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    Erm, well if a guy went cold on me I'd assume he'd lost interest? :dontknow: It's more likely to be counter productive like when girls attempt to make guys jealous.

    Have you actually told her you like her? After two months of just talking she might assume you're just friends? Btw, stalking on facebook = not a good idea! A lot of what is said on social networking sites (for me at least) is not to be taken seriously. The important conversations (for me) are usually on msn/skype so don't read too much into facebook things.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been talking to this girl for over 2 months now. I like her, and she's shown signs of interest in me. I've invited her to a few events, even offering to pay for her ticket for a gig she said she wanted to go to but had no money, which she declined. I feel I've been playing it a bit too cool.

    Now she's been speaking to this other guy at College the past week or so. Literally everything on Facebook she posts, including posts on the walls of mutual friends, he comments on, and she seems to be enjoying the attention a lot, inviting him to join her and her mates in the canteen even though he didn't have lesson til 1PM.

    So I thought maybe I should be more attentive to her, see what happens. This evening I sent her a text asking her how she was, if she'd started her coursework and if it was due in this week or next. The reply was dismissive, it basically said "Hey, I'm good thanks! Nope not started yet! It's due in next week, not next week! See you Friday! X". Meanwhile, the "new guy" had commented on yet ANOTHER post of her's on Facebook and she was being more chatty.

    A few people have said that the best option is to just give her the cold shoulder. If she starts being more talkative, then good. If not, the chance has passed and it wasn't meant to be.

    Thoughts?
    Be more specific. What has she done EXACTLY that has given you the impression that she likes you?
    Usually horny teenagers like yourself completely misinterpet pleasantries and politeness as an indication that said female immediately wants to pounce on you.
    If the winking smiley hasn't made an appearance in texts/online chats, remain cautious.
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    Get the answers from her face to face on Friday whatever it was again I don't remember see if she likes you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's due in next week! See you Friday! X".
    is the girl Rebecca Black?
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    #1

    (Original post by Boffin1234)
    Be more specific. What has she done EXACTLY that has given you the impression that she likes you?
    Usually horny teenagers like yourself completely misinterpet pleasantries and politeness as an indication that said female immediately wants to pounce on you.
    If the winking smiley hasn't made an appearance in texts/online chats, remain cautious.
    Loads of things. Sometimes acting shy and nervous around me. Touching me occasionally. Asking me where I'm going every time I bump into her. Smiling at me in lessons. Sometimes standing close to me when we talk. Other general flirtatious behaviour.

    That's off the top of my head.

    I've also noticed she's suddenly started "liking" bands that I've mentioned when around her, when she previously had nothing to say about them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think it is.

    Never say never and all that, but the current situation is damn bleak.
    You will regret not trying if you don't, so just give it a shot.
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    #1

    (Original post by street.lovin')
    You offered to pay for her tickets, you seemed nice to her.

    Why do you think you have not been attentive enough?
    Apologies, I missed this post out.

    Because I rarely ever comment on her Facebook or text her.

    Unlike the new guy who practically spams her wall...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Apologies, I missed this post out.

    Because I rarely ever comment on her Facebook or text her.

    Unlike the new guy who practically spams her wall...
    The other guy is on overkill mode though. I don't think you appreciate how annoying it is to have 1 person commenting on everything; it just smells of desperation.

    Think of it like a long distance race - you're pacing yourself well, not going too fast and will eventually finish. The other person has gone off alike to a madman, and will never be able to sustain the pace.

    He is the Mayfly in this equation.
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    (Original post by Helpful_Charlie)
    The other guy is on overkill mode though. I don't think you appreciate how annoying it is to have 1 person commenting on everything; it just smells of desperation.

    Think of it like a long distance race - you're pacing yourself well, not going too fast and will eventually finish. The other person has gone off alike to a madman, and will never be able to sustain the pace.

    He is the Mayfly in this equation.
    I was just thinking this - he is coming across as desperate.

    However

    She is very animated and chatty in response to his constant posting, with flirtation thrown in and the like.

