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There's always another girl..... watch

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    I have been with my boyfriend since the summer. He says he loves me etc....we have some problems but only minor. He has mentioned before how there was a girl he fancied the whole way through school who was a good friend of his, and even said that he regrets not making a move.

    This girl has spent the last year in USA so they haven't really talked since the end of school. But now she's come back, and I know for a fact they talk a lot on facebook....I have no reason to believe anything is going on, BUT I asked him what he would do if this girl suddenly told him she liked him, and he said that he would have to "think about it" and that he doesn't know if it would mean the end of our relationship or not

    WTF. What do you say/do to that?!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been with my boyfriend since the summer. He says he loves me etc....we have some problems but only minor. He has mentioned before how there was a girl he fancied the whole way through school who was a good friend of his, and even said that he regrets not making a move.

    This girl has spent the last year in USA so they haven't really talked since the end of school. But now she's come back, and I know for a fact they talk a lot on facebook....I have no reason to believe anything is going on, BUT I asked him what he would do if this girl suddenly told him she liked him, and he said that he would have to "think about it" and that he doesn't know if it would mean the end of our relationship or not

    WTF. What do you say/do to that?!
    What do you say?

    "Well **** you then."
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    How dare he say these things to you!! If that was me, he'd be dumped. He's treating you like a second fiddle - you're better off finding someone who cares for you as you deserve to be.
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    http://fahbg.files.wordpress.com/200...-break-up1.jpg

    He doesn't deserve you because if he'll have second thoughts on you then...Dump!
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    Wow, what a douche. My ex was a bit like this.

    Dump. He doesn't respect you if he'd actually consider dropping you for someone else.
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    he's being honest with you and he's being chastised for it :lolwut:

    it's better he tells you how he feels about her than hides his feelings and then jumps ship leaving you none the wiser.

    i think most people would give up one relationship if they felt that another one would be better for them :dontknow:
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    Sweetheart, this is unacceptable. The foundation of relationship is a strong mutual respect for one another, and quite frankly your boyfriend is showing you none. Comments like this eat away at your self esteem to the point where you're not going to be able to take any happiness or pleasure from the relationship. Your other half should be making you feel like the most perfect girl in the world, not keeping you on tenterhooks as to whether you are 'good enough' for him. Nobody deserves to be spoken to like this by someone who professes to care for them. I would advise having a damn serious talk with him about this, the way it's making you feel. Maybe he just doesn't realise what a s**t he's being. If he refuses to acknowledge his w**kery, then get rid. Life's too short to feel like this. Find somebody who loves you for you, who makes you feel stable and comfortable and happy, rather than uncertain and second best. It's what you deserve. hope it all works out for you xx
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    He needs to get over it. It sounds like he still has some silly 'high school crush.
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    (Original post by Poppy020)
    Sweetheart, this is unacceptable. The foundation of relationship is a strong mutual respect for one another, and quite frankly your boyfriend is showing you none. Comments like this eat away at your self esteem to the point where you're not going to be able to take any happiness or pleasure from the relationship. Your other half should be making you feel like the most perfect girl in the world, not keeping you on tenterhooks as to whether you are 'good enough' for him. Nobody deserves to be spoken to like this by someone who professes to care for them. I would advise having a damn serious talk with him about this, the way it's making you feel. Maybe he just doesn't realise what a s**t he's being. If he refuses to acknowledge his w**kery, then get rid. Life's too short to feel like this. Find somebody who loves you for you, who makes you feel stable and comfortable and happy, rather than uncertain and second best. It's what you deserve. hope it all works out for you xx
    So basically what you are saying is this guy should have lied through his teeth after his girlfriend brought up this topic?

    To me, that doesn't make a healthy relationship if two people cannot be honest with one another. If you don't want to know the answer to a question, then don't ask it. Seriously, this guy most likely has a high school crush, no more. But she asked him how he felt about her, he told her; she then asked him what he would do if she liked him, he told her. Granted it doesn't show commitment to her, and doesn't do her self esteem much good. But she did bring it up with him, and he was at least honest with her, and that to me shows that he would be honest in their relationship.

