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I will die by suicide at some point in my life. Watch

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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I don't think it matters if they're male or female

    If it helps (it always helps me) try to think about all the stuff affecting you beforehand and write it down, that way if you get nervous or anything you won't leave stuff out and the doctor will get a full impression of what's actually going on for you, therefore better able to help.

    Good luck.
    My situation is so complicated. I'm not shy or anything like that, it is just that I have these feelings that affect me in such a way that it is unbearable. I have been though a lot in the past 3 years but I never thought that this would happen to me. Everything was going so perfect in my life but i just lost all hope and all motivation just started to fade. Since then i have been worried about the future as I haven't got a goal in life and that is what hurts the most. thanks for all the advice.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Ah, I did wonder if you were in the US. I've not had contact with mental health services here as I waited until I was at uni in England as well, but I've heard that they can massively overreact to stuff. Tbh I think you're right that it's gonna be prohibitively expensive and if it's not too long until you go to the UK then you might as well do that. From my experience and from talking to people on TSR, I think the UK can be hit and miss - they'll either take you seriously and try to help you or they'll tell you nothing is wrong, and even when they take you seriously it can depend very much on the area you're in over whether they'll offer just drugs or therapy or send you to hospital for whatever or do **** all entirely. Though from what I gather it's harder to get sent to hospital in the UK, you're more likely to get seen in outpatient setting, they're also apparently less brutal when you're in hospital. Like I said, I haven't got experience of US mental health services but some of the stories I heard ****ing hell man, yeah definitely try in the UK. And don't worry about being threatened with hospital, like I said it does seem to be pretty difficult there, like I've said I was going to kill myself that night, ended up in ER and still they didn't put me in hospital. There's also a lot more community support stuff in place, like coming to your house, checking up, having big teams of people treating you, stuff like that. Mostly I'd say it's pretty good.

    I dunno if this is helpful, heh, sorry if I just went on about nothing. Good luck though man.
    I'll be in the UK in late September, assuming that I don't screw up my visa application/loan applications/etc. It feels like such a long time though. Sometimes I wonder if I can hold out until then. I hate living here so much.

    The thing is, are you sure that they don't hold it against you if you tell them these things? I mean, since you've told them about your problems—and since you apparently went as far as an actual suicide attempt—surely that must jeopardise your chances of successfully applying for a visa extension, since they're increasingly set on only allowing near-perfect people to stay in the UK? Since I'd rather die than spend the rest of my life in the US, pissing off the UK government isn't an option for me. I need them to see me as being worthy of staying in the UK. I feel like I absolutely cannot show any sign of weakness or defect, or they'll use that as an excuse to reject me in favour of an Oxford grad who comes from a much posher and much healthier background. (On a side note, you made it sound like you were referencing an earlier account you'd told by saying "That night;" was I supposed to know the circumstances behind your attempt or is this the first time you've mentioned it?)

    I also feel nervous about utilising the UK's health services in general when I arrive. I don't want them to see me as a health tourist who's trying to leech off of the system. But then, I do have a lot of problems that have been piling up since I can't afford to get them treated in the US—both mental and physical. I'm not sure how to balance my need to maintain appearances with my need to... not feel like **** all the ****ing time.

    Just thinking about this makes me feel 50% certain that I'm going to have to kill myself sometime in the next few years. There's just too much **** to worry about.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

    I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

    However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

    I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

    I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

    Thanks.
    I thought that, about a year ago. I was 100% sure that id diie by suicide. But its different now and my lifes hardly changed at all. Now im 90% sure I won't.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Personally, I think I might have borderline personality disorder (I fit the profile because of my crappy upbringing amongst other things), but then people also point out symptoms of an ASD, and it's already pretty obvious that I have C-PTSD, so I don't know what to think.
    Also, since I can't edit my post (being anonymous and all, though I'm starting to wonder if I would've been better off just leaving my username up), I needed to clarify—by ASD, I meant "Autism Spectrum Disorder," not "Acute Stress Disorder." But then, who knows, maybe I have the symptoms of that too. I don't know, as I can't be bothered to read up on it. Kind of sick of reading up on these things tbh.
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    (Original post by sil3nt_cha0s)
    Out of interest, did your university give you any form of counselling or help, and has it worked (if you had any)?

