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My Boyfriend and I Don't Love Each Other We're Friends...& Other Issues... watch

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    I was reading another post similar to this and it spawned this response which became so long and complex I decided to repost it in this thread to see if it would get a response.

    As stated in the title my boyfriend and admit that we don't love each other and are more like really good friends that care about one another. For the record we've been together...almost 2 years, within a few days actually. Also I'm 22 years old while he is 30...despite our age difference we get along fine in our attitudes towards life and interests, I've always gotten along better with people that were older than me vs my closer in age peer group.

    My boyfriend and I are honest with each other that we don't really love each other, but definitely enjoy each other's company. As he puts it, "we're friends that can get naked together." I pretty much agree with that, although I'd never consider myself to be a "friends with benefits" type of girl. I care for him a lot and he does in turn, but neither of us really love's one another. Both of us have wondered what love really is. I mean we all know that what's on TV is fake, and overzealous but is there any truth to it or is it all just lust. We did the lust thing initially and are definitely over it. I question if "romance" is a real thing or just cinematic.

    I do wonder if there should be something more than just friendship. I myself have not had a lot of experience in this department. I have had one prior long distance relationship (we got to meet about 4 times in person) and my current relationship. He on the other hand has had primarily bad experiences in the few relationships he's been in. Neither of us really know what to identify as love; it boggles us equally.

    The previous relationship that I was in was my first and I wonder if it was just puppy love or if a relationship is supposed to be more like that. My last boyfriend was very affectionate and pretty much wore his heart on his sleeve. He's actually the polar opposite of my current boyfriend. I don't really like comparing them because they are so different but it's hard not to when they are my only two experiences, and both long term at that.

    As I said my current boyfriend is the opposite in almost every way. He’s not emotional in the least…I don’t think I’ve ever seen him upset (sad or angry…though I have seen irritated). I would say it’s not far out of the way to say he lacks compassion in general; though he is a good man he seems to be lacking in that department. It makes me wonder if he’s capable of loving someone. Can you love someone without compassion? Have passion without compassion? Which brings me to the three little words that people put so much stress on…I love you.

    Though both of us say it I’m sometimes not sure why we do. For me when I say it I’m usually feeling something akin to happiness/mirth/contentment after he’s done something nice/funny or when we’re snuggling and I feel content. In his case the words “I love you” have absolutely no meaning to him at all. Saying them means nothing whatsoever…so even when he says them in response to my saying it, it is basically irrelevant since I know it is just an auto-response. And no he never says it without prompting; why would he if he doesn not feel the desire to do so and does not attach any meaning to it to begin with?

    He says that he might have begun to love me early on in our relationship and I at least know I was infatuated, but neither of us knows that feeling anymore. I found that the more I recognized that there really wasn’t a love relationship between us or maybe even a lack of potential for it I’ve become more reserved and less “in love” if you will hence my original statement that neither of us loves each other. I think I care for him more than he does for me, but I think the reason I question if this really is a relationship worth being in is because I have experienced being head over heels in love before and this relationship lacks that passion.

    I guess my biggest question is whether or not love has passion and intimate moments as well as friendship? I remember passion/intimacy and possibly love in my former relationship, but I do wonder if that was just infatuation and what first love is like (keep in mind that this wasn’t teenage puppy love between high-school kids…I was 19 (more mature than my age so I've been told)and my ex was 30 when we finally broke it off…a difference of life desires/stage in life for the most part). Part of me wonders if we’re just settling and fooling ourselves when there may be something better for both of us out there; we’ve even questioned this to each other. It’s almost like it’s convenient and too much of a hassle to look for someone else instead. This brings me to another point.

