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Quite a difficult relationship dilemma, I really don't like my boyfriend much at all watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, he's going to be with them anyway, regardless of whether or not we are still together.

    I'm not glossing over anything either, I'm clearly stating my reasons for wanting to break up, and that I didn't wake up one morning and think "Oh, I think I'm going to dump this guy today and hurt his feelings at the crabbiest possible time". I decided the relationship was unhealthy and nothing would ever change - then his dad got his diagnosis. I've been stuck in limbo ever since because I don't want to hurt his feelings or add to his problems.

    I haven't just come to the conclusion that I'm tired of him (or whatever it was you accused me of), because that would be an evil thing to do. My reasons for wanting to leave him are legitimate and nothing to do with what's happening at home.
    I completely understand your reasons and as sarahthegemini said, his dad's dying doesn't excuse his behaviour. Its best for both of you if you just ended it now.
    Don't feel bad about it. It isn't exactly fair on you to stay with a guy you don't want.
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    Im afraid there is never an easy way to end a relationship. You just have to bit the bullet so to speak and do it. Its harsh but better all round for everyone.
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    Just leave him the next time he does something bad to you.

    To be honest, if he was with his ex, he doesn't love you, probably never did (and thus never will), and all he told you was bull***t. He's taken away your happiness, let him deal with his own problems - after all, after his father dies he will still be sad and maybe then you will feel like you can't get over it.

    I mean honestly, you don't like him anymore, he's a nasty person: you have no obligation to stay with him. And if he doesn't love you / it isn't a good relationship, there is probably not much comfort that you can make get to him regardless of whether you are partners or not. So I would get rid of him before his father dies (if there are still a couple of months left), and just forget about him, he sounds like a nasty piece of work.
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    (Original post by DominF)
    Completely agree.

    Regardless, what he's done is completely irrelevant. OP, the fact that you're trying to justify dumping him with the trivia of your relationship is quite worrying. At the very least, it shows that you don't see what's really important. You shouldn't be thinking "well he's a **** so it's okay that I'm breaking up with him now". You should be thinking "it's for the best that we separate now, otherwise not only will I be stuck in a relationship for god-knows-how-long until he recovers because of my flawed reasoning, but at the end of it all he'll come to realise the girl he loved hated him throughout it all".

    And sure, you might be screaming "I WASN'T TRYING TO JUSTIFY IT LIKE THAT" at the monitor, but then I'd have to ask why you posted anything about your relationship beyond how you feel about him in the first place.
    I've decided to dismiss your advice due the fact that you have either not read, or not understood what I've said here at all. But in any case I fell as though I should respond. I've neither said, nor impled that "well he's a **** so it's okay that I'm breaking up with him now". That's baffling. The only reason I made a thread at all is because, as I point out, it's not okay to break up with him now at all, by any stretch of the imagination. You must have missed that part.

    "it's for the best that we separate now, otherwise not only will I be stuck in a relationship for god-knows-how-long until he recovers because of my flawed reasoning, but at the end of it all he'll come to realise the girl he loved hated him throughout it all".

    What I asked for was advice on what you guys, as outsiders, thought I should do in my situation. If your advice to me is to end things with him now, so that later on he is not further upset by the fact that I wanted to finish with him before his dad was diagnosed then that's well appreciated. That's what I came to ask. Your stultifyingly pedantic response, as well as your miss-quote and presumption however, wasn't warranted or asked for.
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    (Original post by *mMmMm*)
    Don't break up. Just don't contact him, don't reply, keep distant until he gets the idea...

    Meaning a break up but without talking or nothing about it.

    I have no respect for people who go about things this way, and couldn't think of a worse remedy to my problem to be perfectly honest.
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    Dump his ass like a rock on fire
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The title is probably a little on the blunt side, but here goes..

    I've been with my boyfriend for exactly a year and a half. I fell for him straight away because (in hindsight), I thought he was magnificent looking, and studying the same thing as me, just at a different uni. Our music tastes are similar, and it turned out we knew some of the same people. I thought it was a perfect match, I totally had my blinkers on.

    During our relationship , he's gone behind my back with another girl , he's bad-mouthed me to his female friends (he once made up a story about me having a blazing go at him one night, when no such thing happened at all), lied to me and made up stories about nights out when he's actually been round to an ex's house, stood me up countless times, even on my birthday, said hurtful things on Facebook and outrageously flirted with girls there, given me an STD , and maintained an unhealthy obsession with an ex , along with lots of countless other things I don't even have the energy to go into. He's arrogant, self absorbed, minipulative, attention seeking and wierd. I opened my eyes after months and months of him taking the piss and ever since Christmas, I've decided I need to get out of this relationship.