    Also you've never told us why you're depressed. Why are you?

    (plus most people think you're a troll anyway)
    You cant always have reason for being depressed! In fact most of the time there isnt. It's like asking a person why they have cancer.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also, since I can't edit my post (being anonymous and all, though I'm starting to wonder if I would've been better off just leaving my username up), I needed to clarify—by ASD, I meant "Autism Spectrum Disorder," not "Acute Stress Disorder." But then, who knows, maybe I have the symptoms of that too. I don't know, as I can't be bothered to read up on it. Kind of sick of reading up on these things tbh.
    You think you fit borderline personality? Ive been trying to find someone with suspected BPD + ASD.
    I have alot of the traits of both these conditions.
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    I feel the same. It's not even that I feel remotely depressed, I just know it'll happen that way.
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    (Original post by Destroyviruses)
    You think you fit borderline personality? Ive been trying to find someone with suspected BPD + ASD.
    I have alot of the traits of both these conditions.
    I think it's highly probable. Some people have told me they think I'm bipolar, and after seeing a documentary about it, I can mostly relate, but borderline seems like a better fit. My mood changes are sudden and frequent, not weeks or months long. (Though apparently some bipolar people have "rapid cycling," which makes distinguishing the difference confusing.) I have the problems with dissociation from what's happening around me, and confusion over my identity. I mean, I could go on, but basically I fit most the criteria, and given the circumstances of my upbringing, it would make perfect sense.

    But then, I also thought my mood swings were more reactive than nonreactive, but I can't really come up with a convincing reason for why I've been feeling like **** for the past few days (other than obsessing over whether I'm bipolar... which reminds me, I have OCD/OCPD symptoms as well), so maybe my mood swings really are just happening on their own, almost regardless of what's going on in my life. I'm not sure if my problems cause sleep disturbances either (a symptom of bipolar but not borderline): I frequently stay up too late and miss out on sleep that way (as I'm doing right now), but nightmares aside (often flashbacks to past events, courtesy of C-PTSD), I generally stay asleep well, I think.

    As for Asperger's/autism, people are pointing out symptoms all the time, especially since that damn movie The Social Network came out. (Which I highly recommend; it's great.) Haha... once an acquaintance of mine posted a link to the Simon Baron-Cohen empathy test on Facebook and lamented his score of 24 (of 80) or whatever he got, and how he must surely have Asperger's. I took the test, and I got... wait for it... a NINE. I'd just assumed that a single-digit score means you don't have a pulse, but I guess it really is possible to be that retarded.

    So, what's your story?
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    Well you'd be surprised to find that lack of empathy isnt an aspergic trait. It's just. you cant express it so to people you seem cold and heartless.

    Anyway! Gosh, i first read this report from my shrink that they suspected i have rapid cycling bipolar with traits of BPD. But I stopped seeing them because i felt i was wasting their time and "felt fine". also id come back fromsessions feeling sad.

    i dont think bipolar fits for the same reason as you. also bipolar doesnt explain my identity issues and how i go from loving to hating someone for no reason and self destructive urges(just urges!) . However iive noticed my moods are being a certain way for longer like maybe sometimes for 2 days but still i get sudden hourly flips.

    with the aspergers my friends they read a book about some curious dog incident and they thought i was like the character who had aspergers. I get high scores on all the tests but my history doesnt fit/isnt reliable.

    I agree its abboying reading up on this stuff. I think its best just to leave yourself unlabeled and look around for tips on living with all of the three conditions and use the ones that work for you.

