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Overcoming Grief Of Stillborn Nephew watch

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    Anon Or Delete please

    Hello, *sighs*

    Im not very happy at the moment at all

    A week and a half ago my sister gave birth to her son still born, he was 9 months, perfectly formed and two weeks over his due date, I held her hand and watched her give birth to my nephew who was already dead.

    My sisters boyfriend asked her to abort the baby however my parents and I aswell as the rest of my family decided that she must keep the baby she's 26 so not that young and we decided to all bring him up together. I (her younger sister), my older brother and my younger brother aswell as my parents sat down together and planned to bring up this baby with her. Her boyfriend only called her twice during the pregnancy and was generally uninterested.

    We turned our spare room into a beautiful white and blue nursery, took her to every hospital trip we were happy as a family, my parents were expecting their first grandchild and although it would be hard we came together as a family to make it work and be there for her and the baby, we decided on the name Clement.

    The night before the day he died my dad and I color coordinating his cute little clothes on the cute little hangers and imaged what it would be like having a baby in the house.

    All our lives have been revolved around the baby coming, I left the house I was sharing to move back home, my mum who used to work 40 hours lowered her hours to 20 and my older brother has missed alot of uni this term going around getting things ready for Clement.

    The day he died my sister felt random cramps, she had a perfectly normal pregnancy and we still went to the hospital 3 days earliar and his heart beat was perfect. We were sure she was having contractions but they were 2 hours apart, we called the hospital and they told us to wait till the contractions were closer together as two hours apart didn't 'meant anything'.

    The next day they became more consistent, my dad and I (her birthing partners) took her to the hospital, they told us his heart stopped. They said they need to check on him.

    The doctor came in VERY unsympathetic to me and my dad and my sister saying 'this is your baby, this is heart, his heart has stopped so that means his dead'. The callousness with which he said it made it seem like a sick joke.

    But it wasn't. The next two days were the hardest most painful labour ever, my sister had to push out the baby. We all stayed in the hospital , my older brothers job was to clear the nursery and everything baby related.

    I feel my world has fallen apart, I left my former house I was sharing to move in the house to support my sister and help care for the baby, it has been my everything.

    I died when they let us see him, he was perfect, he looked perfectly formed and alive as if he was sleeping, his skin was perfect, his nose was perfect, his feet were perfect. He looked alive, he looked as I imagined for so long he would look but he wad dead. He wasn't going to go home with us, or sleep in his cot, or use his nappies or have me hold him as I imagined. It was alll that and he was gone.

    Our family’s grief was real the baby had been wanted and planned for. But the pain was not for a person; none yet existed. We grieved over the loss of precious promise, and the denial of the human drive to nurture life, to participate in its becoming

    I feel so down, I cry every moment, but I can't cry infront of my sister, in front of my sister I have to be strong and hug her and hold her whilst she cries but we are all so shattered, I see my dads red eyes and I hear my mum crying in the toilet, we are all so down but we can't openly cry infront of her because we are meant to help her but it hurts so much inside.

    Noone understands, everyones telling me 'sorry' I told ALL my work colleagues and school friends about it so many of them have called me crying saying their so sorry but it doesnt help me at all. I dont know why I couldnt save our little baby Clement and I don't know why he came soo close, his heart beated 2 days before he died, he was pefect for 9 months, why at the end ?

    Can anyone offer me advice on overcoming the grief ?

    I don't want to see or talk to anyone, noone or nothing matters at the moment.

    Thank you
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    there isn't anyway to "overcome" that at all :/
    times a great healer though
    maybe when you're all feeling a little less emotional suggest a family day out somewhere fun to help raise everyones spirits
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by hanaalou)
    there isn't anyway to "overcome" that at all :/
    times a great healer though
    maybe when you're all feeling a little less emotional suggest a family day out somewhere fun to help raise everyones spirits
    Thanks.
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    I'm desperately sorry for you, that must be unimaginably awful for you and your family. If you don't mind me saying so, I think that it might be healthier for you to cry in front of your sister...she might be hoping to cry about it together but not be saying anything in case she hurts you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon Or Delete please

    Hello, *sighs*

    Im not very happy at the moment at all

    A week and a half ago my sister gave birth to her son still born, he was 9 months, perfectly formed and two weeks over his due date, I held her hand and watched her give birth to my nephew who was already dead.

