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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I kind of feel the same as the red bit. However whilst I don't see myself as male (do you see yourself as female inside?) I do think life would be easier if I was born a male, just in terms of less comments in the street etc but would also never transition.

    I know what you mean about being judged but I don't think it's just men who judge by appearance although, in my experience of being around men, I think you may be right that you're probably judged more harshly by men than I am by women, which must be really difficult for you. It's great that you claim not to care what some people think, I haven't got to that stage yet but would really like to feel the same.
    Thanks for the reply.

    Well I sort of do see myself as a natural female (psychologically) with a male body. I'm pretty confused myself though to be honest because I also enjoy typical male activities. It's all very confusing so sorry I can't really answer that question. I sometimes feel like a transexual but then I don't fit the stereotype of that either. I'm very introverted and shy so maybe I just haven't found myself yet.

    Ok, I guess this is a bit strange but I often look at girls and secretly wish I was them or had their bodies. Or I wonder what it would be like to be them. I know thats weird. Sometimes, I also look at girls and think they're pretty (not in the usual way of being attracted to them but by being a little envious and wishing I had their features etc). That must sound so strange? Do you ever look at men and wish you were someone else?

    I also fantasise about having a woman's body occasionally. How it would feel to have a beautiful delicate body and what type of colours/ clothes would suit me, how I would dress/ look. I just think a womans body is beautiful. There is definitely a sexual element to this for me.

    Just curious, but what sort of upbringing did you have? For me personally, I was brought up in pretty much a single parent family (Mother) because my Father was not around much. For me, I think this has had a huge influence on the way I am.

    When I say I don't care what people think, that's not entirely true. Maybe wishful thinking!
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    (Original post by kerily)
    That's perfectly normal. I would imagine you'll get transphobic abuse on this thread, but that is perfectly normal.

    You don't have to identify as 'male' or 'female', and you don't have to say 'well, I have a female body but I feel male' or 'I have a male body but I feel female' either. There is far more to gender than the binary male/female split. You get people who are gender-neutral; who feel that they don't actually identify with a gender label, and that gender doesn't impact their self-image. You get people who are bigendered, so some days they feel 'female' and some days they feel 'male'. You get people who are third-gender, so they feel that they do have a gender, but it's not male or female. You get people who are genderqueer, which is basically a catch-all term for not fitting into the binary view of things.

    Basically, look into communities of people who are genderqueer - the internet is actually a great place to do this. And don't be afraid to explore your gender identity. Who you're attracted to has nothing to do with your gender; a very masculine person who identifies as female, for example, doesn't have to be a lesbian.
    It's not normal to be a woman and yet feel like a man.

    There is nothing wrong with it, do what you like with your own life, but it's not normal, don't really know how to say that without sounding harsh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, ok, I was thinking about stuff and wondering if anyone else felt the same.

    I don't feel female or male, just feel like me. I'm biologically female but often wear men's clothes simply because I like how they look. I have spiky hair because I like how it looks and how easy it is to maintain. I feel uncomfortable when people refer to me as "she" or "her" but I don't feel comfortable being called "sir", as has happened a few times, either. I don't think I'm a transexual as I don't actually want to be a guy I just don't feel particularly female. Is that transexual? I'm not a lesbian, I'm bisexual and will go for men or women I like the look of, not necessarily feminine men or butch girls but people from across all the spectrum.

    Basically I'm feeling pretty confused and have been feeling confused for quite a few years. I'd like to just be me, wear what I like and have people accept that but I usually get the "must be a lesbian" comments. Is this anything anyone can help with or am I stuck with this confusion over myself for the rest of my life?


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    (Original post by imperial maniac)
    It's not normal to be a woman and yet feel like a man.

    There is nothing wrong with it, do what you like with your own life, but it's not normal, don't really know how to say that without sounding harsh.
    Transmen aren't women who feel like men. They are actually men. They may not look like how you would assume a man would look, but transmen are actually men.