    Sigh. I can't though, and that's because his dad is dying. He has anything from a few weeks to a couple of months of life left, and I don't have the heart to end my relationship with my boyfriend now with everything he's going through. He says he loves me all the time and it makes my insides churn. I am genuinely at a complete loss as to what I'm to do, losing a family member is one of the hardest things one can ever go through, and I should put his comfort before my own happiness, but how long for? Really, I don't know what is worse - holding up the pretense just for him to discover it later, or ending it now and have him deal with his dad's death and the end of his relationship. I want to do the right thing.

    Any advice very gratefully received.
    you should've ended this relationship a very long time ago, you deserve better.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've decided to dismiss your advice due the fact that you have either not read, or not understood what I've said here at all. But in any case I fell as though I should respond. I've neither said, nor impled that "well he's a **** so it's okay that I'm breaking up with him now". That's baffling. The only reason I made a thread at all is because, as I point out, it's not okay to break up with him now at all, by any stretch of the imagination. You must have missed that part.

    "it's for the best that we separate now, otherwise not only will I be stuck in a relationship for god-knows-how-long until he recovers because of my flawed reasoning, but at the end of it all he'll come to realise the girl he loved hated him throughout it all".

    What I asked for was advice on what you guys, as outsiders, thought I should do in my situation. If your advice to me is to end things with him now, so that later on he is not further upset by the fact that I wanted to finish with him before his dad was diagnosed then that's well appreciated. That's what I came to ask. Your stultifyingly pedantic response, as well as your miss-quote and presumption however, wasn't warranted or asked for.
    what? so you're staying with him?
    you're a prime example of those girls who cry/complain/moan about males/their bf, then they stay with them..
    MAKE ME SICK! ha.
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    (Original post by Kohta)
    To be honest, leaving him right after his dad dies will probably be much worse. You'll look like even more of a **** than you would if you broke it off now.

    Just say to him that you don't want to be his girlfriend anymore, but you're not cutting off contact, and you'll be with him as a friend during this terrible period.

    It's honestly better to end it now than later. You can't get out of this looking awesome, but you can at least mitigate the fallout.
    This.
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    (Original post by Humz7)
    what? so you're staying with him?
    you're a prime example of those girls who cry/complain/moan about males/their bf, then they stay with them..
    MAKE ME SICK! ha.
    Ran out of + rep
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    My father died of cancer a couple years ago and it took me several months to stop being depressed and about a year to return to "normal" again. If my boyfriend had been stringing me along, I would have been completely devastated. About six months after he passed, my boyfriend was thinking about going to a university that was several hours away (not breaking up though) and even that was hard on me.

    I personally think it would be better for both of you for you to end things and say that you will support him as a friend if he needs it and explain plainly your reasons for no longer wanting to be in a relationship. It may be hard to do, and he may get very angry and upset with you, but waiting will make it worse.
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    (Original post by *mMmMm*)
    Indeed, it'll make her more bitter than a sour lime in a caipirinha otherwise.
    (Original post by *mMmMm*)
    Ran out of + rep
    I didn't read her other comment before I commented on her first one. otherwise I wouldn't have bothered with the sympathy.
    women like her are a joke. I could go on and on but I literally can't be asked haha.
    ahh, a positive comment makes up for it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The title is probably a little on the blunt side, but here goes..

    I've been with my boyfriend for exactly a year and a half. I fell for him straight away because (in hindsight), I thought he was magnificent looking, and studying the same thing as me, just at a different uni. Our music tastes are similar, and it turned out we knew some of the same people. I thought it was a perfect match, I totally had my blinkers on.

    During our relationship, he's gone behind my back with another girl, he's bad-mouthed me to his female friends (he once made up a story about me having a blazing go at him one night, when no such thing happened at all), lied to me and made up stories about nights out when he's actually been round to an ex's house, stood me up countless times, even on my birthday, said hurtful things on Facebook and outrageously flirted with girls there, given me an STD, and maintained an unhealthy obsession with an ex, along with lots of countless other things I don't even have the energy to go into. He's arrogant, self absorbed, minipulative, attention seeking and wierd. I opened my eyes after months and months of him taking the piss and ever since Christmas, I've decided I need to get out of this relationship.

    Sigh. I can't though, and that's because his dad is dying. He has anything from a few weeks to a couple of months of life left, and I don't have the heart to end my relationship with my boyfriend now with everything he's going through. He says he loves me all the time and it makes my insides churn. I am genuinely at a complete loss as to what I'm to do, losing a family member is one of the hardest things one can ever go through, and I should put his comfort before my own happiness, but how long for? Really, I don't know what is worse - holding up the pretense just for him to discover it later, or ending it now and have him deal with his dad's death and the end of his relationship. I want to do the right thing.