    I agree with you that it is wrong, but in a sense it is the lesser or two evils by admitting it. Because the OP could have come on here saying: "I think my boyfriend is lying to me, and being dishonest about his feelings towards another girl. What should I do?"
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    You'll clearly never be enough for him. While I admire him for being honest, he is not showing signs of respect or mutual love. He's treating you as a settlementrather than a prize, and while he's not happy, you won't be either.
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    I think you should dump him. Yes, well done to him for being honest and not being a total **** and lying to you then jumping ship at the slightest hint of anything happening with her. But at the end of the day even though you two are in a relationship, and have been for some time, he'd still consider leaving you for someone else. Which doesn't make for a great relationship. If he'd leave you for a chance at a better relationship now, what makes you think he wouldn't do it in future if another chance came along even if it wasn't with this girl?
    At the end of the day it's good of him to not lie, but that doesn't mean you should stay with someone who isn't fully committed to you. To be fair it's not fair on either of you.
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    Second best? No, thanks.
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    (Original post by MikeW975)
    So basically what you are saying is this guy should have lied through his teeth after his girlfriend brought up this topic?

    To me, that doesn't make a healthy relationship if two people cannot be honest with one another. If you don't want to know the answer to a question, then don't ask it. Seriously, this guy most likely has a high school crush, no more. But she asked him how he felt about her, he told her; she then asked him what he would do if she liked him, he told her. Granted it doesn't show commitment to her, and doesn't do her self esteem much good. But she did bring it up with him, and he was at least honest with her, and that to me shows that he would be honest in their relationship.

    I agree with you that it is wrong, but in a sense it is the lesser or two evils by admitting it. Because the OP could have come on here saying: "I think my boyfriend is lying to me, and being dishonest about his feelings towards another girl. What should I do?"
    Fair play mate, as soon as i posted my first reply I read over your comment and I have to admit that I was struck by exactly that thought - I guess I somehow overlooked the fact that the OP did ask, so in a sense you are correct in giving him props for being honest. However, I guess I would still have to argue that if this 'girl crush' of his was a big enough issue to still affect him to the extent where he can already rationalise the possibility of leaving his girlfriend of a year at the first sign of interest from her (note I stress possibility) then he really shouldn't have got to the stage where he was committing to a serious relationship with the OP. I guess if I was in his shoes I would probably have found a better way to phrase what I'd said to her, so in a sense its that aspect that I take issue with - whilst it's totally fair enough that his feelings about this other girl are complicated, and in a sense he should be commended for being honest, as a guy in a committed relationship, his girlfriend should be his main priority. I think maybe this was a situation where less woulddefinitely have been more - after all, he could have been honest by saying that his feelings for this other girl are indeed complicated, her return may well have stirred up these dormant feelings, etc, but rather than questioning what it would mean for him and his girlfriend, he could have stressed that, as his girlfriend, she was his number one priority and her feelings were of paramount importance. If that were my boyfriend, whilst I would be upset hearing that this girl coming back had f**ked with his head a bit, I'd also be a lot happier if he underlined the fact that he was attempting to distance himself from these feelings and respecting the fact that I was his girlfriend. What annoys me is that, with the way he has chosen to respond, he has clearly made his girlfriend feel like this is a decision he's constantly weighing up in his head, which must be awful for her.
    In short, you're right that the boyfriend gets props for being honest, but really should have been more carefull about the way he voiced this honesty!
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    He was being honest. Which is fair and better than lying to you.
    Don't dump him just for this. In an ideal world, yes you would be the only person and he'd never want to leave you, but it's one of those things that might never be tested.

    You can say now that you'd definitely turn down your dream job and 10 mill. for him, but if you were actually faced with the choice... (ok, so that's somewhat over exaggerated, but it's a similar scenario; he has this girl he likes, and he honestly doesn't know right now what would happen. If it really makes you worry, you can talk to him about it more, and make him work through [non-angrily, like a mate would] what he would do.)
 
 
 
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