    It's not necessarily that common - a relatively small percentage of the population admits to gender variance. However, a lot of that is to do with internalised transphobia, fear, or not knowing what to call your feelings. It's true that more people are cis than trans, but this really depends on how you define normality. I don't think something being normal is conditional on it being popular, rather that something's only 'normal' if it's non-damaging and not entirely unprecedented.
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    (Original post by kerily)
    Transmen aren't women who feel like men. They are actually men. They may not look like how you would assume a man would look, but transmen are actually men.

    It's not necessarily that common - a relatively small percentage of the population admits to gender variance. However, a lot of that is to do with internalised transphobia, fear, or not knowing what to call your feelings. It's true that more people are cis than trans, but this really depends on how you define normality. I don't think something being normal is conditional on it being popular, rather that something's only 'normal' if it's non-damaging and not entirely unprecedented.
    To me, normal means: the mainstream.

    But like I said earlier, I don't have a problem with people doing what they want to do with their lives.
    • #2
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    (Original post by McCoy)
    This is completely normal, don't worry.
    The gender binary as we understand it is a human construction.
    Biological sex (i.e. the genitalia you are born with) is not necessarily related to your emotional gender, which is generally externally imposed upon us - women grow-up with the expectation that they should be feminine/submissive/wear pink etc and so their behaviour becomes informed by these societal pressures. There's no natural reason why we have 'men' and 'women' and define them differently and expect different characteristics, feelings and behaviour of them. That you feel comfortable expressing yourself as an individual rather than buying-into a predetermined category is absolutely fine
    Good post.
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    How do you feel when you wear something really feminine?
    Maybe you should buy them and wear it for some time. Maybe you might start to like it. I personaly love male clothing and always tempted to buy them. I bought a few and it just makes me feel like a man but I start saying but I am a woman and get all confused as if I am supppose to act like a man. It could be just a phycological thing.
    I know you are not going to want to wear girly clothing and all but I think that you should give it a go, I dont know dresses and nail vanish try lip stick for a while and foundation, but you have to doit for about a month or something I know you are going to feel weird but something tells me it would help you work it out. You are not going to want to be girly suddenly. Try things that are suppose to be sexy try them on, dance around with the mirror, I dont know does it make you feel more womany?
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    I may not know how you fully feel. I feel male however and don't long to be a woman but I'm envious about some of the amazing things that women can wear. I say this thinking about Visual Kei - a Japanese fashion which has amazing stuff for women that men may be able to pull off.
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    hemaphrodite
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    You my friend are a hermaphrodite
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    #1

    (Original post by Paint-a-Picture)
    How do you feel when you wear something really feminine?
    Maybe you should buy them and wear it for some time. Maybe you might start to like it. I personaly love male clothing and always tempted to buy them. I bought a few and it just makes me feel like a man but I start saying but I am a woman and get all confused as if I am supppose to act like a man. It could be just a phycological thing.
    I know you are not going to want to wear girly clothing and all but I think that you should give it a go, I dont know dresses and nail vanish try lip stick for a while and foundation, but you have to doit for about a month or something I know you are going to feel weird but something tells me it would help you work it out. You are not going to want to be girly suddenly. Try things that are suppose to be sexy try them on, dance around with the mirror, I dont know does it make you feel more womany?
    I already tried that. I spent most of my life trying to fit into the "girl" box and it's just left me feeling miserable. If I wear a skirt I spend the whole time feeling awkward and as if I've got a massive defect attached to me which is obvious to everyone, I can't feel natural in a skirt. I wore one every day to school until I was 16, had long hair, experimented with makeup and different styles etc but honestly it all felt completely wrong. It feels like an act I'm not doing for myself but everyone else. Whereas since coming to uni I've bought clothes I like the look of and done what I wanted to with my hair and I look in the mirror and love what I see this way. Before it was always uncomfortable and weird, but this feels far more natural and less fake to me.

    (Original post by Ree-Ree-Real:p)
    You're a female. Be one. Seriously. Stop trying to attract attention.
    Piss off.

