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I will die by suicide at some point in my life. watch

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    Stuart Adamson wrote lyrics including the phrase "Stay alive" and reckoned former bandmate Richard Jobson would die by suicide, once stated it in an interview; in December 2001, Adamson hung himself and Jobson is still alive.

    Things don't always turn out how we think.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

    I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

    However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

    I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

    I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

    Thanks.
    You are not going to 'die by suicide' if you commit suicide then that is your choice to end your life, it's not like 'die by cancer' it doesn't just happen, you are making a physical choice to end your life. And if you are not depressed right now then i don't understand why you think that? Go and live your life, love people, get loved by people, do crazy stuff, meet awesome people, go skydiving or bunjee jumping, raise money for charity, go round the world.
    Another idea is live life on the edge, if you're not bothered whether you live or die then go crazy and do all the once in a lifetime kind of things, it might pull you up enough to realise that LIFE IS WORTH LIVING. And I also think it's horrible that people who live compartively good lives, infact, compared to some its heaven, and decide that they don't want to live it and waste it all. And other people who have **** lives still go on, because they recognise that you're better off giving it a go, than ducking out of the race halfway through and never knowing if you could have won it.
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    Try not to, that would suck.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    ofcourse I'm not trolling, as I'm sure you are well aware, however I feel you are which is why I shall not be replying to you in future unless you have something meaningful to add.

    Yes narcissist is a standard word, but it's as though you said it for the sake of it.
    Well I have never been accused of being an intellectual before lol, and I don't try to sound like an intellectual because I don't really care that I am not an intellectual person.

    So, to reply to your comment: I did and still do think that you might be trolling. Calling me out for using the word 'narcissist' leads me to think that you didn't know how else to reply to my comment that you are two common things: a sufferer of severe depression and an attention seeker.

    ANd as far as me not having anything meaningful to add to your thread: Was there any point to it in the first place? You didn't even ask a question you big pansy.
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    i am not at all depressed or anything like that. but i am sure this is the way i go as well!!! i think sometimes life is a bit too much. and worse there are always people who dont shut up, spending time with crappy people is so exhausting.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    yeah thats right, you have a good memory, I have asperger's, but now I've overcome the social side of things.

    could you tell me exactly what you mean by the bold?

    Yeah, the thread was about my "good" memory. I also think I may have aspergers. Any way, if you chose to kill yourself, YOU WILL CHOSE TO DO SO! Its your choice, I hope you make the right one. What has caused your depression or negative feelings?
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    I feel the same way. Even if things did someday get better there's always the chance of getting back here or worse.

    Why do you think you'll kill yourself MP?
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    I will die by suicide.
    Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
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    (Original post by hannah_dru)
    No offence but you must have some kind of underlying issues with depression still if you're still thinking that way. Do yourself a favour and go and talk to someone, get some help. That's not a healthy or normal mindset to be in.
    Lol at the person/people negging posts which make sense. I suffered from severe depression myself and had a nervous breakdown so I do know what I'm talking about. It might be a standard type post but there's not much else you can do than seek help.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

    I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

    However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

    I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

    I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

    Thanks.
    People rarely realise how unique an opportunity life is.
    We have been given this privilege to observe the universe around us.
    To love. To cry. To smille. To laugh. To learn. To grow. To renew.

    With that said, there are many in this world who aren't given that opportunity.
    Rather it be due to poverty or circumstance, life is, for some, more a pain than a pleasure.
    If you feel it is necessary, that should be your right as a human being.
    But do consider the consequences.

    Hope this helps.
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    OP, I gather from your previous posts on religion threads you're a practising Muslim. So perhaps you'd like to consider this:

    "The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire." [Bukhari Volume 2, Book 23, Number 446]"

    Just something for you to ponder. I really hope you pull through and get better brother, inshallah you will be shown the way. And in advance, sticks and stones may break my bones, but neg will never hurt me.
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    I kind of understand the OP and feel the same way about there being a pretty decent chance that I'll end up dying by suicide. I have a history of mental health problems (thanks in no small part to my pretty ****ed up upbringing, which likely would've ****ed up most people twice as badly as it did me), and whilst I'm generally a functional and productive person who's capable of forming meaningful friendships, I have really bad mood swings, and when they're at their worst, it's all I can do not to take a nearby pen and stab myself in the throat or something. I just recently spent several days on a trip with some friends, and they seem to think I'm bipolar, which kind of makes sense. (They also posited schizophrenia, which doesn't.)

    Personally, I think I might have borderline personality disorder (I fit the profile because of my crappy upbringing amongst other things), but then people also point out symptoms of an ASD, and it's already pretty obvious that I have C-PTSD, so I don't know what to think.

