Turn on thread page Beta

Question for girls regarding Virginity [from a guy, abit long this] watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    first a little backround info, i'm 18 [year 14?] she's 17 [year 12] [but quite ahead of her years because her best friend/sister is 21 and she hangs with her]

    known this girl for about 5 months, went on a first date 4 months ago. Since then we've had our good times and our not so good times, because she goes to boarding school in the week and her weekends are very limited, it took its toll. We've never been serious but niether of us really want that, we just have fun with each other. I'm a Virgin but you wouldn't think so. Basicly i have an inner belief that the first time should be with someone i respect and know, and one night stand offers and past relationships have never offered that so i've held out, as hard as that is for me, a horny ******* heh.

    This girl though, we have so much fun, she's up for a party but very respectfull. The first time i kissed her was after a date rather then being hammered, which was a nice change. She's very respectable. I always though she could be "the one" that i'd like to lose it to. But then i'd wait for her to be comfortable to bring it up, as due to what she thought of me, she probably assumed i was capable of being a player and just trying to "bag" her. Always assumed she was a virgin but never confirmed.

    But then the other night, we had some bottles of wine and quite a passionate kiss and cuddle in bed for hours, bringing her to say "i want you" "you want me?" "i want YOU" seductively. I said, why not, there and then ,but she said no, out of respect for her sister [it was her bed], and that her parents were in the next room [yea good idea, dont want any fathers to kick my ass].

    The next day on an msn chat, i brought up that, look, in 3 weeks we're both going away [she's going to south africa for a month, i'm going to florida], and i said, i feel that we have this current magic and we're at the closest point we've been intimately, and it'd be really nice to have a special night with you before we both leave, because when we get back it may have drifted. I think she was abit uncomfortable that she'd been so open so it was hard to talk about it, but i really just tried to stress, that if we both want to do it we should do it now while we both obviously want it. I pointed out to her that i'd never brought up sex after all this time [to try and show that i care about more then just that, which i do obviously], and she quickly got defensive saying if i'm looking for a well done for not just bagging her on the first meeting then i wont be getting it, which hurt me because i obviously reject girls that would be let "Bag them" on the first meeting.

    It played on my mind that night, that i had made myself look bad, like that i just wanted another notch on the bedpost before we both leave. So i made the decision to write an email saying blah blah my belief is, i'm actually a virgin waiting for the right person, i've done everything else and rejected sex many times, but i want it to be special with someone i can look back on and say "She was a good girl" etc, and i feel that way with you.
    Bear in mind i only told her this because i thought she was a virgin aswell, i know non virgin girls would generally be turned off by this. But she replied saying she respected me, that yes she was also a virgin, etc.

    Essentially with this girl, as we're not serious, we dont talk openly about too many things, but we are intimate and unspokely commited, even though she has some issues where she doesnt think she is good enough for me and tells me i dont have to commit. We're both on the same level of understanding, though all this buisness has made me sound very deep and possibly scared her, but i just wanted to be honest.

    So, did i do the right thing? On the one hand i could have left her thinking i was experianced, didn't care what i slept with, and that i possibly just wanted to "bag her"
    But i figured that a respectable virgin girl would like the idea of losing it to a guy who is the same, who she knows well, etc. OTOH she may feel like i may get really attached to her, as it means something to me. But more then anything i'd be releived, that i lost it to someone who was decent

    I'm waiting to see what happens, but just wondering what you girls generally think?
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    No point worrying about whatever you've done, it's done now.

    She may just not want to sleep with someone who seems think there isn't a future there, and that's understandable. If you're thinking about making a go of it when you're both back from wherever you're going, make sure she knows that.

    However you feel about her, tell her. Just be honest. That way you'll have no regrets whatever happens.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Yeah I say the same as Zurich, just tell her you feel and say you didn't mean for it to come out like that and all you have for her is respect and that you care for her feelngs, then tell her that's exactly why it's her you want to lose your virginity to.

    Tell her you like her and feel open enough with her to trust her and say you feel more sexually and mentally attracted to her than you have with anyone before and that it would be great if you slept together before you go away. But make it clear it won't be a disaster if you don't and that your happy with things the way they are and you would be happy to carry on after. Stress that infact.

    Hope it helps xxxxx
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Zurich)
    No point worrying about whatever you've done, it's done now.

    She may just not want to sleep with someone who seems think there isn't a future there, and that's understandable. If you're thinking about making a go of it when you're both back from wherever you're going, make sure she knows that.

    However you feel about her, tell her. Just be honest. That way you'll have no regrets whatever happens.
    well i told her i'd be willing to continue things when we return, but she understandably finds it very difficult in general, with her at boarding school or whatever. I also think shes quite inexperianced when it comes to the idea of commitment, but she puts up a front like that isn't the case.

    I know what i've said is what i've said, i just, well i dont have any friends to talk to about his as no one knows my "Secret" and i'd prefer it that way, thats why i thought i'd ask here.

    She told me she'd rather talk in person so we'll hopefully get together satuday.

    I think my main "theme" is, if this is both what we want, we've got to act now because as enjoyable as it can be, it can also be stressfull at times for me. And if she really doesn't want a future with me, then when we both go away i'll use that time to move past it.
    Its REAL touchy though, she's always said she'll get scared if i get too deep. On the one hand i have to be deep to explain myself, but on the other if i avoid deepness then i'll come across wrong.
    Just living for the moment, as i said, the other night was so passionate it would have been natural to do it there and then if the parents weren't around and we were in her bed. I know part of her wants it but part of her is afraid to open up unless she's had some wine, haha
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    it'd be really nice to have a special night with you before we both leave, because when we get back it may have drifted
    Haha, that's so funny. So basically she'd sleep with you to preserve the relationship? As in, if you don't do it then the magic'll go?

    :rolleyes: :confused:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Adhsur)
    Haha, that's so funny. So basically she'd sleep with you to preserve the relationship? As in, if you don't do it then the magic'll go?

    :rolleyes: :confused:
    yes I guess that may sound arseholish to some people. The thing is i just dont know how i'll feel until we both go away, like, if she wants a future with me then i'll make sure to keep it strong while we're gone, but if she doesn't and its completely one side, i'll use the time to get over it, as hard as it would be. I'm a live for the moment type guy [apart from when it comes to one night stands!], if its right now, which i feel it is and she must have to bring it up, then why wait? anything could happen to either of us.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Seemed Appropriate
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Queen_A)
    Seemed Appropriate
    awwww that's a lovely poem.

    basically, you're saying that as you both have to go away that you have to do the deed *RIGHT NOW* as the magic is brilliant and will never be the same again. blah blah etc

    Right. You have to let her decide, and don't push it (Ahh! Push it!). SHe knows you are keener than mustard, don't pressure her or she will run a mile away.

    Enjoy what time you have together and if it happens it happens.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    Wellp, its always going to be a womans decision in the end.. thats how it goes for mew anyway, i always put the decision making most of the time into the girl... before i make certain moves
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by nasht)
    Wellp, its always going to be a womans decision in the end.. thats how it goes for mew anyway, i always put the decision making most of the time into the girl... before i make certain moves
    hehe you're on another virginity thread like me! DEVIRGINATORS UNITE
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 25, 2005
Poll
Have you ever experienced bullying?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.