    Any advice very gratefully received.
    Hi. Whilst I'm not claiming to be the male equivalent of Dear Deirdre, I felt I had to reply to your post regarding your predicament with your boyfriend. Before I go on, please take the unkind, thoughtless and misguided comments put on here by a small minority (mostly blokes) with a massive pinch or salt – clearly there are one or two emotionally insecure and imbalanced people out there!

    Firstly, to have put up with half of the things that he’s said and done over the last year and a half you deserve a Sainthood. I would have thought that any one of the incidents individually would have been enough to cause serious doubts about his unsuitability, but the fact that you’ve kept forgiving him and continued your relationship speaks volumes about you.

    I’ve got to agree with the majority of people who say that you owe it to yourself to cut your losses and finish with him now…. It may sound harsh, and no doubt he’ll find it upsetting if he’s got an ounce of decency about him (which to be fair is doubtful based on your description above. It’s a testament to the thoughtful, caring person that you are that you’re willing to put his feelings before your own, but I honestly feel that the time has come to move on; he’ll still have his family and friends to support him and will be fine – you need to make a clean break, and have some ‘you’ time.

    Its not really possible to accurately judge a person based on a couple of paragraphs of text, but my heartfelt feeling is that you could do, and utterly deserve to do, so so much better. It’s a cliché, but you really do, in this situation, have to be cruel to be kind. And to use another favourite cliché of mine, this really is a situation where ‘short term pain for long term gain’ is the order of the day.

    Finish with him – carefully, sensitively, but most importantly decisively; leaving him under no illusion that your relationship is anything other than over. He’ll deal with it and then focus on his family issues – you can get back to your friends and family and back to enjoying your life! ?

    Just think how you’ll feel in, say 6 months time, when you’re on holiday with the girls in some sun baked destination, thinking back and feeling so happy and relieved that you finished it when you did? You need to put yourself first!!!

    Be lovely to hear how it all goes for you….? x
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    (Original post by dinglemeister)
    ...........x
    Wow. I have a man but....what a guy! +Repped
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    #1

    (Original post by *mMmMm*)
    Grow up ffs, you asked for help whilst ranting about your hate towards bf. Then neg rep us all the way, dear. If anything, if supposedly you say he's the one being the right ahole, then could've broken up with him before instead of waiting all this time and still thinking he's at fault... Bloody hell. Whatever man, put up with it otherwise but quit moaning.
    You are one unimaginably silly cow. I haven't negged anybody at all. Why don'y you just quit reading and stop being the ill-informed idiot that you are?
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    #1

    (Original post by dinglemeister)
    Hi. Whilst I'm not claiming to be the male equivalent of Dear Deirdre, I felt I had to reply to your post regarding your predicament with your boyfriend. Before I go on, please take the unkind, thoughtless and misguided comments put on here by a small minority (mostly blokes) with a massive pinch or salt – clearly there are one or two emotionally insecure and imbalanced people out there!

    Firstly, to have put up with half of the things that he’s said and done over the last year and a half you deserve a Sainthood. I would have thought that any one of the incidents individually would have been enough to cause serious doubts about his unsuitability, but the fact that you’ve kept forgiving him and continued your relationship speaks volumes about you.

    I’ve got to agree with the majority of people who say that you owe it to yourself to cut your losses and finish with him now…. It may sound harsh, and no doubt he’ll find it upsetting if he’s got an ounce of decency about him (which to be fair is doubtful based on your description above. It’s a testament to the thoughtful, caring person that you are that you’re willing to put his feelings before your own, but I honestly feel that the time has come to move on; he’ll still have his family and friends to support him and will be fine – you need to make a clean break, and have some ‘you’ time.

    Its not really possible to accurately judge a person based on a couple of paragraphs of text, but my heartfelt feeling is that you could do, and utterly deserve to do, so so much better. It’s a cliché, but you really do, in this situation, have to be cruel to be kind. And to use another favourite cliché of mine, this really is a situation where ‘short term pain for long term gain’ is the order of the day.

    Finish with him – carefully, sensitively, but most importantly decisively; leaving him under no illusion that your relationship is anything other than over. He’ll deal with it and then focus on his family issues – you can get back to your friends and family and back to enjoying your life! ?

    Just think how you’ll feel in, say 6 months time, when you’re on holiday with the girls in some sun baked destination, thinking back and feeling so happy and relieved that you finished it when you did? You need to put yourself first!!!

    Be lovely to hear how it all goes for you….? x
    Thank you, this is what I came here looking for. It's very hard to think logically about these things from the inside, and I needed an outside perspective to make an informed decision. I will explain as sensitively as possible that I can no longer be his girlfriend but will remain as his friend if he should need me in his life. Thanks again, rep for you x
 
 
 
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