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    Anon or delete please - I don't want anybody I know on here to realise this is me.

    I'm 18, and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. He is literally my best friend and we talk about how we'll get married and have children together. I geniunely believe that he is the person that I want to do that with.

    However, at the moment, we do spend soo much time together - we are practically dependant on eachother. And when I'm with him, thats great. We are both really happy, and we have a good time etc etc. But when I'm not with him, I do miss him a bit, and I know that he misses me a lot. We don't live far away or anything either, which is what makes it a bit ridiculous. I think its mostly because neither of us have particularly good home lives, but also just because we are both so much happier together. The problem is, I don't WANT to miss him that much. In fact I don't want to miss him at all, and I don't want him to miss me. I've definately become a lot less reliant on him recently, particularly knowing that when we both leave for university, we won't be able to be so reliant.

    He just hasn't though - and he was saying that he wants us to see eachother every few weeks, but I just don't want to. I said that for the first month neither of us should go anywhere, because I really don't want to lose out from those first few weeks making new friends - someone said that within the first two months, they pretty much knew who they'd be living with second year.

    I don't know what to do, because he is saying that he can't go without seeing me for very long, but I don't want either of us to lose out on the oppurtunities we'll have at university. I need him to understand that I do love him, and of course I'll miss him, but I CAN'T see him all the time. Every time I bring it up, he goes all funny and thinks its me being silly or that it means I don't want to see him.

    And it is a general thing as well - whenever I arrange for a night out with my friends that might cut into the time I usually spend with him, he hates it. I know that I shouldn't cancel plans with him to spend time with them, but I only make plans for times when we haven't arranged anything together. And its usually more that they've arranged something, and I'm invited along. Its not something I can rearrange with them.

    TL;DR My boyfriend and I are quite dependant on eachother, and I need a bit of space so that I can prepare for having to live without him,and spend time with my friends. I need him to understand that, but every time I try and tell him, I end up giving in because I don't want him to think that I don't want to see him or that I don't love him.
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    It sounds like you are being a lot more realistic than him at the moment. I can see from your posting that you do really care about him but you don't want him to be the only person in your life - and that's absolutely right! Even if you do get married one day there will be times when you want to go out by yourself or when you might have to spend time apart.

    Sadly there's not an easy solution and both of you will have to compromise to get through this and especially the big test of going to separate unis. Reassure him as much as you can that you do love him and do enjoy spending time with him, but at the same time you like other stuff/people too! Try encouraging him to go out with his friends when you're out with yours, maybe he won't feel like he's missing out so much then?

    Uni will be difficult, there's no two ways about it. I wouldn't set definite time limits yet as it's too soon to see how you're both doing and how you really will cope without each other. Just make sure he understands how important it is that you (and he!) find good friends there and establish yourselves, rather than just running back to each other all the time. Good luck!
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    So you are not at uni yet right?
    I have no personal experience on that topic but my roommate has a LDR and it works totally fine. Mainly because his girlfriend used to do a really timeconsuming course. They end up talking on the phone every night and txting around the clock which is fine for them.
    If that is not enough for you two but you dont want to physically see him then try videochat?
    Best thing to do it in the moring because afternoon/night students are usually busy. Having a videochat in the moring while lying in bed is awesome though!
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    It sounds like you are being a lot more realistic than him at the moment. I can see from your posting that you do really care about him but you don't want him to be the only person in your life - and that's absolutely right! Even if you do get married one day there will be times when you want to go out by yourself or when you might have to spend time apart.

    Sadly there's not an easy solution and both of you will have to compromise to get through this and especially the big test of going to separate unis. Reassure him as much as you can that you do love him and do enjoy spending time with him, but at the same time you like other stuff/people too! Try encouraging him to go out with his friends when you're out with yours, maybe he won't feel like he's missing out so much then?

    Uni will be difficult, there's no two ways about it. I wouldn't set definite time limits yet as it's too soon to see how you're both doing and how you really will cope without each other. Just make sure he understands how important it is that you (and he!) find good friends there and establish yourselves, rather than just running back to each other all the time. Good luck!
    Thankyou so much! It really helps to know that I am actually being reasonable about what I'm saying - I should try and keep telling him and trying to get him to understand. I think sometimes when we've talked about it I have just given in because I'm worried I'm being unreasonable. Thankyou! I'll try and talk to him again and say that we won't make plans yet, but make sure I stress that its important that we are both more independant.



    (Original post by the_decider)
    So you are not at uni yet right?
    I have no personal experience on that topic but my roommate has a LDR and it works totally fine. Mainly because his girlfriend used to do a really timeconsuming course. They end up talking on the phone every night and txting around the clock which is fine for them.
    If that is not enough for you two but you dont want to physically see him then try videochat?
    Best thing to do it in the moring because afternoon/night students are usually busy. Having a videochat in the moring while lying in bed is awesome though!
    Thankyou - yeah we're not at uni yet. I think its more cause we know whats going to happen, and both of us like to plan a lot so its a bit scary not knowing. Thanks for the ideas I'll definately try and do them all haha
 
 
 
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