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My Boyfriend and I Don't Love Each Other We're Friends...& Other Issues... Watch

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    (Original post by CameraGirl)
    Yes, i read the entire thing, I think i've answered most of your questions above in bold, but to be honest, I think that if you've known real love before, how can you not want to go back to that? accepting that you're not in love might be the best thing, it may be healthy for you to try and look for someone else, it might spur you on to lose the weight you want to lose, which will help general health/injuries too! i also think that maybe trying to cut down on the gaming, and adapt to a more social lifestyle might help? and making sure that things around the house are fully taken care of etc, it would probably make you a lot happier and healthier all around!

    but honestly, if you're not in love, you have no sex life at all pretty much, at least not one that you enjoy, and you have even spoken with each other about moving in, which would be pretty hard to do and you obviously wouldn't be hurt by that idea...it may be better for you, if possible, to maybe find your own place and move on with your life, still having contact, just less of it, and just be friends? it would most likely help you both out, especially if he does make the effort and actually find someone he really loves too!


    ps. it's not strictly normal to not like kissing, but some guys just don't! my bf sounds similar, he's not really into kissing all the time, not properly anyway, jsut pecks mostly, but if i ask he will because he knows i love it! and sometimes he'll be in the mood to kiss me more haha, but yeah he's not a huge fan and unless he's in a "kissy mood" he doesn't really enjoy it all that much, though i can't get enough XD

    hope that helps, and good luck..
    Thank you for taking the time to answer my various questions I really appreciate it. You make a lot of valid points. I honestly think it might be the best thing to do as you said...move out and get some space...I just have to find a way to do it. I'm currently jobless, trying to go back to school, and have bad health (which is how I ended up terminated from my last position). I have been looking for work but haven't found anything for a few months...my health is so bad that (and I say this with shame) I applied for SSD. As it stands even if I wanted to try and move out I don't have the financial stability to do so at the moment. I also don't have anyone to lean on where I am since I moved away from friends and family. I think it's one of the bigger barriers currently to moving on. I can't survive on my own here and don't know anyone well enough to move in with here. Any suggestions on these issues? Once again thanks for the constructive criticism.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We have our moments of happiness and enjoying each other’s company…but is that enough or even worth the price?
    (Original post by Magsam)
    I read the whole post, it's depressing as ****.
    You're both stagnating and bringing out the worst in each other.
    He sounds like a massive, unsociable manchild as well as a stereotypical cynical, mysognistic loser. At least he's honest with you about what he wants - the question is why are you still there?!
    You sound like you've given up on life. I can understand that illness and financial difficulties just sap your strength. Your self-esteem must be in the gutter.
    You describe how you change your behaviour for him. Nicely phrased "the only one for him" but denying yourself. I don't know if you've been manipulated to be that way or if you just think it's the only way you can be tolerated by people. I'd guess he's not the only person you change your behaviour for.
    As for your "love life".. it's clear you want so much more. Kissing, touching, affection.. it's part of a normal, loving relationship. Your descriptions make it sound painfully like you're just a vessel for him to get off.

    I think you need therapy and to get out of there as soon as you can.
    I know it's hard, but good luck.

    x
    100% agree with Magsam. I read whole thing and think you're just "settling" for less because you don't know any better, and don't feel like you deserve better...but you do, you seem rational, sweet, caring, but stop self deprecating...so what you gained a bit of weight, or are clumsy, that doesn't mean you have to be belittled and treated like something that just has to be tolerated?

    Why is it all about what your partner needs, what about you? You think far too much about what he needs, and not about yourself. Please leave and enjoy being single and fun for a while before settling again, you sound almost masochistic in letting yourself submit to the feeling of despondency and uselessness, next time get with a man who cares about what YOU want and gives you the back rubs
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for taking the time to answer my various questions I really appreciate it. You make a lot of valid points. I honestly think it might be the best thing to do as you said...move out and get some space...I just have to find a way to do it. I'm currently jobless, trying to go back to school, and have bad health (which is how I ended up terminated from my last position). I have been looking for work but haven't found anything for a few months...my health is so bad that (and I say this with shame) I applied for SSD. As it stands even if I wanted to try and move out I don't have the financial stability to do so at the moment. I also don't have anyone to lean on where I am since I moved away from friends and family. I think it's one of the bigger barriers currently to moving on. I can't survive on my own here and don't know anyone well enough to move in with here. Any suggestions on these issues? Once again thanks for the constructive criticism.
    As others have said, it does sound like life is a bit miserable...
    As others have pointed out:
    1) You 'deserve' better. As such, I don't really believe people 'deserve' or don't 'deserve' anything, but as far as I gather, you are a good person. So you've caused damage, but you didn't do it purposely - that does not mean you should be punished or condemned to a mediocre miserable life.
    If you don't love him, he doesn't love you, and things aren't going well move out. You could try and find a flat which you could share / rent with some other people / other students you might not know. Try finding student places that are being rented out - that could help with moving out.

    If not, maybe, move back - but please, do not stay in your current situation - you will be able to find much better!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for taking the time to answer my various questions I really appreciate it. You make a lot of valid points. I honestly think it might be the best thing to do as you said...move out and get some space...I just have to find a way to do it. I'm currently jobless, trying to go back to school, and have bad health (which is how I ended up terminated from my last position). I have been looking for work but haven't found anything for a few months...my health is so bad that (and I say this with shame) I applied for SSD. As it stands even if I wanted to try and move out I don't have the financial stability to do so at the moment. I also don't have anyone to lean on where I am since I moved away from friends and family. I think it's one of the bigger barriers currently to moving on. I can't survive on my own here and don't know anyone well enough to move in with here. Any suggestions on these issues? Once again thanks for the constructive criticism.
    i'm really sorry to hear about your situation it must be hard

    chin up though, keep positive i'm sorry to make these points, but if they help you realise and change your life for the better, then someone has to say it! if you're not tied down by a job and don't mind moving away a bit, is there any family that you could stay with for a little while, while you sort things out and look for a job? they may be able to help you look for jobs, and support you in the mean-time? i'm sure they'd understand the situation...

    i can't really give much advice on the job front, as i know how difficult it is to find one in the current climate, a member of my family recently lost their job due to lack of money from the company to pay them, and it's had a massive effect on us, and i'm a student so not a huge amount of experience job-searching. i suppose the best bet is make sure you visit the job centre and search for new vacancies etc as best you can? a spruced-up, well-written CV is also a great starting point?

    but maybe getting back in touch with close friends back near your family, or a member of family with some extra room, and seeing if they'd put you up for a while?

    i really hope you manage to sort something and feel happier
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was reading another post similar to this and it spawned this response which became so long and complex I decided to repost it in this thread to see if it would get a response.
    From what I read so far... I think you actually have a valuable relationship! Life is too short to spend ages pursuing this fuzzy concept of "love", which is is a vague and probably overrated concept. People who fall in love seem to fall out of love pretty quickly too. Surely it's much better to have someone who you just get on with and trust? Every couple has their problems, if you would be content to come home to your boyfriend every day, then you know he's a keeper.
 
 
 
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