    Both of us aren’t very social people…gamers if you know the type…we’re it. As a result it’s hard to find people who are willing to date out of shape gamers. For the record I’m 180lbs somewhat evenly distributed over a whopping 5’1’’ (yeah I know shorty) so I know I’m not the hottest thing on the market lol. He originally found me attractive when I was around 150lbs, but doesn’t anymore…understandably. I do find him attractive…he said he’s gained some weight but I don’t really noticed that much of a difference but I don’t put as much emphasis on looks so /shrug. I also have a lot of health problems via genetics, injuries, etc. and despite it he’s still here. That says something to me about how much he cares even if he doesn’t love me despite all the troubles my health has caused (including losing my last job which has caused financial upheaval as we live together). On top of that I’ve cause him some health problems due to some various accidents (I’m prone to them >_>…not going to go into the details on that one). Despite these numerous things and not loving me as he says he’s still here and makes me wonder why. And this brings to me back to his personality and wondering if we’re both settling.

    For a long time I’ve learn to accept various things about his personality. I found not long after we started dating that though he said maybe on kids he didn’t want them, and now I know he HATES them with a passion and will never want them. This bothered me originally, but I put it to the side because I didn’t want them yet anyway. At this point I don’t think I even want them, mostly due to my own health problems (I don’t want to risk passing them on), kids I’ve interacted with (most parents I talk to wish they didn’t have them), and the expense of them (over 3K for prenatal care with insurance! O_O WTF!)…so that’s not really a problem anymore. It's the lack of intimacy that bothers me the most about us.

    The thing that bothers me the most and leaves me feeling unsatisfied is that I WANT to be loved. I have been held tenderly and miss that feeling of warmth and security and I’m not sure if he can ever give me that. I’ll delve deeper into his personality. He likes cuddling, you can guess why, and me giving him backrubs (which may rate higher than sex...this is elaborated further down). He’s okay with hugs but hates kissing…it’s like a chore basically unless sex is involved…as it doesn’t mean anything to him or feel nice. Do most men not like kissing? Is kissing just a girl thing and only a prelude to sex for men? Honest question I have no idea? O_o I figure most men hate chick-flicks…though instead of sitting through them and indulging he’ll outright make fun and ruin them (meaning I make sure he’s not around when I watch them). Onto other aspects of his personality.

    My boyfriend HATES MOST WOMEN...most lesbians seem to be the exception if their guy-like. Me he thinks he go lucky because I'm somwhat guy-like but I'm bi-sexual. Unlike most guys who will roll over and put up with the emotional baggage and selfishness of most women he WON’T. He considers me the most rational of women he’s met to date; despite my carelessness due to lack of awareness (as he says) which has gotten him injured more than once . So I’m basically the most tolerable (he’s never used the word tolerable that’s mine) personality in a female he’s ever been around. I tend to AVOID situations he wouldn’t like on purpose…some examples are: NOT asking/expecting him to do something or go somewhere I know he probably wouldn’t like, crying randomly/getting emotional around him, getting mad at him for things like not putting the lid down on the toilet or silly stuff like that, buying me stuff because I want him to, etc. Most of these things I find stupid but a lot of women I talk to find important or seem to expect their men to bend to their every whim. Because I am not like that I am tolerable. This also makes me wonder sometimes if I am the ONLY woman for him lol. O_o He’s said that all he wants from a relationship is someone to hang out with and have sex with. He doesn’t want anything deeper than that which makes me question the capability of love. I also wonder if love/passion can be present without good sex.

    *****EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SQUIMISH ON DISCUSSING SEX OR ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR DECISION TO READ THIS!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! YOUR MOMMY & DADDY BETTER NOT COME HASSLING ME THAT YOU READ THIS! I REPEAT DON’T READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNDER 18*****