    She's also posted on his wall once, trying to strike up a conversation.

    Although they are still in the "getting to know you" phase, maybe his seeming desperation will grate on her? I don't know.
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    Meh I reckon you've got to weigh up whether or not she's worth it. If yes then maybe you should just come out and tell her that you're interested and would like to take her out. If not then stop the texting/interaction and she how she deals with it. Then you'll have your answer.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was just thinking this - he is coming across as desperate.

    However

    She is very animated and chatty in response to his constant posting, with flirtation thrown in and the like.

    She's also posted on his wall once, trying to strike up a conversation.

    Although they are still in the "getting to know you" phase, maybe his seeming desperation will grate on her? I don't know.
    When you first meet someone there is a lot to speak about. For example there is background, interests, schooling and everything in between. After a while the appeal wears off (for the majority of people) and they go to acquaintances, which includes seldom speaking.

    Girls are naturally flirtatious so you shouldn't read TOO much into that, unless it's OTT. I genuinely don't think you have to worry; just yet at least. Rather than going too cold on her, just modulate the time you spend speaking to her. Don't go completely off the boil as that will indicate loss of interest, which is the last thing you need to happen.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by *Lollo*)
    I don't think the text she sent you was that dismissive?
    If she likes this guy more than she likes you, your behavior won't change that. It's easy to think that if you either play it cool or be attentive, you will "win her over", but it's not like it's all about the game you're playing (being 'friendzoned' and all that crap), most of the time it's because personalities don't match.
    First of all, playing it cool does not mean cutting contact, it's more about the attitude you have. Meaning you're a relaxed, confident guy who talks well to women and can carry a conversation without sounding clingy. Of course it sometimes show results to back off a bit, but that is only if the person already is interested in you. That you wait a little bit before replying to a text and all that, but for her to get curious and impatient, she has to be interested first. Otherwise you're only that guy who stopped talking to her for whatever reason, which will just make her spend more time with the other one, who shows interest.
    This girl knows what she's talking about.
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    Are you 14? Seriously, grow up OP. The text she sent you wasn't dissmissive in the slightest, and you're actually getting jealous because she comments to a guy on FB? IT'S FACEBOOK FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
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    Ok... You've shown too much interest and made it not interesting for her. Ever heard of cat and string theory? A cat is interested in a string until you drop it and give it to them... then it's boring. You gave yourself to her and that made you boring. You need her to work for your attention if you want any chance.

    This doesn't mean stop talking to her, but just change the way you talk to her. You need her to get her to qualify herself to you, not the other way round. Maybe next time you're with her, talk to her friends a while and tease her in front of her friends, maybe she has a funny habit. Get them to notice it, but don't be mean or it will just come off as you being a ****. But you have to show her that you don't need her and you're the cool guy that people want to hang around with. Its about having social value and you need to demonstrate this. Never ever ever offer to pay for anything for a girl till you and her are an item. This just lowers your value. Instead maybe you and your friends are doing something cool, give her a ring and say you're off to do that in a bit and she can tag along... if she doesn't its cool, you're still doing stuff and she'll realise you're fun to be with.

    You need to negative compliment her... throwaway compliments that don't come across as horrible, or jerky on your part, but make her want to prove herself... think about it, most people if someone shows them up in the tiniest of ways don't want to look bad. For example, you spot she is wearing fake nails... say 'nice nails. are they real? she says no... and you reply with oh... well they're still nice anyway.

    Once you've got her trying to prove herself to you, you've got her. Work on making yourself seem more attractive, so she wants to be around you... then make her prove herself to you... and you've got her working for you. By the sounds of it, that's what the other guy has going for him right now. You did wait too long... and she probably put you in the nice guy friend category, but by using a few tips like this, you'll set of her hardwired attracted signals and she'll be after you... All this info came from a book called game by neil strauss... have a read of that for more detail. (FYI he became the number one pick up artist using this stuff and used it on paris hilton and britney spears to great effect)

    Good luck. One last thing... if she isn't interested anymore... who cares there are other girls... and thats what will keep them interested is knowing you have other options.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok... You've shown too much interest and made it not interesting for her. Ever heard of cat and string theory? A cat is interested in a string until you drop it and give it to them... then it's boring. You gave yourself to her and that made you boring. You need her to work for your attention if you want any chance.

