Relationships with someone abroad

Hey peeps,

I have heard mentioned that a few of you are in this situation, I was wondering if you could share your story/any tips you might have. I'm not really interested in what people think who haven't experienced this.

I am starting a relationship with someone I know abroad, the US to be exact. We tried to keep it friendly until we met up and did things traditionally but it has basically been unstoppable, I am head over heels for her and her for me.

But we are literally only a few weeks in and there are a good few tough years ahead with limited contact.. we are both in our 20s, so whilst that gives us some maturity, it also makes you more keen to have planned prospects for being able to move in by a certain time etc. etc.

Anyway, I was wondering how this has panned out for you guys?

Reply 1

Yawn11

Not really a relationship, just an Internet buddy you occasionally have cyber sex with.

Reply 2

sarahtownsend

My boyfriend is in the UK and I'm in the states, we were dating for 3 months before I moved back to America and we decided to keep it going. We've been doing long distance for over a year now, and it's absolutely difficult. We were best friends for about a year before we even started dating, which is why we felt somewhat comfortable with the idea of long distance without having dated very long. I definitely wouldn't consider doing long distance with this girl unless you have an end in sight and are both on the same page of what your expectations are for the relationship. We are doing long distance because we know we would like to eventually get married and start a proper life together.... I would recommend not doing this unless you are sure of the relationship's potential, or else it ends up being an incredibly painful, difficult, expensive experience for something that may or may not work out.

With that being said, I am so glad my boyfriend and I are putting in the effort to make this work. We speak on skype most days, send each other letters and little gifts, and when we're finally able to see each other again the feeling is beyond incredible! To make these types of relationships work, you must be completely dedicated, very trusting and willing to be patient and make sacrifices. We have one year more of long distance and are moving in together next summer.

Best of luck :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by sarahtownsend

Yikes, yeah, I have to be honest with myself, it's going to be extremely hard for both of us... but it feels right, it really does, so I figure it's worth a try. But I feel like I need to give her "get out" opportunities regularly because I just don't want this situation to become something negative when the fact is we love each other and it should be only positive.

The end in sight is maybe 3 years away, with definite visits in between and a possible year together in the meantime. I suppose that's pretty good really it's just that I'm used to a lot more than that..

On the plus side, I think all relationships benefit from a slow start and this pretty much guarantees that haha.

I did think to myself last night.. if three years pass and it doesn't work out then I will have effectively lost those 3 years of being in a relationship, but then I just reminded myself that I have never met anyone I feel this way about before, for the last few months I have been going on tons of dates and none of them have materialised, when someone special comes along you can't be so naive to think they are a dime a dozen.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

I know how you feel, It hurts doesn't it? Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I can almost feel his breath on my neck again or his hand on my chest etc.

Thankfully I'm nearly at the end of my long wait, just another 2months till hes back for good and one month till he comes to visit. What we've tried to do is not commit ourselves yet, we are not technically in a relationship, we are free to sleep with other people etc but not emotionally free, if you get me! If he was here and we were in a relationship, the loyalty would be unquestionable! I think that is the best way to play it! After all your still young and well we all have our needs!

One mistake I think we've made is we've not set aside a regular contact slot and I think thats been bad because we've never had the security of knowing exactly when we'll be able to speak to each other, very unsettling sometimes! So yea I recommend setting aside one night a week or something to catch up etc. I would also recommend against daily contact, we did for a while and although it is like a daily ray of sunshine it did make me miss him more and meant I was not committing enough time to my studies.

It's important to keep things healthy! I'm not going to try and talk you out of starting the relationship because you seem set on it and only you can really know if its the right thing to do but if it was me I would think long and hard (not that you haven't)

Good Luck

Reply 5

Kater Murr

My boyfriend is technically in a different country (Scotland), and although it's not the US, there are still many many miles between us. I would say:

-Three years is a long time. While it might seem OK now, if one of you meets someone in that time, it might be hard not to think of jumping ship. It sounds a bit cold, but depending on how often you see each other you may feel like you're not really in that much of a relationship. However, best way to keep it going is probably very regular contact in the form of something like Skype - being able to see each other really helps with low physical contact, I think.

-Also, you really need to make sure you trust each other implicitly. With any long distance relationship, the other person's going to be doing whatever and you won't know, and if you're someone who might be prone to jealousy, this isn't very good. Even if you don't let your jealous feelings out, they be pretty unpleasant internally, I think.

This isn't to put you off - I basically think you should go for it, but just be aware that it'll probably be quite hard. The fact that you have a clear light at the end of the tunnel in three years is definitely a good thing, because when it gets very hard you can just tell yourself it isn't forever. We're only having to be in an LDR for 1 year, and that'll be over this summer, and I haven't found it too bad. Admittedly I see him once every 4-6 weeks, which is probably more often than you will, but I agree that if you think she might be The One, it's worth it.

Happy travelling!

Reply 6

*Dreaming*

It's not a relationship if you've never even met. I do have experience with this, and it just doesn't work.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kater Murr

We're very much in the daily contact right now but we both have such busy lives, plus the timezone difference, that it actually helps regulate things quite nicely. I just had a 3 and a half our call with her though... so yeah, I am not about to discount this, you don't meet people you feel like this about every day :biggrin:

@*Dreaming*, I appreciate what you're saying and I would normally agree, I am not saying our relationship is the same as one in which we'd met, but I at least know that as we are both in our 20s, both very experienced romantically and both pretty mature really, that there is substance here and it's not just silly internet emo stuff.