    We haven’t had good sex since we first started dating mostly due to my increase in weight and then because he was injured. He’s kind of getting better slowly but still is injured so he can’t do much and with my weight I can’t be on top. I’m working on my weight and he’s trying to find ways to heal himself without insurance. The two problems I can’t change though are mouth to penis size ratio and his need for friction to get off. I can’t suck on him the way he wants because I have a small mouth and he’s pretty wide. I end up gagging and my jaw starts hurting way early on so I can’t do it for very long. On top of that only major suction is stimulating for him. No light teeth or tip stimulation. Basically just massive suction + deep-throat which I can’t really do with such a small mouth. The number of attempts of which I can’t remember have resulted in him getting off only TWICE…once in my mouth a bloody miracle that hasn’t been repeated and once with him finishing by hand after my blow job. ~_~ I can’t seem to do the hand job he needs for my life and for intercourse a condom takes away the friction he needs…and eventually my natural juices do too. Also because I don’t use birth control (clashes with a medication and makes it ineffective) and he doesn’t use condoms he ALWAYS has to *** via his own hand job at the end…it’s been like this from the start.

    *****EXPLICIT CONTENT ENDS*****

    Basically our sex life sucks and has for a long long time…remember I said we’ve been together for almost 2 years. Most of the time neither of us even wants it…because it usually results in pain (on both our parts) or disappointment. Of the two things he wanted he’s not really getting one.

    He’s said that if our relationship fails he probably won’t date for a long time again if ever because of how many bad relationships he’s had…most of his girlfriends prior were out to lunch. Ours is kind of included in this because of the injuries I have caused. Plainly put I'm a walking hazard zone and he's been in the crossfire. I do wonder if that is also part of it…he’s even said that he thinks that part of him still resents me for the injuries that I have caused…some of which are still present. He’s even said he probably won’t live a long life at this rate. It’s seems like he’s always feels sick since he was originally injured…he’s had bags under his eyes for at least a year now, occasionally mentioning it. This may also be from lack of sleep because he doesn’t seem to sleep well next to someone…and I’m a thrasher in my sleep as well as a light sleeper. These things are hard to live with…and deepest regrets that I have…usually a constant reminder whether mentioned by him in general or because he’s tired/hurting. If I had a time machine I would take back the events that made him ill/injured but I can’t. This also comes back into me wondering is a loveless relationship what I deserve…I reap what I sow? I’ve asked sometimes why he hasn’t left despite these things and he’s said, “That it seems like all the damage/havoc that has been wrecked would be for naught…I’ve stuck around for this long haven’t I?” At the same time he says he may not live past another 5-10 years at this rate.

    Is this a relationship of convenience like I think it is and is that okay or healthy? Are we damaging to one another? Is friendship enough? Would we be happier with other people and being friends instead? With how damaged I am, is this all I deserve? Would I even be able to find someone who would “love me,” despite my numerous faults? If we aren’t together will he be alone as a result considering how he dislikes most women, he doesn't deserve to be alone. Because of my own changes in health and my injuries to him…did that ruin our relationship permanently for any chance of love/romance? Did I kill “us?” Will I continue to hurt injur him in the future? Will I actually shorten his life just by being around him? All of these questions plague my mind constantly. We have our moments of happiness and enjoying each other’s company…but is that enough or even worth the price?
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    i did not read too too long, but if u aint into him why waste yours and his time move on, if it works for both of you then its on you..but please i beg you stop these long post!!

    ps in regards to your explicit paragraph

    i feel violated
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    so you're **** buddies, that don't ****. ....

    yeah you're just friends, but one imagines you can't be arsed finding someone new, so it's up to you if you're happy with that
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    I understand you have posted this mainly to get it off your chest, but I wouldn't consider the responses you'll get here too seriously if I were you. Could you detail what sort of injuries are you talking about? And why not get into details, you're anonymous anyway. If you could lose weight, you should do that as first thing. I have known a girl who also had health issues which led to weight issues, which she couldn't do much about. It does sound like a dysfunctional relationship somewhat, but then, there's no perfect model for everyone to follow. You have to consider if you have the financial capability of breaking it off and if you are strong enough emotionally to deal with the period immediately after. In any case, you have a lot of soul searching to do, just remember that you will have to take action in order to see how your judgments will play out, in regards to your relationship. Thinking is good, but it never ends, and that's when you need to just choose something and see how it goes.