    This doesn't mean stop talking to her, but just change the way you talk to her. You need her to get her to qualify herself to you, not the other way round. Maybe next time you're with her, talk to her friends a while and tease her in front of her friends, maybe she has a funny habit. Get them to notice it, but don't be mean or it will just come off as you being a ****. But you have to show her that you don't need her and you're the cool guy that people want to hang around with. Its about having social value and you need to demonstrate this. Never ever ever offer to pay for anything for a girl till you and her are an item. This just lowers your value. Instead maybe you and your friends are doing something cool, give her a ring and say you're off to do that in a bit and she can tag along... if she doesn't its cool, you're still doing stuff and she'll realise you're fun to be with.

    You need to negative compliment her... throwaway compliments that don't come across as horrible, or jerky on your part, but make her want to prove herself... think about it, most people if someone shows them up in the tiniest of ways don't want to look bad. For example, you spot she is wearing fake nails... say 'nice nails. are they real? she says no... and you reply with oh... well they're still nice anyway.

    Once you've got her trying to prove herself to you, you've got her. Work on making yourself seem more attractive, so she wants to be around you... then make her prove herself to you... and you've got her working for you. By the sounds of it, that's what the other guy has going for him right now. You did wait too long... and she probably put you in the nice guy friend category, but by using a few tips like this, you'll set of her hardwired attracted signals and she'll be after you... All this info came from a book called game by neil strauss... have a read of that for more detail. (FYI he became the number one pick up artist using this stuff and used it on paris hilton and britney spears to great effect)

    Good luck. One last thing... if she isn't interested anymore... who cares there are other girls... and thats what will keep them interested is knowing you have other options.
    Cheers mate, good ideas there. Maybe I should do this, but there's also the problem of the other guy moving in fast.

    Although like I said earlier the way he's always quick to comment on her Facebook updates (and things she posts on the wall of mutual friends) maybe this will start to annoy her in time?
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    This could indeed make her annoyed in time, as it may come across as needy. But if she likes him, she's gunna be loving the attention. Especially if he is saying the right things, like teasing her a bit.

    The only thing you can do... and it's tough is to show her you've got higher social value than the other guy. That's something you've got to work out what to do. But the other thing you have to watch out for is if you are after her, this will show and wont look good for you. So the best thing I can think of is to find someone else, someone that interests you... this could either be a potential replacement or maybe just a good friend (as long as she is seeing it that way too its fine). This will show the girl you're after you arent too bothered by her, and as long as you keep her in your loop and keep making her work for your attention, you could have a good chance of getting her back.

    I've been with my gf for almost 18months now... looking back I attracted her to me by doing exactly above. At work a girl she was with called me over and I had break with them, hardly talking to my now gf, but talking loads with the other, telling stories (higher value) and teasing my now gf. At lunch I then sat with others proving my social circle and again high value, before spending a bit of time with them again. It wasn't till the end of lunch I paid my gf a bit of attention, just enough to spark her interest before we went back to work. She later told me that when we first met, she thought I didn't fancy her and she wasn't good enough for me, but wanted to be. She started to go for my attention and was working for me to choose her not the traditional girl chooses guy. I did all that without realising it till I read game and saw that's how it all happened.

    Good luck though, women are hard to understand. But I can't emphasise enough by not wanting her, she wants you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This could indeed make her annoyed in time, as it may come across as needy. But if she likes him, she's gunna be loving the attention. Especially if he is saying the right things, like teasing her a bit.

    The only thing you can do... and it's tough is to show her you've got higher social value than the other guy. That's something you've got to work out what to do. But the other thing you have to watch out for is if you are after her, this will show and wont look good for you. So the best thing I can think of is to find someone else, someone that interests you... this could either be a potential replacement or maybe just a good friend (as long as she is seeing it that way too its fine). This will show the girl you're after you arent too bothered by her, and as long as you keep her in your loop and keep making her work for your attention, you could have a good chance of getting her back.

