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English Language AS- Production of Representation- My modest proposal! watch

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    I was wondering if someone could give me their opinion on my modest opinion on stopping global warming and give me some idea of grade? I'm looking for an A.

    (By the way, it's meant to be implausible )

    GLOBAL WARMING? SIMPLE!


    There’s no need to turn your TVs off standby every night after all - the solution isn’t as scientific as you may think.

    The Hard Truth

    We are hesitant to admit that our beloved Earth, the planet on which we originated and now live on, is, to use the most technical term for it: ‘doomed’. Polar bears, one of the Earth’s most fascinating creatures which thrive in the toughest of environments, are on tip-toes trying to keep afloat on melting ice, shrinking now for 6 years. Scientists have been trying to find the solution since global warming was first really noticed in 1824 by a French mathematician and scientist, Joseph Fourier, when the concept was simply brushed off as a distant, farfetched possibility. Now it is a real threat, and after years of research we still we have no proper solution. You would think that by now we would have developed our ideas more and that we could start our plan of action. (Evidently, waiting for another country to find the solution and not trying too hard ourselves didn’t really suffice). Of course, even the leading science research institutes across the world don’t want to admit that they haven’t discovered a good enough way to slow down or stop this giant from destroying the planet. So, to make the public feel like they’re ‘helping’ in some way and that there is hope, we’re told to turn off our light switches, turn TVs off standby and wash at a cooler temperature. This barely nibbles the toe of the giant which threatens to wipe out the human species; the result is that billions of people are walking around with more stains on their clothes than usual, oblivious to the distant destruction of every thing that they know and in most cases, love, as ‘life’.

    Out Of Ideas

    Whilst we’re constantly told in the news of ‘new ways to stop Global Warming’, no one has the courage to announce to the public that yes, we are out of answers (not that we had any to begin with) and thus, yes humankind is ‘doomed’. Now is not the time to be protecting your scientific vanity! Grow some courage whilst the planet is still a lush, green, fertile place! We should be concentrating on preventing the eradication of all life.
    Many look forward to global warming yet deny the fact that the floods will happen. However, the fact that a thick layer of poisonous burning gases which will be slowly suffocating the Earth will block out the natural sunlight isn’t something to look forward to, although the main appeal to most who await global warming eagerly is that one would be able to avoid sun burn and instead acquire an even, streak-free tan. What they don’t realise is that they won’t be around to admire their tan; they’ll be at the bottom of the ocean.

    The Solution

    The solution is painfully obvious and blissfully simple. All we need to do is build a raft big enough to cover the whole planet so that when the floods of water submerge the world in water, everyone aboard will simply surf over the swell of water, before the raft settles to form a permanent ground. What’s more is that we will save a handful of soil and keep it in a bucket on the raft, so that we can still grow food to sustain the planet’s population. Of course, the raft will need to be enormous (the surface area of all the oceans on the planet comes to around 129600000000000000 km), so we will introduce a conscription scheme for people who don’t already have jobs which are crucial to saving the planet. To obtain the amount of wood needed to build this raft we will need to fell all the trees we can, which would bring great employment opportunities for those able to help.

    Life After The Storm

    After the human race has defeated, against all odds, this fast-approaching natural disaster, they will be free to enjoy this new paradise of a planet. With all the cynics washed away by the floods (why not change your opinion now, before it’s too late?) they denied would ever happen, the strong 3,000,000,000, a new race emerging against all odds from the seas of calamity, can construct a new world afloat a delicate wooden raft (which should last at least a decade if not longer before a new one needs to be built), upon which mankind can rise above its most difficult challenge yet. As brothers and sisters of the human species we will join hands, stand strong and stay very much afloat, refusing to give into the fist of mother nature.
    Life after the storm will be very different. We will be able to enjoy the benefits of the new climate- the warmer atmosphere is a permanent cure for the common cold, meaning higher morale. What’s more is that we’ll have a longer summer, and with an increased amount of CO2 in the atmosphere, plant life will be increased. Due to the higher morale, this would encourage increased productivity- when the handful of soil starts to become more fertile, agricultural work will likely become the main area of employment on what is becoming known as ‘New Earth’. Has quite a ring to it.

    Believe
    We can’t just brush this off as we did in the 1800s- this is a real problem which will happen. Some deny that the horrific floods will come. However, according to statistics from National Geographic, global temperatures have risen at twice the normal average over the last decade. The time has come to set to work on a raft.
 
 
 
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