    Also, from personal experience as a gamer too, games will often intensify apathy or manage to keep you in a comfort zone, be careful with them.
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    Thank you for a serious response, and yeah you're right it kind of is to get it off my chest and some additional insight. I mostly didn't to go into it because it's further embarrassment and self-shame as well as another long schpiel. The ill/injuries are kind of a combined mess. His originally being sick was not my fault. He had a terrible roommate that was growing black mold in his bedroom...he found out after the roommate moved out and he had to clean the room as the other guy didn't. He had a lot of respiratory infections during his time there as a result. We moved into an apartment shortly afterward together (I'd been staying at his former place a lot but we weren't living together). Things were okay for about a month, but then we decided to get a couple cats and his health declined again because of that. While we had the cats besides the fur we had a couple episodes of chemical warfare...I'll explain...the first being ammonia poisoning. Looking back on the situation this was caused by neglect of cat box cleaning. I'd been off my medications (as previously mentioned I have mental issues) and was depressed and not looking after the cats properly (trust me I seriously regret this on multiple levels I beg you no tongue lashing). It actually made both of us sick before it got taken care of. Shortly after the mess had been cleaned up...within the same week I want to say so our bodies were still recovering he was trying to encourage me to exercise (the weight issue) and went with me to the apartment's gym. There we worked out and as such the injuries were caused. Somehow working out on the elliptical damaged blood vessels in his lower legs (assuming this is the part that got worked out the most) and they've been weak and trying to heal for more than 6 months since. Healing has been improving due to diet changes recently. The other cat related issue is that I got an automated cat-box that when cleaning itself it put out a noxious gas into our apartment. This didn't help either. There also some other random problems with toxins...black mold that when found was cleaned up...moisture from the bathroom and a memory foam mattress that had some kind of toxic chemical that never aired out even after a month. All of these things minus the black mold were in part or fully my fault in some way. Hence the understandable resentment and my shame and despair.
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    (Original post by emeritus2011)
    i did not read too too long, but if u aint into him why waste yours and his time move on, if it works for both of you then its on you..but please i beg you stop these long post!!

    ps in regards to your explicit paragraph

    i feel violated
    It was your choice to read it. Should have headed the warning.
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    How can you not love each other?? From what you've read it seems very clear to me that you do love each other, you're just not IN love with each other. But being in love doesn't last forever..

    EDIT: I'll be honest I only have read it the first time, having re=read I'll say break it off, work on the weight and work on you xx
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    (Original post by rainbowbex)
    How can you not love each other?? From what you've read it seems very clear to me that you do love each other, you're just not IN love with each other. But being in love doesn't last forever..
    I agree with that statement. I am wondering though if by "IN love" you are referring to lust/infatuation as being "IN love?"
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    What's the point in your relationship? As the poster above said, you're **** buddies who don't ****? 2 orgasms in 2 years? If you don't fulfill each other sexually, and you aren't in love, stop.
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    (Original post by in_vogue)
    What's the point in your relationship? As the poster above said, you're **** buddies who don't ****? 2 orgasms in 2 years? If you don't fulfill each other sexually, and you aren't in love, stop.
    I think the answer to that question is companionship...and he's had more than that...the twice only was in reference to BJ...but still it's rough just the same.
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    Disturbing.
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    Wow. I would say that you really aren't experiencing the finer things that relationships come with. I mean, whilst you describe yourself as a gamer and honestly you're overweight, there's no reason why you can't find someone else. Also, slightly interested in why you choose older men all the time. That's not something a 19 year old would usually do. But anyway, relationships are hard, they come with their ups and downs and you seem to only have downs. I would say break up with him for your own good. There is more to a relationship than you are getting, deeper feelings... hard to explain until you have them for yourself but they are there and from what it sounds like you haven't had them. Like you say, this seems to be a relationship of convenience.
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    I read the whole post, it's depressing as ****.
    You're both stagnating and bringing out the worst in each other.
    He sounds like a massive, unsociable manchild as well as a stereotypical cynical, mysognistic loser. At least he's honest with you about what he wants - the question is why are you still there?!
    You sound like you've given up on life. I can understand that illness and financial difficulties just sap your strength. Your self-esteem must be in the gutter.
    You describe how you change your behaviour for him. Nicely phrased "the only one for him" but denying yourself. I don't know if you've been manipulated to be that way or if you just think it's the only way you can be tolerated by people. I'd guess he's not the only person you change your behaviour for.
    As for your "love life".. it's clear you want so much more. Kissing, touching, affection.. it's part of a normal, loving relationship. Your descriptions make it sound painfully like you're just a vessel for him to get off.