    I don't want attention, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and I created this thread to see if there's anyone else who feels like me. Like I said in the OP, don't bother with the insults because I hear enough already. Believe me I get plenty of attention walking down the street, if you read my posts you'd see I don't want attention I want the opposite - to just be accepted.
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    #1

    (Original post by crazycake93)
    You my friend are a hermaphrodite
    Hermaphrodite:
    A person born with diminished sexual organs of both sexes as a result of a genetic anomaly

    Erm...no. I only have female genitals.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hermaphrodite:
    A person born with diminished sexual organs of both sexes as a result of a genetic anomaly

    Erm...no. I only have female genitals.
    I'm not so sure... I think I should examine them to determine the truth....
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    Allah hates ****.
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    (Original post by Theconomist)
    Allah hates ****.
    Jesus hates ****... and speculation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hermaphrodite:
    A person born with diminished sexual organs of both sexes as a result of a genetic anomaly

    Erm...no. I only have female genitals.
    People are people, you'll find annoying people on all websites even this one when you would think your peers would be a little more... I don't know.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by bacforever3)
    I know where your coming from and I think you are like me in that you dont make very strong distinguishes between the sexes?
    I always found people to be quite similar, guys and girls, so could never really relate to the categorises imposed.

    I think its perhaps best to not think of it as a strange view point but a very equal view point... obviously there are physical differences, but I was discussing with my friend the other day about what makes people attractive and he talked about some sort of (I dont remember the technical term) emotional attraction... so his bisexuality is an attraction to a type of person, regardless of their sex.
    That's exactly it. I look at people and I see people. I don't look and think oh they're attractive uh oh they're female they're now suddenly not attractive. Honestly I don't understand how straight people do that but that's something else entirely. But yes, you've basically described how I feel, I don't really see much differences between men and women and I don't see why people should act in a certain way because they're one or the other. But people do, that's the part I'm confused about, surely given how most women act they must feel like women? that's why they act that way? But I don't feel like a woman so I'm left confused with myself and everyone else. Hence why I made the thread seeing if other people know about feeling like this.

    (Original post by bacforever3)
    It might be worth discussing your own identity with someone so they can help you it annoys you when you are called 'she'... but its possible to accept that term as a biological definition (which you cant naturally change) rather than as a definition of your character/personality/nature...

    Please dont feel lost, a world of definitions leaves most people in a grey blur for some reason or other.... you clearly know who YOU are, dont worry about how that fits in with other categories because its not simple.... we are all just people!
    I didn't realise there was anyone I could talk to about this? Like I said in the OP I'm pretty sure I'm not a transexual because I don't feel male either, and I know doctors can help with that but how could they help someone who doesn't feel either gender?
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    TSR you need to grow the **** up
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    I know someone who doesn't identify with either gender... although he is taking on more of a male role now that he has a somewhat needy girlfriend. He is biologically male, and I call him he becuase it is nicer than it, and he says he doesn't mind.
    He squished together a male name and a female name to try to sound genderless, unfortunately, it came out sounding rather like a female name!

    So I'd say the only challenge is what you want people to call you- male or female, because 'it' is very impersonal!
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by jimbo139)
    The issue is that society likes to stick people in boxes because that's just easier. Yes, we're all just human beings - but for most of us it's impossible not to notice what sex, age or colour people are, because the signs are so obvious. This doesn't have to imply any value-judgements, it's simply how our brains work: everything is sorted into categories automatically.

    Many women who wear male-type clothes & have short hair are (exclusive) lesbians, so many people just assume that's true for anyone who looks that way. And often the assumption is justified, because in real life, most people do advertise their gender & sexuality through the clothing and behavioural signals they send out.


    I'm afraid that there's realistically nothing you as an individual can do to change the way society thinks about sex & gender.

    You can either conform to a particular stereotype which may not suit you very well, or just make your own rules & accept that people will think what they like.
    Oh yes, I realise that. That's why I made sure to state I wasn't a lesbian in the OP because I thought people would jump to that conclusion. I know people will always think what they want but I'd like to sort my own head out mostly because, like I said, right now I'm confused as hell and feel like I'm the only person who feels like this.I realise I can't really change how people view gender in society and I'd be stupid to try but I made the thread more partly to try and rationalise my feelings and partly to see if anyone else felt the same. A few people have posted they do which makes me feel a lot less weird and a lot less lonely about the whole thing.
 
 
 
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