    I've been with my gf for almost 18months now... looking back I attracted her to me by doing exactly above. At work a girl she was with called me over and I had break with them, hardly talking to my now gf, but talking loads with the other, telling stories (higher value) and teasing my now gf. At lunch I then sat with others proving my social circle and again high value, before spending a bit of time with them again. It wasn't till the end of lunch I paid my gf a bit of attention, just enough to spark her interest before we went back to work. She later told me that when we first met, she thought I didn't fancy her and she wasn't good enough for me, but wanted to be. She started to go for my attention and was working for me to choose her not the traditional girl chooses guy. I did all that without realising it till I read game and saw that's how it all happened.

    Good luck though, women are hard to understand. But I can't emphasise enough by not wanting her, she wants you.
    The other guy is quite sociable, he gets along with pretty much all the people she hangs around in College. He seems to be "liking" a lot more of their posts on Facebook more recently, which I suspect is a sort of strategy.

    I'm in lesson with both of them tomorrow, which should be interesting...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This could indeed make her annoyed in time, as it may come across as needy. But if she likes him, she's gunna be loving the attention. Especially if he is saying the right things, like teasing her a bit.

    The only thing you can do... and it's tough is to show her you've got higher social value than the other guy. That's something you've got to work out what to do. But the other thing you have to watch out for is if you are after her, this will show and wont look good for you. So the best thing I can think of is to find someone else, someone that interests you... this could either be a potential replacement or maybe just a good friend (as long as she is seeing it that way too its fine). This will show the girl you're after you arent too bothered by her, and as long as you keep her in your loop and keep making her work for your attention, you could have a good chance of getting her back.

    I've been with my gf for almost 18months now... looking back I attracted her to me by doing exactly above. At work a girl she was with called me over and I had break with them, hardly talking to my now gf, but talking loads with the other, telling stories (higher value) and teasing my now gf. At lunch I then sat with others proving my social circle and again high value, before spending a bit of time with them again. It wasn't till the end of lunch I paid my gf a bit of attention, just enough to spark her interest before we went back to work. She later told me that when we first met, she thought I didn't fancy her and she wasn't good enough for me, but wanted to be. She started to go for my attention and was working for me to choose her not the traditional girl chooses guy. I did all that without realising it till I read game and saw that's how it all happened.

    Good luck though, women are hard to understand. But I can't emphasise enough by not wanting her, she wants you.
    He's quite a sociable guy though. He gets along well with pretty much all her College mates, and I've noticed that recently he's been "liking" their Facebook posts more often...a sort of strategy, I would suspect.

    Anyway. I'm in lesson with both of them tomorrow. Should be interesting.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's quite a sociable guy though. He gets along well with pretty much all her College mates, and I've noticed that recently he's been "liking" their Facebook posts more often...a sort of strategy, I would suspect.

    Anyway. I'm in lesson with both of them tomorrow. Should be interesting.
    He sounds like a nice sociable guy mate. Girls generally don't want to be with someone who is a freekin sociopath and is going to over-analyse her facebook activity. If you create such an issue over this, how is she going to be able to finish with you if you eventually do get into a relationship and she wants out? The signs are that you'll hit the water works if she ever hints at leaving you, leading to clingy committment and massive drama.
    Similarly she has every right to flirt with whoever she wants.
    Have you considered the possibility that she finds this guy more attractive than you? There's a difference between putting up a fight for a girl and being possessive and claiming ownership of a woman.
    Also you listed some of the things she has done to give you the impression she likes you. I'm not THAT convinced mate, expressing an interest in the bands you like? It's hardly like she's slobbering at your crotch.
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    I don't know, personally if a guy went cold on me I'd assume he didn't like me and I'd just lose interest, but I suppose that's probably not representative of the entire female population!
 
 
 
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