    I think you need therapy and to get out of there as soon as you can.
    I know it's hard, but good luck.

    x
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    I read the whole thing, and it made me feel sad, honestly. How are you not miserable in a relationship like that? Are you content to be in this relationship for the rest of your life? Do you really think you're not worthy of being loved fully and properly?

    It's up to you if you're content with this, if this is good enough for you, but I think it'll end one day, if not soon then years in the future one of you won't be able to stand it any more, and think of all the years of your life you'll have wasted... you could have been happy, you could have found someone to love.

    Maybe I'm just a delusional romantic, but I think it's worth holding out for something special, and finding out what proper love is when you find it.
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    Ive gone back and read it completely and i honestly think you need to get yourself out of that situation, the guy is 30 and spends a majority/most of his time gaming? Dont get it twisted i love computer games but i couldnt see myself into it so much that it affects my weight and day to day activities.
    You both shouldnt be together and you as a young woman should not just settle for that, health and financial issues shouldnt be an excuse, get out there get some fresh air make friends and meet a decent guy...if you were my lil sister, i'd have to beat some sense into you !! 22yrs old with no goals settling for a waster??? KMT
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    *****EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SQUIMISH ON DISCUSSING SEX OR ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR DECISION TO READ THIS!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! YOUR MOMMY & DADDY BETTER NOT COME HASSLING ME THAT YOU READ THIS! I REPEAT DON’T READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNDER 18*****

    We haven’t had good sex since we first started dating mostly due to my increase in weight and then because he was injured. He’s kind of getting better slowly but still is injured so he can’t do much and with my weight I can’t be on top. I’m working on my weight and he’s trying to find ways to heal himself without insurance. The two problems I can’t change though are mouth to penis size ratio and his need for friction to get off. I can’t suck on him the way he wants because I have a small mouth and he’s pretty wide. I end up gagging and my jaw starts hurting way early on so I can’t do it for very long. On top of that only major suction is stimulating for him. No light teeth or tip stimulation. Basically just massive suction + deep-throat which I can’t really do with such a small mouth. The number of attempts of which I can’t remember have resulted in him getting off only TWICE…once in my mouth a bloody miracle that hasn’t been repeated and once with him finishing by hand after my blow job. ~_~ I can’t seem to do the hand job he needs for my life and for intercourse a condom takes away the friction he needs…and eventually my natural juices do too. Also because I don’t use birth control (clashes with a medication and makes it ineffective) and he doesn’t use condoms he ALWAYS has to *** via his own hand job at the end…it’s been like this from the start.