    My sisters boyfriend asked her to abort the baby however my parents and I aswell as the rest of my family decided that she must keep the baby she's 26 so not that young and we decided to all bring him up together. I (her younger sister), my older brother and my younger brother aswell as my parents sat down together and planned to bring up this baby with her. Her boyfriend only called her twice during the pregnancy and was generally uninterested.

    We turned our spare room into a beautiful white and blue nursery, took her to every hospital trip we were happy as a family, my parents were expecting their first grandchild and although it would be hard we came together as a family to make it work and be there for her and the baby, we decided on the name Clement.

    The night before the day he died my dad and I color coordinating his cute little clothes on the cute little hangers and imaged what it would be like having a baby in the house.

    All our lives have been revolved around the baby coming, I left the house I was sharing to move back home, my mum who used to work 40 hours lowered her hours to 20 and my older brother has missed alot of uni this term going around getting things ready for Clement.

    The day he died my sister felt random cramps, she had a perfectly normal pregnancy and we still went to the hospital 3 days earliar and his heart beat was perfect. We were sure she was having contractions but they were 2 hours apart, we called the hospital and they told us to wait till the contractions were closer together as two hours apart didn't 'meant anything'.

    The next day they became more consistent, my dad and I (her birthing partners) took her to the hospital, they told us his heart stopped. They said they need to check on him.

    The doctor came in VERY unsympathetic to me and my dad and my sister saying 'this is your baby, this is heart, his heart has stopped so that means his dead'. The callousness with which he said it made it seem like a sick joke.

    But it wasn't. The next two days were the hardest most painful labour ever, my sister had to push out the baby. We all stayed in the hospital , my older brothers job was to clear the nursery and everything baby related.

    I feel my world has fallen apart, I left my former house I was sharing to move in the house to support my sister and help care for the baby, it has been my everything.

    I died when they let us see him, he was perfect, he looked perfectly formed and alive as if he was sleeping, his skin was perfect, his nose was perfect, his feet were perfect. He looked alive, he looked as I imagined for so long he would look but he wad dead. He wasn't going to go home with us, or sleep in his cot, or use his nappies or have me hold him as I imagined. It was alll that and he was gone.

    Our family’s grief was real the baby had been wanted and planned for. But the pain was not for a person; none yet existed. We grieved over the loss of precious promise, and the denial of the human drive to nurture life, to participate in its becoming

    I feel so down, I cry every moment, but I can't cry infront of my sister, in front of my sister I have to be strong and hug her and hold her whilst she cries but we are all so shattered, I see my dads red eyes and I hear my mum crying in the toilet, we are all so down but we can't openly cry infront of her because we are meant to help her but it hurts so much inside.

    Noone understands, everyones telling me 'sorry' I told ALL my work colleagues and school friends about it so many of them have called me crying saying their so sorry but it doesnt help me at all. I dont know why I couldnt save our little baby Clement and I don't know why he came soo close, his heart beated 2 days before he died, he was pefect for 9 months, why at the end ?

    Can anyone offer me advice on overcoming the grief ?

    I don't want to see or talk to anyone, noone or nothing matters at the moment.

    Thank you

    I cried when reading your post.I am so very sorry for your loss.My thoughs are with you and your family at this desperately sad time.
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    My cousin is only in his mid 30s and he has had no less than 5 still born or miscarriages. None of them were alive on birth. I don't know how either of them handle it.

    I am very sorry for your loss. It will take time, that's all I can say. You can't rationalise these things.
    If you are religious (I am) then this can bring great comfort. If you're not or even if you're atheist, some people do find comfort in praying.

    Also, I'm not sure how it is in your culture, but will there be a funeral? A funeral can give you so much closure and help the family to live on.

    It's gonna take time but stick to your family and be close to one another. You don't need to say much to your sister, just be there. The truth is, especially for your sister, grief like this never goes away. You just learn to manage it.
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    I am so terribly sorry to hear this. How truly awful, I am so sorry for you and your family.

    You need to be open with your sister, be there for her and let her cry her heart out to you. Cry with her, if you think it will help, but if you feel like you have to be strong for her, make sure you pour your heart out to someone else, don't bottle your tears up.

    Everything happens for a reason but it doesn't make something as terrible as this any less painful. You'll never get over it, but you'll learn to cope in time, the pain will start to be less raw.
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    my parents and i aswell as the rest of my family decided that she must keep the baby
    major WTF??????
 
 
 
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