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Dont know how to respond to my mum watch

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    Anon please or delete

    Basically dont know how to respond to my Mum - been doing the family tree and my Dad told me that I had two sisters who died (still births I think) - but my Mum didnt want me to know about them. When I asked her she said he was making it up, until my dad showed me the death certificates.

    So I'm not the oldest of three but the second of five - the second sister dying when I was around 13 or 14 months old), as my Mum and until recently Dad had always insisted. - I've been given the names of my late sisters, but it still feels like they are distant relatives, and not my sisters.

    My Mum kept telling me a lie this time, even when she knew it was a lie, - I love my mother to bits, but she's telling me its none of my business.

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    It's obviously going to be a very very hard thing to talk about for her, I mean losing two children must be heartbreaking. She is obviously in denial about this too, which makes it sound as if she hasn't completely dealt with this and moved on. I'm not really sure what you should do, hopefully somebody else here would know specifically how to deal with the situation though.
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    That's going to be an incredibly sensitive topic to bring up with your Mum, isn't it? Some things aren't worth being brought up to create that kind of pain and Family Trees for recreation are one of them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been given the names of my late sisters,
    You were named after them? If so, that would make me feel sick. Probably misread though.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please or delete

    Basically dont know how to respond to my Mum - been doing the family tree and my Dad told me that I had two sisters who died (still births I think) - but my Mum didnt want me to know about them. When I asked her she said he was making it up, until my dad showed me the death certificates.

    So I'm not the oldest of three but the second of five - the second sister dying when I was around 13 or 14 months old), as my Mum and until recently Dad had always insisted. - I've been given the names of my late sisters, but it still feels like they are distant relatives, and not my sisters.

    My Mum kept telling me a lie this time, even when she knew it was a lie, - I love my mother to bits, but she's telling me its none of my business.

    Thoughts
    She probably buried this in the past and never expected to have to talk to you about this, so it's a huge shock for her. I think you'd be best off talking to your dad about this, because he was the one who told you they existed in the first place and he might be able to answer any questions you have. Maybe even ask him how you can deal with your mum? I guess it coming out like this is bringing back some very painful memories for her which she doesn't want to talk about. Sorry I haven't been a huge help.
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    (Original post by Wasted Wrath)
    You were named after them? If so, that would make me feel sick. Probably misread though.

    Nope, as in I've been given the names of them, - plus with me being a bloke it would seem strange.

    Makes you think though, as mine and my brothers were not trouble-free pregnancies either. I dont know whether its genetic

    The thing is Mum has never objected to me doing the tree, - and up until she was taken ill around four years ago, was always very open about it.

    I dont want to be mad at her, but I cant help the feeling of being annoyed - One of Mum's great traits is her expectations of honesty, there are no fibs told in our house, I mean mum insisted that my Dad was lying several times - and thats understandably annoyed my Dad.

    I can only begin to understand about how hard it must have been for her (if that's possible) - I mean I've got no memory of what happened to Sarah, -

    I guess its just a feeling of wishing she'd been straight with me when dad mentioned it, I mean it's not as if he mentioned it behind her back.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please or delete

    Basically dont know how to respond to my Mum - been doing the family tree and my Dad told me that I had two sisters who died (still births I think) - but my Mum didnt want me to know about them. When I asked her she said he was making it up, until my dad showed me the death certificates.

    So I'm not the oldest of three but the second of five - the second sister dying when I was around 13 or 14 months old), as my Mum and until recently Dad had always insisted. - I've been given the names of my late sisters, but it still feels like they are distant relatives, and not my sisters.

    My Mum kept telling me a lie this time, even when she knew it was a lie, - I love my mother to bits, but she's telling me its none of my business.

    Thoughts
    your older sisters are dead, you never knew them. what's it to you?

    your mother on the hand lost her daughters.

    i'd just leave it.
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    Seriously just leave it. It's obviously a very difficult issue for your mum, why would you want to cause her pain by bringing them up?
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    Give your mum a hug and leave it at that. Some things are better left alone.
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    they were both still births?if that's the case I think you should just leave it. it's horrible what happened but it's not like you were ever going to know them or there's anything to tell
    she might not have told you because she didn't want to upset you
    give your mum a hug and tell her you're there if she wants to talk
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    (Original post by i.am.lost)
    Seriously just leave it. It's obviously a very difficult issue for your mum, why would you want to cause her pain by bringing them up?
    very interesting, hehe
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    It took my mum years to be able to tell me that prior to having me she had a miscarriage. She never lied about it, which I appreciate, but I was 19 or so before she ever mentioned it.

    I can understand that your frustrated that your mum normally insists on honesty, but is lying about this. I think though, that for a matter as traumatic as this, you might just have to allow for a bit of leeway.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nope, as in I've been given the names of them, - plus with me being a bloke it would seem strange.

    Makes you think though, as mine and my brothers were not trouble-free pregnancies either. I dont know whether its genetic

    The thing is Mum has never objected to me doing the tree, - and up until she was taken ill around four years ago, was always very open about it.

    I dont want to be mad at her, but I cant help the feeling of being annoyed - One of Mum's great traits is her expectations of honesty, there are no fibs told in our house, I mean mum insisted that my Dad was lying several times - and thats understandably annoyed my Dad.

    I can only begin to understand about how hard it must have been for her (if that's possible) - I mean I've got no memory of what happened to Sarah, -

    I guess its just a feeling of wishing she'd been straight with me when dad mentioned it, I mean it's not as if he mentioned it behind her back.
    i know you feel a bit betrayed that she lied to you... but this isnt a regular situation and she has every right not to talk about it... she obviously finds it so horrible to think about, so its probably too painful for her to talk about with you. she might not want to get upset in front of you or relive the pain... a whole host of reasons.

    i know you're upset about the lying thing... but like i said, this isnt a normal thing... it's a very personal thing and a horribly sad thing.

    if you want to know more, it sounds like your dad is ok to talk to you about it... id speak to him about it. it's fair enough you want to know about what happened... but its not fair to ask your mum when it seems like it's upsetting her to talk about it.
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    I don't quite understand what you're getting at here - so your mum had not one but two previous miscarriages before you were born, which would have been extremely traumatic for her. Why would you want to bring it up again? OK, so she could have told you about them. But they died before you were born, possibly even before they themselves were born, so to all intents and purposes you are the eldest of three. If your mum doesn't want to talk about it it's up to her, just accept it and move on. It sounds harsh but it's not really any of your business, unless she chooses to talk to you about it.
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    (Original post by angieann)
    very interesting, hehe
    oops. double post. love internet
 
 
 
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