    *****EXPLICIT CONTENT ENDS*****
    i'm no expert on relationships but i can give you some advice re: your sex life. you say you cant go on the pill, have you thought about implanon? it's a contraceptive implant that releases progesterone, is 99.9% effective and lasts for 3 years. It does not stop working when you are on medication/have a sickness bug, you also don't have to remember to take anything and your periods (after a couple of months of spasmodic cycles) tend to pretty much disappear all together. This might help your friction problem regarding condoms. You say you can't go on top, other positions that are good for friction are those such as against the wall (you tend to become tighter because you are trying to stand up) and doggy style or even spooning. as for blow jobs, a technique i have learnt is to not always put your whole mouth around the penis, for example, there is a large vein at the back of the penis, at the top of which is particularly sensitive, try licking it rapidly, works every time
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Is this a relationship of convenience like I think it is and is that okay or healthy?it pretty much is yes, and you could be so much happier if it wasn't, imo Are we damaging to one another? it sounds like maybe, since you're both gamers and don't have a lot of social life, you're probably too dependent on how you live now, which doesn't sound altogether very healthy at all...Is friendship enough? you said you've known love before, don't you want that again? you should have friendship, and love, and lust, in a good relationship, and trust me, it's worth it...Would we be happier with other people and being friends instead?most likely With how damaged I am, is this all I deserve? nobody deserves just that, and you should try and get out of this frame of mind, it was not all your fault, as the issues you described would have been both your responsibility, not just yours!Would I even be able to find someone who would “love me,” despite my numerous faults?yes, if you tried, and improved parts of your lifestyle, and became more confident and social, there's surely sompeone out there for everyone?! i used to think the same thing tbh If we aren’t together will he be alone as a result considering how he dislikes most women, he doesn't deserve to be alone.no he won't be alone, he'll still have you as a friend, and tbh he sounds a bit lazy (no offence meant here), maybe it would give them the kick up the arse that he seems to need? Because of my own changes in health and my injuries to him…did that ruin our relationship permanently for any chance of love/romance?possibly, though it wasn't all your fault, many bad experiences over a short amount of time are bound to have a negative effect on the relationship, and if it's been gone for so long, it's unlikely that you're going to get it back, especially with the..umm...issues you expllicity described 0_o Did I kill “us?” not you, both of you had a part in it, these things happen!Will I continue to hurt injur him in the future? Will I actually shorten his life just by being around him?i highly doubt this, tbh, changing your lifestyle and taking care of yourselves and your home would definitely help though, and lengthen both of your lives, in all honestly All of these questions plague my mind constantly. We have our moments of happiness and enjoying each other’s company…but is that enough or even worth the price?moments of happiness...no, there's so much more out there, you know that? if you're just friends, why not try and find more out there, what's the point in settling for an entire life that you're not truly going to be happy in, when you could make the effort and the changes and have the chance at being truly happy and having the life that you want?
    Yes, i read the entire thing, I think i've answered most of your questions above in bold, but to be honest, I think that if you've known real love before, how can you not want to go back to that? accepting that you're not in love might be the best thing, it may be healthy for you to try and look for someone else, it might spur you on to lose the weight you want to lose, which will help general health/injuries too! i also think that maybe trying to cut down on the gaming, and adapt to a more social lifestyle might help? and making sure that things around the house are fully taken care of etc, it would probably make you a lot happier and healthier all around!

    but honestly, if you're not in love, you have no sex life at all pretty much, at least not one that you enjoy, and you have even spoken with each other about moving in, which would be pretty hard to do and you obviously wouldn't be hurt by that idea...it may be better for you, if possible, to maybe find your own place and move on with your life, still having contact, just less of it, and just be friends? it would most likely help you both out, especially if he does make the effort and actually find someone he really loves too!


    ps. it's not strictly normal to not like kissing, but some guys just don't! my bf sounds similar, he's not really into kissing all the time, not properly anyway, jsut pecks mostly, but if i ask he will because he knows i love it! and sometimes he'll be in the mood to kiss me more haha, but yeah he's not a huge fan and unless he's in a "kissy mood" he doesn't really enjoy it all that much, though i can't get enough XD

