Thank you all for the kind words You have all made me feel a lot better
My brother is 20 years old, 21 in a few months and I know that he is old enough to take care of himself and that the age difference between us isn't that big, but I am still the older brother and it is my duty to always be there for him and help him when he needs me.
I know that he is always there for me as well when I need him, but I don't feel too good including him in my problems, just shows a sign of weakness and as the older brother I have to always appear strong and unmoved by any problems coming my way so that some of that attitude rubs off on him.
It is very strange for me to talk about my feelings with my brother, because we don't usually do that. I don't even do that with my male friends, even though I consider them as my brothers.
Just as an example of how close we are, during the whole revolution back home and the police were nowhere to be seen, they would take turns patrolling under my house and under my half sister's house to make sure that they were safe, because my brother and I weren't in the country. They did that without any of us asking them to do it nor did they tell us that they were doing it. We only found out when the phones were working again and our mom told us.
It is different with sisters though, my sister is 10 (I don't see her as much as I'd like to, because she lives in Egypt and I'm only there for a month or 2 a year). She is very sensitive (she stepped over another kid's foot and then she started crying thinking that she hurt him, that is what I mean by very sensitive). I call her at least 5 times a week to check on her and can talk to her more about feelings, because she is a girl.
I don't talk to her about anything too serious of course, because she is still very young, but yeah, I think you get my point
This is the first time I ever speak about this and would love to know what you think watch
- Thread Starter
- 26-03-2011 02:00
- 26-03-2011 02:14
If you're happy with how you're living your life, don't change anything.
If you're not, do.
It's that simple.
I think your friend was rude to say you should stop being good all the time. I guess they did some classic projection on you!
For what it's worth I respect your behaviour, particularly in regards to your family.
(Original post by Anonymous)
- 26-03-2011 02:17
Ok, this is the first time I ever write this down, but I’m quite interested in knowing what you think. This will sound very dramatic, but it’s just the way I feel.
The only person in the world who I thought understood me perfectly told me a few months ago that she feels like she knows absolutely nothing about me even though we have been very close friends for over 6 years and that I should stop trying to be good all the time and think about myself for a change.
The more I think about what she said the more I realise that she is right.
I’m a nice guy, too nice according to some of my friends and I can’t say that I’m not that way. I am too nice and I’ve gotten really bored of it!!! But if I try to change I can’t, I end up feeling bad about passing up an opportunity to do something good and I end up thinking about other people’s feelings more than my own even with the simplest things…
For example: 1) I bought a shirt with a cool design of Buddha on it, but I never wear it thinking that it might offend anyone who is Buddhist.
2) I can’t leave a bin topped over in the street; I have to stop and put it back up the right way and clean up. I once did that with 8 bins on my way to my flat and ended up going the total opposite way of where my flat is to do this.
Like I know that it’s not my job to do this, but I just can’t help it and I hate it!
3) I never talk about my feelings, but always make it my mission to listen and help other people solve their problems.
There is so much I want to do, but because of how I feel I can’t. Like I’m 23 and have never gotten into a sexual relationship (I’ve not had sex yet and strangely enough am not in too much of a rush), not because of lack of opportunity, but because of the way I was brought up. I am very old fashioned, because of my culture, family and religion to some extent. I am a firm believer in romance and in being a gentleman (but I don’t know if I am really like that or just because of the way I feel that I have to always be good)
It’s not like I’m a people pleaser, that is what I thought at first, but I found out that I could care less what anyone thinks. I do good things, because if I don’t my conscious ends up eating me alive if I ignore doing the right thing or if I think about doing something bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’m a saint, but what I’m saying is that I am being too nice and good and it doesn’t feel like I’ve got the option to be anything else.
And I constantly feel like I am a bad person and always have dark thoughts. (nothing too dark, but not good)
I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed, but I do have my days and my mood shifts without a warning.
I am thankful that I have a loving family and great friends who I consider as part of my family and trust with my life, but I’m just not happy about who I am, because I don’t know who that really is anymore.
But here is the question all of this has been leading up to.
Does anyone else feel the same way, know how to beat this to not feel this way or better yet, any advice?
I am really interested in hearing what you think seeing as I have never told anyone about this.
I had been reading socionics the other day and I found something quite interesting. Some personality types define and sense their own emotions so intensely by the collective emotions others have - we feel sad when others do, and are concerned if we hurt anyone or anything - that when we try to look inwards, we find little or no emotion there. This care we tune in to others with, we find that we appear to lack it within, seeming hollow. It's easy to feel guilty and dark.
You asked how to beat this: I can give you an answer but I haven't accomplished it myself. I try my best not to get absorbed in my own thoughts, and accept that I am hollow because I care more about others. I try to care for myself by setting out tasks and plans that will make me feel peace, even if it involves 'just pleasing other people'. It may seem somewhat warped that the altruistic goals you or I have actually serves an inner sense of fulfillment, but stopping to worry ends the magic. Set your goals higher, make them have more impact. Being nice is a talent and a gift - find an accomplishment that you can move towards that expands both your positive influence and your sense of self.
I suggest you find a direction that has a kind of meaning that calls to you. Maybe you'd like to volunteer. I don't know. Somewhere with people who are both motivated by and for others. You'll find yourself with them and be much happier.