    But what I meant to say earlier and nearly forgot to mention was that—and I'm not sure how this works in the UK, so correct me if my experiences don't translate to your legal system—people like the OP and myself can't seek help for fear of being put in a hospital, and those places really suck. I'm better off suffering in silence and running the risk of suicide than being locked away in some ****ty hospital with a bunch of nutters and D-grade doctors who are barely distinguishable from the patients in terms of their intellect. The adolescent wings are tolerable because younger people generally don't have problems as severe as older people (just speaking from experience; don't take offence) and you can actually have a coherent conversation with them, but the adult wings suck. The doctors force you onto drugs without even telling you what's in them, you miss out on whatever's happening on the outside (school, work, whatever), and the whole thing just sucks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I kind of understand the OP and feel the same way about there being a pretty decent chance that I'll end up dying by suicide. I have a history of mental health problems (thanks in no small part to my pretty ****ed up upbringing, which likely would've ****ed up most people twice as badly as it did me), and whilst I'm generally a functional and productive person who's capable of forming meaningful friendships, I have really bad mood swings, and when they're at their worst, it's all I can do not to take a nearby pen and stab myself in the throat or something. I just recently spent several days on a trip with some friends, and they seem to think I'm bipolar, which kind of makes sense. (They also posited schizophrenia, which doesn't.)

    Personally, I think I might have borderline personality disorder (I fit the profile because of my crappy upbringing amongst other things), but then people also point out symptoms of an ASD, and it's already pretty obvious that I have C-PTSD, so I don't know what to think.

    But what I meant to say earlier and nearly forgot to mention was that—and I'm not sure how this works in the UK, so correct me if my experiences don't translate to your legal system—people like the OP and myself can't seek help for fear of being put in a hospital, and those places really suck. I'm better off suffering in silence and running the risk of suicide than being locked away in some ****ty hospital with a bunch of nutters and D-grade doctors who are barely distinguishable from the patients in terms of their intellect. The adolescent wings are tolerable because younger people generally don't have problems as severe as older people (just speaking from experience; don't take offence) and you can actually have a coherent conversation with them, but the adult wings suck. The doctors force you onto drugs without even telling you what's in them, you miss out on whatever's happening on the outside (school, work, whatever), and the whole thing just sucks.
    You shouldn't let that put you off seeking help. Where you from if not the UK? Sorry I dunno if I read that right....erm, anyway in the UK it isn't a case of saying you feel suicidal and getting instantly locked up, a lot of people have that impression but generally you have to be pretty damn unsafe for it to happen. I dunno if there's where you're from it's like that, but I think there's a lot of misconceptions about. Generally, from what I gather, doctors try to keep people in hospitals for the shortest possible time because it's so expensive and outpatient treatment is much cheaper.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    You shouldn't let that put you off seeking help. Where you from if not the UK? Sorry I dunno if I read that right....erm, anyway in the UK it isn't a case of saying you feel suicidal and getting instantly locked up, a lot of people have that impression but generally you have to be pretty damn unsafe for it to happen. I dunno if there's where you're from it's like that, but I think there's a lot of misconceptions about. Generally, from what I gather, doctors try to keep people in hospitals for the shortest possible time because it's so expensive and outpatient treatment is much cheaper.
    I'm from the US—near Los Angeles. What you said is supposed to apply in the US as well, but then, it seems like practise and theory are never the same thing. I mean, to be fair, it was never a matter of telling a psychiatrist how I feel and them calling the police; the circumstances were always bizarre, and cops would end up at the scene for one random reason or another, and they'd haul me off because I'd say something wrong and they'd interpret it as a suicidal threat/gesture. And my one experience where my "therapist" did go around reporting what I'd said to him was tainted in that he only had a high school education and was operating illegally. So, touché... I guess I haven't really given the system a chance to betray me. But then, given all of the nasty experiences I've already had, I still feel extremely reticent when around anybody who's in the position to have me committed. I think I'm just going to have to wait until I'm attending uni in the UK to address this properly. It's not like I can afford to get tested in the US anyway; I don't have $3,000 lying around. (And that's with insurance.) Funny how America makes healthcare prohibitively expensive, then acts surprised when things like the Giffords shooting happen. (An extreme example, and a flawed one at that since the shooter did not consider himself unhealthy in the first place and hence made no effort to seek help, but... I don't remember any better examples.) People who need psychological help shouldn't be turned away for lack of money. That's bad news for everybody.

    Anyway, I've been on 51-50's (72 hour holds) but then I've also been held for up to two weeks on the basis that they had nowhere to release me to. So, I think they generally do try to keep you there for the minimum time, but not always.