    hope that helps, and good luck..
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    (Original post by emeritus2011)
    Ive gone back and read it completely and i honestly think you need to get yourself out of that situation, the guy is 30 and spends a majority/most of his time gaming? Dont get it twisted i love computer games but i couldnt see myself into it so much that it affects my weight and day to day activities.
    You both shouldnt be together and you as a young woman should not just settle for that, health and financial issues shouldnt be an excuse, get out there get some fresh air make friends and meet a decent guy...if you were my lil sister, i'd have to beat some sense into you !! 22yrs old with no goals settling for a waster??? KMT
    Please don't misunderstand that him being a gamer means he's a good for nothing. I meant gamer as in we both aren't terribly social though he is probably more social than I am. He has a job and a profitable one at that, is trying to make friends in our new location, and has friends in our past location that he keeps in touch with. His primary gaming hobby gets him out and meeting people; two up on me who doesn't have a job currently and doesn't get out much in general...and I agree with you I do need to get out more and make friends; which hasn't been happening due to poor health and depression.

    I appreciate the constructive input, thank you and your opinion and the others that have posted are being taken under advisement make no mistake...that's why I opened the thread, to get opinions. As for my goals, since losing my job I'm trying to go back to school (actually starts within a week) after a year off while working/leaving home. And I am working on getting the the remaining classes I need for the university I want to transfer to in the area; which is why we moved here in the first place.
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    (Original post by lazyswot)
    I read the whole thing, and it made me feel sad, honestly. How are you not miserable in a relationship like that? Are you content to be in this relationship for the rest of your life? Do you really think you're not worthy of being loved fully and properly?

    It's up to you if you're content with this, if this is good enough for you, but I think it'll end one day, if not soon then years in the future one of you won't be able to stand it any more, and think of all the years of your life you'll have wasted... you could have been happy, you could have found someone to love.

    Maybe I'm just a delusional romantic, but I think it's worth holding out for something special, and finding out what proper love is when you find it.
    I think part of me is miserable/unhappy another part recognizes that he's stuck around through all this mess and wonders if he could love me and I him eventually. I was content or perhaps resigned myself to how things just were...the rest of my life...I'm not sure anymore. As for not being worthy of being loved fully and properly...yeah...sad to say but a part of me believes I don't deserve that...because of the person I have become and because of the pain I have caused him. Physically and mentally...I've changed a lot since he first met me...I'm not the girl he first met and he's said as much as well. I have pretty much always had a low self-esteem and it just seems to have gotten worse.

    I do wonder about what I might be missing or will miss as you have said, but I also wonder what proper love is...given my lack of experience I don't know what to expect from a relationship.
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    (Original post by Alison1992)
    i'm no expert on relationships but i can give you some advice re: your sex life. you say you cant go on the pill, have you thought about implanon? it's a contraceptive implant that releases progesterone, is 99.9% effective and lasts for 3 years. It does not stop working when you are on medication/have a sickness bug, you also don't have to remember to take anything and your periods (after a couple of months of spasmodic cycles) tend to pretty much disappear all together. This might help your friction problem regarding condoms. You say you can't go on top, other positions that are good for friction are those such as against the wall (you tend to become tighter because you are trying to stand up) and doggy style or even spooning. as for blow jobs, a technique i have learnt is to not always put your whole mouth around the penis, for example, there is a large vein at the back of the penis, at the top of which is particularly sensitive, try licking it rapidly, works every time
    According to my psychiatrist that method also doesn't work with that medication. For a while I was off the medication and on a different one, but it wasn't as effective. So I went back on it. I have a sub-type of Bi-Polar Disorder II...depression, anxiety, and quick irritation being the primary problems. I have tried being off medications and also tried herbal remedies instead...I went just plain whacky...far worse than I've ever been.

    The biggest problem with varying positions is his injuries that I caused...doesn't take long before sex is too painful. On top of that as I said I'm 5'1" he on the other hand is around 6'. Height is also a major issue for our sex life...not sure how I missed putting that one in.../sigh.

    Thank you for the tip on the BJ I'll try it...can't hurt.
 
 
 
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