you. With family I know it is difficult, but it is you're family - Just try to put up with it, or do what I do - What I get so pissed off I just confront them and clear the air. On the topic of your boyfriend, lose him, if my girlfriend ever called me, and she was upset I would drop everything no matter what to make sure she is OK, maybe he is making you down in some respects. And then moving on to your friend and rape, drunkenness is absolutely no excuse what so ever go to the police and at least see someone about it, its not a burden you should carry alone.

    OP, take a step back and assess everything, go and talk to someone about it - even go to the student union and talk to someone there.

    Dan
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    Sorry I can't help but.. I'll give you a hug :sadnod:
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    *hugs*
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    Aww :sad: You seem to have the worst luck with friends/your boyfriend.

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is going to be long so if you can't be bothered to read it, don't. Also I don't need people telling me to 'man up' or make stupid jokes right now.

    I know there are worse things going on in the world, it's not the end of the world, etc. but I still feel like absolute crap.

    Firstly, there's my parents. I don't have that relationship with my mum where she's like my best friend and I find it really hard to talk to her and anything I tell her, she just tells my dad straight away so they can have a little joke about it. I can take a joke but some things I just don't need being made into a joke. And they're usually really nasty about it and pick it apart over dinner. So I stopped talking to her and she just started making things up and telling my dad about things I hadn't even done! My dad's not exactly the nicest man. He's constantly telling me to piss off and leave him alone when all I've done is walk into a room. Or he'll say how he wishes I was never born for stupid little things. He once threatened to kick me out because I was apparently talking to him in a rude tone of voice - I wasn't even being rude to him, I just had a rough day and was tired so there was no enthusiasm in my voice. That's it.

    Secondly, my boyfriend's being a bit...confusing, really. I feel like he's trying to avoid me by 'forgetting' about when I ask to talk to him and just walking away or being really, really blunt with me when he knows I'm already feeling low and just making me feel worse. But when we do talk usually, he's nice and he's his normal self. I keep thinking there's something wrong and he's not talking to me about it but I don't want to push him and make him talk about it. The thing is, whenever he rings me 'just to talk', I always make time for him and listen to him but if I ring him because I just want to speak to him, he always says he's busy and that he'll ring back but he never does. And if I see him the next day, he won't even ask what the problem was - he's not nasty about it but he just acts as if I never even rang him. I love him and there are so many things about him that I adore but this recent behaviour is just really confusing me. We've been together just over a year and we've known each other for 18 months and I know this isn't normal behaviour for him. He's been like this for the past month or so. I know that he is actually busy this time of year but he's busy for most of the year and he's not been this distant. I don't mind giving him space but it'll be nice to feel like he's not just putting up with me or seeing me when he wants to.

    Every time I try and talk to my closest friends about things, they just go on about their own problems instead. One friend has been refusing to talk to me because the birthday card I sent her arrived on the wrong day...I can't control the post and I did write the date of her birthday on the card plus I rang her up on the day so she knows I know the actual date. Not only that, but every year for the past 9 years, she has forgotten my birthday - she still can't even remember when it is - but I don't say a word to her about it and don't hold it against her especially if she needs me.

    Recently, a close male friend tried to rape me and he probably would have succeeded had he not passed out from being too drunk. We were walking through a park and he pushed me up against a tree and shoved his hand down my knickers and started fingering me so roughly I was bleeding. He only got to unzipping his jeans and pulling my knickers down before he passed out. I never expected someone like him to behave like that and I just didn't know what to do. I just called one of his housemates to come and get him as I walked back home. On the way home, I rang my boyfriend in tears and he just said 'not now, I've got work to do' and when I said I really needed to see him, he just said he can't now and that I should go round to his in the morning. He could tell I was upset but he just didn't get that I'd never ask to see him urgently unless I really had to. I felt let down when I really needed him. I still haven't told him what happened. I rang one of my friends up instead so I could talk to her and she just had a go at me for ringing her when she's doing her essay at the last minute. I said 'sorry I wouldn't ring unless it's urgent' and she just said 'stop being so selfish, all you do is talk about yourself', which is just not nice when all I've ever done is be there for her, listen to her and she's just never been there for me, ever. So I just kept walking home, ignored my parents, and ran into my bedroom and locked the door. I felt so betrayed by everyone I thought I could count on and it hurt so much. It sounds so pathetic and I never thought I'd be the kind of person to do this but I just cried myself to sleep that night. The next day, I just tried to pretend nothing had even happened. There's no point. No one would care either way.

    Sorry this has been so long but I just needed to let it all out. Advice/whatever is welcome.
    :hugs: for op
    I'm feeling down at the moment. Not for anywhere near as bad reasons as you. I'd get in touch with the police about this guy who nearly raped you. Your parents - well its not forever, you don't have to live with them.
    If you want to talk, you can PM me. x
    • #2
    #2

    If i'm honest I didn't read, i've got too many issues of my own to worry about without making me more depressed but from the thread title: turn your music up.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MGS)
    Ouch - I feel sorry for you. With family I know it is difficult, but it is you're family - Just try to put up with it, or do what I do - What I get so pissed off I just confront them and clear the air. On the topic of your boyfriend, lose him, if my girlfriend ever called me, and she was upset I would drop everything no matter what to make sure she is OK, maybe he is making you down in some respects. And then moving on to your friend and rape, drunkenness is absolutely no excuse what so ever go to the police and at least see someone about it, its not a burden you should carry alone.

    OP, take a step back and assess everything, go and talk to someone about it - even go to the student union and talk to someone there.

    Dan
    Thanks for the advice

    The problem with my family is if confronted my dad, I don't know what he'd do to me. I'm scared of what he's capable of and I just don't want to go there. Even when I attempt to calmly bring something up he either belittles me and mocks me or starts yelling at me and insulting me.

    My boyfriend really isn't that bad - I know he loves me and I don't want to end it with him. It sounds like a cop out but I just can't do it. Not now.

    But I will talk to someone about this. Thanks again
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    :console: OP
    you need to talk to your friends. You were raped in the eyes of the law (as there was sexual penetration) and your boyfriend was too busy?! There has to be a limit to what you can stand from "friends".
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    Call the police, now. Seriously, someone like that should never be allowed to get away with it. What he did to you is wrong, whether he was drunk or not, and he needs to be punished for it. It's a long hard process but it helps a lot that you know who did it. I've been through something similar so i completely understand what you're going through. It's so traumatic and the fact that no one was there for you is disgusting! PM me if you need to chat hun
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    It really sucks that things are going so poorly for you. I really hope they improve soon. I definitely think you need to cut all contact with this "friend" of yours, because it's clear he is a terrible one. I also hope that you've told your friends/family/the police about this, and got the support that you need. If you haven't already, I would suggest that you do. This shouldn't be something that you have to go through alone.

    Hope things work out for you. :console:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice

    The problem with my family is if confronted my dad, I don't know what he'd do to me. I'm scared of what he's capable of and I just don't want to go there. Even when I attempt to calmly bring something up he either belittles me and mocks me or starts yelling at me and insulting me.

    My boyfriend really isn't that bad - I know he loves me and I don't want to end it with him. It sounds like a cop out but I just can't do it. Not now.

    But I will talk to someone about this. Thanks again
    A boyfriend who doesn't care that his girlfriend is crying in tears down the phone? I'd have an issue with that to be honest, any girl deserves better. And I get what you mean about families, they are always difficult and its not as easy to confront someone. My door is always open.
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    http://www.cherryfairy.com/Images/grouphug.gif
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    didn't read but :hugs:
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    You won't get any hugs off Darth Vader you pathetic turd.
 
 
 
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