Sorry to make another post about gay issues (there are many on this site) but there's something that's been on my mind.
I'm a 19 year old gay guy and currently go the university. I came out briefly before coming to university and am out here. I wouldn't say I'm "obvious", in that I'm not particularly camp or anything, but if people ask I'm completely open about it.
While in sixth form I kind of thought that university would make everything better in terms of my sexuality. I could be openly gay and accepted by most people and I could properly start looking for (though not in a predator sort of way...) for a relationship. Since I came last year that hasn't been the case.
While my friends certainly accept me and everything like that, I know pretty much no gay people at all, which came as a massive shock as I always operated under the impression there would be loads of openly gay people. I knew the university wasn't particularly uber-homosexual but living in a block of 200 people this just seems like statistical bad luck.
I tried going to the LGBT soc once and it just felt very cliquey and not really my scene. I've always been pretty averse to the idea of going to clubs in order to get a relationship because traditionally the single guys that are looking to talk to other single guys in that environment are after sex, and I definitely want to know someone as friends (or at least sober) before I take that step with someone.
I guess I'm stuck between my circumstance and my inhibitions and there probably isn't much constructive advice anyone here can give me - I just needed a place to vent.
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Being gay at university watch
- Thread Starter
- 24-03-2011 00:27
- 24-03-2011 00:39
Yeah man, you're right, it is cliquey. The best way to do it, is to join a society, which a high proportion of gay guys would normally participate that's NOT LGBT Soc. Perhaps acting, or a fashion show. Then, you'll get to know gay people through a shared interest that goes past their current cliques and you'll find that's how you'll start getting invited to things, not because you're gay, but because you're part of the acting group/fashion show. Then, eventually, when the 'work' side of things is over, the socials attached to these societies then opens the doors for the development of relationships...
- 24-03-2011 01:47
sorry but i may be a bit daft, but what uni?
- 24-03-2011 01:56
Remember, a lot of the other young students are probably only 18 years old and fresh off the boat. In my university when I first got there, a lot of other people were so obviously LGBT but never spoke about it, it was always an open secret... people just take time.
I know how you feel - it was also disappointing for me. The LGBT Soc was the biggest disappointment - ever so cliquey - people all have their friends and whenever I tried talking to new people they were quite rude and uninterested in making new friends... and then they moan about LGBT rights? Sorry, but you get what you want by being humble and treating everyone as a human, not throwing about an attitude.
Here's a tip - I found the most LGBT people not in the LGBT society, but in political societies - I am in the Socialist Workers Party at my university and it's pretty much a big gay party! Everyone is queer! And pretty intelligent too, so it's not your typical hairdresser types.
- 24-03-2011 01:58
Maybe its BECAUSE you're looking? Things seem to always be that way. Like Lex says, joining any number of societies will help you meet more people from all backgrounds (though not necessarily stereotypical homosexual ones such as fashion and acting). My guess is that if you don't enjoy spending time with those in an LGBT society, like-minded people won't either. Just have to carry on with life till they pop up.