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Im so insecure I can barely live my life anymore Watch

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    At the risk of sounding like a complete psycho, i need to get this out somewhere and try and get some advice. a lot of this stuff might sound really ****ed up, but it's reactionary (ive had a bit of a messed up past).

    Im in a relationship with someone and he is my first love. we're really good together and share something very special, but my insecurity is getting in the way of both my relationship and my life. i feel pretty down about myself a lot of the time. i dont think im very attractive (even though people tell me im pretty all the time), and even though i can see it to some extent i just feel **** about myself for the most part. sometimes when my boy is kissing me or looking into my eyes, i feel as though all he's thinking is about how ugly i am and how he wishes he wasnt with me.

    there's also an issue with other girls. i constantly think that he's staring at girls, even though he's given me no reason to think this. i cant handle the thought of him looking at another girl and finding her sexually attractive, or wanting her in any way. it makes me feel so uncomfortable i can barely breathe just thinking about it. I've actually left a train platform that he dropped me at and followed him onto the bus he was getting on, claiming that he only got on the bus because there was a girl he fancied getting on it too. again, i had no evidence of this, i just kinda convinced myself. i have also ripped pictures up that were on his wall, because they were of girls.

    any time i see a girl walking along the street, whether he's with me or not, if i think he would find her attractive, i feel like i want to cry. sometimes i actually do cry. he took me away for my birthday and at a restaurant there was a pretty girl sitting near us, and i had to excuse myself so i didnt fall into floods of tears. im a wreck. i realise that all this sounds CRAZY, and believe me i feel crazy.. but i just dont know what to do anymore. im so up and down i can hardly function. im not going into uni because i cant handle how im feeling when im out, so im just staying in. i feel okay when im at home, and when he's here with me, so i just try and keep it like that. but it has to change, we have to be able to go out together and stuff. and if i dont fix this now, it's going to ruin what i have with him and he's so special to me...i just dont know what to do
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    Ok, the thing about you think that he's thinking about how ugly you are when he kisses you is ridiculous. If he thought you were ugly he wouldn't be with you.

    Most girlfriends have an issue about other girls, but be thankful that he doesn't actually say things about them to you/look at them when you're there....and the bit about the bus is a bit crazy I have to say.

    The problem isn't him, it's your own insecurities. That's what's making you unhappy. You need to sort them out or you might ruin your relationship from the end. Believe me, I'm talking from experience.
    • #2
    #2

    I completely understand how you feel. I go through the exact same thing and its awful, because at the time I feel this horrible, overwhelming feeling of jealousy and anger - but I'm so, so sure that my boyfriend is looking at whatever pretty girl has just walked by. Its so hard to explain. And its horrible because I know its weakening our relationship - I wish it was really that easy to just 'stop', because I try so hard not to do this, but after a couple days of me thinking these thoughts it just makes me so depressed. I hate going out because theres always that fear that I think he'll be looking at some really pretty girl, and then all the self-loathing and bad feelings flood back yet again.
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    (Original post by *Dreaming*)
    Ok, the thing about you think that he's thinking about how ugly you are when he kisses you is ridiculous. If he thought you were ugly he wouldn't be with you.

    Most girlfriends have an issue about other girls, but be thankful that he doesn't actually say things about them to you/look at them when you're there....and the bit about the bus is a bit crazy I have to say.

    The problem isn't him, it's your own insecurities. That's what's making you unhappy. You need to sort them out or you might ruin your relationship from the end. Believe me, I'm talking from experience.
    how do you do that?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At the risk of sounding like a complete psycho, i need to get this out somewhere and try and get some advice. a lot of this stuff might sound really ****ed up, but it's reactionary (ive had a bit of a messed up past).

    Im in a relationship with someone and he is my first love. we're really good together and share something very special, but my insecurity is getting in the way of both my relationship and my life. i feel pretty down about myself a lot of the time. i dont think im very attractive (even though people tell me im pretty all the time), and even though i can see it to some extent i just feel **** about myself for the most part. sometimes when my boy is kissing me or looking into my eyes, i feel as though all he's thinking is about how ugly i am and how he wishes he wasnt with me.

    there's also an issue with other girls. i constantly think that he's staring at girls, even though he's given me no reason to think this. i cant handle the thought of him looking at another girl and finding her sexually attractive, or wanting her in any way. it makes me feel so uncomfortable i can barely breathe just thinking about it. I've actually left a train platform that he dropped me at and followed him onto the bus he was getting on, claiming that he only got on the bus because there was a girl he fancied getting on it too. again, i had no evidence of this, i just kinda convinced myself. i have also ripped pictures up that were on his wall, because they were of girls.

    any time i see a girl walking along the street, whether he's with me or not, if i think he would find her attractive, i feel like i want to cry. sometimes i actually do cry. he took me away for my birthday and at a restaurant there was a pretty girl sitting near us, and i had to excuse myself so i didnt fall into floods of tears. im a wreck. i realise that all this sounds CRAZY, and believe me i feel crazy.. but i just dont know what to do anymore. im so up and down i can hardly function. im not going into uni because i cant handle how im feeling when im out, so im just staying in. i feel okay when im at home, and when he's here with me, so i just try and keep it like that. but it has to change, we have to be able to go out together and stuff. and if i dont fix this now, it's going to ruin what i have with him and he's so special to me...i just dont know what to do

    This is identical to my situation with my ex-girlfriend (the fact that she is my ex is indirectly related to it). Just make sure you communicate with him about how you're feeling. I think you're doing the right thing trying to find an outlet for it on here, I think it used to help my ex if she could talk about it somewhere anonymous and not feel as though she was burdening me with it (although obviously I didn't mind it).

    You just have to make sure you keep in touch with reality- all of this stuff is in your head and he is with you and doesn't want anyone else! It might be worth looking into therapy though. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything?
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    He is with you for a reason, now ponder on that.
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    i feel for you. sometimes i can be completely insecure about my girlfriends male friends. i feel she keeps them about as back up , in case we dont work out.

    but about you,
    Maybe you should see a counsellor, just talking to another actual human being face to face might help. it helps me. maybe even a close friend, if you feel comfortable enough with them.
    i seriously doubt your boyfriend is interested in any body else. he's putting up with all this craziness isnt he?
    if he didnt want to be with you, he would have left you.
    you need to talk to someone and gain confidence in yourself. i know how that feels, when i started uni i cried everyday because i was so overwhelmed by everything and had no confidence in my abilities. but now i manage to get on, because i talk to people.

    i hope i've helped in some way.
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    Aww, I think thats really cool how he continues to stay with you despite your insecurity, he certainly must care about you... isnt that proof enough that he isnt that bothered about other girls? He wants to be with YOU and no one else, and thats all that matters - imagine its the other way around and he is behaving like you and you are like him... what would you want to happen in that situation?
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    I know how you feel; I find it very difficult not to get jealous too. But if he wanted someone else he wouldn't stay with you. You just need to like yourself more and believe him when he tells you it's you that he wants, or it'll ruin the relationship (speaking from experience).
 
 
 
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