    Hi im excited!
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    (Original post by Paint-a-Picture)
    You are an idiot. One cannot be certain exactly whether they were/ are depressed. Everyone will exprience different types of depression. I dont like it when people feel they can sum depression in a few words. As you have said, it causes people to commit suicide it cannot be taken lightly.
    You are talking about misery,not depression.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

    I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

    However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

    I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

    I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

    Thanks.
    Certainly, like everyone else, you will die. It's the question of when and how that bothers most people, when they come to think about it.
    From what little you've said, you are in the fortunate position of being young and otherwise physically healthy, with no severe physical pain and no physical disabilities like needing to use crutches or a wheelchair. You are able to communicate normally with your fellow human beings, who, believe it or not, often have problems of their own. I'm not trying to minimise what you're feeling, but just asking you to put it into perspective. Of course there are treatments for depression and if you're not getting them, then why aren't you doing so? No-one on here will be able to give you specific advice and you need to see some doctor/s who can help you. Fortunately for you, you are living in a country with a National Health service, not in a country such as a third world country where the best you'd get would be incarceration in vile conditions with no drug treatments at all with at best indifference and at worst active persecution.So, hard as it is, try to look on the bright side and make an effort to get yourself some help.
    As has been said, you've got only one life, so don't just chuck it down the toilet.
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    "Razors pain you, rivers are damp/Acid stains you, drugs cause cramp/Guns aren't lawful, nooses give/Gas smells awful, you might as well live."
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    (Original post by TheCrackFox)
    OP, I gather from your previous posts on religion threads you're a practising Muslim. So perhaps you'd like to consider this:

    "The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire." [Bukhari Volume 2, Book 23, Number 446]"

    Just something for you to ponder. I really hope you pull through and get better brother, inshallah you will be shown the way. And in advance, sticks and stones may break my bones, but neg will never hurt me.
    thank you for your input.

    I'm not religious at all.
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    I too believe that "Life is first boredom, then fear."
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    I thought you were getting better :hugs:

    Things change. I do hope that this will be the case for you
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    I hope you dont!.Life is very precious, we only have one and its up to us to make the most of it.
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I thought you were getting better :hugs:

    Things change. I do hope that this will be the case for you
    thanks for the post.

    I think I should stress that I'm not considering suicide now. I do feel 'down' however not clinically depressed. Just thought I should say that, I said it in my OP but some posters seem to think that I am about to commit suicide.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    thanks for the post.

    I think I should stress that I'm not considering suicide now. I do feel 'down' however not clinically depressed. Just thought I should say that, I said it in my OP but some posters seem to think that I am about to commit suicide.
    I can tell you're not about to. Just feeling down doesn't mean you're about to take your life. I'm feeling down too. I'm not going to SH or commit suicide. Those thoughts are gone for now.

    What I meant is, circumstances can change. I know you will never really get over it (I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'll probably have to live with this all my life) so maybe one day the depression may subside, and remain as it is now; in a limbo state. Meaning you won't feel the need to take your life later on. People here will say you have so much to life for etc but I say that take everyday as it comes. Life is what you make it. It takes a lot of training but you can overcome the thoughts of SH and suicide, or even just the general down feeling to get on with daily activities. But if you can at least overcome the latter, I've found it can make coping with clinical depression a hell of a lot easier.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

    I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

    However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

    I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

    I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

    Thanks.
    i a had a similar time the past few years. i think i will suicide too. but i can't because i got too many people to look after, i can't leave them alone. i can't be selfish.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    I'm sorry?

    saying at some point doesn't mean that death is a process that happend in a interval of time, during which you can be half-dead etc, it just means that I will die by suicide at some point, but I don't know when that point will be in time.
    "I will die by suicide at some point in my life"... - If you're planning to kill yourself, then you will die by suicide at the end of your life. Its not rocket science - It won't be 'some point in your life' because that implies that you are using your lifetime as a comparative timescale, and death inevitably comes at the end of it, whether you want it to or not.
 
 
 
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