    And FYI, I haven't been in a hospital since 2006. Just in case I'm giving off the impression that this is a monthly event or something...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm from the US—near Los Angeles. What you said is supposed to apply in the US as well, but then, it seems like practise and theory are never the same thing. I mean, to be fair, it was never a matter of telling a psychiatrist how I feel and them calling the police; the circumstances were always bizarre, and cops would end up at the scene for one random reason or another, and they'd haul me off because I'd say something wrong and they'd interpret it as a suicidal threat/gesture. And my one experience where my "therapist" did go around reporting what I'd said to him was tainted in that he only had a high school education and was operating illegally. So, touché... I guess I haven't really given the system a chance to betray me. But then, given all of the nasty experiences I've already had, I still feel extremely reticent when around anybody who's in the position to have me committed. I think I'm just going to have to wait until I'm attending uni in the UK to address this properly. It's not like I can afford to get tested in the US anyway; I don't have $3,000 lying around. (And that's with insurance.) Funny how America makes healthcare prohibitively expensive, then acts surprised when things like the Giffords shooting happen. (An extreme example, and a flawed one at that since the shooter did not consider himself unhealthy in the first place and hence made no effort to seek help, but... I don't remember any better examples.) People who need psychological help shouldn't be turned away for lack of money. That's bad news for everybody.

    Anyway, I've been on 51-50's (72 hour holds) but then I've also been held for up to two weeks on the basis that they had nowhere to release me to. So, I think they generally do try to keep you there for the minimum time, but not always.

    And FYI, I haven't been in a hospital since 2006. Just in case I'm giving off the impression that this is a monthly event or something...
    Ah, I did wonder if you were in the US. I've not had contact with mental health services here as I waited until I was at uni in England as well, but I've heard that they can massively overreact to stuff. Tbh I think you're right that it's gonna be prohibitively expensive and if it's not too long until you go to the UK then you might as well do that. From my experience and from talking to people on TSR, I think the UK can be hit and miss - they'll either take you seriously and try to help you or they'll tell you nothing is wrong, and even when they take you seriously it can depend very much on the area you're in over whether they'll offer just drugs or therapy or send you to hospital for whatever or do **** all entirely. Though from what I gather it's harder to get sent to hospital in the UK, you're more likely to get seen in outpatient setting, they're also apparently less brutal when you're in hospital. Like I said, I haven't got experience of US mental health services but some of the stories I heard ****ing hell man, yeah definitely try in the UK. And don't worry about being threatened with hospital, like I said it does seem to be pretty difficult there, like I've said I was going to kill myself that night, ended up in ER and still they didn't put me in hospital. There's also a lot more community support stuff in place, like coming to your house, checking up, having big teams of people treating you, stuff like that. Mostly I'd say it's pretty good.

    I dunno if this is helpful, heh, sorry if I just went on about nothing. Good luck though man.
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    Depression? I am. Been so for the last 3 years and I just feel lost. The thing I can't understand is how 'feelings' can ruin you. It is hard to deal with this, I still haven't found a way out. So I have decided to look for some kind of help but don't know where to turn. The fact that I have kept it hidden and no one has noticed just makes it even worse.

    I did some research and think it is bipolar depression, but not sure so I'm asking you guys who do I contact first so I can resolve this issues?

    btw, this is not a joke and I would really appreciate any advice.
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    (Original post by Wayout?)
    Depression? I am. Been so for the last 3 years and I just feel lost. The thing I can't understand is how 'feelings' can ruin you. It is hard to deal with this, I still haven't found a way out. So I have decided to look for some kind of help but don't know where to turn. The fact that I have kept it hidden and no one has noticed just makes it even worse.

    I did some research and think it is bipolar depression, but not sure so I'm asking you guys who do I contact first so I can resolve this issues?

    btw, this is not a joke and I would really appreciate any advice.
    Your GP is a good start, just go explain to him what's going on and if he thinks there's a problem he can refer you to a psychiatrist or for talking therapy or whatever. It can be pretty hard to initially reach out for help but it's great if you can do it - first step to getting out of the situation and all that.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

    I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

    However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

    I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

    I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

    Thanks.
    Not depressed, not going to commit suicide.

    You didn't suffer depression a year back you just posted pity threads everyday. Baw my life isn't perfect, baww this baww that.

    In the next 10 years, I thought it was in the next year. Or maybe last time wasn't it in the next 60 years.

    Cool story bro, thanks for it.

    No thank you.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Your GP is a good start, just go explain to him what's going on and if he thinks there's a problem he can refer you to a psychiatrist or for talking therapy or whatever. It can be pretty hard to initially reach out for help but it's great if you can do it - first step to getting out of the situation and all that.
    Thank you!, I did go to a GP before but it was a female and she gave me the impression that I was really confident etc. so I didn't say anything regarding depression but just a general check-up. Surely this time I'll go for it.
    Once again thanks!
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    (Original post by Wayout?)
    Thank you!, I did go to a GP before but it was a female and she gave me the impression that I was really confident etc. so I didn't say anything regarding depression but just a general check-up. Surely this time I'll go for it.
    Once again thanks!
    I don't think it matters if they're male or female

    If it helps (it always helps me) try to think about all the stuff affecting you beforehand and write it down, that way if you get nervous or anything you won't leave stuff out and the doctor will get a full impression of what's actually going on for you, therefore better able to help.

    Good luck.
 
 
 
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